Wedding

Itachilova101

A/N: Total randomness! Crack pairings... Stupidness... Need I say more?

Sakura sat in a gazebo with her two bride's maids and her "maid-of-horror". They were busily preparing for her big day.

In only a few minutes, she would be walking down the aisle to marry the love of her life, Deidara.

Even though this was such an exciting day for her, she sat rigid in her seat as Ino finished a few last-minute touches to her hair and make-up.

Hinata handed her a bouquet of Sakuras, her favorite flower.

Tenten was busy fidgetting in her dress. "Have I mentioned that I don't very much like wearing dresses?"

"Yea, you have." answered Ino, sounding annoyed. "Ten times..."

Tsunade, the wedding coordinator that invited herself to the wedding, came running to the gazebo and said, "the priest is a no-show. We're getting Hidan to fill in for him."

"Hidan?" whined Tenten. "He'll screw everything up!"

"Too bad!" Tsunade snapped. "Hidan's the only person her that actually gives a shit about religion!" So true…

Then she took off again. She came back thirty seconds later, panting like mad. "Oh, yea. I forgot to tell you. They're ready for you."

Then, she took off once again.

"D-Do you think I'm ready for this?" asked Sakura, biting her lower lip.

"No, now get your ass out onto that alter!" commanded Tenten.

She reluctantly stood and they all got into line. Hinata and Ino were in front. Sakura and Tenten were behind them.

For some unapparent reason, Tsunade had reappeared and stood in front, her back facing the line of ladies.

As the music started, they all started walking down the aisle.

Murmurs were heard about why Tsunade was walking down the aisle with them. Finally, Jaraiya asked, "Tsunade, what are you doing?"

"Huh? What?" asked Tsunade, looking around. She was obviously drunk. "Oh, right! I'm not a bride's maid…" With that, she took a seat in one of the front pews.

They started to walk again and Sakura met Deidara at the alter.

Hidan, wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a tuxedo on the front, was flipping through pages in the Book of Jashin. He looked up, eyed the soon-to-be newlyweds, then returned to flipping.

After about one more minute of flipping, he set the book down and cleared his throat. "There seems to be a little problem. You see, Jashin doesn't do wedding ceremonies because the people are usually dead or maimed or whatever and are too scared to ask us to do their wedding. So... It looks like I'll have to do this by scratch..."

Silence throughout the room. Sreiously, crickets could be heard chirping.

"Okay. Let's begin this thing. Ladies and... Odd lifeforms that like to screw the ladies, we are gathered here to bind this couple in holy matrimony." A smirk creased his face. "That sounds almost like holy maceroni..."

"Will you hurry the fuck up so I can get the hell outta this dress!" yelled Tenten.

"These two met a while back and fell for eachother... Aw, Deidara's in love!"

Both Deidara and Sakura gave Hidan the deadliest of all death glares.

"Fine... Do you, Deidara, take this underaged and totally illegal girl to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Did you not just here me say, 'Underaged and totally illegal'? Whatever, it's your funeral... Do you, Chick-dude, take this very feminine, somewhat artistic man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Okay, I pretty much spelt out that she is gay. Do you like gay guys? I didn't think- OW!"

Hidan held the knee that Deidara had kicked rather hard.

"So, if any of you dig this couple, shut the hell up. If you don't like this couple... Shut the hell up. I don't need to hear your problems... This ain't no soap opera."

Silence ensued...

"Really?" asked Tsunade. "Nobody's gonna say anything? You're going to make me say it? Okay then..." She drew in a deep breath and yelled, "GENITAL WARTS!!!"

"Cough Cough"

Deidara was slowly inching away from Sakura.

"Run, Deidara! Save yourself!"

Deidara bolted out of the place they were in.

Sasori asked, "does she really have genital warts?"

Tsunade whispered, "I have no idea. I just wanted to see this wedding go to shit."

Sasori smirked.

Itachi stood and took Deidara's spot on the alter. "Let's do this shit."

And they got married.

While everybody was waiting for Itachi and Sakura to stop sucking face, Kisame looked to Sasori who looked to Tsunade who looked to Zetsu who looked to Tobi who looked to Kakuzu who looked to Leader who looked to Tenten who looked to Hidan who looked to Itachi who looked to Sakura. They all nodded.

"TOTAL MASSACRE!!!" yelled all of the afore mentioned people as they began to attack the audience.

A/N: Please review! Hope ya liked!