I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia
A/N: Okay, here goes. I am officially dipping my toe into the world of Rory. I started this as an exercise in preparation for VS9, knowing that I was going to have to step out of the Lorelai and Luke bubble, and focus a little on the younger Gilmore Girl. As usual, nothing is being abandoned, so don't think I've orphaned Josh & Jake. This was just something I felt it was time to try. Special thanks to Dreamer Forever (Adina) and Filo for their invaluable input and support. Here goes…
I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia
Rory blinked up at the unfamiliar ceiling, tracing the streaks of light from the streetlights that seeped in around the edges of the blinds. She shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable in a bed that was not her own - or Logan's, for that matter. She sighed softly as she listened to the soothing sound of deep steady breaths next to her, hoping to drown out the words that echoed through her mind and the questions that she couldn't answer. She could see it; the confusion in his eyes, the frustration in his voice as he stood in front of her, trying desperately to understand.
"No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?" Jess cried incredulously.
Rory shook her head in confusion and asked, "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you," Jess asserted.
"I don't know," she answered.
"What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale..." Jess paused to take a breath and then demanded, "Why did you drop out of Yale?"
"It's complicated," she tried to tell him.
Jess wasn't buying any of it. He shook his head adamantly and said, "It's not! It's not complicated."
"You don't know," she had argued, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.
"This isn't you," he insisted. "This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this," he reminded her.
"You caught him on a bad night," she justified.
Jess waved off her defense and said, "This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?" he asked pleadingly, clearly mystified by what had become of her.
Rory had looked at him blankly for a moment and then said with a slightly defensive air, "I don't know." She met his gaze frankly and whispered, "I don't know."
After Jess had left, she had gone back into the bar and confronted Logan. Fed up with his self-pity and his self-destructive streak, she watched passively as he tossed a wad of bills down onto the table and walked from the bar. She sank down onto the bench for a moment, fingering the rumpled bills absently. When their waitress appeared at her elbow, Rory quickly settled up their tab and flipped open her phone to call for a cab.
When the cab pulled to a stop in front of her grandparents' house, Rory paid the driver and tipped him generously with Logan's money. She walked slowly toward the door as the cab pulled away, glancing up to see if Emily's bedroom light was lit. With a sigh of relief, she noted that it wasn't and headed for the front door. She paused, the brass door handle cool in the palm of her hand as she heard Jess voice again asking her, What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale… Rory yanked her hand from the door as if she had been scalded and shook her head as she said softly, "What am I doing?"
She looked up at the solid, imposing door and suddenly found herself unable to walk through it. She backed away slowly, dipping her hand into her purse and feeling for her car keys. As she wrapped her fingers around them, she turned on her heel and hurried down the driveway to the garage. Without stopping to think, she got into her car, shoved the key into the ignition, and backed out with an unladylike squeal of her tires. She was miles from the house before she truly became aware of her surroundings. She glanced down at the speedometer and quickly let up on the gas, coasting until she spotted a speed limit sign, and then slowed to a reasonable speed. Home. She wanted to go home so badly, but she knew she couldn't. At least, not yet. Not until she figured out what to do about the mess she had made.
She heard a soft snore and smiled into the darkness of the room, turning her head to glance at the dark head lying next to her. No, she couldn't go home, but it hadn't stopped her from sitting parked in her mother's driveway, hidden by Babette's shrubberies as she watched the light in the bedroom upstairs go out. She backed out as quietly as the gravel driveway would allow, and turned toward the center of town. She pulled to a stop in front of an older house, and climbed from the car. She followed the narrow sidewalk past the front steps and around to the side entrance. Her heart slowing with gratitude when she saw the lights blazing in the apartment, she knocked softly on the door. When it swung open, she looked at her best friend and said, "I just needed to come home."
Lane stepped back from the door with a worried frown and gestured for Rory to step inside. "Are you okay?" she asked anxiously.
Rory pressed her lips together tightly and shook her head as she said softly, "I don't think so." She shifted uncomfortably, crossing her arms over her chest and hugging herself tightly as she asked, "Can I stay here tonight?"
Lane nodded once and said, "Come with me," as she grabbed Rory's wrist and pulled her through the living room, calling a hurried goodnight to Zach and Brian over her shoulder.
Thankfully, Lane was Lane, the next best thing to Lorelai. She sat on the edge of the bed with one foot tucked under her, waiting patiently as Rory paced the room, trying to create some semblance of order from her jumbled thoughts. Slowly, she began to relate the events of the past twenty four hours, chronicling Logan's recent bout of drinking and desperation, Jess' sudden appearance in Richard and Emily's driveway, her grandmother's smothering questions and accusations, and finally, the questions Jess had shouted at her on that sidewalk. She looked at Lane with tear filled eyes and said, "I don't know. That's the only answer that I have. I don't know what I'm doing."
Lane sat quietly nodding as she digested the information she had been given. Finally, she patted the side of the bed, gesturing for Rory to take a seat next to her. She turned and looked Rory dead in the eye and said, "I don't know what you're doing either." When Rory opened her mouth to speak, Lane held up one hand to stop her and said, "I've been quiet up to now. I've been doing my best to be supportive, but I'm worried about you. You came here with these questions," she pointed out as she held one palm up helplessly. She winced a little as she said, "These are the same questions that everyone has been asking, Rory. No one can answer them for you, though." She smiled to soften her words as she said softly, "You screwed up. You know it, I know it, your Mom, Luke, your grandparents, Logan, Jess," she listed. "It happens. Everyone screws up, Rory," she said with a shrug. "What we don't understand is, why aren't you fixing it?" she asked gently.
"I don't know how," Rory whispered.
Lane shook her head and said, "Yes you do. I think you know exactly what you need to do."
"I do?" Rory asked blankly.
Lane nodded and said, "Yeah," as she smiled at Rory reassuringly. "Listen, you're tired. I'm tired. I worked a double today," she said as she stood up and walked over to the dresser. She pulled out a pair of pajamas and said, "They'll be short on you, but that's the best I can offer." She looked at her friend affectionately as she held the pajamas out to her and said, "Shut down for tonight. Pull a Scarlett O'Hara and think about it tomorrow."
Rory nodded quickly and said, "Thanks, Lane."
Lane shook her head and said, "What are best friends for?" She turned and lifted a floorboard near her dresser and reached for a brown paper bag hidden beneath. She pulled out an unused toothbrush and held it out to Rory as she said, "You're just lucky that there was a two for one sale at Doose's." When Rory cracked a genuine smile, Lane flashed her one of her own and asked solicitously, "Can I offer you shampoo, deodorant, or a razor?" as she gestured to the bag.
"Perhaps in the morning," Rory said in a mockingly prim voice as she stood up. When Lane dropped the floorboard back into place and stood up, Rory hugged her tightly and whispered, "Thank you."
Lane smiled as she pulled back and gestured to the toothbrush clutched in Rory's hand as she said, "Oh, it all gets added to your bill, anyway."
Rory turned to look as Lane rolled over onto her back muttering, "Two, three, four," in her sleep. She smiled as she returned her gaze to her intensive study of the ceiling and realized that Lane was right. She did know what she had to do. She just had to figure out where to start. She cleared her mind, focusing intently as she began to make a list of all the things that needed to be fixed, knowing that once she had the list, she could figure out exactly what it was going to take to get the job done.
XXXX
Rory gripped the steering wheel tightly as she sped down I-91 away from Hartford. She was still seething as she recalled Emily's indignation and empty threats. Wait until my father gets home, Rory thought incredulously. She did smile to herself as she recalled the line she had about Emily acting like her mother's mother. She couldn't help thinking about how proud Lorelai would have been of that comeback. Her smile faded as the familiar twinge of pain flared just beneath her breastbone. She shook her head quickly, trying to dislodge thoughts of Lorelai, shoving them down, and tamping the pain down as she watched the dashed lines flash in her peripheral vision.
She hadn't spoken to Logan since he had stormed out of the bar the previous night, nor had he called to apologize. For that, she was thankful, because she didn't think that she could stomach any more of his self pity. I've got enough of my own, she thought with a snort. Still she kept driving, knowing that Hartford was not an option, and not ready to face Lane's caring concern. Rory gripped the wheel tighter as she moved into the passing lane, zipping past a minivan that was moving too slowly for her taste. As she neared New Haven, she saw a sign reading 'I-95 New York, Newark, Philadelphia'. She stared at the sign as she unconsciously lifted her foot from the gas pedal. As the next sign approached, she blinked, her eyes focusing only on the word Philadelphia. She felt her hands loosen on the wheel as her foot pressed the accelerator, hurrying to the exit ramp and all points south.
A quick stop at a gas station outside of Newark fueled not only the car, but her need for caffeine. She sat in the driver's seat and reached into her purse, pulling out the slim book she had placed in the bag the night before, hoping to be able to discuss what she had read so far with Jess. She turned to the copyright page, scanning the information for the address of the press Jess had mentioned. She unfolded the map of Philadelphia that she had purchased, and quickly scanned the index to find Locust Street. Satisfied that she had narrowed the search, she folded the map to a more manageable size and started the car.
Almost two hours later, it was growing dark as Rory cruised past the address listed on the page, relieved to find the lights glowing brightly within. She found a parking spot about a block away and sat parked in her car. She wondered if she was crazy for coming here. She wondered if Jess would think she had completely lost her mind. Somewhere in the back of her befuddled brain, she wondered why she didn't feel the least bit guilty about going to see another guy when things were so iffy with Logan. She slowly flexed her fingers, releasing her iron grip on the steering wheel as she reminded herself that this wasn't just some guy, this was Jess, and that seemed to be all of the justification that she needed.
Before she could change her mind, she opened the door and climbed from the car, carefully locking it behind her. She glanced over her shoulder as she walked quickly, trying to be aware of her surroundings in the strange and slightly rundown part of town. When she reached the door with a small sign that read simply, 'Truncheon Books,' she turned the handle and stepped inside to find the place in a state of disarray. Three sweating young men were ripping ancient wallboard from a frame that apparently had once separated the space into two rooms, oblivious to their visitor until she called, "Excuse me." When they all looked over at her with startled expressions, she cleared her throat nervously and said, "I'm looking for Jess Mariano?"
The tallest of the three blinked in surprise, and then opened his mouth to call for Jess just as the man himself walked back into the room wearing jeans and a t-shirt that were covered in dust. "You need to stop breaking the tools, Matthew," he said in an annoyed tone as he wrapped layer after layer of duct tape around the head of an ancient hammer.
One of the guys motioned toward the door and said, "You have a visitor."
Jess turned his head and his jaw dropped as he saw Rory standing in the doorway, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she hugged herself tightly. Jess' brow creased into a frown as he absently handed the abused hammer back to Matthew and stepped toward her. "What are you doing here?" he asked softly.
"I stole a yacht," she blurted.
Jess' eyebrows shot up as he stepped closer to her and asked with a crooked smile, "Where did you park?"
XXXX
They sat in a small coffee shop about three blocks from Truncheon, Rory still dressed in her D.A.R. suit, Jess in plaster coated denim. He listened carefully as she spun the whole story for him, watching as she wrapped an empty sugar packet around her finger and then pressed it flat again, over and over. When she began to wind down, Jess drummed his fingers on the chipped Formica and said, "I kinda knew about the boat thing."
Rory blinked as she sat back on the red vinyl bench and said, "For a guy who doesn't talk much, Luke sure has a big mouth."
Jess smirked as he glanced down at his half empty cup of coffee and said, "Not really. It's just that I kind of, uh, ask how you are, sometimes. He usually hems and haws and tries to clam up, but that time, he spilled." He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table as he said, "He's worried about you. And Lorelai. Remember, he still has to deal with your mother," he said with a slight smile.
"Yeah," Rory said quietly.
"And, you're you. Luke has a soft spot for you. Always has," he added with a shrug.
"They came to my birthday party," she said softly. She smiled shyly as she looked up at him and said, "He gave me your grandmother's pearl necklace."
"See?" Jess said with a shrug.
"I miss Mom," she said softly.
"I bet you do," Jess replied. He looked at her with a concerned frown and asked, "What are you going to do about it?"
Rory lifted her eyes slowly and said with more confidence than she felt, "I'm going to fix it."
"Good," Jess answered.
XXXX
An hour later, he walked her to her car and stood close to her as he asked, "Are you going to be okay to drive all that way back?"
"I'll be fine," she assured him as she hit the button to unlock the driver's door.
Jess reached for the handle and opened it for her, wrapping his hand around the top of the frame as she hesitated. "You will be," he said with quiet confidence.
Rory looked at him and said in a soft voice, "I miss you. Seeing you, talking to you. You always understood me," she told him.
Jess nodded slightly and said with a wry smile, "And you understood me too much."
Rory smiled and said, "I'm so glad that you're doing well, Jess."
Jess shrugged and said, "I don't know about well, but I'm happy."
"You seem happy," she told him. "That makes me happy."
"Well, I'm glad that I could make you happy at least once. I really screwed up a few times before," he said dryly.
"You did make me happy. Sometimes," she amended softly. "But, I knew. I hated it, but I knew," she told him.
"I didn't want to hurt you," he said gruffly. "I did it anyway."
Rory nodded, acknowledging the truth of his statement, and the complicated feelings that backed it up. "We're good now, though," she said as she reached out and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
"I'm happy about that," he told her.
"You have my number?" she asked him, reluctant to leave so soon.
"I do, and you know where I am," he said as he waved a hand towards the door of the building they were working in by day and renovating by night.
"152.3 miles almost door to door," she said softly.
Jess gave her a crooked smile as he asked, "You looked it up?"
"Set the trip thingy," she said as she gestured to the dashboard.
"Smart girl," he said with an impressed nod.
"I'm gonna get smarter," she promised as she sat down in the driver's seat and swung her legs into the car.
"I'm not worried about you," Jess said simply as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stepped back from the door.
Rory smirked and said, "That makes one of us."
"Was that 152.3 miles from Hartford or Stars Hollow?" he asked as she reached for the door handle.
Rory smiled up at him and said, "New Haven," before pulling the door closed and giving him a little finger wave through the window.
Jess's smile widened as he walked behind the car and stepped up onto the curb, scuffing the toe of his shoe softly against the pavement. "Well, there you go," he said under his breath as he watched her pull away.
XXXX
Almost six months later, Jess watched Rory out of the corner of his eye as she sat down on a padded bench in the middle of the newly rechristened Truncheon Books, holding a copy of The Subsect.
He excused himself from his partners and walked over to her slowly. He ducked his head to capture her attention and said, "You know, you don't have to read it again."
Rory smiled as she looked up at him and said, "I know I don't."
Jess sat down next to her and said, "God, there are so many things I would change in it."
Rory cocked her head as she frowned and asked, "Like what?"
Jess smirked as he said dismissively, "I'd keep the back cover. Everything else goes."
Rory turned toward him, clutching the slim paperback tightly in her hands as she said, "You know why I love your book?"
"Why?" he asked with a wry smile.
Rory shrugged and said, "It doesn't remind me of anything. It's not a rip-off. It's just you," she said simply.
"High praise, Miss Yale editor," Jess said appreciatively.
Rory blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear as she said, "Yeah, well, I don't get to write as much as I would like, its mostly assigning and motivating, hand-holding, and rewriting."
Jess smiled and said, "Yeah, and you love it, every minute of it." He nudged her gently with his shoulder and said, "Come on, tell me you don't."
Rory grinned sheepishly and said, "I do. I do love it. It's exciting."
Jess nodded and said softly, "Yeah, you look happier than when I saw you last."
"I am," Rory assured him. She shrugged a little and said, "I had a few phone calls that may have helped."
Jess tilted his head to look her in the eye as he asked cautiously, "So, you fixed everything?"
Rory nodded and said in a hushed tone, "Yeah, everything's fixed."
"Everything?" Jess asked as he leaned a little closer to her. When she nodded, he said in a husky voice, "I'm glad you're here."
Rory leaned in too as she whispered, "Yeah, me too."
Jess touched her cheek tentatively as he angled his head and kissed her softly. Rory responded, kissing him back as she cupped the nape of his neck in her hand. Jess deepened the kiss, pouring his heart and soul into it as he wound his arms around her tightly. Finally, Rory pulled back slightly, panting for air as she ran her fingertips through his thick hair. "I'm proud of you, Jess," she said softly.
Jess smiled and whispered, "I'm proud of you, too," as he leaned in to kiss her again. Rory ducked her head, slipping her hands up under his jacket and feeling the warmth of his skin through his t-shirt. She buried her face in his neck, and exhaled, softly releasing the breath she had been holding for longer than she cared to admit. Jess stoked her silky hair gently as he murmured, "Welcome back, Rory Gilmore."