"I don't need your help, Mudblood!"
The words kept running through Severus' head. After Lily had stomped off, after the damned Marauders had let him go, he had scrambled for his wand and hidden himself away in an empty classroom, pacing. He had been Lily's friend since they were seven, and he knew the signs: Lily would not forgive him unless he did something... drastic. Changed.
This was impossible - if he started defending mud bloods, the Slytherins would give him Dreamless Sleep potion, slit his wrists and leave him in a public corridor. It had happened before.
Lily didn't believe him. So, there were two problems: a) He needed to show Lily that he had no choice, and b) he needed to show her that he was 'good'. Which meant... Why not say he was spying? He could convince her that he had to get them to trust him, that he was trying to protect her... He couldn't convince her with words, he knew that. So... showing her his memories?
His full memories? All the deepest moments of his private self?
... Yes. Lily was worth it... so long as he got to see her memories, too. Now that would be worth it. They'd know the most intimate thoughts of each other - and because of that, because no one else shared what they did, it would mean that Severus was the closest one to her.
Severus Snape blinked. Had he just decided to give up all of his weaknesses for a chance that a girl might stay his friend?
Yes. He had. (Clearly he was insane, to give up his history, all his private moments of weakness, to someone). Well, if it was like that... perhaps it was time to really think about his future. Severus closed his eyes, relaxing and settling his emotions.
He had precisely two loyalties: The Dark Lord, and... Lily. When the Dark Lord was mentioned, when Dark Magic was mentioned, he felt wildly powerful, full of... euphoria. It was addictive.
He had done his first bit of Dark Magic at eight, accidentally, snapping his father's arm bone when the man raised a belt against his mother.
The power was... exhilarating. As if nothing could hurt him. It reminded him of Muggle Drugs that his father sometimes took... that he had tried, once, but forced himself to stop.
... wait a minute.
It reminded him of DRUGS? He was describing it as addictive - oh, shit, and Severus suddenly stumbled to his knees, gasping for air. What was he doing? He had sworn that he would never be like his father, and here he was, taking magical drugs, and - and hurting people, god, he was sick.
Right. The Dark Lord was clearly not an option, so Lily was... everything. Why didn't he see it before? He felt... happy with Lily. Unburdened. He laughed, for Merlin's sake, he laughed when he was with Lily.
(He thought he might love her).
(That thought was shoved away, burned, de-boned, castrated, gutted, carved up, mutilated and killed. Severus was fifteen - he wasn't going to embarrass himself with thoughts of love.)
Anyway. What was he going to tell Lily...? Ah. He had an idea...
But first. First, he had to make himself look the part. He needed to look beautiful, and pitiful, begging for her help, but not an insect. (Manipulation was easily learned when watching a Slytherin third year put on Hufflepuff robes and charm her way into... ah... something he really didn't need to know the details of.)
At any rate - Severus took a full shower, complete with shampoo... a lot of it. And no conditioner - the slightest drop made his hair greasy, if easy to detangle. Then, he began to do what most of the population had done in their third year. Carefully, he placed charms on his teeth, so that they'd be pearly within two hours, and perfectly straight besides. It'd be painful, but permanent. (Mostly - he'd have to either brush his teeth or reapply the cleaning charm). Then... he hesitated, but carefully positioned his hair so it looked like a hastily done loose ponytail. Something that would give the impression he didn't care and did the first thing that came to mind... but also kept the hair away from his face. It made his nose seem slightly smaller, and his skin look less pale.
There. Now... wide, frightened eyes, panting slightly - that would come easily, as he would run to the Gryffindor common room - sleeves rolled up, he looked more childish, more innocent.
Yes.
Perfect.
Now... he had wanted to show Lily all his memories, yes? No need for her to see him getting ready, and he had been practicing Occlumency for a while now, so he quickly took the memory and changed it into furious pacing, muttering about plans, keeping people safe, damn Dark Lords, and let Lily be safe, please, Merlin.
Severus knew exactly what to do. With a quick review of his plan, he ran as quickly as possible to the Gryffindor common room, skidding to a halt in front of the Fat Lady and begging, pleading - cry, quickly, yes, that's it! - for Lily to be let out.
"No, of course not, you're not from Gryffindor - are you crying, young man?"
"N-no, please, is she safe, I need to talk to her, please, -" Someone was coming. Severus sank to his knees, pleading to know if Lily was safe, please, lady, had the Slytherins taken the hint and left her alone? Is she all right? Can I speak to her, please, she has to know to stay away, I can't protect the muggleborns much longer, please,
"Sev?" Lily stood at the edge of the Hallway, blinking at her friend. She had been coming to her common room when she heard his voice, and she went to give the boy a piece of her mind - saying 'mud blood', honestly! - when she froze at the sight of him kneeling.
And crying.
As far as her memory went, Severus Snape never showed weakness. As she listened, blinking as he begged the Fat Lady to verify that she was safe (?), inside, hale and hearty... and then... 'she has to know to stay away', what did that mean?, and I can't protect the Muggleborns much longer? Honestly? He was the one hunting them! "protect them", as if who did the bastard think he was -
Except he was crying.
When she spoke his name, she didn't know what she was expecting, but the way his face lit up with relief as he stumbled to his feet, relief and fear and pain warring on his face as he neared her, checking her for injuries, it told her... a lot.
(Lily closed away the thought before it could materialize. Sev was her friend. Loving her was not in the cards).
He hugged her, sobbing into her hair as he told her he couldn't do it.
"Sev - what happened, sh..." and here she was, angry not a minute before.
Opening the nearest empty room, she pushed her friend into it before closing the door. They sat on the front desk together, as Sev began, sobbing, to unload... and Lily found she couldn't be angry with him. Ever.
"It... began in first year, in Slytherin, Merlin, anyone consorting with a muggleborn would have to... to hurt them by third year, I had to tell them I was using you for grades or they, they said they would... they-"
He was inconsolable for a while. (Everything he said was true, verifiable in his memories. But viewing someone's memories did give you the associated emotion, so he could pretend to have been terrified immediately, terrified during the entire time he had ever hurt anyone).
"God, Lily, the hunts... Dark magic is like a drug, Lily, I've had it in me since I was eight, broke an arm, I can't get it out, I'm sick, wrong, and - god, the hunts. They had me invent spells to hurt Muggleborns... I tried, I tried to protect them... Sectumsempra, it cuts everywhere in the torso... but shallowly, Lily, so much blood and pain, but no scars, and very little chance of death, I made it look bad, but Lily, I tried to stop it..."
Severus pushed away the thought that it was partially true, trying to convince himself that he was just manipulating Lily. To do that, he gave himself a goal: Hhm... How to make Potter more despicable to Lily?
"They wanted to kill Potter for hurting the Slytherin firsties, Lily, his gang hurts eleven-year-olds, and the children go to people like Malfoy to protection, and Potter's gang don't even realize what they do! I... I made myself a target, Lily, I couldn't let them hurt those kids, so I said things like Mudblood... they couldn't hurt the kids when they were hurting me..."
When she was viewing memories she couldn't view his thoughts. He had not been thinking that when he called some chit 'mud blood' in front of Potter's gang. But... to keep Lily, he would start. God, for Lily, he'd be the martyr he was pretending to be.
"I thought, maybe, if I was enthusiastic, they would trust me and I could be a spy, passing information, but there's no information, no nothing, just hurt that person and that person and that person and I hate them!"
"I had to call you Mudblood because they would hurt you... d'you know, there was... I had a friend there, there was a boy, third year when we were first..." This next part was all true.
"His name was Jared, Jared Fendockit, and he had a friend - Hufflepuff, muggleborn, he defending the boy in the common room - Gods, Lily, they dosed him with Dreamless Sleep, slit his wrists and left him in a corridor as an example!"
And then Severus was sobbing. That wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to 'calm down' now, to get Lily to be his friend... But he was sobbing, memories of Jared giving him winks and helping him chop flobberworms and yelling about Transfiguration and what if his puff friend didn't like the gift he gave him? And what if the others found that he was giving gifts to a male muggleborn puff?
Severus dimly noted he had never actually mourned Jared.
Jared had dark brown hair and grey eyes. His smile was either wide and quick and false, or small and gentle - small upturn of the lips - that was herd to earn and meant everything. Jared wasn't lanky, but he was thin. Jared was the second person who had treated him like a person.
The first... with red hair and green eyes... was sitting next to him, holding him and whispering that he wasn't alone.
Severus held on to that thought. He wasn't alone.
It took quiet a while until he stopped crying, and when he was done, he felt... oddly light. Better. Of course, being with Lily fixed everything. That was why he chose her.
"Alright, Sev, I forgive you. But... there's a war brewing. Are you going to be a spy during the war? Or are you going to fight openly?"
"Lily, I..." Severus swallowed. He couldn't stop hanging out with the Slytherins; they'd kill him, but he needed an excuse to do so, and Lily gave him one.
"I think I need to be a spy. Because there's no one else. Dumbledore needs to be able to get information somehow, and I can do it. Besides, maybe I can slip one or two of them Insanity Elixirs and see how much they mess up the Dark Lord's army... I can fight from the inside."
"Of course... but Sev, I don't feel comfortable sending you back there. How about this: You can tell them you spent the entire night studying for OWLs... and tell the Slytherins you're using me to get Os on your tests. Alright? Here..." Lily transfigured a desk into a sleeping bag, before repeating the action with another desk.
"We can sleepover, like we used to." Lily's voice was gentle, calming, keeping him stable.
"Y-yeah. That'd be nice..." Severus frowned. He needed to tie himself and Lily together, now... this was the opportunity. So...
"Lily!" he gasped, as though the idea had just come to him, "Look -" With gleam in his black eyes, Severus pulled some parchment and a quill out of his pockets (there was some chalk and a few small candles, always to be carried around, because the very hint the he dared to do rituals was... shocking and gave him respect and wariness).
Then, Severus began to write:
We, the signers of this parchment, ask Magic of the following boon: In a promise of Loyalty to each other, always and until the end of time, we wish to show each other our memories and
"No. I agree with the concept, but... Sev. Let me, I've studied these things more... and are you sure? There's no going back after this."
"I'm certain. And... let's do it so it'll share our new memories as well, and... all our capabilities, the information we know... so... we'll both have a better chance at survival, and, also..." Sev hesitated. He needed her to agree to this, and he honestly thought they would both benefit. Lily's potions and DADA and Occlumency would get better, while his Astrology and Ancient Runes and Charms would probably be far easier now. Honestly, with Lily's capabilities in Astrology and Ancient Runes, she was shaping up to be a new Ritual Mistress. With his Occlumency helping her concentration... well... his Lily would be a force to be reckoned with. (Yes, his Lily. The thought is, once again, shut away. [It's allowed to live, though.])
So he needed her to agree.
"As a Spy... what if I find someone out and then I'm found out and I can't pass the information along? I'll need to get the new memories... so you know the information."
Lily gasped, pulling away slightly.
"No, Sev, you aren't going to get caught, don't say that -"
"Lily, please, I can't think that there's something I can do to help you and not do it... Please, Lily, it'll help us keep an eye on each other, and we - we can use this to share all our understanding of a subject and maybe even our power, we'll be safer and know more, please, I just need to know I'm doing something."Of course Lily capitulated, grabbing the parchment and beginning to write, ordering him around as she did so.
"This ritual will require space - vanish all the desks and everything in the room, I'll need a LOT of chalk, we'll have to do two pentagrams and a circle, with two overlapping cones facing opposite directions, and, hhm... future memories, that's five - no, six candles, preferably... him, let's see, it's already dark, and we see the north star from this window, so we'll need the candles to be black and smell of... ah, Lavender, that'll work best... with one candle that should be... white? Yeah, White, with no extra scents or anything. Made of wax."
Calling a house-elf for the candles and more chalk, Severus began to transfigure everything in front of him into dust before banishing the dust out of the window. It took a while, and after he was done, he re-read what Lily had written on the parchment while she began to draw runes on the walls.
We, Lily Evans and Severus Snape, do call upon Magic to bind us together upon the following thoughts:
As we dream, show us the lives of each other, and let us know of the other's lives in our dreams for all eternity. If one of us learns an art, uncovers a secret, or acquires information, let this flow to the other mind as well. May our magics and strengths flow and combine, for we swear eternal loyalty and friendship to each other.
As our blood mixes
As OUR BLOOD MIXES? Lily was alright with doing Blood Magic? It wasn't dark, per se, it wasn't addictive either, but most people didn't like it because it generally left some sort of scar where you cut yourself to get the blood, as a sort of 'proof' to magic that you did it. The magic wasn't reversible, the scar never healed. So most didn't like it. And rituals in general were dangerous...
This was Lily through and through - unafraid and fierce and trusting him to keep her secret about Blood Magic. She trusted him to keep her secret... Severus straightened unconsciously. He had made his choice- he would not betray Lily. Not again (he had called her Mudblood, that was the first betrayal), and not ever.
Severus kept reading.
As our blood mixes, may Magic take our pledge and grant our desires.
Severus looked at what Lily was doing.
There was a large circle on the floor, perfect and drawn in white chalk. Two cones - cones, not triangles, they were drawn three dimensionally - started from opposite sides of the circle and their points met in the exact middle. The window shone on the middle of the circle, the beam of moonlight right in between the two cones. There was a bowl - copper, filled with water - in the center, with the white candle floating in the middle. (Floating? How was that possible? Oh, right - Magic.)
A small, iron knife lay on one side of the bowl, with a dark candle on the other side. The other candles were perfectly evenly spaced out on the circle's permitter.
This was not taught in Hogwarts. Where did Lily get the books on this? Actually, he knew that - she had gotten them in Flourish and Bolts in the summer after their Third Year, and had read them ravenously.
On the walls, in chalk, were drawn so many complex runes that Severus lost count. They were in intermingling colors, with dark green and pale gold and bright blue and black and white and magenta and minty green all swirling around each other. Two overlapping pentagrams were drawn around the window.
It was beautiful.
If anyone walked in, they'd scream in shock and horror at children doing a ritual. Didn't they know it was dangerous, and required absolute trust between the people doing this? Didn't they know it was permanent?
Why, yes, they did. Severus half smiled as Lily stood on her toes to draw something above the window.
"Done! Sev, go stand at the edge of the circle, in the cone. Once you stand there, it's acceptance - it'll happen whether you want it to or not. Ready?"
"I was born ready. How long do you think it'll take for the ritual to take hold?"
"Probably... Hhm... five hours. In this time, we'll get a quick crash-course in each other's lives, at least, the parts that we don't already know. Then, we'll be unconscious for three hours where our magic melds and we'll get all the information that the other has. Which means that you'll understand why we need a cone, not a triangle, as soon as we're done!" This, Lily knew was familiar ground. Arguing over silly things was fun - they tried to outsmart each other, it was a clashing of wits, and both came out happier that they were able to twist around the other for just a bit.
"There's no difference! The cone just needs extra shading and a curved bottom and more time to draw!" Yes, Sev had a small smile, had a small gleam in his eye that said he enjoyed this.
"No, a cone is 3D, and it's more curved -" And Lily was grinning - their stupid arguments were brilliant, because they both raised good points that helped them understand the subject and made essay writing easier and made life more fun anyway.
"So just draw a circle around the triangle-"
"A cone melds the two together better, it makes the magic flow easier -"
"Why? Wouldn't people notice this if it were true?"
"No, they wouldn't, because - Oh, you know what, just get in your place, you - you goose."
The two friends looked at each other, before Severus snorted.
"Goose, am I?"
"Yes. Now, get into position... alright... let's start. Amikeh dalie nufeikamesh runde..."
As Lily chanted, the air around them swirled. Severus belatedly realized that he, too, was chanting, and then both of them were walking forward, kneeling, facing each other with the bowl of water and the floating candle between them. The scroll of parchment with their wish was next to the knife.
Lily picked up the knife, making a long, thin cut across her left palm. The knife remained clean (Magic was weird, Severus decided [again, for the millionth time]). Lily gave him the knife, and he repeated her action. They two clasped their cut palms, waiting for their mixed blood to drop into the bowl of water. After a few drops fell into the copper bowl, the candles lit themselves... all except the white one in the center of the bowl. Severus - using his right hand, as his left was still holding on to Lily's left - took the parchment and placed it on the candle.
It burst into flame, but didn't burn. The candle, too, was on fire.
The children froze in their positions, unable to move, even breath. They were unaware of their bodies, the pain in their knees, the matching cuts.
They were watching the other's life.
Lily was five when she stole a brownie from her mother's plate. Her mother pretended not to notice, and 'accidentally' dropped a new one into Petunia's plate so it would be fair.
Petunia standing up to bullies that laughed at her, Lily throwing snowballs at boys who called Petunia names.
Petunia stating it was unfair that Lily had red hair and starving herself to make her look prettier, refusing to eat, her face growing more and more horselike. Lily promising that she would try to help in any way - they two of them spending hours figuring out Mascara and lipstick and why are there so MANY brushes in this make-up set?
Petunia eating.
Lily yelling at Petunia. Vise Versa.
A boy kissing Petunia. Her squeal. Lily was not jealous. At all. She did not want a boy to look at her with the besotted way he looked at Petunia, she didn't need a boy bringing her stupid flowers and what-not, she insisted to her mother again and again, all within Petunia's hearing range.
James asking her out. She punched him.
James doing so many stupid things.
Sirius Black kissing her friend. Her friend crying when Black broke up with her. Lily turning Black's hair bright pink and hexing him to sing in public.
Crushing on Lupin - he couldn't see her emotions, but it was obvious in the way she stuttered and turned red near him. Lupin gently telling Lily that he would not live past thirty (Of course he wouldn't - the ministry treated Weres like shit, he'd need a job, unless he found one in the muggle world, the transformations combined with lack of shelter would kill him). Lupin explaining that she wouldn't be happy with him. Telling her that she was more like a sister, anyway. Lily deciding that Lupin was her unofficial brother and making Potter and Black swear to take care of the poor, scarred boy.
Trying and failing to learn to play Chess.
Crying, sobbing, over a letter that Petunia sent her.
Crying, Sobbing over lack of a letter from Petunia. Sending her a beautiful, knitted sweater and so many different sweets and photos of everything until Petunia sent her a letter back.
Telling James that the giant squid had more manners than a toe-rag like him, and please go ruin someone else's day, thank-you.
Feeding the Giant Squid. Informing her friends that hey, the squid really did have more manners than that toe-rag.
Reading under the blankets with a Lumos.
Staring at the mirror, trying - failing - to braid hair, worrying that she wasn't girly enough, worrying that she would fail transfiguration, worrying that she was a failure, even her sister wouldn't write to her, and her friend comforting her.
Slytherins hexing her.
Hexing them back.
Ravenclaws glaring because she had better grades. Take that, 'claw. You should have known better.
Screaming when the entire Gryffindor and Ravenclaw charms class walked into the hallway to find the dead Jared, slit writs and eyes closed and a small smile.
Lily was easy to read, Severus thought, even when he couldn't feel her emotions, he could see them - her face was so expressive.
She really did love her sister, he decided, as the memory faded and he fell asleep.
"MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!" Tobias Snape, Muggle, drunkard, abusive, and Severus' father raised the belt. Eileen - Severus' mother - cowered.
Severus threw himself in front of Eileen, raising his arms, hair flying, and Tobias was thrown back, the arm holding the belt cracked.
Eileen making nutrient potions and teaching Sev to do it so he would have enough calories, so he would grow and be strong, because Tobias spent money on drink and sent Sev to bed without dinner and there was rarely breakfast in the house.
Sev sneaking into Diagon Alley and making money out of organizing books in Flourish and Bolts. (And taking time to read, secretly, swallowing information on Hogwarts, were he'd be safe and happy and wasn't Hogwarts such a wonderful place?)
The Slytherins, laughing at Mudbloods, and Severus swallowing responses.
Channeling all of his hate and anger into enticing the Marauders into a fight. After all, he was so controlled everywhere except when he saw them.
Watching Potter aim at a group of firsties and calling him coward. (He really did protect them, didn't he?)
The friendship with Jared, and Sev's realization that Bellatrix Black and Narcissa Black killed him, Lucius being so impressed that he began to court Narcissa.
Walking in on Andromeda Black kissing Hufflepuff Ted Tonks in a private classroom, the 'puff boy yelling at him to get out... No wonder Jared loved you, he was a masochist after all, Severus snapped at him before running away.
Inventing spells.
Ted coming to him and apologizing and explaining that he had loved Jared too.
Inventing potions.
Running away, not listening to Ted's apology for more than thirty seconds because if the Slytherins saw him with a mud blood -
Reading.
Sending his mother a letter with a potion that puts people under the control of a voice - the first voice they hear when they drink the potion. Getting a letter back, saying that Tobias now follows her every instruction to the letter. He no longer drinks. He brings all the money he ears to her. His dedication to his work increased tremendously. He no longer speaks badly about anyone. He got a promotion. Things were looking up. He was no longer aloud to hurt her or Severus in any way, shape or form.
Petunia coming to him on the playground, telling him that 'Lily's sick, you freak, you stay away from her, you stay away from my family, you freak.'
Learning about dementors from a book in Flourish in Bolts, realizing they eat souls, and promptly looking up Expecto Patronum. Practicing. Failing. (Lily decided that she should try the spell, and then help him cast it).
Listening to stories of 'the Dark Lord' in the common room, being oh-so-impressed with Lucius' Dark Mark... learning you had to kill someone to get it. Severus' expression twitched, showing revulsion, before coming back to being impressed. (Lily was impressed with his acting. She did not know that Severus was repulsed... and impressed. Aw-struck. Lucius was able to kill, and that impressed him... and repulsed him. Lily only saw the repulsion, and, to be honest, the only thing left was repulsion. Severus had long since realized that killing a man was easy - nothing to be impressed over.)
Sneaking into the Forbidden Forest to collect Ingredients. Being found by Hagrid. Sev was not wearing a Slytherin robe - just his black cloak - and that was the one reason Hagrid didn't turn him in immediately. But Sev was begging, pleading with Hagrid to show him the Thestrals. Hagrid, thinking he'd found another animal lover, didn't turn him in, didn't give detention. Instead, he introduced Severus to the Thestrals and to the Hippogryphs and to the unicorns. Severus had collected a bunch of Thestral and Unicorn hair. Both were very happy. (Lily had to stop from laughing - that was just like Hagrid).
A knife. Severus was holding a knife, Sev was holding a knife and his sleeves were rolled up, and then Sev said, out loud, "Would I rather have a Dark Mark or a bloody line?" There was a knock on the door - Sev hid the knife - Lily saw herself walk in and then the memory changed.
But she remembered that day. Even as she watched Sev in Arithmancy class, she remembered when she walked in on his guilty-looking face, dragged him into Hogsmead and into the Three Broomsticks and kissed his cheek and promised that midterms would be over soon. She had been an idiot.
His judicious use of Dark magic made her feel sick. But she understood him, watching as the Slytherin Common Room was, in every memory, the most dangerous place in the school, where students yelled and promoted a 'better world', where they practiced hexing and cursing, and where Lucius was so... powerful and compelling and Regulus Black wept over Sirius refusing to speak to him. (She made a mental note to make Sirius talk to his brother).
She watched as people sneared at him, going "You're only half, aren't you? So you'll be a target half the time." There was a muggle born boy, seventh year, Hufflepuff, and he was the other target. He was tied to a stake, bledding, and they Obliviated him when they were done and left him in front of the Hufflepuff common room, bleeding and broken. And then, Sev was tied to the stake. Not for hours, like the Hufflepuff head boy... just for ten minutes. And explaining that he got less time because of his blood, his half-pure blood.
Sev, being told to prove that he was worthy ofbeing here, in Hogwarts, because he was only half. Sev getting better potions grades than Anyone, inventing spells, proclaiming his 'Prince' line. That's right, his mother was Eileen Prince.
Sev spending hours warding his bed after being cursed in his sleep for... being friends with her. (She felt sick).
Sev cursing Muggleborns, making them scream... but she could see that there was, truly, little damage. (She didn't know that he wasn't aiming for damage, he was aiming for the screams - that's what impressed his friends). She was glad he was trying to protect the muggleborns.
She watched him cry.
Lily decided that as of now, Sev was sleeping somewhere else. He would live somewhere else. She had no intention of letting him ever go back to that monstrous place.
She watched him, one morning, sew pockets, hidden pockets into his robes, where he hid Polyjuice and Veritiseam and Dreamless Sleep and Nutrient Potions and so many others. Always. Potions and Poisons.
He had a wand holster... he couldn't afford it. He had made one, out of bandages and glue and magic and long nights staying awake. He was resourceful and determined... and he was almost handsome like that, with his hair shaggy and everywhere and frowning slightly, eyes wide and glittering with excitement, his tongue poking out of his thin lips, almost glowing with excitement, flushed and breathing carefully.
Black and Sev dueling over something stupid... Sev aiming his wand and giving boils to Sirius Black...
And then the memory faded and Lily was asleep.
It was three hours later when they woke up, feeling as though they had slept the entire night. The runes on the walls and shapes on the floor were gone, as where the candles - though small splatters of wax remained where they had stood. The copper bowl was filled with ashes, but there was no hint of blood or water. The knife was clean, as it had been before.
Both Severus' and Lily's left palms had a single long thin white scar that would last forever.
"Woah..." Lily breathed, blinking at her new Occlumency shields. The sheer amount of knowledge of the Dark Arts was disturbing, of course, and now that Severus had her grace and balance... he was deadly. As, she realized, was she.
She also had a faint smudge on her cheekbone... which she knew because Sev was looking at her, and he saw the smudge, so it was now in his short-term memory... so she knew it.
This was brilliant.
Sev stood up, offering a hand to Lily.
"That," he breathed, "Was incredible."
"Most definitely." The two of them blinked at each other for a moment, still processing, before Lily grinned.
"You know, even with all my new knowledge, I still think that cones are better than triangles."
The children collapsed, laughing, even as they straightened their robes and tried to head down to breakfast.
"Now that Snivellous called her Mudblood, she's definitely going to come after me!" James told his friends, grinning happily as they went down to breakfast.
"I dunno, mate... she doesn't like you either way. And there are plenty of other boys for her to choose from." Remus cautioned carefully.
"Ah, Shove off, Moony, the only boys she knows are us and Snivellous, and the Greasy Git 'snot an option anymore, and the three of us en't gonna take her 'cuz she's James'." Sirius explained, pounding James' back.
"Y-yeah... Evans is going to date Prongs." (Pettigrew was ignored).
"See? Padfoot gets it!" James grinned at his friend.
"Ah, but Prongs, which boy did she call a toe rag? Again? If you want her, you have to be worthy of her." Remus explained. After she had made Sirius and James swear to protect him, he decided to help her in any way he could. And making James mature was definitely going to make her life easier. Lily wasn't like a sister to him - more like... a cousin. Yes, a cousin, family, but without the annoying-ness and growing up together-ness that a sister had. But family, and loyalty to family none the less.
"Hhm. Good point, Moony... I'll have to show her I'm smart and sophisticated, yeah? I've got good grades, make sure she knows that, and give her flowers and such... maybe offer condolences on Snape calling her... that word, mm?" James messed up his hair, frowning slightly while plotting.
"Well Done, Prongs - that's the perfect plan of attack. While your conquest of Lily is going' forward, don't mind if I spend breakfast wooing a pretty thing from the puffs, would you?" Sirius tried - and failed - to sound confident.
"PADFOOT! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Going after Amelia Bones is a death wish, you hear me?" Remus gaped at his friend, wide eyed and slightly scared of his stupidity.
"Yeah, Sirius, Bones is... a nutcase. More or less. She's never been romantically involved with anyone - you'll have more luck going after her twin Edgar, and Edgar's head over heals with some Gruff-Girl the year below us." James grinned at his friend, waggling his eyebrows. Sirius' grin faltered slightly, before he bolstered himself.
"Nah, I'll get the Bones girl, you'll see. Say, Remus, have you got your eye on anyone?"
Remus opened his mouth to answer negatively, before James spoke up with a wicked smirk.
"You did try to defend Snivellous... are you certain you're not after anyone at all?" There was a moment of silence, and then Remus spun to face his friends, snarling slightly.
"I have no problem going out with boys - I already told you I had a crush on Sirius in third year. But if you insinuate I have something for a Death Eater, even one in training, I will hunt you down."
"Geez, Moony, that's not what I meant... I'm sorry, alright? I won't -"
At that moment, in the midsts of James' apology, Lily walked past the group... with Severus walking with her. James spun to look at her, noticing all the little changes. The way they seamed more in sync. The way they were grinning at each other, with Snivels' hair pulled back and Lily's hair in a braid - who had braided it for her? She didn't know how! And - she was almost glowing, and why were they so in sync? It was slightly creepy, the way they were so close but never bumping into each other. And... Severus was holding her bag.
And then, with some horror, James realized that Lily had never entered the common room last night.
Oh... MERLIN! She didn't -
When Lily and Snivels entered the Great Hall, James turned to his friends.
"Lily never entered the common room last night, so she had to spend the night elsewhere, and she's... glowing, all happy, and her hair's braided, and, did you see how close the two of them walked to each other?"
He was looking at Moony, asking him to refute what he was saying. After all, Remus had revealed to them that due to his sensitive nose, he could smell whether or not a person... spent the night elsewhere... after all, the two scents mix for a few hours afterward.
"They... they didn't do it, but... they... they're pack. To each other. Like, if you do anything to either of them, the other would more or less incapacitate you. Or, depending on how much you hurt them, kill you. They're absolutely devoted... and Severus... he's definitely head over heals." (The pheromones told him that Severus had been head over heals for a while, too). Moony took a deep breath before continuing. He hated seeing his friend hurt...
"It's not just friendship... And Lily is definitely more aware than before. I'm not sure how much, they only walked past - I'd need more time... but, James, you realize that if Lily forgave him calling her Mudblood, there's nothing she won't forgive him? And she... hates you. More or less."
There was a long beat of silence, before James sighed and ran his hand through his hair again.
"Let's just go sit near her at the Gryff. table. After all, he's a snake, he can't sit with us. The Gryffs would kill him, and she can't sit with the Snakes, they'd kill her." And James spun away, stomping into the Great Hall. Sirius hesitated, then went to Hufflepuff to get Amelia to at least look at him.
At the Great Hall, James glanced at the Gryffindor Table to find that Lily wasn't there.
She wasn't there.
... What? She had just entered the Great Hall, so where else would she sit?
He looked at the Hufflepuff table, to find Sirius reading Bones some poetry while Bones looked decidedly unimpressed, then at the Ravenclaw table... And there was Lily, sitting with Andromeda Black (Sirius' approved cousin), Ted Tonks (Andromeda's Hufflepuff boyfriend), and... Severus Snape.
Who was right next to Lily, across from Andromeda, while Ted was across from Lily.
Merlin damn it.
Well... James took a deep breath in and ruffled his hair. Then, he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, his robes flaring and the first few buttons of his shirt were open. After smirking slightly, he walked - swaggered - up to Lily, and the girl next to her made room for the Quidditch player immediately.
"Hey, Evans."
"Potter. Sev, would you pass me the jam? The strawberry?"
"Sure..." Severus met James' eyes, and gave a blissful smile. "Lily." And Severus passed the jam... that happened to be closer to James, and easier for James to pass to Lily. James pursed his lips, eyes darkening. Usually, this would make Snape scowl back... but this time? This time, he had seen Lily's experience with ribbing Petunia. So he kept smiling, widening his eyes, looking innocent. And this time? It was James who scowled.
"Hey, Snape... How'd you convince Evans here to take you back after the language you used? Did you wash your mouth with soap?"
"I'd thank you not to talk about me as if I'm absent from the area, Potter." Lily's retorts were sweat music to his ears, Severus decided. With Potter's scowls art to his eyes.
"Severus and I had a long conversation that just happens to be none of your business."
"What's the matter, Snivellous? Letting the girl answer for you?"
"Actually, I thought that Lily happens to bring up good points, and I have no problem listening to her wisdom and beautiful voice. It's a pity that only some can learn to listen and hear and learn something new. After all, what do you do in class? Play with your friends?"
"I pay attention, you-"
"It's a wonder you even pass school, but with parents like yours... Well, the Malfoys aren't the only ones to donate to the school, you're still here, and you don't exactly live in a house, do you? It's more of a mansion. So really, your brains are clearly not something to be proud of." The best defense is a good offense. And Lily trying to hide her smile and failing was a reward onto itself. She cut across James' retort with a question:
"Do... do you really think my voice beautiful?" There was a moment of silence as Andromeda and Ted stopped whispering to each other to glance at Severus and Lily, and the girls around them suddenly looked up. There was romance happening - it'd be a crime not to pay attention.
"I - I think all of you is beautiful." Sev hesitated for a moment as Lily blinked at him with her wide green eyes. There was only one Hogsmeade weekend left, and...
"Would - would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" Lily blinked once, twice, and smiled, beaming at her best friend since forever.
"Yes, Severus, I would love to come with you."
James stormed away angrily, running to the library and throwing himself into studying for the next OWL. He loved the girl since he had first seen her. She was... everything. And she wasn't his, she washis rival's and there was nothing he could do. He loved her, had loved her since he first saw her - loved her red hair and green eyes, loved her thoughtfulness and kindness and righteous anger and temper and handwriting and her slouch and the way she walked with a straight back but slouched when she sat and the way she ate and everything about her was a gift to the world from Merlin himself. She was... everything. The only thing left... well. Pranking had been a way to get her to look at him - in anger, yes, but she was glorious even in anger - but the only thing left had been fighting Voldemort.
There had been two goals in his life, since he had heard the two things that gave him those goals: Lily's voice and his parents whispering about You-Know-Who.
And Lily... Lily wasn't... she wasn't... he had no chance with her.
So James decided to fight You-Know-Who. He'd get BRILLIANT scores on his OWLS, study through the summer, and take NEWTS early. Get into the Auror Academy early. He'd be the youngest Auror in... three centuries? (The only one who did it before reaching twenty was some genius who became an auror at sixteen). And he could do it - James was smart. He knew he was smart. The pranks that the Marauders pulled couldn't be done by stupid people.
So - the Plan: He could become an Auror at a young age, and if he did it right, he could become head of DMLE soon after. Sirius had, too, wanted to be an auror... but Moony was good at organizing and keeping things together - he'd be an excellent Minister. As a matter of fact, why not? Remus would be the first ever were-wolf and half-blood Minister of Magic. And Peter liked small, cushy jobs - he'd be head of the sports department, and they were all set! The Ministry would be cleaned of Prejudice, and they'd all fight You-Know-Who together! (And... maybe, if he became head of DMLE... Lily would notice him.)
James kept studying, explaining he plan to the other marauders when they joined him in the Library. They all agreed wholeheartedly - after all, why not?
Severus, after kissing Lily on the cheek, went to the Slytherin common room, and through there to his dormitory. He had to get his books, after all. And at this point, with Lily's quiet 'love you' in his ears, he felt... invincible. Nobody could hurt him, he decided as he picked his bag off of his bed. Everything will be perfectly fine, because Lily said 'love you' to him, so the world was clearly perfect. Floating in Euphoria, Severus Snape went down the stairs into the Slytherin Common Room.
And paused.
The Euphoria disappeared, replaced by adrenaline as Severus palmed his wand. He felt as though someone had punched him in the gut.
Lucius Malfoy, Marked Death Eater, Seventh Year, was blocking the doorway.
Next to him, to his left, was Narcissa Black - engaged to Lucius - killed Jared - Seventh Year.
In front of the fireplace, a few yards to his left, was Bellatrix Black - Narcissa's sister, engaged to elder Lestrange, Marked Death Eater, killed Jared, Seventh Year. Next to Bellatrix, to her left, was Evan Rosier - Seventh Year. Not Marked yet.
A few yards behind him, to his right, were the Lestrange brothers - eldest betrothed to Bellatrix, Seventh Year, the younger in Sixth year.
Ah... he was screwed. It was him against the six of them... unless he managed to talk himself out of it. Severus forced himself to relax - he had to appear innocent.
"So... Severus... spending your time on Mudbloods now?" Lucius was warning him, a quiet, deadly voice that meant that the wrong answer would get him killed.
"Well, she's a good fuck-toy. I was stressed over the OWLs, I figured she'd be happy to bend over for me. Turned out I was right. It was a great way to get revenge on that damned Potter as well, wouldn't you say? Wait till he realizes his so-called true love is just used goods." Severus painted a smug and twisted expression on his face, letting Lucius think what he wanted to think.
"Why eat breakfast with her?"
"Weren't you listening? I wanted Potter to know that I took her. Besides - I sat next to gossips. Soon, everyone will know that Potter loves a mudblood whore."
There was a long pause, while Severus' smirk grew. He had forgotten how easy lying was, how simple it was to say what they wanted to hear... Lucius nodded, a quick, sharp nod, and turned, walking away hand-in-hand with Narcissa. There was a short pause, before Evan Rosier and the Lestrange brothers scampered after them, leaving Bellatrix Black.
The girl turned toward Severus Snape and smiled. She was beautiful, with her wild hair and her tight robes and dark eyes the aura of power she emitted.
"You know... there will be an attack on Hogsmead next weekend... and either you join in, give me proof you're on the right side, or I'll tell My Lord that we have a traitor in our midst. After all..." Bellatrix unrolled her sleeve, showing Severus the Dark Mark. "I'm his most trusted." With that, she swept away, swinging her hips seductively and laughing.
Severus shuddered and ran to his Ancient Runes class. He slipped into the classroom, thanking Merlin that this class had only Ravenclaws, him, Lily, and Lupin. No Slytherins.. He sat down next to Lily, opening his mouth to tell her about the attack, when she cut him off.
"I know - I see your memories, remember?"
That's right - just like Sev realized that she came to class early and saved him a seat and was slightly worried about Lupin frowning at her for the entire time she was waiting for him.
There was no more chances to talk, then, because the teacher came in and announced a practice test.
Severus gasped, putting his hand to his side. Blood loss, magical exhaustion... This would not end well. The men, white masks, black robes, laughter and curses, surrounded him. He knew, from Lily's memories, that the Order knew where he was. That they were coming...
Lily was coming.
And he was damned if he let anyone hurt Lily. So he took the moment to swallow a hidden vial of pepper-up and nutrient potions... before taking a few different acids into his left hand. His aim was terrible. It didn't matter - there were so many of them, that no matter where he threw, it would hit someone.
One more deep breath. He would not die on his knees, and that one breath meant he'd die on his feat, standing, a soldier, a fighter, someone to remember, because they'd be horrified that at the thought that all of them would go with him... after all, the anti-apparation wards trapped them too.
Severus hauled himself to his feat, shooting a wild, wide 'inferno' to his right and throwing random bottles of acid to his left.
And then he had a brain wave... right before a multitude of curses hit him and he went down again. Dimly, he heard Bellatrix' laughter, her madness ringing in his ears.
But. With his last moment, he transfigured the marble floor into gasoline. It sunk into their boots and the bottoms of their robes and some even leaned down to touch it with their fingers. Fools. They thought it was oily water and laughed at him.
Quietly, he whispered, just as Lestrange was yelling her 'Avada Kedavra', he whispered 'inferno' while activating the emergency portkey. Of course it wouldn't work - there was an anti-portkey ward - but if the man who put it up died before he was summoned to Lily, he'd get through.
While he was spinning, he felt his side burning and bleeding, his left leg burning, his back screaming. Then he landed, saw Lily, and everything went black.
Lily gasped, sitting upright. She had seen the curses fly around her, had fought back, when the air cleared... there was Sev, her own Sev, fighting tooth and nail against a... figure. It didn't matter. What mattered was the Sev was loosing, falling... merlin, she hated that nightmare.
Slipping on a green nightshirt, she left the bed and wandered into the kitchen, hesitating for only a moment before floo-ing to #12 Grimmauld Place. She knew Sev would be there, talking tactics... even though it was 3. He never took care of himself, honestly, that man... Merlin, keep him safe.
She didn't think to put on something more respectable than the shirt that reached to the inch above her knees and hung off one shoulder and didn't reach her elbows.
It's wasn't tight, per se, just... thin. Not see through, just thin. Her hair in a mess and with tears streaming down her cheeks, Lily stumbled into the kitchen of the Head of the Order of the Phoenix, where Severus was pouring over some tactics with James Potter - "If we station troops in the Hog's Head and in Godric's Hollow..."
"Sev?" Severus spun around to face his wife, taking off his robes and wrapping them around her before hugging the distraught woman. Lily clutched at Severus' shirt and sobbed and he picked her up and sat her on his lap on the couch.
"What happened?"
"It was... a dream, nothing - nothing Imp-important..." Lily kept crying.
"Sh, love, it's clearly important if it's got you sobbing..."
"Was a fight. We were all fighting the 'Eaters, and I was stuck - Petrificus Totalus - and I could see you fighting but I couldn't help you..."
"Sh... You've got better reflexes and your shield is too strong to be broken by a mere petrifying spell..."
"I could see you... you were fighting someone, and there was a flash of green light and you were on the ground and I couldn't reach you..."
"It's Ok, Lily, I'm alive... besides, there are Green stunners and such, it doesn't mean death right away... and honestly, Lily, I'm a Slytherin - I'm cunning enough to dodge a simple spell."
And that made Lily laugh.