Chapter 1
Cooper(Is listening to his wife shawna fumble with the the triple duty platinum gold deluxe padlock on the otherside of their bedroom door): Hurry up Honey Bunches, we must switch sides before any Guys notice were opening the door and flip into a homicidal rage. No pressure Dearest.
Shawna: I'm trying my hardest dear but you know how these things just dont open.
Cooper(Shivers): Yes of course Sweety, I know that all too well.
Troi is watching from a vent.
Troi: Beverley we need to send the Guys away. To terrify them more then they terrify our useless servents.
Crusher: Of course we do Deanna, I know just the place.
The Next Morning.
Cooper and Shawna are preparing breakfast for everyone but themselves as usual.
Rancis: Give me my breakfast stinky man servants!
Shawna: Acually I am a fema-
Rancis slams his silverwear down on the table.
Swizzle: Mine first!
Gloyd: No!
Taffyta and Minty begin to hiss at eachother.
Carter(Leaning toward Campbell): Aren't they adorable?
A piece of meat lands on the table.
Candlehead leaps snarling and is shaking it around in her mouth. Soon there is a pile of Munchkins on the table.
Sheppard: Yeah, I just want to gobble them all right up!
Julian and Rose scoot away from Sheppard.
Near the Stove
Cooper: Pancakes are ready, come and get your pancakes! Straight from the pan,but not made from cake!
Shawna: Your burning the sausage Dear.
Cooper(In a panicky manuever, flings the half burnt sausage onto the counter): And now theres some uh sausage too . . .
Gene is scrutinizing the sausage.
Dylan: Whay are you looking at the sausage that way?
Gene: I don't eat sausage.
Dylan: why not?
Gene: Sausage gets stuck in my mustache.
Dylan shrugs and gets more sausage.
At a little round table
Harper and Vala are seeing who can stack the pancakes higher.
Harper(Slaps one on top): Beat that Boombox!
Vala: Oh yeah Zelazny!
Vala slaps a pancake on top of his head then whoops him in the butt.
Harper: Bah!
Vala is admiring the syrup handprint on Harpers left buttcheek.
In an isolated corner
Seven: . . . And that is my reasoning for why he requires nutritional plump supplements.
T-X( watching Jarem try to fit between Ralphs chair and the wall): I can clearly see your point.
Seven: His hip will give out at any moment.
Jarems hip pops and he keels over backwards.
Teal'c: Should we not get a stretcher.
T-X: We should just terminate him.
Seven: There is no need, people are finding sufficient use for him as a stool.
Teal'c: Indeed.
Rodney is walking past, his plate full of pastrys.
Seven glares.
Rodney walks faster trying to avoid eye contact.
On the opposite side of the room
Shawna: The eggs are almost do-
Cooper: The eggs are gone Dear.
Tib is licking his fingers and walking away.
Shawna cracks more eggs.
Jack( trying to nab Coopers attention): Excuse me, excus- yes you there yes, is there gonna be cake after this?
Cooper: Pardon?
Jack: Just wanted to know about cake.
Cooper(looking awkward): I am not permitted to make you anything you really want or ask for, or to tell you anything you want to know.
Jack: What kind of botched up law is that!
Cooper: One directly from-
Thunder and lighting boom through the room. Ariel,Giselle, and Felix dive under their chairs.
Guy is waving people under the table.
Vanellope: Hey there's a smelly old box under here!
Lara crouches under the table, hits her head on the table, mutters something incoherent ,then lifts the box up. Lara and vanellope look disturbed.
Snake is lying on his stomache with a walkie-talkie.
Snake(speaking into the walkie-talkie): Do it now.
The fridge blows out of the roof.
Snake( Still talking into the walkie- talkie): Good job Rhade,You'll be a pro at explosives in no time.
The thunder and lightning finally stop.
Crusher(in a booming manly voice): A law directly from the Guy Leaders! AND THEY WILL BE OBEYED!
Troi: NOw whoever ate all the eggs get in the corner!
Tib slouches silently to the corner.
Troi: GOOD
Crusher: You are all going to be transported to a haunted mansion!
Troi: There you will all be given a task card. Whoever accomplishes their task first will live for a longer period of time.
Crusher: Whoever does last will be destroyed.
Troi: When you all go to bed one of you will vanish, that would be the dumb butt who came in last.
Crusher: Whoever is left at the end wins! that will be all.
Tib: Can i come out now?
Troi: NEVAH YOU LITTLE IMP
Gloyd( mustering bravery): your a troll!
Troi strikes him with lighting then her and Crusher vanish.
Theres a scorch mark where Gloyd used to be.
Cam: I wanna steam roll them.
Crusher: CORNER!
Cam rushes for the corner steam rolling over turbo in the process.
Turbo is officially steam rolled.
Turbo( lying on the ground without dignity): I'll beat you all! you know that right?
Rommie: That's confident for someone whoes been steam rolled.
Campbell: Almost everyones been steam rolled by now.
Cam( slumping in the corner with Tib): It's a condition . . .
Trance puts both hands to her heart.
Noone else seems sympathetic.
Dax(has a plate full of Gagh * noone can figure out where she got it*): It wouldnt surprise me if I kicked all of your butts.
Calhoun(readys machine gun): Come say that to my face.
Grug: Yeah! what makes you so sure! if it has anything to do with a cave I'll win.
Taffyta: Or if it has anything to do with being ginormous, hairy,and grossly overweight.
Grug bangs the ground and charges . Taffyta screams and flees for her life.
Rapunzel and Julian are peacefully sipping orange juice together at the table.
Grug crashes into the table.
The table flips and slides across the room dragging Rapunzel, Julian, Grug, Taffyta, and the poor-innocent-have-nothing-to-do-with-it-bystander Daniel with it.
Samus walks over to check the mess.
Samus: Is everyone alright?
Samus feels a presence behind her, she turns.
Samus(Alarmed): Metroid! Kill iy DEsroy IT!
Samus is blasting her guns.
Clyde(doing what he calls float dodging): No No Samus! It's me Clyde! SAMus!
Samus blasts Dax's Gagh all over.
Jarem( Is stepping in,over, and between gagh):I'm just gonna worm my way in here.
Dax: Omygosh jarem Congrats on your lamest one yet you lamo! your so lame!
Jarem(creepy smile): I know right!
Jarem and Dax do a speacial only-Trills-will-ever-understand-hand and buttshake.
Kaavi peels a worm off of Rhades face and eats it.
Kaavi starts gagging and choking.
Jarem: Mouth to mouth! My Lovley is all choked up!
Jarem and Dax exchange a knowing smirk and slap butts again.
*POP* Jarem(goes down hard): Agah my Hip!
Ralph: I'll save her!
Carter( trying to demonstrate how to hack food out of someone, but is looking more like a creepy belly dancer being windblown off mount Everest):Grab her like so, and pull!
Ralph attempts the manuever on Kaavi. He pulls back.
*SPLAT* Red liquid and mushy stuff flings all over.
Jubileena screams and hides behind Sheppards leg,thinking better of it she switches to Julians leg.
Teal'c raises an eyebrow.
Felix( shocked experession): Oh my land! Ralph you wrecked her!
Rhade(Is currently the absolute most covered in it): She popped!
Ralph: I- I Didnt meant to! Geez! I just break things easily!
Gene: Oh but now your breaking people too!
Ralph and Gene glare.
Kaavi gets up.
Guy jumps back and trips and falls over swizzle.
Swizzle whines and complains.
Guy: Whoah, thats totally supernatural!
Daniel(finally recovered from that table incident): Now wait a minute guys lets think about this-
Jack: No no thinking Daniel.
Daniel: But J-
Jack( Sharply holds up a finger) :EH! Nope!
Carter: But sir you can clearly tell from the molecular compon-
Jack(Holds his head): EH!EH lala LA Carter! I dont wanna hear it!
Kaavi: Aww man you popped my Cool aide and chipped beef stroganoff breakfast bag that I hid under my shirt for no reason!
Ralph looks relieved.
Harper: Whoo! man I thought I was gonna throw up for a minute there.
Rodney: I think I did.
A very angry Gene is covered in barf.
Campbell: Yeah we thought it was your blood and guts!
Kaavi is now too distracted with her broken boyfriend Jarem to respond.
Suddenly a bright flash illuminates the room and all the Guys disappear.
A gagh, cool aide, and stroganoff covered Cooper and Shawna stand in the absolutley destroyed , flickering, breakfast room. They stand in lonley silence.
Cooper(slapping his hands together): Welp we better get started on those task cards.
The lights flicker.
Shawna: Yes Darling, but just watch the thing on you chest we dont want to irritate it.
The lights blow out.
Cooper(helping Shawna climb over the upturned table): You always know whats best for me Sweet Pea.
Shawna stumbles and falls on something mushy.
Shawna: Oop looks like they forgot one.
Cooper helps Shawna up again.
Cooper: Yes it appears so.
Cooper(speaking into a combadge attached to his bowtie): Random old Guy transporter person please beam Grug over to the haunted premisis.
Ellis(Calmly): Roger that,. . . . . (has and untimley outburst) BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME! Im busy being priggish! bother me again and SUFFER MY WRATH!
Cooper(looks around nervously): Thank you
Cooper and Shawna exit the Breakfast room. Not 3 seconds after they leave a fridge lands right where they were standing.