Disclaimer: I do not own Get Backers, as much as I wish that I did. ;;
A.N.: Second Get Backers fic for me. I enjoy writing in Ginji's POV! This idea came to me one day abruptly and it would stop clawing at me until I wrote it down/typed it. nn; It's fairly simple and short, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway.
Ban-chan was many things. First, he was an enemy, then an escape, a deal, a best friend, finally a lover. Being a Get Backer was like learning to breathe all over again. Even the sky was more beautiful, the air was clean and pure, and the people were seen as anything but raucous in my new hopeful eyes. Despite my friendships in Mugenjou, they were not Ban-chan. I could now be as selfish as I wanted and he would not reprehend me for it. Yes, he came off as rude, cynical and arrogant, but he was my other half, as well as my savior. After nearly a week out of the stifling, dark city, I told him that he indeed had saved me and he laughed. It was loud and timely... I felt as if he were ridiculing me.
"Mou, Ban-chan-" He had cut me off and I still remember his exact words.
"You saved yourself, Ginji. You had it in you all along," he says matter of factly as he lit another cigarette, taking a long drag. "If anything, you saved me. If I had anything to run away from, that is," he'd muttered, much more to himself than me so I didn't question the refute.
Because of the freedom, my new life, as well as forgiveness for my childish wonderment I fell for him completely.
Winter, therefore had always been the best season. Not because of the untouched white snow, that looked positively radiant compared to the dull grey slush in Mugenjou, but because I had an excuse to hold Ban against me. He never asked, but he was always cold, no matter the weather. During the ruthless winter, he couldn't ignore the cold. Wordlessly, we huddled together in the 360. My body, whether it was heated by the electricity coursing through me or not, was the only necessary warmth.
It was also a very cold night when I first kissed him. I wasn't quite sure what love was like, and I wasn't sure that I knew how to go about it. I just knew that I didn't want to live without Ban-chan, and that my heart ached with an unfamiliar longing around him.
Usually at night, I had a difficult time sleeping, so I would close my eyes and find myself subconsciously recoiling back into that place where I didn't want to be. Thousands of graves paved before my momentarily blind eyes. Someone saying my name softly... My other name...
Raitei...
I would open them instantly and find my savior, my comfort and I would smile thankfully. Instinctively, I pulled him closer to my own body as if the closer he was to me, the more calm I would become. Somehow... Within this period of fear and reassurance, his lips began to look more and more inviting as he slept. I mentally scolded myself, saying that Ban-chan wouldn't agree in the slightest. That he obviously wouldn't feel the same way, but all of the unconvincing words in the world couldn't stop my body from moving on its own. I found myself gingerly leaning forward to plant a small, innocent kiss on his lips... And then another... Then another... Another.
"What are you doing?" That was the next thing I heard through the thick fog of sleepiness in his voice. I must've looked completely shocked and horrified for my actions because he was trying to mask a small smile of amusement. "What are you doing, Ginji?" He repeats the question as I search desperately for a decent answer.
"I- I don't know, Ban-chan, I... That was dumb of me, but..."
"But?"
"But I'm afraid to lose you..." I had admitted to him and myself.
He smiled, though it wasn't out of pity or sympathy. In his striking blue eyes, all I could see was complete understanding
"Idiot. What makes you think I'm going anywhere?"
Then he kissed me and the world stopped for just a moment for both of us. His body was no longer cold...
While he never verbally told me that he loved me, I was fine with it. I'd never heard those words from anyone in my entire life. To me, those words were feelings, actions, wants, and needs. Never simple words, because they could not capture the closeness that we shared. I knew Ban-chan agreed.
When we did make love, whether we were confined in the small space of the car, or had the amount of space necessary, there was always a surprising gentleness in him. It was a gentleness I knew he'd possessed, but only saw him demonstrate on very few occasions. He'd asked me if that specific kind of relationship was what I'd wanted and it was my turn to laugh. I laughed because I don't think I had ever wanted anything more in my life.
Again, I longed to be closer to him, fascinated by everything he was. I would press my body, closely knit, to his own as if we really could be one being if only for a little while.
I never knew bodies reacted in such a way. After countless battles, I thought I knew everything... My own body was scar less but that was only because I was able to heal those wounds. His body held small imperfections... I pressed my lips to each one, knowing that they were all a part of him.
I realized in these precious moments that even when we had little space, even though I'd have so much to learn, and so much to regret that my life, this flicker of time, was amazing. Each day was an adventure, and each night was never lonely. There was nothing more that I could ever ask for.
Ratei...
My eyelids flicker open... They meet the bright sun and the vast city that makes my heart skip for a moment. "Mugenjou...?" I say aloud, confusion plaguing my features.
"He's awake!" A high voice shouts and it echoes it my mind, resounding in my head. Water is rushed to me and I stare at it for a few moments.
"Ratei, you've been asleep for days!" One of the children say to me, her face beaming with familiar adoration.
The sentence blows over me as I drink the water. I realize that my throat feels as if it's coated with sand paper... "Please, don't call me that. My name in Amano Ginji," I say, smiling. It's just then that the words strike me. "For days? What are you talking about?" I don't wait for an explanation before I shoot up despite the children's protests.
"Are you telling me that you've never heard of Midou Ban? Kazuki, everyone knows him! He's the Jagan Master!" I sound irrational as I try to reason with Ito no Kazuki, one of my trusted friends and Four Kings.
"I'm sorry, Ginji-san... I don't know who you're talking about... You were out for quite a time. Are you sure you didn't-"
"I'm not crazy!" I shout before electricity flickers across my body out of emotion. That time... It's all permanentally branded into my mind... But Kazuki doesn't know this. He further explains calmly, sympathy in his voice, that it all could've happened as a psychological interpretation of what I really wanted. I couldn't have simply made this all up in my strange slumber it was all too real. That fleeting time exists perfectly intact, so unlike a dream...
"You saved yourself, Ginji. You had it in you all along..."
Ban-chan's words stay with me. "I have to go," I tell him simply, the ache in my heart refusing to leave me. Even if it was a dream...
"You have to go...?" He asks, confused by my statement.
I smile sadly and touch my cheek, and an unfamiliar wetness is felt... I haven't cried in so long.
"Mmm, I have to leave Mugenjou. Amano Ginji doesn't belong here, and I cannot be Raitei anymore."
"G-Ginji-san... If you're thinking of looking for this person! I- It's bizzare!" He says, shocked at my decision. He knows he can't stop me, instead he watches me with worried, regretful eyes. "What are we supposed to do?" There is sadness in his voice and for a moment I feel his helplessness. I feel all of their helplessness. Guilt settles in, but it can't defeat me anymore. I must live for myself.
"I trust you and the others, and I know you'll do the right thing." No more words are exchanged as I walk away from him. I know Ban is out there waiting for me, and if I have to spend the rest of my life looking, it would be better than living in such a confined, desolate place. Even if I can never find him, I will live the way that he felt was best for me.