Chapter One
So one day, I decembered that I didn't like Edward anymore. His sparkling began to irritate my pink contact ball. I was developing blindness and blind people are smelly and forget where the toilet is. Sometimes, they even poop on the ground. And then they can't find the sink, so surely they get scabies and die. In essence, I didn't want to get a sexually trasmuted disease like scabies, so I dumped him.
However, something new has caught my eye. While eating my daily breakfast of rug fibers and chicken fat. Sentence fragment. I saw voldemort on the news and decided I would sacrifice Nessie to my neighbor for good luck. Besides, Voldemort wouldn't wanna come to my house if he knew nessie was near by anyway 'cause he might contract aids. Simply, by being in the vicinity of that stupid spawn of mine. And that's the end of that.
Sadly, the stupid bitch found her way horacme. I don't know why 'cause I don't really like her. She's kind of dumb... So I ate a muffin and sat down with the newspaper. It suprisingly had a whole in it, not the real kind of hole but that kind, and suddenly there was a face about an inchworm away from mine.
"You should pick your nose..." Says alice with too much exuberance. She must do crack for breakfast.
"You have bad breath," Says I. I with the snarky attitude, burped and then began to realize how attractive Alice is. She's probably a lesbib with fangs. I began getting horny so my nose blew a boob. Boob. Hehe. Boobies. Nipple. Breast. Two percent milk. Fat free. Tit wiggle~ Soy bean. In conclusion, pea pod. Thumper. Conclusion, Edward can suck my twilight dildo that sparkles!
...kimono.