Send Me To Heaven
A/N: a songfic to RJA's "Your Guardian Angel." Set in during the final battle, mostly from when Harry walks out of Hogwarts to save his friends by surrendering himself to Voldemort. This is for the HHr shipper in me, but it is DH compliant.
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When I see your smile, tears roll down my face I can't replace.
The smile on her face still made him weak in the knees, even though it was not for him but for his best friend, the best friend who chose now, the Final Battle, to stop being so pigheaded. It was so innocent, so delighted, a perfect contrast to the horror that was surrounding them, the horror that was destroying the very walls of the only home he'd ever known.
Then, before he even had the chance to notice the tears pooling in his eyes as they always did at the simple beauty of her and that smile, Hermione had rushed towards the redhead, and Ron had scooped her up, kissing her so fiercely that Harry could almost feel it himself.
He gathered his rapidly disintegrating thoughts, trying to focus on the fact that Voldemort was 300 feet away in the castle grounds, and not on his lonely heart that had broken a little more every day as his two best friends fell more deeply in love with each other. He steadied his breath and spoke, his voice hiding what he was feeling.
He always managed to hide what he was feeling. As far as he knew, Hermione had never guessed.
She couldn't know that he loved her.
---
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find, deep inside me, I can be the one.
He stood on the great front steps just outside of the doors into the Entrance Hall, his invisibility cloak in his hands. The thought of what he was about to do chilled him to the core, as every thought led back to her, crying with Ron over the loss of one their dearest friends.
He was the last Horcrux; he was the one. The thought froze his blood and his bones, the air around him icy. He was going to throw himself to his own death; it was suicide, he knew that. His mind shrieked in disagreement, begging for just one more hour to enjoy what he never would again.
But there was nothing he could do to stop it. Everything in his life, from the moment his parents had died, had been tailored to prepare him for this moment. With one last thought filled with longing and sorrow for the girl who would never know he loved her, he dug deep within him, threw the cloak over himself, and stepped out into the grounds, determined to save those he loved and who had fought for through it all - his entire life - even if it meant he would pay the ultimate price.
I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
Harry had never been one to back down from his battles, even when the rest of the world thought he was wrong, or completely missing the mark. He would always stand up for what he believed in, dead or alive, and he would always stand for those he loved.
He remembered his mother, the courageous Lily Potter, who in a split-second decision had chosen to do what he had taken nearly half an hour to contemplate. Voldemort had given her a choice, and she had chosen her son. Now, her son was choosing the greater good, with only the slightest hint of regret for what he would never see.
It's okay.
---
Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.
Everything had changed. Hermione could no longer hide herself behind her well-worn copy of Hogwarts: A History, bickering with Ron and believing she loved him, that all the arguing and shouting was just belying a deep unrequited love and sexual tension.
Instead, Hermione found herself more and more often thinking about a certain raven-haired, bespectacled teenage boy with a hero complex. After Ron had left them before Christmas, she had realized just how much Harry was putting before himself to save them all. She had cried over Ron, at first believing she was so sad because he had left her.
Over the course of those few weeks, however, she had learned better; she was crying because he had wounded Harry.
Ron returned, though, and the seasons changed. Winter melded into spring, and soon the three friends had found themselves listening to the waves crashing against the rocks every night at Bill and Fleur's, busily planning another Horcrux hunt.
It wasn't long after that they found themselves standing under a starry night sky under Harry's cloak in Hogsmeade, the ever-shrinking night their only cover as Death Eaters attempted to capture them for the umpteenth time.
Now they were at Hogwarts, the three of them, surrounded by the Light fighting the Dark. The forces of good had convened in the Great Hall to lick their wounds and begin to grieve over those they had already lost during the brief respite given to them by Voldemort- but Harry was no where to be found.
After leaving Ron with his bereaved family, huddled around the Body of Fred – Fred -, Hermione slipped out into the Entrance Hall, where she saw the front door ajar. She crept over and peeked out, cautious about the possibility of interrupting someone's private grief.
Instead, she found Harry, his skin deathly white in the moonlight, staring up at the sky. A star fell in the distance, shooting brilliantly across the sky. It seemed to Hermione a symbol of hope, of the possibility of winning this war that had ransacked Harry's life for far too long.
Before she could say a word, however, he had thrown the cloak over himself and stepped into the dark grounds, heading in the direction of the forest.
No.
I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
For a moment, Hermione stood there, shell-shocked. Why was Harry, her Harry, her hero, going to give himself up? He wouldn't be stupid enough to let Voldemort gall him like that…
Right?
And if he was, why was he leaving alone? Why not talk to Ron and her, his best friends who had stood by him through everything?
Well, perhaps not Ron. He had always fled when being Harry's friend had gotten too taxing for him, in their fourth year and less than six months ago. But she had always been there for him, through suspected cursed broomsticks, through kissing disasters under nargle-infested mistletoe, in the Department of Mysteries, in the Forest of Dean. She had always stayed, had always been the voice of reason for his need to save the world and everything, and eased his guilt when he was utterly convinced that the entire world was his fault.
For him, she would do anything, go through anything.
Anything.
So why was he leaving?
'Cause you're my true love,
My whole heart, please don't throw that away.
Because I am here for you;
Please don't walk away and please tell me you'll stay.
As she watched his silhouette grow smaller and smaller, running into Neville and nearly stopping to talk to Ginny, she had half a mind to run after him and stop him, confess every feeling she had felt change for him, jinx him, Stupefy him- anything to get him to stop.
Her heart was racing, palpitating as the darkness of the grounds engulfed him, the stars unable to find him anymore. The prospect of losing him terrified her more than she could have ever imagined. He was leaving, off to sacrifice himself for her, their friends- everyone, every Wizard who could still call himself good. He was throwing his life away in a gesture he thought noble, when she selfishly wanted that life all to herself.
With Ron, she had felt none of that. Kissing him a mere few hours earlier now meant nothing- her heart was walking along with Harry Potter, now likely among the trees of the Forbidden Forest.
Her eyes brimmed over, tears streaking down her cheeks.
"Please don't walk away," she whispered, knowing that he wouldn't hear her; he'd never hear her voice again. "Please stay."
You'll stay…
---
Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill.
And I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning gray.
Harry was silent as he watched the Death Eaters and their leader with his parents, Remus, and Sirius, listening to their conversation. His face was devoid of color, but his face was set into an expression of grim acceptance. He took a steadying and breath, and stepped into the Acromantula's former clearing.
I'm here, Voldemort. Do what you will, he thought, before confronting the most evil wizard for what he believed to be the final time.
I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
In the split second before Voldemort's Killing Curse hit him in the darkness of the clearing, a memory flitted into Harry's mind: he and Hermione were sitting in the library, joking about Madame Pince and Filch when Ron was dating Lavender. He had chosen her over Ron, as his heart had desired.
She was his last thought, his last conscious memory before being sent to heaven. She'd be imprinted into his thoughts forever.
And he wished she could've known.
I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
A/N: Yes, I know that Hermione and Ron are the canon couple. No, I don't have anything against that relationship, other than the fact that Ron is sometimes a huge prat. I just have always loved the idea of Harry and Hermione, the brooding hero and the smart girl, respectively, getting together. In the wise words of Dumbles in DH – which would've happened right after the events of this fic-, "Of course it's in your head. But why on earth shouldn't that make it real?" (or something like that.)
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