I Miss You More Than I Did Yesterday
(AN: Just a little story based on the days following Lily and James' death. May not be too accurate, but I needed to change it up a little for a good story line. Sorry!)
Sirius stared at the muggle telephone. No. No. He refused to believe it. James… Lily… He closed his eyes and felt moisture begin to rise and stream down his face. They were both too young, they had so much to achieve in life. They both had promising careers, James was an auror along with Sirius and Lily was a Healer in training. They had so much life in them and they were so happy… They couldn't be gone…. His best friends.
Harry. Harry was the lucky one. How could Lily and James, some of the strongest magical folk he knew, perish under Voldemort's curse when their tiny son came away with only a scratch? In the shape of a bloody lightening bolt?! Sirius loved Harry with all of his heart, but it still dumbfounded him.
Who were these muggle authorities to call him up and tell him in a cool manner that his two best friends, the man he considered his brother and his wife were dead?! He was angry. No, he was more than angry, much more than angry. Words were useless in his situation. How could you describe this emotion?
He had to go and find them. He was not going to trust some dumb muggle. He had to hear it from some one he trusted. He ran outside the muggle hotel room and hopped on his motor bike.
"Sirius Black!" Lily shrieked as she walked out side and saw Sirius sitting on a motorcycle and James out there laughing at him and touching the bike. Lily clutched the small baby in her arms as he cooed and reached out toward the bike and his father. "What in Merlin's name are you doing with that?!" Sirius just laughed his bark like laugh and shook his head. "Don't even think about taking Harry on that… thing!" James chuckled and walked over to his wife and their infant son. He tickled Harry's chin and put his arms around Lily's waist. "Don't worry Lil, we won't!" James said and stroked her bright red hair soothingly. "At least not until he's three!" Sirius added and Lily clutched her heart. "Lily! Calm down." James walked toward the bike and climbed on behind Sirius. Sirius let out a loud whoop as they took off into the air and zoomed away. Lily lifted up Harry and looked into his bright green eyes that matched hers. "Please Harry, never grow up to be as stupid as your father." He just giggled and she kissed his cheek and walked back into the house.
Sirius felt angry tears run down his face as he climbed onto the bike and revved the engine. He took off down the street and rode on solid ground until he got into an isolated area and he took off into the sky. His black hair flew behind his head as he flew north to Remus' home in the country. It took him at least thirty minutes to reach there and when he got there, every light in the home was off. He looked into the sky. It wasn't a full moon… His pale and thin fist pounded on the door. "Remus! Remus, open up!" He saw the knob turn slowly and the door open up.
Remus' scarred and rugged face looked pale and tired. He must have noticed the motorcycle in the drive, because he sighed and began to say "Sirius, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, I don't want to go riding, especially not tonight…" He trailed off as soon as he saw Sirius' reddened eyes and upset face. He grabbed Remus' shoulders and started to shake him. "It's not true! Tell me! It isn't!" Remus began to shake and a single tear fell down his face. "I wish it wasn't, Padfoot." He whispered and embraced him in a tight hug as he began to sob quietly.
Sirius had never cried like this in his life. Not when his brother died, not when his father died; those people had never been family. But James, James had always been there for him, James was his brother, his partner-in-crime. And now… He was gone.
Remus invited Sirius inside for some tea, but Sirius ignored the steaming cup of brown liquid and sat on the torn up sofa with his head in his hands, remembering.
James sat on the edge of the counter in the bathroom of his parent's grand home where his wedding to his long time love, Lily Evans, was being held. James' glasses were off of his face, making him look a lot different. "I can't do this, mate. I can't." He looked at his robes in the mirror and sighed. "I can't. I can't." Sirius sat on a little ottoman in the corner smirking and laughing. "You, James Harold Potter, pursuer of Lily Anne Evans for almost eight years, cannot say that you can't walk down the aisle and marry her. I will not believe it." He stood up and placed his hand on his childhood best friend's shoulder. "I don't care if I have to imperio you, you are walking down the aisle with her and marrying her if it is the last thing I do in this world." James smiled and brushed his jet black hair out of his eyes and slipped his glasses back on. "You're right." He sighed. Sirius just shrugged. "Always am." And with that he walked out of the room, leaving James to compose himself.
"I have to go Moony." Sirius said abruptly and stood up. Moony looked up groggily and took a sip of his tea. "Couldn't you just stay? Don't go, just stay here with me and wait for more news." Sirius shook his head furiously. "No, I'm not just going to play it safe and sit here. I'm going to Godric's Hollow." He grabbed his cloak and headed back out to his bike. "Sirius, no!" Remus shot up and grabbed him by the cloak. "What if you find something you don't want to see?" "Well Remus, I don't really think that anything could get much worse than this, so it's won't matter." He opened the door and marched out.
He climbed back on the bike and flew furiously toward James' home, Godric's Hollow. As soon as he got there, he felt the old familiar sting in the back of his eyes and his vision got blurry. The house was gone. Totally destroyed, not a thing left. He closed his eyes and envisioned the house in it's glory. It had been an ancient, but strong house and the Potter's just seemed to fit it. And now it was gone, just like everything else in Sirius' life that mattered.
Except for…
Harry!
Sirius made a dash toward where the front door was and tried to clear a path to where he thought he remembered where the baby's room was. He tried his hardest not to break down in the middle of all the rubble. As he dashed toward Harry's room, he saw different sorts of pictures, awards and things that reminded him of better times. James' wedding picture, Harry's christening, Lily in her green healer's robes, and a picture of James, Lily and Harry minutes after Harry was born at St. Mungo's.
He heard a soft wail and Sirius knew that he was near. Then he found it. He saw a golden snitch blanket and a quidditch mobile. He heard the soft cry cease and looked down at the one year old wrapped up in a yellow blanket staring calmly at Sirius. Harry looked like the spitting image of James, except he had Lily's bright green eyes. Sirius bent over and scooped Harry up gently in his arms. Harry cooed softly and reached up to Sirius. "Harry…" Sirius choked and held the infant up to his chest.
"Hey! Hey! Get 'way from 'ere you! Go on, scram!" Sirius stood at the sound of the voice and clutched Harry to his chest. A bright light and a huge hairy man walked toward Sirius and waved around a pink umbrella. It was Hagrid. "Sir'us? Sir'us Black, is that you?" Sirius felt a rush of relief and let his grip on Harry loosen a little. "Yes, Hagrid, it is." He sighed, cradled Harry and looked into his green eyes. "Sir'us, I'm so sorry, mate." Hagrid placed a giant hand on his shoulder and he could feel his knees buckle a smidge. "Thanks Hagrid." He gave a sad smile and cooed at Harry.
Hagrid cleared his throat uncomfortably. "'Cording to Dumbledore, I need to take the baby." Sirius looked up at him sharply and without even a second thought, he blurted out, "No. No. I am not letting you take the only thing I have left." Hagrid closed his eyes. "I know ya love him, but Dumbledore needs 'im!" Sirius pressed Harry to his chest and began to scream. "No! No! I am his godfather, not DUMBLEDORE!" "Sir'us, calm down!" Sirius gave a deep sigh and sat down on a piece of rubble and Harry began to whimper. Sirius tried to calm Harry down, along with himself.
How could this have happened? There was so much security on this house, Dumbledore himself made sure of it. Only people in the Order of the Phoenix knew where it was and there was a Fidelous Charm placed on the house with Peter as it's secret keeper.
Peter…
Peter. Peter did this.
Sirius felt the blood rise to his cheeks and handed the baby to Hagrid. "You're right Hagrid," Sirius said with his teeth clenched. "Harry does belong with Dumbledore. I can't keep him. Take my bike too. I won't need it." Sirius looked at Harry and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Harry." He looked toward the horizon and saw that dawn was approaching. He needed to find Peter before the rat could get away.
xxx
As he apparated onto the muggle street where Peter Pettigrew called home, he clenched his fists. How could he? Both James and Sirius had counted him as a best friend for so long and now he did this? What true friend would do this? Millions of thoughts such as these ran through Sirius' head as he approached the humble little home that he had visited so many times before on much happier occasions. As he slowly headed toward the door, he thought of what he would do. He could kill Peter, but two wrongs don't make a right… But this was his best friend, his brother we were talking about. He could turn him in, Peter wouldn't be smart enough to flee town. All thought processes stopped when Sirius reached the door and his white knuckled fist pounded on the door. "PETER! YOU FILTHY RAT SCUM, OPEN UP THIS DAMNED DOOR NOW!" Sirius screamed and he heard a little shriek from inside. The curtain that covered the front window opened a smidge and then closed. The door immediately swung open and there stood the tiny mouse like Peter Pettigrew.
"Oh Sirius, isn't it terrible-" Peter tried to hug Sirius, but Sirius shrugged him off and pinned him to the door. "Don't even begin to think you can play innocent with me, Pettigrew! You gave them up! You gave them up to Voldemort! HOW COULD YOU?! YOU WERE THEIR FRIEND!" Sirius drew his wand and stuck it into Peter's chest. "I am going to avenge James and Lily. I am NOT going to let you forget what you did!" By this time, there were at least thirteen muggles outside, on their doorsteps, on the street, wondering what all the commotion was. Peter started to shake and he whimpered, "Padfoot, old pal, you wouldn't do this to me! Where is the Sirius I know?" "That Sirius died with Lily and James, Peter. I hope you rot in the under world! Ava-" "AVADA KADAVRA!" Peter had suddenly whipped out his wand and cursed the entire street behind him.
It all had happened so fast. Peter cursed the entire street and while everyone was blown to smithereens, Peter transformed into his anamagus, a rat. He scurried away and Sirius was left there with his wand raised and groups of muggles screaming in horror. Sirius began to cackle like a maniac and raised his arms in the air. "PETER PETTIGREW!" He screamed and gave a maniacal laugh. The muggles all ran inside their houses to call the authorities and ministry of magic agents were there in a split second. The sun was beginning to rise and obliviators headed toward each one of the houses to deal with the muggles.
xxx
Remus ran his hand through his hair and immediately thought of James. Thinking of James made him think of Sirius and thinking of Sirius made him think of Peter and thinking of Peter made him realize that he was in it alone again. Remus hadn't been alone in so long, he forgot how empty it felt. The last time he was alone and without at least one of the Marauders, it was the night before he boarded the train for Hogwarts when he was eleven.
Remus looked up at his mum. "Are you sure?" He asked nervously and grabbed the handle on his suitcase. He felt awkward and embarrassed in his ragged hand-me-down clothing he had received from his older cousins. She gave him a soft yet sad smile and stroked his sandy hair. "You'll be fine, darling." She kissed his cheek and patted him on the back, a signal that meant for him to head toward the scarlet engine. He smiled weakly and boarded the train. Looking for an empty compartment was absolute hell. The closest he had come to empty was two teenagers snogging. He might as well just hide in the luggage compartment. He was used to being alone and hidden in a dark room full of unwanted things.
Finally, a few friendly looking people, he thought when he found a near empty cabin with a few friendly looking kids in it. A little red headed girl that looked his age and another blonde girl who looked a year or two older than him were it's residents. His small and feeble arm struggled to pull open the door. The blonde smiled at him through the glass and helped him open it. Remus blushed. It was rather embarrassing to have a girl help a boy open a door.
"Thanks," He muttered and gave a big heave to push his suitcase up on top of the luggage rack. "I'm Alice White!" The blonde girl announced and gave little Remus a big smile. Her brown eyes twinkled and he suddenly felt a lot more comfortable. The little red headed girl gave a half smile and nodded. "I'm Lily." Remus looked at her. She was very pretty for a small girl. Lily was dressed in muggle clothing and he assumed she was Muggleborn or a half-blood like him. She had bright red hair that was cut in a short bob and her bright green eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of the cabin.
"I'm Remus Lupin," He said and they sat in silence for a good ten minutes before someone else entered the compartment: A small little boy that looked younger than Remus and a boy that looked the exact age of Remus, eleven. The boy that looked Remus' age had messy black hair and thick, round glasses. He looked almost irritated at the small boy, like a brother would be at his younger brother. "Um, hi. I'm James and this here is Peter, apparently," The black haired boy began. "Does anyone in here know where his mum is? He keeps telling me that-""I told you!" The little boy squeaked almost mouse like. "I am not a stowaway! I am going to be a first year!" James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, in six years." Peter stomped his foot. "Please believe me, James, I'm tel-" "Yeah, whatever, Peter." He looked back toward Remus and the girls. "So, anyway, could we sit here please?" James asked looking directly at Lily. Lily gave a little frown and Remus could tell that she didn't like him much.
But, Alice nodded and James and Peter took a seat next to Remus. Not much later, a whole bunch of dark and scary looking kids stood in the doorway of the compartment and the tallest, and most likely the oldest and leader of the group, sneered at all of the children in the compartment. The leader was a tall and pale blonde boy who looked about sixteen and his ice blue eyes made Remus want to flinch.
"Well look here. All the mudbloods, blood traitors and half-bloods piled into one compartment. It's like one little convention, isn't it?" All the other kids with him smirked and a few snickered but one little kid just rolled his eyes and leaned against the door frame looking quite bored with it all. Alice swallowed and stood up. "Get out or I'll… I'll… I'll report you to Dumbledore!" She said, her voice filled with fear covered up by a weak sense of bravery. All the older children just laughed and shook their heads and walked away. The youngest out of the group, the one that didn't look too happy being there, stuck behind.
James stood up and looked the boy in the eyes. "You stay behind to make fun of us some more?" He asked coolly and the boy sighed. "Listen," He began and stood up straight. "I just wanted to apologize for them. They all have their heads up their arses." James eyed him up and sat back down. "I'm Sirius, by the way. Sirius Black."
Remus closed his eyes and slumped in his chair in the Ministry of Magic hallway. He was alone.
Sirius, after he had been taken away by his fellow aurors, had been put on trial by the ministry. People who he had once considered friends testified against him and called him crazy. Remus felt helpless. He had chosen not to testify; he couldn't. Sirius might have been guilty, but Remus couldn't bring himself to call his best friend a murderer.
He had been found guilty. Of killing Peter Pettigrew, thirteen different muggles, and Lily and James Potter.
Remus couldn't cry anymore. He cried when he found out James and Lily died. He cried when he found out Peter was dead. But he couldn't cry when he found out that Sirius had been found guilty. Suddenly, Remus felt dirty. He felt like he had helped Sirius kill all those people. He had comforted Sirius when he put on his little act for him, welcomed the murderer of the only thing he had to call family into his home. And he felt horrible. He just wanted to leave this hell hole, go home and take a long shower.
xxx
Remus walked out of his bedroom in his faded pajamas and worn yet comfortable robe. He sat down in his small nook he called a kitchen and looked at the small writing desk in the corner. Right about now was when he would be sitting there, writing Sirius or James or Peter about how awful he was feeling, and that he might be needing a little company for the next full moon. He would tell them about all the shit happening and how he just felt like dying. But he couldn't.
He was alone.