Author's Note: It's been many years since I've written anything
myself and I am woefully out of practice so please bare with me.
Thank you,
kuraireikan
A Dish Best Served Cold
Prologue
In 1864 there were two primary factions at work on the streets of Kyoto, Japan.
The Ishin-shishi were ronin who followed the Imperial Loyalists, while the Shinsengumi were a secret police force under the command of the Shogun.
On July 8th of 1864 a plan by the Ishin-shishi to set fire to Kyoto led to a head-to-head conflict between themselves and the Shinsengumi at the Ikeda-ya Inn that would later be known as the Ikeda-ya Incident.
This Incident was actually a two-hour long battle that ended in the deaths of approximately seven, and the arrests of twenty three other, Ishin-shishi members. One member of the Shinsengumi died in the battle and two others later died from sustained injuries.
The number of innocent bystanders caught up in the battle is unknown, however...
The Inn was destroyed.
o0o0o
Rambling Reminiscence
Six of one, half a dozen of another; they're so alike it's laughable. And yet, they'll kill each other wantonly, along with anyone else who happens to be in the way, the bastards.
Don't tell me to watch my tongue, I'll use whatever language I choose. Not as though there's anyone around to correct me anymore.
I suppose you are, girl, now that you mention it.
Fine then.
But they're still bastards, the whole lot of them.
I wonder what it would take to make them understand the true cost of their blind devotion to duty? Not the cost to themselves but the cost to others, to the ones who get caught in the middle...to us. I wonder if they stop to think of such things or if they assume we'll just be grateful for their help.
Blind indeed...and in deed, heh.
I outdid myself with that one.
It certainly was funny. It just so happens that you have no sense of humor.
Well I would laugh if I could but I can't. That doesn't make it any less funny.
It won't get better with time, girl. My laughter died with the rest of me and there is no coming back.
Hmm? Yes, I suppose I am in a morbid mood today, aren't I?
I know I should cry, but tears, like my laughter are no more, so you can stop harping on about it.
Besides, there is something else far more important and delicate that I need you to deal with now.
No.
I said no, girl, I don't need one.
There's no point in bathing me before dinner when I'm just going to spill half of it on myself. You can give me one before bed.
And I wasn't referring to your needing to deal with baths anyway. I meant deal with this, this endless cycle you and I share here.
Just how long do you expect us to continue like this? You spend all your day bathing, changing, feeding me, and so on. And for my part, it's screaming every night as I relive that horror in nightmares, and then ranting and raving about it, day after pain-filled day.
As long as it takes, she says.
Don't be stupid, girl.
I don't need both eyes to see how you've waned since coming here. There's no point in turning your face away now; you're well past too late to hide it from me.
How could you think I wouldn't notice? You could fit your entire wardrobe in the bags under those eyes.
Will they need to be big enough to hold my wardrobe before you realize this has to stop? And it does. I'm not the only one in this house who wakes crying in the night.
We need to do something about this once and for all or be stuck here alone indefinitely.
Yes, alone. Even the doctor can't be bothered anymore.
It is true! It's been a month since he's even set foot on this property.
I know neither of you expected me to live, and now that I have you're stuck here on clean-up duty while he declares me recovered and goes about his business elsewhere, bastard.
Don't be such a prude, girl. You've heard worse in the hospice, I'm sure.
Heh, recovered, what a joke. Laying here in diapers to keep from messing the bed I can't leave. Can't feed myself with the one hand I have left, and it's all I can do to talk through this mess that used to be my face. Though, I'm sure you'd prefer it if I couldn't.
Tell me honestly, would you call this recovered?
No need to get upset. I'm not trying to shame you. I know what a shrew I can be on a bad day. Well, I'm a shrew every day but some are worse than others.
I think we're finally near the end of it, though.
What I mean is that I'm nearing my time to go.
No. You know I'll never leave this house.
I meant I'm nearing my time to leave this world, not that I mind; there's nothing left for me here. I'd be just as happy to move on to the next, if I could. And yet,
I can't move.
I can't sleep.
Hell, I can't even die...
Hmm?
Oh, forgive me.
Lost myself for a moment. I really am being morbid today.
If you would be so kind...
Thank you. This is one of the last kimonos that Retsu bought for me. I'd hate to ruin it with tear stains.
Which brings me back to why I sent for you this afternoon. I believe there is a way that I can finally be at peace but I need your help.
No.
No!
I'm not asking you to help me end my life. I'll not make you carry that weight, but If I'm right about this then my end will come soon enough. That's my hope. But I can't do this alone. I can't move.
What I need is for you to be my arms and legs, my eyes, and...
To be my rage.
I need you to do what I can't; bring the full power of my vengeance down on those who are responsible for our suffering. Mine through their callousness, and yours through me.
Yes they are, and it's time they pay for it.
I'm beyond worrying about consequences.
Well that is the point, isn't it. So let them come.
My vengence upon them will trigger a need for vengence among them against me and it will perpetuate and cycle until I am released from this world. But by then, gods willing, they will know the cost of what they call duty to those they are sworn to protect.
Stop that, girl. This is not the time for water-works.
You know we will both be happier once I'm gone and there is no shame in admitting it.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm well aware of the burden that's been placed on you these many months. I can't imagine how hard it must be for one so young to be weighted down like this.
Don't give me that. You're not a priestess. For that matter, you're barely eighteen. You should be tending to the cuts and scrapes of children in a doctor's office or assisting midwives during births, not stuck here with me.
But don't worry. I believe what I have in mind may be the way out for both of us, if you'll lend me your strength.
Yes I do.
No, I don't expect it will make any real difference, at least not for me; I'll never get back what they've taken. But I'd no longer be stuck here in this mangled body and you would be released to move on with your life.
Yes.
Because you're important.
You're a lovely, well-mannered girl, but there is a difference between what's acceptable in the way of self-deprecation and humility, and what's just annoying.
Stop being annoying.
That's alright. Just mind yourself a bit from now on.
Where were we...
Ah, vengeance.
I wonder about it. Do you think it'll be as sweet as they say or as disappointing as I fear? Perhaps both. Or perhaps neither. I could live with it either way...or die with it I would hope, heh.
You know I should never have survived such horrible injuries; yet, here I am.
I've never been a violent person; yet, I can't stop thinking about how much I want to see their eyes filled with a suffering that mirrors my own.
Every day I visualize how it would happen from beginning to end, over and over and over again.
Every night I dream that I'm watching it; the way my revenge will play out—down to the last detail—is fixed in my mind.
I've repaid this debt so many times I could do it in my sleep.
If I could sleep.
If I could move.
But I can't move, that's why I need your help.
I know, this is much to ask of you, but you've also seen too many senseless deaths at the hands of those who believe themselves untouchable; the Wolves of Mibu and those Imperialist Dogs who march through the streets as if they own them. They cut each other down anywhere their paths cross with no regard for the innocents around them.
Well, the Dogs as well as the Shinsengumi must be made to understand. The gods through me, and I through you, will teach tham.
They own nothing.
They rule nothing.
They are nothing before our rage.
I want to try to make them understand, for once if not for good, the price the rest of us pay for their devotion. I want to make them feel this pain.
Not physical pain, or even the pain of whatever cold, dark place they go to in their minds when preparing themselves for battle.
No.
I mean my pain!
The gut-wrenching pain of losing that which is most dear to you; this pain that pours out from the empty place that now fills your chest and deadens that which was once your soul!
I wish they could feel that pain! I pray for it every morning and evening!
And I believe those prayers have been answered.
Yes, I do.
What rages in me at night and in the day, this pain induced need for vengeance; it is a vision. And this vision—this dream—is what's been keeping me alive.
No, I'm not feeling feverish, girl. This is the most sane I've felt in months.
I am calm!
Yes, yes; in and out, slow and easy, blah blah blah.
I'm fine I said. Stop fussing.
Yes, I do intend to do this and you'll not talk me out of it, so don't waste your time, or mine.
No, it won't be easy.
It'll be very dangerous. But if this is a vision of what the gods expect of me, of what they're demanding of me, then there is no way around it. No matter how awful it sounds, we must do this.
Rather than helping me take my own life, you must help me take the life of another.
I need you to kill a man.
Yes.
Now, bring us a pot of tea and sit with me. I'll tell you how we'll end our suffering.
Yes, I truly believe there is no other purpose for my continued existence in this world, and when this is done, I'll be allowed to pass on to be with those who were stolen from me.
Your hands are shaking. Should we forgo the tea?
Heh, nicely played, but I can't forgo this path anymore than I can get out of this bed and walk.
Fine, but if it becomes necessary, I will simply hire someone else. Although, it will be difficult to find someone trustworthy enough for something so important.
Then I'll ask you to sleep on it tonight, but bare in mind; I'm doing more than asking.
I'm begging you.
Do this for me, to appease my rage and release my soul from this pain.
But most of all, I'm warning you.
Until this deed is done, my soul will never be free of this world...
And you will never be free of me.