Author: this crept into my head while I was swimming. It amused me, so I wrote it down. I don't know if it would ever actually happen, but, hey. What else are plot bunnies for?
Sakura was fed up with the two boys in front of her. If they weren't verbally bickering, they were physically fighting, and if they weren't doing either, the sulking and dagger glances were driving her insane.
'Why don't they just ADMIT it!'
When they weren't fighting in one of the above-mentioned ways, they were trying to out-do the other. Sakura had seen such rivalry before, in Kakashi and Gai.
Of course, in Kakashi and Gai's case, neither wanted to get down the other's pants. Kakashi had Iruka for that and Gai...well, Gai must have ways of relieving whatever sexual urges the man experienced.
Sakura, however, had a feeling that the reason Sasuke and Naruto competed so much was because they were constantly trying to figure out who was on top. Sakura vowed to put a stop to that. Today. Simply because she a) couldn't stand the bickering, b) wanted to be certain that she could get over Sasuke, and c) she wanted to know. She appreciated boy-on-boy action as much as most other females...even if it included the boy she had loved and the boy who made her want to strangle him.
She stood up abruptly, but only Kakashi noticed, since the other two members of their party were quite absorbed at the moment. Sakura waited until they both jumped to their feet in anger and then shoved Naruto towards Sasuke. Naruto windmilled his arms as a brief attempt at trying to regain his balance, but it ended up failing, and he fell onto Uchiha. A small tussle ensued, and when the dust settled, Naruto was pinning Sasuke to the ground.
"There."
The two boys looked at her, confused.
"We have now established Naruto is top."
All three males looked at her, shocked.
She walked back to her place at the fire, sat down, and began to eat her ration of food.