She laid in the bed and watched him walk into the room holding a bottle of bourbon.
Elena just felt so sad. She wasn't quite sure whether it was because Damon looked lonely drinking
alone or whether it was because she felt alone.
Damon slowly poured his drink into the plastic cup.
I'm hurting them, she though to herself. Everything I do will hurt them in the end. Whether I pick Stefan or Damon, one of them will hurt. Elena could not leave this situation without some scars in the end. They were in too deep.
With that epiphany that there was no way coming out of this without it becoming a tragedy came the realization that she would hurt too. She couldn't imagine a life without either of them.
But which one can you survive without?
Six months ago, she knew the answer.
But a lot happened in those short six months.
She still loved Stefan. As Klaus even said, a love like that never dies. She won't ever forgot how alive he made her feel again. Elena was so just so broken, after her parents died. She didn't show it but everything made her said. Music. Parties. Books. Even writing became a little less enjoyable. Her mother bought her that journal a month before the accident.
Elena, her mom said with a fake scowl, you better go somewhere with this writing thing because spending thirty dollars on a journal every month is getting annoying costly.
Especially when I could be taking your mother out with that money, her father said wrapping his arms around her mothers waist who giggled and kissed him lightly. Elena remembered that in that moment, she wished that someone could one day love her like her parents loved each other or an even greater love.
Unfortunately, the world decided to give her the latter by giving her two brothers who fell in love with her.
Elena continued to watch Damon. He gently pushed the curtain aside, looking at the window.
Elena felt her heart sink. Damon was just so caring. He looked out for everyone whether he would admit it or not. He cared. True, he only cared about the people he loved, but that was more than he portrayed himself. But when did he start loving her?
She knew she wasn't the most lovable person. The brunette was stubborn and sometimes selfish when it came down to her best interests. She did what she could for the people she loved.
Like Damon.
She continued to stare at him.
Elena remembered all the way back when things first started. When they were uncomplicated for the most part. She remembered when they were in the parking lot and she slapped him for trying to kiss her. At first, Damon had acted out on the fact that she looked like Katherine and that he wanted something that Stefan wanted. She angrily hit his cheek because she didn't want to be used like that. She was not about to come in between the two brothers and create more tension. No, Damon is an ass, she reasoned with herself.
And then they became friends. But even that was rough. She used him. He used her. It was definitely not the healthy kind of friendship. And then one time she went missing and she knew for a fact that when Stefan asked Damon where she was, he replied that she could be dead for all he cared.
So much has changed since then.
He's been there. He's had so many good moments that he just won't acknowledge. Why can't he admit that he's a good guy?
Damon is a good person. He loves unconditionally, even if it's irrational. He let Rose have a day in paradise. He searched for his brother even though he wasn't obligated. Damon even went beyond herself, Elena thought as she remembered finding his closet. And he would always choose her. She was aware that if it came down to anything, he would choose her.
But did she love him back?
Undoubtedly. There was a certain passion that he brought out in her. Elena was good for him and he was good for her. If they were together, it would be a passionate, beautiful relationship. There would be bumps in the road, but they would get over it. A few bumps doesn't make it a bad ride.
His love was red - passionate, unconditional, unwavering and irrevocable.
Damon took a sip of his bourbon. She was so sad. She wanted to talk to him. To explain that she loves him too.
But what about Stefan?
She loved him. She still loves him. From his tousled hair to his love for sweat shirts to his undying love and loyalty to her. She loved him. Simple.
But things had gotten so complicated.
If Damon's love for her was red, Stefan's was white - pure, beautiful and unyielding.
Stefan being a ripper did nothing to change his love her; it was only pushed down in his heart to make it hurt less. Elena like a balloon and he was like him pushing down on it- soon enough, the balloon would resurface again for him to have to face. He couldn't just let it go, especially with Damon waiting in the wings to catch it.
They had a beautiful relationship. She would admit that part of the reason she was able to open herself to loving him was because he would never die. Elena was just so afraid to allow herself to feel, to love, because everyone always seemed to leave her. And if Stefan loved her, he would never leave. He could never die.
But then he did leave. And it hurt. So much. She could barely take it. For a week, she cried herself to sleep. She refused to eat. She didn't leave her room. She refused to talk. Eventually, she was pulled out of her catatonic state. By no one other than Damon.
Stefan and her had shared a love that only came around once in a life-time. Elena just wasn't sure if that love was only meant to be experienced once.
Elena stared at Damon. She loved Damon. And she knew that with whatever choice she would inevitably make, a part of her heart would break. She knew she had to make a choice. She would not be like Katherine and string them along for her own pleasure.
Elena wanted to cry.
. . .
Damon looked at his drink and swirled it around. He was glad he brought his own liquor because whatever crappy stuff they sold in this dinky motel would not be able to get him through spending a room with the Gilberts.
He felt alone. He knew that Elena was his brother's. She told him. He told him. He got it.
But sometimes it was just so easy to pretend that she cared. That she could actually hold feelings for him.
The problem with Damon was that he loved too much. He invested his feelings into the things he cares about and he always gets hurt. That's why he doesn't show his emotions. Oh, he feels alright, he just doesn't show it.
Maybe that's the problem, he thought bitterly. I put up a I-don't-care-about-shit front to everybody so of course no one would invest their time in me. I'm a lost cause. Inferior to my own brother. Yet I care. I care so much but no one knows me well enough to see that I care. That I love. That I feel.
Except for Elena.
Elena knows him. And that's why he's scared. Because she got through to really see him, she had the ability to break him. To hurt him. And he was terrified. He hated not being in control.
He looked at the beautiful brunette laying in the bed. She met his unfaltering gaze and looked back down. He saw the sadness in her eyes. She was drowning in it.
Elena looked back down, hiding her pain. What was she thinking about?
When she looked back up, her warm brown eyes were darker. She was letting him in. Walls down. Elena Gilbert with no filters. She was tired and not hiding what she was feeling for once. Damon knew this opportunity wouldn't come up again for a while.
Damon got up and slowing walked over to the bed. He sat down and gently laid down next to her.
Stefan is an idiot for not fighting harder for her, he thought. She was so beautiful. Honest. Caring. Loving. She was the whole package.
He loved her.
. . .
Elena wasn't sure what she wanted him to do.
She felt alone. Dejected. Sad. After her eyes left Damon, she realized that she didn't want to be any of those things. She wanted to be happy, simple Elena. Who trusted everyone. Who didn't need walls. Who didn't hide her feelings. She looked back up without her defenses.
She wanted to let someone in.
When he laid down next to her, something in her heart broke. There was something so…normal about him laying with her. She was happy. Content. She didn't mind it. Yet, it was so wrong. Even if she and Stefan weren't together at the moment, she still loved him.
But she loved Damon too.
She loved Damon and all of him. Not just the good parts. But the bad parts too. People only saw him for his bad deeds. Yes, he turned Bonnie's mother into a vampire. Yes, he killed Mason Lockwood. He also killed a lot of innocent people. But, he also felt remorse, guilt. He tried too drink it all away. And he loved his brother no matter what. All of Damon's actions could be narrowed down to one reason though - love.
But why couldn't he let the good parts of him outshine the bad?
"You never told me about that," Elena said, thinking about earlier in the motel room. "What you did for Rose." She never knew that he gave her that day of peace. That he helped her overcome her fear of death.
He sighed and looked away, turning his glacier-blue eyes to the ceiling. "It wasn't about you."
Elena gave a small smile. He did so many good things. Maybe if she just knew…would it sway her choice? But would him bragging also change her choice? Bragging. Damon bragged. Just about the wrong stuff.
"Why don't you let people see the good in you?"
Damon felt his chest sinking. He knew he wasn't the good guy. It didn't mean he was the bad guy.
"Because when people see good, they expect good," he whispered. Saint Stefan does good. He makes it a daily habit. And in return, they always expect good deeds from him. But Damon? Damon does good because sometimes an opportunity passes by him and sometimes he chooses to acknowledge it and do something. But not because it's the right thing. Because it feels like the right thing. Because he wants to. "And I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations."
Elena knew he was speaking of her. Every time he would be doing something right, something came along and pushed Damon to the edge. Something always happened.
If there was nothing to push him, would the choice be more obvious?
She suddenly felt too hot under his gaze and looked up. She shouldn't be making this choice here, in bed with one of the brothers. It felt too wrong.
Damon felt for her hand and slowly intertwined their fingers.
Elena felt confused. It was so natural. Everything just felt so natural. But it felt that way with Stefan the first time. Being with Stefan had been as easy as breathing. But then everything just went so wrong. Would she give him a second chance to find out nothing changed or would she find herself heart-broken in a difficult relationship.
Damon was natural right now. He made her laugh. Granted, he made her cry too. But that was because she cared about him. If she was with him, he would either make or break her. They would either be something beautiful or something that resembled a hurricane joining forces with a tornado.
She needed air.
Elena left the over-heated bed, grabbing her cardigan.
She couldn't do it.
She couldn't make the decision that would only lead to heart break. She couldn't destroy herself over the Salvatore brothers. But she couldn't be Katherine. She couldn't string them both along.
Elena suddenly felt really cold.
"Don't."
"Why not?"
Not right now. She could not do this right now.
"Elena."
That one word. Her name. It held so much emotion. Emotion for her.
Elena felt herself spinning around. She hurriedly rushed to Damon and his arms wrapped around her.
And they shared a kiss with a passion of the sun.
Elena couldn't get enough of Damon's soft but passionate lips. She felt herself forgetting Stefan. There was no comparison. It was like comparing the beautiful colors of the fall and the lovely air of the spring. Both made the year worth living.
Damon responded to her heated kisses, feverishly. She finally let him in.
And the only thing harder than getting in, is staying in,
Holding Elena felt like he was holding a porcelain doll. Fragile. Delicate. Easily to slip out of his grasp.
But now that he had her, he wasn't letting her go.
He was going to fight for her. All to the bitter end.
. . .
A/N : Okay, I always loved Jeremy but at that moment, I was wishing he was killed off the show. Damn. Just damn.
Please review! Thanks for reading =)