Today marked an entire six months since they were initially launched into the deep nothing of outer space. Of searching of humanity's new home. Six months of hopping planet to planet with no end in sight.
The thought made him restless. Made him itchy under his skin.
He was wrapped snug in sleeping bag, once comforting it now contributed to the claustrophobia that broke whenever he found himself alone in the early morning. He tried for a minute to remove his sleeping bag, but he suddenly felt that aimlessly floating in a closet sized room might make this entrapped feeling worse. He tried to keep calm, shutting his eyes and doing breathing exercises. It helped ease the agitation building up in his muscles and joints.
He had volunteered to be here. The collective, the giant organization patchworked from various space related institutions across the globe, had accepted his application almost immediately. As the situation on Earth had grown more dire, the collective's search for scouts grew proportionately frantic. There wasn't enough time for carefully crafted flight plans anymore. They were throwing barely approved teams any which way that might even hint at a human friendly atmosphere. By then many of their ranks had been sent away. They were begging for bodies to fill the ships. Kirishima had been part of the team they needed for correspondence on base, but their needs had changed. Well over half of the deployed teams were no longer responding. So they let them go up.
When the call for the last wave of volunteers reached him, he didn't hesitate to throw his name into the dwindling pile. Humanity was staring down their ultimate end, but people were trying, so he'd risk it all to go down fighting too.
In retrospect, he had been a little too naive.
It's not that he'd expected to find humanity's salvation within the a week. But it felt like even now he wasn't doing anything much different than he had back home. He had wanted to do something. The idleness had slowly worn him down. It gave him too much time. To think, and to do other things to stop him from thinking. Not good things. Especially not after the fight in the marsh.
It wasn't just the idleness, though that had been the slow burning fuse that ignited his self-made hell. He had put himself in a precarious situation from the start.
Kirishima had failed to disclose a vital point of information at the beginning of their journey. The appointed captain of this small expedition was none other than his current beau, his best friend turned boyfriend not two weeks before they were called in for deployment.
Romantic relationships amongst crew members was a hardlined no. If a married couple both requested to be sent up, one stayed behind. If a unmarried couple requested the same, and the collective knew about it, they were sent in separate ships. The collective could throw together geniuses any which way on paper, but a successful team also needed balance. They would not risk a possible rescue over a lovers spat or jealousy. Any budding romance onboard was also highly discouraged.
He listened to Bakugou and kept his trap shut in front of the deciding committee. Then they kept the secret to avoid it turning into a point of contention against Bakugou's leadership. Because people grew just a bit off sometimes in isolated groups and might not take well to the perceived threat of their "alliance." Even Bakugou's relationship with his childhood friend was downplayed, though Kirisha knew they were rather estranged at this point anyway.
He shifted, the straps on the sleeping bag keeping him from spinning. He felt so stupid. He had honestly believed, that they would be best together and things would work out. He even found it a little romantic. To travel far into the unknown with the person he loved most? What could be more reassuring in these times of apocalyptic panic?
As it turns out, this had been the mistake. Kirishima was now, as he'd been the past month, deeply regretting his choices. When the dark nothing inside swelled, when he was alone and everything that he kept buried pushed back, he couldn't help but feel that he could have stayed a better person back on Earth.
If only he could make sense of it. Every night he played the memory on loop. They had fought on a marshy land on a planet now far behind them. They argued all the time, but this fight had been something different. He wanted to to tell the crew, they were his friends now. They would accept it. But Bakugou refused, claiming that if things got bad, as it had for over half the teams already out, then he would lose credibility and control. It ended with them shoving each other in the muck, trading blows, and the crew having to force them apart. He thought about it, and thought about it, and he still couldn't make sense of it. He let it swirl around him like dark whirlpool, black and impossible to escape.
And then he had made the worst choice out of all of them. And…
He still found that one hard to face.
The emptiness and guilt were clawing into everyday life. It had been a month and the stone all between he and Katsuki was pressing him harder. Like those adventure stories where the hero was about to crushed between two stone walls rigged by an ancient civilization. Except that there was no one to pull him up on the last second.
Someone had tried, and he had pulled him down with him instead.
And then the morning alarm went off, the beeping abruptly scrambling his train of thought. There was no more time to mope alone in his sleeping quarters. It was time to get to work. And the deep nothing went back inside.
—
He was busy taking stock of that morning's rations when Jirou came floating in, bleary eyed and yawning. Jirou was in charge of monitoring their contact back with the base and any contact they may have with any intelligent species, of which there had been none.
"Kirishima, early as always."
Honestly, he felt like crawling back into bed, giving the day up entirely. But unless their bodies were a half-step from death, everyone worked. And being cheery was part of his work. A cheery person was a morning person, and the morning person set the mood for the day.
Giving her a bright smile, he handed her that day's breakfast, blueberry oatmeal. In a pouch, of course. It was pretty good, as far as packaged food went. The oatmeal was probably the best item of their morning stock.
Jirou was about to rip the bag open when Iida, their medic, came in. Kirishima waved at him, pretending not to see him shove a tiny, white bottle into his pockets.
"Iida, catch."
Kirishima gently pushed the bag mid air, letting it slowly drift towards its intended target. Iida grabbed it, and gave Kirishima, and then Jirou, a polite smile. "Good morning, Kirishima. Jirou."
Their biochemist, Yaoyorozu, came next. She greeted them in a sleepy, but happy tone.
"Oatmeal", she said with delighted surprise, "It'll be a good day."
"Oatmeal day is a good day," said Kirishima absentmindedly.
Next was Kaminari, the aerospace engineer. He looked the most disheveled. Everyone's hair floated messily every which way in zero-g, but his seemed messier. He'd eventually smooth it out.
Jirou grabbed a pouch from Kirishima's hand and sent it floating. "Kaminari, catch."
Kaminari looked at her, confused. He tried to grab the pouch, but he was still half asleep. The bag hit and bounced off his head in a new trajectory. Yaoyorozu hid her amused chuckle politely behind her hand.
He finally caught it when their leader, Bakugou, entered the room. Kaminari managed to snag it after it bounced off Bakugou's chest.
He seemed more awake now after a laugh. "Thanks, captain." He spun away, using the doorway as leverage and joined the rest of the team. Bakugou didn't say anything, just looked around the room, assessing them with narrowed eyes.
Kirishima reached in deep, and gave Bakugou his best smile. "Good morning, captain."
"Bakugou," said Yaoyorozu in a happy little voice, "It's blueberry oatmeal day."
Bakugou looked at her and said in a rough but hushed voice, "Is it?" It wasn't a real question so no one paid it any mind. While no one else seemed to notice this muted response, Kirishima felt anxious.
It had been a bad night after all. Iida had given Bakugou something again. Bakugou's head was floating somewhere else. His edges were blurry instead of sharp and prickly. He supposed most everyone else would be perfectly fine with this.
Kirishima put that aside for later. He pushed himself forward and floated towards Bakugou.
"Here, your morning share."
Bakugou took it without comment. He moved away from the door and settled next to Kaminari. Kirishima looked away, deciding he would deliver the last pouch to their missing crew member while Jirou gave her informal report.
Midoriya was, of course, still in the navigation room. He went in, finding him poring over what looked like Kirishima's own climate analysis from the previous excursion.
"Midoriya, breakfast."
No response. That was typical, Midoriya was always engrossed in something lately.
"Midoriya, it's oatmeal day." He floated on over, and tapped the top of Midoriya's head with the corner of the pouch.
He didn't look away from the screen, but did greet him with, "Hi, Kirishima." There was a too long pause before he took the oatmeal and said, "Thank you."
Feeling a little awkward, he gave him a simple "No problem," in return and left.
Things were like that when it came to Midoriya. He would have to make a greater effort with him before the crew began to worry. But they all seemed to accept it just fine for the moment. They seemed to let a lot slip by.
He made his way back to the mess room, eating his own breakfast along the way.
Everyone was else was almost done, except for Bakugou who was barely eating at all. He debated nudging him, encouraging him to finish, but just settled to the side to hear the end of Kaminari's report.
"So that said, I'll need one of you to support me while I fix the dent. It's small, but we shouldn't wait on it."
Jirou hummed, "As if Kirishima won't be the one following you out."
Kaminari whined, "I'm just trying to give everyone a chance. C'mon, everyone should get the opportunity to watch my genius at work."
Jirou snorted, "You won't catch me free floating out there when I can stay perfectly safe inside."
Kaminari waved his hand as if dismissing her words. "Inside and outside are artificial concepts. We're floating in the void regardless."
"That's actually true," said Iida.
"What's with the actually bit?"
Bakugou cleared his throat, bringing them back to the original topic. Kirishima observed how Bakugou's eyes refocused, the effort he need to pull his mind back from wherever it went on days like this. But he could see how his edges were still fuzzy.
"Kirishima can't be the only one assisting Kaminari. Everyone needs to cross train in basic repair."
Yaoyorozu agreed, "It's the practical thing to do," then added, "But it's too bad. Kirishima loves going out. He takes every opportunity to do it," and turning to him asked, "Don't you?"
"Well, yeah…"
"I'll go this time," volunteered Iida. "I haven't been fulfilling that part of my duty."
Kirishima was trying to feel more relieved than disappointed when they heard something coming from the hall.
"What are we talking about?" came a sleepy voice from the entryway. Midoriya had decided to join them.
Bakugou halfheartedly glared at him. He explained in a bored yet annoyed tone, "Kaminari needs help repairing a dent. Iida's helping."
"Oh," said Midoriya, dumping his empty food pouch into the compactor. "Will it take long? I wanted to talk to you, Iida. And you, too, Yaoyorozu. About these readings from last week."
Bakugou looked over at him with a suspicious stare. "Is this something I should know about?"
Midoriya glanced at him, his expression difficult to read. Kirishima could now also see the dark circles around his eyes. "Well, I don't know yet. I didn't want to bother you until I was sure."
Bakugou then took a too large mouthful of oatmeal and swallowed it. Jirou made a face.
"We're going to discuss it now, the four of us." Bakugou turned to Kirishima, "You, help Kaminari. Jirou, you handle the controls here. Call me if something happens."
He finished his the rest of his breakfast in a bite, and left, pulling Midoriya along by the collar of his suit. Kirishima gave him a little wave as he went, but it was ignored as Midoriya struggled, somewhat passively, to avoid accidentally bumping into sensitive equipment. Following close behind Yaoyorozu and Iida exchanged amused looks.
Jirou rolled her eyes before turning her attention to Kirishima and Kaminari. "You two should suit up."
Kaminari flashed her a smile. "Sure thing. Give us a few extra minutes, though. I'm gonna double check the helmets. I think some are still muddy."
Jirou shrugged and made her way to the control room.
Kirishima let Kaminari push him towards the changing room. He could hear him whisper in a singsong voice, "Thank you, Midoriya."
Kirishima was halfway dressed when Kaminari stopped him.
"I guess we're meant to be." He was grinning, bright and happy.
Kirishima patted him on the head, trying to tidy up his hair somewhat. He did like Kaminari. It was easy to like him. Most of all, he appreciated that in these moments, he didn't have to work so hard. Kaminari kept him from that heavy feeling creeping inside.
Kaminari grabbed his hand. "I'm not a dog," more laughter.
He leaned for a kiss and Kirishima gave it to him.
"Alright," said Kaminari, grabbing a clean helmet from the rack, "Let's get ready."
—
It was easy to forget when they worked. Kaminari let him weld the new sheet by himself after they carefully removed the damaged piece. Though a little scatter-brained, he was a good instructor.
Inside, Kaminari removed Kirishima's helmet for him, and ruffled his hair.
"How do you like the dog treatment?"
It felt good, actually.
He stopped. "I should probably put this in the repair log. I keep forgetting to do stuff like that lately."
"Me, too," he replied. It was true, though sometimes he just straight skipped things he felt were redundant. Or boring.
"I need to talk to Bakugou, I'll see you in a bit."
Kaminari gave him a pat on the back and went on his way.
Kirishima rushed down the hall, expecting to find Bakugou in the navigation room. He could just radio him and ask, but he really just wanted to see him in person.
He ran into him coming from the sleeping quarters.
Bakugou blinked rapidly, obviously trying to focus again. Before Kirishima could ask about last night, Bakugou stopped him.
"Get the crew together. We're going out for an excursion in four hours."
"There wasn't one scheduled today, was there?"
"I'm scheduling it now."
—
He had Jirou call everyone, minus Bakugou and Midoriya who were still hashing out the flight plan.
They'd be landing at a new location in a few hours. It was time to prepare again for another recon expedition. The original excitement and hopeful anticipation was wearing thin these days. Kirishima could tell that the disappointment was falling into routine. He couldn't allow that. They needed to bring their best.
He ignored the little voice in his ear calling him a hypocrite.
"Okay, everyone. I-," he paused for a second, trying to find the right words. Kaminari quirked an eyebrow at him, he continued, "Okay, I just wanted to give you all some good news," he paused, "It looks like we've found a planet with a similar atmosphere to Earth."
Yaoyorozu smiled, "Yes, we discussed it with Bakugou. There might actually be a viable planet nearby."
Iida explained further, "Midoriya has been gathering data from probes sent out by one of our predecessors. Bakugou confirmed what they've found."
Jirou took in a sharp breath, a hint of a smile exposing a fragile optimism. Kaminari on the other hand, broke out in a celebratory whoop.
"We might actually save humanity, can you believe this? "
Iida seemed to appreciate Kaminari's enthusiasm, but tried to reign him back. "This is the most promising mission we've had to date. But we're only at the beginning. Don't let anything fall to chance, bring your best today."
Their hearts a little lighter, the crew began their final checks.
Kirishima went to find Bakugou. He hadn't touched half his testing equipment during the last trip. Prepping his pack had quickly been done.
He found Bakugou in the navigation room this time, scrolling through data points while Midoriya pulled up matching charts and calculations.
"Hey, I let the crew know."
Bakugou didn't reply, but waved at him as acknowledgment. Midoriya was too busy staring at a map and muttering to himself.
"Well, okay then." He was about to leave when he heard Bakugou let out a sigh.
"Hold on, come with me to the lab."
This was unusual. Kirishima suddenly felt more awake than he had all week.
Bakugou quickly pointed at something on the holo-map, had Midoriya jot it down, then he propelled himself towards Kirishima at the entrance.
When they entered the lab Bakugou locked the door. Kirishima felt his body tense. Bakugou looked Kirishima right in the eyes, saying nothing, somehow exuding a pressure, like there was something boiling underneath his calm.
It had been weeks since they spent any real time together, that was true. Still, Kirishima could read him better than anyone else, and what he was seeing now wasn't anger. That was a slight relief, because this meant that whatever they were about to talk about probably wasn't Kaminari.
But this immediately gave way to a sickly, foreboding feeling in his stomach. It was something he'd felt vaguely all month long, but had done his best to ignore. He pushed it down, keeping it contained until he could let it ooze out alone in his room.
Bakugou finally spoke.
"What's going on with you?"
Kirishima blinked. "Huh?"
"Don't play dumb. Your reports. They're fucking bizarre. If they're done at all."
The reports. Yeah, there hadn't been much time for analyzing soil samples in the lab. Not when he and Kaminari shared the same time slots. There hadn't been much of a point anyway.
"Uh, well, didn't think I needed to?"
Bakugou sneered. If he hadn't taken those pills that morning Kirishima was sure there would have been torrent of hellfire on him about now. Instead Bakugou only huffed and rubbed his eyes out of irritation.
"Look, Kirishima. You need to do the lab work. No matter what Yaoyorozu's results are, you still need to do yours. Got it?"
Kirishima nodded.
"And also, enough of these weird reports. Midoriya won't fucking stop obsessing over them. He's creepy enough without this bullshit on top of it."
He didn't really know what Bakugou meant by that, at most he only doodled on the pages during the idle minutes. He promised just to please him.
"Okay, and…"
Kirishima perked up. "Yeah?"
Bakugou looked hesitant, but he straightened up and tried again. "I'm sorry. About before."
Right, the fight from a month ago. From before the thing with Kaminari.
Kirishima didn't look at Bakugou in the eyes, he just pushed all that down again. Bakugou wasn't looking at him either as far as he could tell. He just seemed agitated, nervous.
"I-I'm sorry, too, Katsuki."
Bakugou looked at him. He looked hurt, somehow. Maybe taken off guard by the use of his name. He must have realized it because he covered his face with his hand, and looked annoyed again.
Kirishima thought that maybe he should confess now. Tell him everything. Beg him to forgive him.
But there were more important things to do right now. And Bakugou, Katsuki, wasn't all there.
Bakugou sighed heavy, clearly exasperated. Kirishima was unable to move.
"I need to make some final preparations. Go help anyone who's not ready."
So that was it for today.
"Okay."
—
The new planet was smaller than Earth, not that they could tell when they were on it.
Kaminari jumped, kicking up some of the sand. The gravity wasn't the same as on their home planet, but it still kept them on the ground. There was an actual up and down which was a funny thing after weeks on the ship. Kirishima wondered if any of them could really remember what gravity felt like back home, but there was no reason to bring that up. Even Jirou was taking a few tentative leaps. Yaoyorozu tried to convince Iida to leapfrog with her with mixed results.
Bakugou clapped his hands loudly, making them fall into line.
They would split up. Bakugou divided them up in pairs. Iida would go with Kaminari, Yaoyorozu with Midoriya, and Jirou with Kirishima.
Bakugou would go alone to find the probe.
Kirishima tried not to show how hurt he felt. Now isn't the time , he told himself.
Jirou gave Kirishima a nod and suggested they move east. They walked together, appreciatively taking in the expansive purple desert and alien plant life.
"Pretty sure my report isn't going to be much different than the last. This place looks totally empty."
"You never know," said Kirishima, "There could be an underground city just under our feet."
Jirou shook her head, "I'm still not sure if we want to find anyone."
Kirishima wondered if she meant she didn't want to encounter hostile natives, or the previous, probably dead, crew that had left the probe. She'd be in charge of dealing with either or both.
They kept walking. Off in the distance they spotted something shimmering at the bottom of several dunes. It looked like water. That would be today's major discovery.
The sun bore harshly down on them, but the suits mitigated that well. The slight buoyancy to their steps made things a little tiring, though. They went on for awhile, not saying anything. Kirishima listened patiently to their steps crunching on the sand. He caught Jirou sneaking a quick look at his face. He supposed she was expecting him to be more talkative, but he wasn't in the mood. He rarely was nowadays. If she wanted to talk, she'd have to initiate.
"Kirishima," Jirou was looking out into the dunes with a pensive expression, "Have you noticed something different with everyone lately?"
He made a noncommittal sound.
Her brow furrowed, "I asked Iida about it. He says it's fatigue."
Kirishima glanced at her, she seemed to be holding something back.
"Well, yeah. I think everyone's kind of been sluggish and absent minded."
She shook her head. "That's part of it. But sometimes, I think some of us are really strange. Doing odd things."
He felt his pulse quicken. "What do you mean?"
"Midoriya seems sort of spacey. He still does all of his work perfectly, but the other day I caught him staring at nothing. No blinking, just staring at nothing."
Kirishima hadn't noticed that at all. Just his usual obsessions with the maps and reports.
"Did you talk to him about it?"
"Yes. He didn't know what I was talking about. I asked Iida. That's when he told me it was mental fatigue."
"Well, I've been feeling off, too."
Jirou threw him a worried look. She obviously felt there was more to this.
"You must have noticed Bakugou being weird, right? He's a really different sometimes. Like his personality gets dialed down from his usual eleven to three."
Bakugou was a different case. He couldn't tell her that. He didn't want to lie, but he still couldn't break Bakugou's privacy. And anyway, Iida would say something if it were serious. He chose his words carefully.
"I think he's just trying to keep the peace."
"Isn't that usually you?"
Kirishima gave her a lopsided smile. "Yeah, well, he's trying, too."
"Maybe. But he and Midoriya are both the weirdest. I guess that's why they're so close now."
That was news to him.
"What do you mean?"
Jirou rolled her eyes. "You know."
Kirishima stopped. "No, I don't."
She seemed surprised. "I thought you would, you were friends from before, right?"
He shook his head. "We're not so close at the moment." It hurt to say it out loud.
She hesitated, he could see her mentally debating telling him what she meant.
"I don't want to gossip… but you are friends, right?"
He wanted to believe so, though that might end soon.
"Yeah."
She made up her mind. She spoke quickly. "I saw Midoriya coming out of Bakugou's sleeping quarters one night."
She didn't say it, but he knew what she was implying. It practically slapped him across the face.
It had to be a misunderstanding. Why would Bakugou be doing anything with Midoriya . With whom he'd had a shaky relationship at best ?
But maybe, after they fought, who else would Katsuki turn to?
"Did he say something?"
"No, way. Bakugou would probably combust on the spot if he tried."
"Maybe they were talking about something…?"
Jirou shifted uncomfortably. "They were too preoccupied with something else to be talking."
There was a surge of something hot and painful in him.
"Kirishima? What's wrong?"
—
It took them half an hour to reach the dunes surrounding the oasis. When they got there, Yaoyorozu and Midoriya were waiting. Jirou had radioed them, hoping they might do something about Kirishima together. She had been beside herself after his sudden collapse out on the sand.
At first the three fussed over him, attempting to elicit some sort information. Had he been bit by something? Did toxic fumes seep into his helmet?
It was when Kirishima unexpectedly locked eyes with Midoriya that he suddenly felt aware again. It was Midoriya's instant understanding and shame flashing bare on his face that broke him out of his stupor.
In a second the two were tumbling in the sand, Midoriya mostly trying to keep Kirishima from cracking his helmet. He didn't even try to stop the blows to his torso and stomach. It was that realization, that Midoriya wouldn't fight him, that made him slow.
Jirou and Yaoyorozu were shouting at him, but the only thing registering in his mind was Midoriya's voice repeating,"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
He couldn't answer. He didn't even have the right to be mad. But he was, so much so that his body had lashed out even against his higher will.
Jirou must have figured out what was happening then. She calmed Yaoyorozu, telling her this was a private matter they shouldn't involve themselves in. They walked away, muttering something about taking water samples back.
"Resolve this," is all Jirou could say before they left.
The two sat there, in the sand, unwilling to meet each other's gaze. Kirishima made himself ask.
"When? How?"
Midoriya stumbled to his feet, leaning against a large rock for support. He looked, as best as Kirishima could put it, near anguished. He kept his eyes on Kirishima, though, and answered him.
"Maybe since three or four weeks ago…How…Honestly, I have no idea. I mean, it still doesn't make sense to me."
Kirishima picked himself up from the sand. He shook his head, unable to wipe his face with his helmet on. His vision was blurry. "Tell me anyway."
"Are you sure?"
Not at all. "Yes."
"We were up way past schedule. He was acting kind of…not nice…but calmer than usual. I don't know. We just sort of stopped talking about the maps…he looked like he needed something."
Something I couldn't give him.
"Never mind. I can't do this." He didn't want to listen. He didn't know how to process any of it.
"Kirishima, I don't know how I could ever apologize enough. Because I knew… Kaccha- Bakugou never said anything about it, but I could see it. And I kept meeting with him anyway."
There was a lot Kirishima wanted to say, but it all felt heavy in his chest. He couldn't even say he would forgive Midoriya, because it felt too much like he was trying to forgive himself. He had done the same thing, and what was worse, is that Kaminari didn't know any of it.
He felt stuck there, isolated in that alien sand pit, even with Midoriya near.
He looked over at the shimmering oasis a few feet away, below them at the foot of the dune.
"I'm going in."
"Huh?"
He was already removing his helmet. Midoriya made to lunge at him, a desperate attempt to stop him, but Kirishima threw the helmet at him. Midoriya caught it. There was a second where Midoriya watched, holding his breath, afraid of what might happen.
He was okay.
He took a deep breath. Nothing hurt. The fresh air felt amazing.
"Kirishima, we need to go back in the ship."
He shook his head. "Don't you miss the water? I miss it."
He ran down the dune, somehow keeping himself upright as he began to slide down. His landing was sloppy, he had to stop himself from hitting the ground too hard. But he was fine, and began removing the rest of his outer suit.
It was impossible to bathe in water on the ship. Showers were impractical and time consuming. He couldn't begin to explain how good it felt to swim after half a year. He paddled over to Midoriya who was still making his way down. He watched Kirishkma, mouth agape, from the edge.
"Get in Midoriya."
"We don't know what's in there. You need to come out."
"Come on." His voice was gentle. His urge to fight him had left him.
After some brief hesitation, Midoriya did.
They swam for a while, keeping a hesitant distance from one another.
Kirishima finally spoke.
"I cheated, too. With Kaminari."
He didn't get a response right away.
Midoriya shook water out of his hair. "We really fucked up."
"Yeah."
They continued to float idly. Midoriya occasionally telling him things about Bakugou.
He's a mess. He's too afraid to face you. I know he's sorry.
Kirishima wished he would stop, but he didn't ask him to.
Eventually they could see Iida come barreling towards them, Yaoyorozu and Kaminari right behind him.
"Kirishima. Midoriya. Do you know how many safety protocols you're violating?"
Kaminari smiled nervously at them. "Guys, this could've waited until after analyses."
Yaoyorozu shook her head. "Preliminary testing says it's fine, but it's hard to know for sure. Please, you two, get back in the suits."
Midoriya gave Yaoyorozu a weak, apologetic smile. "Okay, don't worry. I'll come back out."
Kirishima wasn't so easy to sway. He swam to the middle, ignoring Iida's scolding from the edge.
Kaminara called out to him. "Kirishima! What's going on, man?"
Kirishima sunk under the surface. The worry in Kaminari's voice was tearing into him. Guilt. The heavy, dark feeling was filling him up again. He wanted to sink himself and all his feelings into the clear, blue water.
But no. He thought about Katsuki. The memory of them the night before they departed, watching their last rainstorm from Bakugou's porch, wrapped warmly on his canopy swing. He'd promised to stay with Katsuki, follow him for as long as he could into the inky sky.
Finally, he swam back out. Iida stopped shouting. Kaminari reached an arm out to pull him up. He even went and brought him his suit while Kirishima shook off the excess water.
Iida addressed them in a hushed tone.
"You'll need to be quarantined and tested before you can get on the ship."
"I know," said Midoriya, "Sorry for the trouble."
"Yeah, sorry about the mess, Iida."
Kirishima was sorry, but he didn't regret it.
He was feeling better.
—
They were kept in a portable outdoor lab. He and Midoriya were kept in separate sections about the size of their sleeping quarters. Kirishima would sometimes wave at Midoriya from the tiny glass window connecting the two. The first time he did it Midoriya had smiled back at him, tears of relief hovering in the corners of his eyes. They could be friends. Kirishima wanted them to be.
He still needed to talk to Kaminari and Bakugou.
They hadn't had the privacy yet.
When they reached the ship Iida had already explained the situation to both Bakugou and Jirou. For the first time in weeks Bakugou had actually sounded like himself.
"I should fucking launch you both into the fucking sun, you're so fucking reckless!"
They'd both apologized until Yaoyorozu reminded Bakugou that they still needed a medical assessment.
They'd been poked and prodded. Some tests were instant, others needed time to process. Kirishima waited as long as he could before asking Yaoyorozu to send Kaminari over.
They spoke through an intercom by a window connected to the lab portion quarantine structure. Everyone else was inside, eating dinner. He wondered who would pass it out.
Kaminari tapped the glass, like he was teasing a fish. "Hey, how are you feeling?"
"Physically, nothing seems wrong so far."
Kaminari hummed happily. "That's good, but I wish you hadn't volunteered to be our human guinea pig."
He wished how could make light hearted jokes also."Denki."
"Yeah?"
"I did something wrong."
"Well yeah, you guys totally left me out your beach party."
"I'm being serious."
"I know."
He was determined. It was the least that Kaminari deserved.
"I'm dating Bakugou. We'd been dating since before we left Earth."
He watched him carefully. He didn't know what to expect. This wasn't something he thought he'd ever have to do. He never saw himself as that guy.
Kaminari looked at the ceiling, then back at Kirishima. "I guess I should be honest, too. I kind of suspected something like that."
"Seriously?"
"I thought maybe you had a crush on him or something. Kind of walked right into this."
"Still, I shouldn't have done that to you."
"Kirishima, I'm not mad. I guess I'm…upset. I mean, you've made a choice already, right?"
"Yes." Without a doubt it was Katsuki.
"So that's it. I know I'm not the most thoughtful guy, but we're doing something important here. I won't let this get me down."
"I really do like you, Kaminari."
"I like you, too."
He cried. The guilt has been building up so long. And Kaminari just let it go.
"You're looking pretty gross."
Kirishima laughed. "I bet."
"You haven't talked to Bakugou yet."
He shook his head.
"Should I call him over?" It was a kind offer, though Kaminari looked terrified at the prospect.
Kirishima gave it some careful consideration.
"No, he won't talk with me with Midoriya next to us, even if he can't hear."
"That's probably completely true."
This would have to wait until tomorrow.
—
"We've got a problem."
Iida and the others stood in the outdoor lab in front of the quarantine rooms. Iida pointed at a screen angled too far for Kirishima to read.
Iida continued, very concerned. "We found a foreign, unknown organism inside them both."
Yaoyorozu finished handing Midoriya and Kirishima little cups of medication through a safety slot on their doors. Then she wheeled in a metal table, on top of which was a clear plastic box.
Iida pointed at the black sludge like substance moving around inside. It looked like it might fill a fourth of a jell-o cup.
"This organism we're calling umbra is a sample from Kirishima. A similar, smaller sample was taken from Midoriya."
Jirou asked, "All of that?"
"No, we took only a small sample, about an eighth of a one yen coin. But this organism seems to have the ability to expand well past its original size."
Kaminari leaned in to examine it.
"Just look at it, undulating at us."
Jirou turned away.
Bakugou crossed his arms. "So this thing came from the water?"
Yaoyorozu shook her head. "No. Here's the strange part. It looks like this thing has been around a lot longer than just a few hours. I found traces of it in one of the damaged suits from a few weeks ago."
"This has been travelling with us," said Iida, "Because we can't account for its origins or method of infection, we are all going through testing."
About two hours later, Yaoyorozu gathered them up again.
"So, here's the good news. Not everyone is infected. Though most of us are."
Jirou blanched.
Yaoyorozu placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, we're both in the clear."
Iida nodded. "As am I. But our captain and Kaminari are not."
Bakugou looked furious, and thoroughly disgusted. Kaminari grimaced, simply uttering "Oh, shit."
"There's no need to panic," insisted Yaoyorozu, "From our understanding, umbra doesn't actually do any immediate harm."
"But that leads us to our other point," said Iida, "It has definitely impacted your individual, and the crew's health as a whole."
"We think it feeds off cortisol."
"Anxiety hormone? Fight or flight?" asked Kaminari.
"Yes, it triggers anxiety inside of the host so it can feed."
"I talked with Midoriya, and looks like it swells, exaggerating a sense of anxiety and hormone production." Iida tapped something on the screen. "From what I can tell, it can sometime take mild control of the host during a cool down period, after significant distress and mental fatigue."
Kirishima remembered something Bakugou had told him yesterday before they went out into the desert, "Can it communicate?"
Yaoyorozu knew what he was referring to. "Yes! That's the other strange part. I showed Jirou some of your reports, the ones with the funny scribbles."
"I don't know what it says," followed Jirou, "but it looks like it has meaning behind it."
"It does," called Midoriya through his intercom, "I can almost understand it sometimes. It's like a status report. 'Safe. Abundance. Lag.' Bakugou thought I was losing my mind."
Bakugou spoke up, "If anything, this confirms it."
"Okay," Jirou hushed them before it could escalate, "So Kirishima wrote it, and Midoriya read it. Why haven't Bakugou and Kaminari done either?"
Iida answered, "Bakugou has a medical reason to be somewhat immune to umbra. As for Kaminari, I don't know."
Kaminari shrugged, "Maybe I'm just naturally superior."
Kirishima wondered if it was just because Kaminari hadn't been tied to a guilty conscious as he and the other two had. It might have been the natural stress that piqued the umbras' hunger. Maybe he hadn't been as vulnerable.
Bakugou shot Kaminari a death glare.
Then he asked, "Do we need to be quarantined until you find a cure?"
Iida fumbled for a second. "Well, actually, no. After I was informed of…certain circumstances within the crew, I've concluded that only very close membrane contact is needed for a transfer."
No one said a word.
Kirishima was glad most of him was hidden from view. Everyone knew the whole drama now and he couldn't think of anything more embarrassing.
Bakugou looked like a boiled octopus, a scary one with bared teeth, but to his credit he kept himself well behaved.
Yaoyorozu coughed awkwardly. "Anyway, we found that it's rather easy to render harmless. Without a wet environment it just dries up. The traces I found in the suit were practically powder. I had no idea what it was initially."
Iida brought something else up on the screen. "After careful study of their full body scans, I found that umbra sits in the abdomen, below the stomach. I won't be hard to remove with the medi-bots."
Thank goodness for modern medicine, thought Kirishima.
Kaminari whined, "You're going to scoop this stuff out of us, like a melon baller on a cantaloupe."
Iida looked almost insulted. "I'm a professional, Kaminari."
"Does this mean they can come out now?"
"Well, yes."
Iida walked over to a keypad and punched in a string of numbers, releasing the airlock on Kirishima's and Midoriya's doors.
They both stepped out. Kirishima smiled awkwardly at everyone. Iida handed them each a freshly cleaned suit, everyone was still wearing them until an official clearance.
Kaminari looked sympathetic. "Guess we should get ready to be melon balled."
Iida made a tsk-ing sound.
Jirou understood where Kaminari was headed. "I'll help Iida and Yaoyorozu prepare the medical room. You should clean up, Midoriya."
"Oh, sure."
Bakugou let them go with a dismissive wave, "Fine, go."
They filed out, talking amongst themselves about the procedure, leaving Kirishima alone with Bakugou.
This was it.
Bakugou uncrossed his arms, and turned to Kirishima.
"So."
"Midoriya already told me. And I think you know about Kaminari."
Bakugou scowled. "Yeah, fucking Deku would." He didn't say anything about Kaminari.
"At least call him Midoriya."
"I'll call him whatever the fuck I want to."
"Katsuki."
"Why are you even defending him? He knew."
Because he wasn't mad. He'd already had a night to process it. They'd already talked. "He's a good guy. He made a mistake."
He could tell from the face he was making that Bakugou doubted this, but didn't voice it. He just frowned and said, "Like you."
He didn't feel like a good guy, but he'd like to think he could be. "Maybe."
Bakugou suddenly let out a loud yell, imbued with Kirishima could feel was his own accumulated guilt and frustration.
"I don't know how to fix this." He sounded ragged and hoarse.
"I don't know either."
"Fuck."
Bakugou was trying to stop it, but his eyes were starting to swell with tears. Kirishima wanted more than anything to make it stop, make him feel better. But he didn't know if he could. Did Katsuki even want him that near?
Kirishima looked at the umbra expanding in the box. It wriggled at Bakugou. It was intelligent enough to write, albeit the symbols were simple and crude. Maybe it could understand them.
"Do you think we would have done all that if this thing hadn't been there?"
Bakugou laughed sarcastically. "Who fucking cares? We still did it. It was us."
Kirishima agreed. "It was."
"I feel like I'm being swallowed up by a monsoon. Why are you so calm?"
"Dunno. Maybe because they took some out? Maybe Yaoyorozu ave me something. A pill from a small, white bottle."
Bakugou breathed deeply, trying regain some control.
"I don't know which is worse. That stuff washes you out of your own head."
It felt like what he expected from watching Bakugou. Like he could float away if he didn't concentrate on something. But he was completely focused, unable to look away from Katsuki.
"I've been feeling like how you're feeling now. Almost all month. Like something was going to spill out of me then eat me whole. I'm fine with taking a break."
Bakugou couldn't stop the crying, but they were falling silently, apart from his rough breathing.
"Katsuki, do you forgive me?"
Bakugou scowled. "Don't ask me when you're doped up like that. Looking like that."
"It won't last through the night." This would all hit him like a semi-truck once the medicine wore off. Even with the parasite removed.
"Shut up. I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to serve some kind of penance. Shit." He leaned up against the wall. The umbra was probably going on a frenzy after the long month of Bakugou suppressing it.
Kirishima grabbed a chair from the corner, wheeling it to Bakugou.
"Sit down." He helped Bakugou to the chair, though he didn't really need it. He just wanted the chance to break the distance.
"Should I get Iida?"
"Ugh, no. I've seen enough of him all month."
"Did you start taking the pills after the fight?"
"Yeah, I felt like was going to punch a hole right through the ship. I needed to calm down. I didn't want my problems to affect everyone else." He looked and sounded exhausted, "That sure blew up in my face."
Kirishima brushed the hair out of Bakugou's face. "It was probably then, when we got infected. When we fought some of the water got in my glove. I didn't even think about, I wasn't all there."
"Ugh. Gross."
Kirishima laughed. "I'll tell Yaoyorozu about it later."
Bakugou scowled, debating to himself. Kirishima took the chance to wipe Bakugou's face with his shirt. That caused him to be gently pushed away.
"Don't be gross, too."
He still wanted to do something for him, so Kirishima scratched his scalp gently with his fingertips. The gesture seemed to help Bakugou relax, though he still hadn't stopped crying. Then in a voice barely above a whisper Bakugou asked, "Do you forgive me?"
Kirishima leaned down, and kissed him on the temple. "I did."
Bakugou covered his face with both arms, letting out another exasperated sound. Kirishima could see he was just shy, and reached over to ruffle his hair affectionately.
Bakugou tried to pull him into a real kiss then, but Kirishima stopped him.
"I really would rather wait until after this thing is out," he said gesturing to his abdomen. "Feels weird just thinking about it jumping out or something."
Bakugou stuck out his tongue in disgust. Kirishima laughed again at his expression.
"I think I'm getting better."
"It eventually passes. Until the next time."
"There won't be a next time. I'm making sure they yank this thing out of me now."
Bakugou got up, causing Kirishima to stumble back. He made sure to help him regain his balance before quickly wiping his face with his arm.
"We're going first."
"Midoriya and Kaminari are probably already prepped."
"I'm the captain, I'll decide."
Kirishima snorted. It'd been a while since Katsuki spoke so childishly around him.
Kirishima places an arm around Bakugou's shoulders. "We can wait."
Bakugou rolled his eyes, "Fine."
They walked out of the lab, pausing a moment to look the clear skies above the purple dunes. It occurred to them then that maybe this was home now.