Short one shot I wrote while home sick with the flu. My own mum recently flipped out because she assumed I was gay (she assumed correctly, but still) and feeling angsty, I wrote about using Sirius Black-style angst. I should post more of these, because I have a bunch, but OH WELL.

Anyways, a little OOC, but still fun. Comments are love.

Warning-contains swears and implied slash (RL, SB) don't like don't read!!
I don't own any of the characters (but oh how I wish I did)...

He hadn't locked the door. Why the hell would he? No one else was home! Or so he thou… well… no one else was supposed to be home…

Which is why Sirius Black had been totally comfortable masturbating in his own bedroom with the door shut, but not locked.

Until, because yes, all good stories must have an until…

"Sirius, I know I'm back early, but your father and I--" his mother began opening the door to her son's room. Looking up, the woman trailed off. The image that met her eyes was her son, his pants by his knees as he kneeled on his bed, playing with himself. She blushed as much as any refined person is allowed to and cleared her throat a bit as she looked away. "Finish up-er- get cleaned up and met me down stairs in half an hour. We have some things to discuss."

"Er… mother?" Sirius called out, coming downstairs. This can't be good, he thought. Yes, he hated his parents, but they weren't COMPLETELY horrible. He could still live with them.

"Sirius. Have a seat." His mother half-smiled. Never a good sign.

Sirius sat, feeling as always like a stranger in his own house. "Listen Mum—"

"I understand," his mother cut him off, her voice strained. "But honestly, it seems a bit vulgar; you're soon to be engaged."

"Yes!" Sirius growled, "To some girl I've never met that you and Father decide on, because arranged marriages aren't vulgar."

"Sirius, we've discussed this! You're father and I have decided on three potential mates for you, all wonderful girls who come from good families, and if you'd just choose one--!"

"I DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE A BLOODY 'MATE' FROM SOME GIRLS YOU AND DAD LIKE!!" the boy shouted.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!! You and I both know that this is a tradition in this household. Your father wasn't my first choice, but I've grown to… well, you know…" the woman replied.

"No Mum, what have you grown to do? Love him? I doubt that." Sirius replied angrily.

"Sirius, this is not about your father and my relationship!" Sirius glared at his mother. "Please Sirius, I'm trying to reach out to you. If anything is…" She extended her arms out in what she hoped was a motherly way. "You can talk to me Sirius."

Sirius's eyes softened. His mother may not be his favorite person, but at least she was trying.

His voice was hardly a whisper, "Mother I'm…"

"Are you in love with someone else?" she asked. "I was in love before your father I got married too, so I understand, but—"

"No, well yes, but mum I'm…" his voice rose in power, he could do this! He really could!

"You're?"

"…gay…" he breathed.

A dark grimace passed across his mother's face. "A-All right. That's okay. We can deal with this." She smiled her best motherly smiled, which just made her look like a small dog was trying to chew off her foot, but she was trying her hardest not to insult the Queen or whatever, because you don't tell the Queen her dog is trying to knaw of your leg, you just don't.

"If you'd like, I can find you a nice pure blood husband." She tried. "And um… we'll find a way for you to have kids, but well… You're not the only heir our house has, so it'll be all right…"

Sirius was shaking, "Really?" his mother nodded. "Thank you mum…"

There was an awkward moment of silence. "So, um, do you fancy anyone?" his mother asked, a little unsure if this was all right to ask. "It's okay, we can talk about boys." She winked, which Sirius thought really didn't fit with her face at all.

"Um, well yeah? There's this one guy… and um, we're dating." He said as quickly as he could while stuttering.

"Oh! Do tell!" his mother said, in what he assumed was a flirty tone.

"Um… Well, you met my mates last summer, yeah?"

"Oh Merlin! Please say it isn't that fat boy!" she said, her voice filled with horror, her son couldn't help but laugh.

"NO, nonono. Not Pete."

"Then that Potter boy? Not my first choice, but he has a good enough family… so, if he makes you happy—"

"Ew, not James!" Sirius said, still laughing. "Remus."

His mothers face darkened again, and suddenly she was screaming. "Poof! You dirty faggot!!" and so on.

The front door opened, and suddenly Sirius life was going to Hell as his brother and father walked in. His mother quickly told his father that he was gay, and suddenly the screaming became louder. And louder, and LOUDER added by the second voice.

"I HATE YOU ALL!! GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE!!" Sirius shouted at his family. Then he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

And only a little part of him was crying. That little part that thought that just for a moment, he and his mother had almost seen each other eye to eye.