A/N Hello, all.
My Naruto-loving fans, bear with me. Dead Poet's Society is a relatively new fandom of mine, and I wanted to write a fanfic for it. If you've seen this movie, great. If not, don't read this. There's spoilers. Plus, you won't get it at all. xD
Seriously, if you haven't, watch this movie.
Oh, and this is not yaoi/slash in the slightest. Guys can be friends.
Gaah, me and my angst-fics.
--
Todd Anderson stood on the grassy expanse in front of Welton Academy and lit a cigarette.
He didn't usually smoke. In fact, he had done his best to avoid it altogether. But once one starts, it's hard to stop, especially if one smokes emotionally. Todd was the definition of an emotional smoker.
Slightly gagging on the smoke that filled his lungs, Todd sighed and, giving up on the smoking, dropped the cigarette. He ground it into the grass with the toe of his shoe.
And so the powerful play goes on, he thought, almost mockingly.
It had been nearly eight years since he had stood on these grounds last. No, it had been only one, but it had been eight since he had stood here with Neil Perry.
Don't cry, you dummy, Todd reprimanded himself as that familiar lump crawled into his throat.
Eight years. What had happened since then? Not much, in honesty. Sucking the marrow out of life just did not hold as much meaning since the two most important people in Todd's life, Neil and Mr. Keating, had been snatched out of it.
Sucked out, one might say, Todd thought contemptuously.
He looked at the towering building that was Welton Academy and practically snarled. Wretched school, with its wretched teachers and wretched conformist ideas. Oh, it had changed, it had changed plenty. But there was no Mr. Keating, there was no Dead Poet's Society, and there was no Neil.
Dammit, quit going back to Neil!
Todd often questioned his own sanity at working there. What was the point of teaching at such a terrible establishment? To attempt to replace Keating? To fill the holes in his soul?
Or maybe it was for the boys. The impressionable young men, caught in a troubling time in their lives, who could be made or broken by the events that occurred inside the walls of Hellton. Or outside of them.
You would know, wouldn't you, Todd?
It was nice to have the tiniest bit of control over the lives of young boys like the one he had once been. To help them on their journeys, and maybe, just maybe, give them a bit of the gift that Mr. Keating had given to Todd.
Pass the torch. Just don't burn yourself.
Well, it was the beginning of another semester at good old Hellton. Time to put the noses to the grindstones. Todd began to walk toward the school.
"Hey, Todd! Todd Anderson! Is that really you?"
Todd stopped and looked over his shoulder to see none other than Charlie Dalton. Nwanda himself. Todd hadn't seen him in two years.
"Hello, Charlie," he said mildly.
"That's it? Charlie? What happened to Nwanda?"
"Nwanda died during the winter eight years ago," Todd snapped.
Charlie put up his hands. "Hey. Hey, relax, Todd. I'm sorry."
Todd rubbed his eyes and sighed. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just…"
Charlie nodded. "Yeah. I get it." He tilted his head at Todd. "You been crying?"
"No!"
"Okay. I'm just asking."
"How is everyone?" Todd asked, changing the subject.
"You haven't been keeping up with them?"
"You're the only one I've had contact with for about five years. What happened to everyone?"
Charlie smirked. "Well, Meeks, Pitts, and Cameron all did the doctor-lawyer-banker dance for their parents. They're settled and making good money, but I can tell you, there's no marrow there."
"Too bad."
"Yeah. And I'm still not speaking to him."
"Whom?"
"Cameron, of course. Finking little snot. I hope Meeks sues the shit out of him for malpractice."
"Cameron's a doctor?" Todd spat.
Charlie shrugged. "Sorry."
"At least he's not an actor." Todd waved his hand. "What about Knox?"
"Stopped mooning over Chris. Got hitched early to a rich girl and is living it up on some Caribbean island. Better than the others, I suppose."
"And you?"
Laughing harshly, Charlie said, "Well, I guess I could be doing better. I dropped out of Welton, as you recall. Left my house and parents."
"I remember that. I mean recently. I haven't spoken to you for a few years."
Charlie shrugged. "I'm still playing saxophone. Got a girlfriend, and I'm living with her now. Can't say I've been making all that much, but I'm doing what I want. I'm living the way I've wanted to. That's all that matters, eh?"
Todd looked back over at Welton. "I guess."
"Todd."
Todd turned to Charlie.
"Are you living the way you want to?"
"Yeah."
"You've always been a shitty liar."
"What do you want me to say? No, I hate teaching and I'm only back at this school because I can't get over Neil. Are you happy?" Todd growled.
"That's not true. But still. You're not living, Todd."
"What else is there for me to do?"
"Anything. Anything at all. You're not living, you're waiting to die."
"I'm fine. I'll be over it soon enough. I can't grieve for a decade." Todd started toward Welton again.
Charlie ran up behind him and caught him by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Todd," he said. "You know what Keating taught us."
"Yeah, yeah. Suck the marrow out of life. Live deliberately. Take the path less traveled."
"Remember what he told me?"
"Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone," Todd quoted dully.
"Right. That's what you're doing."
Todd pulled away. "Excuse me?"
"You're choking, Todd. You're choking."
Todd looked Charlie in the eyes. He was being sincere.
"You gotta stop choking, Todd. Spit it out. Spit out the bone."
Something snapped within Todd. The look on Charlie's face, his words, all reminded him so much of Neil.
His eyes welled up with tears. "Charlie, I didn't…I didn't even tell him…I didn't tell him what he meant to me."
Charlie grinned. "Is that all? Tell him now, Todd."
Shaking his head, Todd began, "No, you don't understa—"
"But I do understand, Todd." Charlie clapped Todd on the shoulder. "You were his best friend. You were closest to him. Tell him now, Todd. Spit out the bone."
And with that, Charlie turned around and left.
Todd resumed his walk toward Welton. Charlie's words echoed in his mind.
You're not living, Todd.
You're choking.
You gotta stop choking, Todd.
They were Charlie's words…but it was Neil's voice saying them.
Stop choking, Todd.
Spit it out.
Live, Todd. I didn't die so that you would too.
Live.
Stop choking.
Spit it out.
Todd entered Welton. He walked through the school, reached the office that had once been Keating's.
For the third year in a row, it would be his.
Stop choking.
Live.
He sat at Keating's desk (he could never think of it as his, Todd Anderson's). Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a worn old book.
Five Centuries of Verse, read the tattered cover.
He flipped through it, found pages with Neil's handwriting.
The tears fell.
Tell him now, Todd, Charlie's voice urged.
"Hey, Neil…"
This is stupid.
"Hey, Neil…I don't know…I don't know if you can hear me."
Of course he can't.
"But…hey, I forgot to tell you something."
Maybe he can.
"Neil…Neil…thank you. Thanks for teaching me to live. You contributed a verse to the powerful play. Short as it was, you contributed a verse."
I know he can.
"I'm going to start using what you taught me, Neil. I'm going to read your verse. I'm going to live. For real. I'll use your verse and write my own, cross out the mistakes, add new bits, make it longer…and sweeter…"
"And, Neil…"
I would never be able to tell him this if he was still here, but…
He's not.
"Neil…I love you."
Neil's voice, Neil's smiling face, appeared in Todd's head.
Yeah, Todd. I love you too.
--
Better late than never.