Our Farewell

-

Never thought
This day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not by my side
But there's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

-

"HAVERS!!"

…It's ironic. Because that was the exact moment that I realised that I loved her. When I saw her fall, pulled her jacket away and saw the blood, looked down upon her dear, sweet face, her eyes closed, breathing shallow… My mind was frantic. I knew at that moment that I loved her. I couldn't let her go. I couldn't lose her.

"Barbara… Barbara…"

Helen called me at the hospital that night. It was 11:30. She wanted to know where I was. Funny, but I hadn't even thought of her. I'd been too caught up in watching over my DS. She told me to come home and get some rest. She didn't understand. She couldn't. I needed to stay with the woman I loved. …With Barbara Havers.

4:08 am. I awoke to see a tired looking nurse checking the machines hooked up to Havers' body. She looked up at me and smiled sympathetically- asked if I wanted a drink. I said that I was fine. I wasn't.

4:15 am. The nurse left, shutting the door behind her. Havers seemed to shift slightly at the noise, but didn't awaken. I didn't expect her to. Soon after, I fell back to sleep.

5:45 am. The alarm on my cell phone went off. …Goddammit.

8:02 am. The nurse returned to check Havers. She smelled strongly of coffee. Havers was unaware of this.

11:42 am. Helen arrived. I sent her away politely. She left in a strop.

12:22 pm. The nurse attempted to coax me into some lunch. I didn't feel like eating. The look of the cafeteria food didn't help the cause.

2:49 pm. I lost my mind hereabouts- started talking to Havers even though I knew she couldn't hear me.

3:12 pm. The nurse returned. She offered food. I declined. She offered coffee. I gratefully expected.

3:13 pm. My return to insanity.

"Barbara… Barbara…"

4:59 pm. Havers moaned quietly. I held my breath. She did not awaken.

7:24 p- Havers!!

8:42 pm. Havers is awake. When the nurse left we spoke for a while. I tried not to let on how worried I had been. It didn't matter. I think she knew.

9:15 pm. Havers is watching me tiredly. I told her to rest. She didn't listen. As usual.

9:36 pm. I'm worried about Havers. She keeps drifting in and out of consciousness.

9:42 pm. Maybe there's something the nurse can prescribe.

9:43 pm. I wonder if she's in pain?

9:45 pm. Havers is awake again.

10:28 pm. Go to sleep, Havers. Are you going to leave? No. I'll still be here in the morning. Do you promise? I promise. Sleep now. Okay.

10:43 pm. Somehow I have ended up in bed with Havers.

10:44 pm. She seems intent on hugging me to death.

10:46 pm. I suppose it is rather better than being shot.

10:47 pm. I will indulge her.

10:53 pm. "I l've you, T'mmy…"

10:54 pm. …

10:56 pm. Goodnight, Barbara.

10:59 pm. I love you too.

-

So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this not our farewell.
This is not our farewell.