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Memories

I entered the room after saying goodnight to the unblinking zombie Charlie was due to the game; my hair was still wet for the quick warm shower I've had and my cheeks were flushed for the anticipation of finding my sweet Greek gorgeous god waiting for me.

My eyes automatically searched for his imperial topaz ones in the usual corner and my heart gave a leap the moment I found him, still, pale, perfect, looking back at me with a sincere smile gracing his features and eyes so focused that made me forgot how to breathe. He gracefully stood up and came closer to me, never lowering his gaze, always looking straight into my eyes

"Ready to sleep my love?" he said as he took one of my hands and lifted it up slowly as he lowered his head, I sighed when his cold lips pressed light as a feather against the warm skin of my hand and I could feel his crooked smile the moment he noticed the change in my breath pace, he raised his head slowly, like in an old romance movie and looked me with so much love that my chest filled up with warmth "Breathe Bella" he said serenely and somehow pleased, I realized that I was holding my breath and my head was already beginning to spin because of to the lack of air, I begun breathing again as he kissed me in the top of my head sending calming waves all over my body

"I still don't want to sleep" I said and he looked at me apprehensively

"You have to sleep" he said in a fatherly tone that made me think it was a shame that'll he never get to be a father

"I'm just not sleepy yet" and I looked at him under my eyelashes expecting to don't look ridiculous

"Bella…"

"Oh, come on" he opened his lips to recite an obviously eloquent answer, as he always did, so I acted quickly "please?" I said in the sweetest voice I could manage and he rolled his eyes, I so had win this

"So, what do you want to do?" I looked at him suddenly remembering a thought that had crossed my mind earlier; I don't know the look I had on my face but it certainly draw his attention and awakened his curiosity making his gaze more focused and therefore making the blood pool embarrassingly in my face "what do you want to do?" he asked again, curiosity and a little hint of concern in his sweet melodious voice, I knew why he was curious… I also knew why he was concerned

"NO!" I shrieked trying to make the situation clear, after all the insinuations and insistence in a more intimate contact my words must've sound as… something else "not that, I mean it's not that I don't want to, I do want to but I know you don't… well I know you want to but not yet… not that's just about this moment right now" he chuckled at my verbal diarrhea and gave me sweet loving and frustratingly short kiss on the lips.

"What do you want to do?" he asked again, his concern replaced with a playful and content tone

"I was thinking, well… I wanted to just ask you things…" he eyed me suspiciously

"Thought we were past the questions by now"

"well, they're a different kind of questions" I looked at him, by the expression on his face I could tell he was really confused, and probably frustrated for not being able to read my thoughts "I want to know you better that's all" he then nodded, almost reluctantly

"There's not really a lot that you don't know" he still said in a serious tone

"I know what you are… but really little of who you are" he pursed his lips, looking dubious about my proposal

"Please?" I said again knowing he was almost incapable of denying me anything, unless it put my health and wellbeing at stake.

"ok then, but I may suggest you to take a seat?, you must be getting tired of being in your feet all this time" I hadn't realized it, my body was shifting its weight constantly due to the tiredness of the long day, I nodded and he lifted me up effortlessly, it was wonderful to be in his strong arms and I appreciated so much that he didn't get bored of carrying me and cradling me in my sleep, because somehow I know that I'll never get tired of that.

He laid me carefully on the bed and covered me with the quilt before laying next to me

"So… ask" he said in a gentle tone while brushing away some bangs from my face, his contact was so tender that made my mind dizzy

"Well" I said in a weak voice trying to concentrate in my questions "have you ever had any other girlfriend?" he looked at fist surprised and then smiled

"You know the answer to that one" and kissed me lightly on the lips

"I know that as a vampire you haven't had any other than me… I mean when you were human"

"Bella you know we really don't remember much of our human lives, besides I've already told you I wanted to be a soldier, hence I don't think I had a relationship with anyone"

"but that's not for certain, don't you remember anything at all?" he pursed his lips and a little pucker appeared between his eyebrows, his eyes seemed focused so far away, trying to remember, trying to recall anything that may satisfy my curiosity

"I'm sorry but I don't remember anything"

"Oh, come on Edward; try… a little harder, please?" he focused even more for about ten minutes before breaking the silence

" I'm not certain" he said really low "I think I may have had someone" my heart gave a leap, a strange sensation rising in me, curiosity was part of it, but also an unknown one had its way in me

"How was she?" I felt the sudden need to know everything about her, everything about the woman that had captured the perfect brave human heart of my angel

"I'm really not sure Bella, really everything it's so dim that it may not even be true… It could be the reminiscence of a mind I've read in the past, I'm not sure that these faint memories I recall are of my human life"

"But still, they could be… how was she?" he focused again and closed his eyes, as to retrieve as much information as he could get

"She was gentle and caring, with a really soft voice and a lovely smile…a lady indeed. She was a dear friend of mine and I think…" he opened his eyes wide and his breath stopped at all

"I think" I repeated trying to get the answer from him

"Nothing love… any other question?" he was hiding something from me

"Edward…" he sighed, and I could see the conflict in his eyes

"I think I was to marry her, before I got sick" a lump formed in my throat and I recognized the unknown emotion, jealousy. Like a venom that spread through my body, a completely unjustified sensation of helplessness and envy, I didn't like feeling this at all, I knew he loved me, it's not like I'm the only person he's ever loved, he's a century old or so after all. He saw my discomfort and begun caressing my face "it's not likely to be real, perhaps as I said before, it's a memory of another person that simply satisfies your question"

Always perfect Edward, constantly loving caring selfless Edward, soothing me, being considerate and overlooking my obvious human flaws and insecurities.

"What did she look like?" I said pained, I couldn't be mad, not at him, it was me who had asked, it will be really unfair if I got mad at him for giving me what I wanted

"Bella, love… it's not important" he could feel my uneasiness and I deeply appreciated him for trying to make me overlook something so important for him. I'd been sincere, I did want to know him, and that was what I was doing.

"Please Edward, I really want to know everything about you" He closed his eyes again, like trying to replay a long forgotten movie

"I think… she was not really tall, maybe your height, she had curly short red hair and maybe… honey brown eyes, maybe… I really don't know, what I can almost be sure of it's that she had freckles" my heart stopped and my mouth dried when I saw him smile at the memory, he opened his eyes his smile vanishing slowly being replaced slowly by a sad expression "She got married… after leaving Carlisle for the first time I returned to check on her, she was married with a person I knew, maybe a friend of mine, that I can't really tell and she… she even had kids. Two girls with freckles and curly brown hair, and she was so happy. I felt envy, I should have been the one marrying her, I should have been the one giving her happiness, I should have been the parent of not brown haired girls but bronze hair and maybe green eyed girls with freckles. But I wasn't… and I'll never be"

I looked at him muted y the uncommon and sincere outburst I've just witnessed and somehow caused, there was a reason for which vampires couldn't remember their lives. My previous feelings of jealousy forgotten and replaced by guilt, not only I've bring up painful memories for him but I also realized the most strikingly painful truth of all.

I would never make him fully happy

He was not going to have children, not going to have a daughter to teach manners and piano, to give her every type of presents –as he constantly try to do with me- a daughter to love and be unreasonably overprotective with. He was not going to have a boy either, a perfect green eyed boy exactly like him, with all his gentleman protocol and incredible charms, not a boy to teach him about how to talk to girls or even to teach baseball to.

That was lost for him, forever, and he cares therefore I care.

I've never seemed myself as a mother, I can't picture it, and even trying makes me shudder. But Edward? I could see him with babies, humming beautiful lullabies to them, teaching them, loving them.

He should have married her, even if that meant not knowing him at all, not being able to love him like I do, because that way he'd have anything he wanted and that couldn't have because of a decision of his mother, not his.

"I'm sorry" I told him honestly "I didn't mean to pry or to make you remember sad things" I summarized my mind and he kissed me lightly but unlike other time this kiss wasn't short, it was long, careful and thoughtful. When we finally broke the kiss I thought my heart was going to explode. But when I saw his smile, I thought my heart was simply going to stop.

He looked so happy, so honestly and uncaringly joyful.

"You're not mad at me?" I said surprised and he chuckled

"How could I be? You're my redemption, when I saw her I thought I'll never have the chance of being happy again, the opportunity of loving someone so much that I'll gladly live my life up for her. Never thought I deserved to feel pleased with my life again. Then you came, after almost a century I found you… well" he chuckled again and the sincere sound of it made me smile without planning to "you found me… and everything was right again, I begun to see in colors again, I was able to breathe not only out of boredom but because the world was interesting again thanks to you I could not only exist, but live!" And he kissed me again with more much passion than the last time making the little butterflies in my belly go wild, he broke the kiss when accurately felt I was not breathing anymore, I took a deep intake of air trying to cool my racing mind, he then looked at me more serious than before "I don't want to take that from you, and I'm extremely selfish for even thinking about the possibility of taking that experience from you Bella"

I looked at him confused

"You're not taking anything from me Edward" he smiled his crooked smile but it didn't touch his eyes "Edward, you're not taking anything from me…" I leaned in and kissed him lightly as comforting as I could to brush off the silly thoughts from his mind "you've given me everything I've ever dreamed of, and even more… it's like I'm the toad that the prince kissed in a vampire fairytale" he chuckled in disbelief and amusement

"You're the blindest princess ever"

"And you're the most annoyingly self chastising prince" We both laughed and he kissed me again briefly "you're not taking anything from me for now, but if you don't turn me you'll take everything from me" he pursed his lips and turned his whole body to look at the ceiling

"It's time for you to sleep love, it's already too late" I yawned lamely vanishing all excuse of me not being tired, he grinned smugly and I pouted

"Promise we'll do this again" I said to him trying to sound demanding, he came really close to me and my tough façade slipped from me, feeling his sweet breath on my face made my brain lazy, it was like he was hypnotizing me

"We'll have to see my love, we'll have to see…"

Well, a little idea I've been working on, Edward's human life...

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Se ya'