Red. It's the only color I ever seen when I close my eyes anymore. Screaming. It's the only thing I hear when I stop listening. Death. It's the only thing I smell anymore. Cold. It's the only thing I feel . If I had only been faster, stronger; he might not be dead. Only a few days have passed since I left my home, left everything I've always known behind. That day was supposed to be the best day of my life. The day I married my Prince Charming and fell in love. Being an elf has never been easy. My people have always been oppressed through the ages. Humans fear what they do not understand and my race is one of many things they do not understand. I was born into an Alienage in Deneirm to my mother and father. My mother was an amazing woman. Raised by Dalish Elves and taught the ways of our ancestors. Wanting more in her life my mother had left the safety of her clan in search of adventure and love and knowledge. Her dream for a life of sleeping underneath the stars and being free never happened though. My mother always told me though, she didn't regret not following what her youthful dream had been. She was happy when she met my father and fell in love with him. They were meant for each other like the sun was meant for the moon. Without each other their world would fall apart. When my mother had came to Denerim on her way to Highever she met my father, a simple merchant trying to get by. A blade he had been selling had caught her eye so she walked to his stand. As she reached down for her coin purse a man ran past her, bumping into her. She knew the trick. Distract the target with what seemed like an honest mistake, but in reality you stole the unsuspecting fool's money. Father said he had been amazed by my mother. The way she reacted so quickly. Flowing in front of the thief and smashing her palm against his nose. Blood sprayed up in the hair and my father had just stared with wide eyes, amazed by the stranger who had so skillfully protected herself. Even after the man had tried to steal from her my mother, with her kind heart, helped the man up to his feet and offered him three silvers, saying: "You could have just asked nicely," patting the man on the shoulder she had sent him on his way, his hand covering his bloody nose. Knowing right then and there he needed to know her my father had quickly asked my mother if she wanted a drink in the Alienage tavern. You see, elves weren't aloud in the human taverns. My mother knew then, that if the thief hadn't tried to rob her she would've never found her true love. It wasn't long before my parents had married and had me, little baby Letia Tabris.
My father always liked to joke that I was born with a dagger in one hand and an arrow in the other. At a young age my mother had noticed my natural ability for being a rogue. She even caught me once, stealing a muffin from a humans pocket. Instead of scolding me for stealing my mother had taken me back home and explained to me where she had come from. How she had been taught in the way of the rogue. My mother nurtured and sculpted my talents, turning me into a rogue just like herself. My training was abruptly cut short though. One of the Lords of Denerim had decided that he had a right to the woman in the Alienage. Being the woman she was my dear mother stood up for the other woman. I heard yelling outside and I know my mother had told me to stay inside and not to open the door, but I had to know what was going on. I opened the door just a little and peeked out, seeing my mother with blades in hand, fighting the Lord's men. I watched as my mother fell to her knees, a blade in her chest. The Lord and his men just laughed and laughed then they left. They didn't care what they had done. They didn't care that they had taken my mother away. I ran out of our small home, tears streaming down my cheeks as I cried for my mother to stay with me. I held her hand as my tears dripped onto her bloodied clothes.
"M-Mother..please don't go. I need you," I had begged her and you know what she said?
"It smells like our cookies are burning," she made a joke. My dying mother had made a joke about cookies.
I laughed and muttered "don't worry Mother. We can go back inside and make another batch," I whimpered to her. I knew I was going to lose my mother but I didn't want to know. I wanted to believe everything would be alright.
"I've always been proud of you my..little dove," those were her last words to me. The rest of the elves in the Alienage just stood there in shock and stared at my mothers dead body in my arms. My father returned home a few hours later, a smile on his face and a bounce in his step. He was always a happy man. That was the last time I ever saw him smile. My father just broke down and started sobbing as he saw my mother and I, outside of our house. I missed her the second I lost her. I still do.
All the people I've ever cared about have died. That's why, when my father told me I was getting married I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to go through the pain of losing someone again. I was against the idea from the start. Begging my father to cancel the wedding and spare me the pain. He told me it was tradition and that I needed to be happy. He said my mother, his wife, wouldn't want me to wall up my heart. I hated him for talking about her. I hated him for arranging a marriage. And then I realized I needed to stop being a child. My father was right. Mother wouldn't have wanted me to be this way. Eventually I accepted the idea of an arranged marriage. Afterall how bad could it be? Months passed and eventually my betrothed arrived. I was so nervous. What if he didn't like me? What would he think of me? Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Nelaros was a sweet man with kind eyes and a big heart. He had already fallen in love with me without even meeting me. I had to admit, I wasn't so nervous anymore. His presence put me at ease and I was happy to marry him. I knew right away I would love this man in due time. Everything was going well, until a Lord ruined it all. The son of the Arl of Denerim was having a party and wanted female guests for some "fun". He was a sick man and I'm glad I ended his life. He had taken myself and the rest of the wedding party back to his palace. When the guards came to escort us to his chambers the rest of the women were taken first. I was taken last because the Lord knew of my skills. Luckily for me, my cousin Soris, a redheaded elf who had always been like a brother to me, saved me. I knew he wouldn't have just sat by. When he told me that it had been Nelaros's idea to rescue myself and the others my heart swelled. The only other man that had ever cared for me in this way was my father. Soris and I made quick work of the men standing between us and Nelaros. I just wanted to throw my arms around his neck and thank him. I never got the chance though. When we got to the room Soris had left Nelaros in we saw the guards cut him down. Everyone in my life dies. Killing the humans I sat on my knees at my fiancé's side, holding his hand as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I'm..I'm so sorry. I should've been here sooner. Please forgive me," I had choked out as Nelaros bleed out.
"Shh. What matters is that you're here now," he had cooed to me. "Are you alright?" He had asked. The man was dying and all he cared about was me.
I wrapped my arm around him, holding him as he died. "I love you," I had whispered to him.
"I..love you too," he answered. Reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a simple golden band, slipping the ring on my left ring finger. It was the last thing he had done. He died as soon as the ring was on. His hand had fallen limp, his finally breath being pushed out of his body by his punctured lungs. I screamed and cried as I held his still warm body against me. Soris had to pull me away from Nelaros. Reminding me that the other women needed to be saved. I was blank though. I had just nodded and we left Nelaros to save the woman. I killed anyone in my path, showing no mercy to the Lord who had done this. When we returned the Grey Warden Duncan saved me from the fate of rotting in a dungeon by conscripting me into the order. One thing lead to another as we arrived at Ostagar were the King and his army would take a stand against the darkspawn horde. A junior Grey Warden named Alistair and I, our job was to light the signal fire so Teryn Loghain's men knew when to join the battle. Alistair and I made our way through the Tower of Ishal. Battling a mighty ogre to light the signal fire. It was all for not in the end. The Teryn betrayed the King and the Grey Wardens, turning his men from the gruesome battle when the fire was lit. Alistair and I were overwhelmed by darkspawn in the tower as below, in the battlefield, King Calian and Duncan and everyone else were slaughtered. I don't know why we lived. It doesn't seem fair. All the people that have died in my life, yet I live. We were saved by a witch. I couldn't give a damn on why she saved Alistair on I. When the witch told me that she wanted her daughter to accompany us I was too broken to object. The three of us then made our way to a dirt poor village, Lothering. It reminded me of home in a way. On the road we came across a mabari, an intelligent warhound that I had saved from dying of the darkspawn taint. The dog warned us of the darkspawn further up the road. He fought alongside us and when all was said and done Alistair pointed out that the mabari had imprinted on me. The warhound had chosen me as its master, and even though I didn't want the dog. I didn't want to see it die because of me. He came along anyway and my heart was too heavy to do anything about it. Seeing as how the mabari wasn't going anywhere anytime soon I gave him a name, Nelaros. After the man that had loved me with all his heart. Arriving at Lothering I was even more disheartened to see the state the refugee's were in. I took care of the highwaymen who were demanding a tax and looting people's possessions. I recruited a Chantry sister named Leliana who turned out to be more than what she seemed. I rescued a fierce Qunari warrior named Sten and I did the best I could too help the people in the village.
We made camp for the night as I saw no reason to continue onward. I spoke to my new comrades, getting to know them. Getting to know the people that would eventually die for knowing me. I carried a darkness with me. One that I wish I did not have. Retiring to my tent I lied down, closing my eyes with Nelaros curled at my feet. As I slept I dreamed of my life with my dead fiancé. We had a happy life and beautiful children. I was happy and then, I lost it all. Nelaros and my children were slaughtered in our home. Then I saw a dragon roaring, the darkspawn beneath the creature. I shot up in my sleep, sweat clinging to my hairline and my mabari standing at my side, a worried look on his face. "Shh boy, it's alright," I reassured him and the warhound licked my face, making me smile. I hadn't smiled in so long. I had almost forgotten what that was like. Wrapping my arms around Nelaros's neck I rested my head on his furry brown shoulder. "Thank you. You saved me when I realized I didn't need saving," I told the smart dog. Kissing his snout as I looked into his eyes. They were kind just like Nelaros's. This mabari had a kind heart just like him too. I felt safe with him. I was still wary of my new comrades dying because of me, but now I wasn't scared anymore. All because of my dog.