It was about 3 am when Spencer turned to the left side of his bed to check the clock. It was torturous trying to go sleep, he had tried everything, but alas here he was unable to close his eyes long enough to doze off. As he lay on his back he blankly stared at the white ceiling in his dark bedroom, he knew what was keeping him up. It was her.
For weeks now Spencer had been hung up on her, on every detail about her, but most importantly his feelings for her. It hadn't started out that way, not even close. Spencer could still clearly remember when he first met her; it was quick as there wasn't much time for introductions. The team was being thrown into another whirlwind of a case, another killer, and another city.
The introduction was brief, quick and to the point. "Hi, my name is Mila, you must be Spencer?" you said with a smile on your face. "Yes, nice to meet you."
There was nothing different about that day, or the next, or the day after. But it was after she had been on the team for a couple of weeks; she walked into the office in a hurry setting your stuff down quickly. It wasn't long before Derek noticed something on her finger, "Oh, oh are you actually going to settle down" he said pointing to Mila's left hand.
"It's already done, tied the knot yesterday" she said happily. "Well then congratulations to you" Derek said.
Spencer couldn't help but notice you that day, her hair, her smile, and her silly loud laugh. Every little thing she did drew his attention, but still he let it go.
But after that day there were times he caught him self always looking towards her, noticing some of your little habits, finding them endearing. It was as if there was this light glowing around her at all times and Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off of you. It felt like nonsense, so once again he decided it was best to let it go.
Then she began talking to him, small conversations at first, which led to finding similarities, which led even more conversations. Small detail, after detail soon he had come to know about you than anyone else on the team. It was hard for him to not be happy around you, he felt as if her smile was contagious. The way she threw your head back laughing or rolled her eyes playfully. Time did not exist with her around; there was never enough of it. That's when he could no longer deny it; there was something there.
But suddenly it hit him; he could never be with her regardless of how he felt. She were off limits. She belonged to some one else, she always would. How could he think she would ever look at him in any other way? She was married, there was no changing that. Even after realizing that Spencer still felt the same way he couldn't let it go.
It was wrong, there was no question about that Spencer felt guilty just thinking about it. But it was as if you were haunting him, which is how he ended up here at 3 am sleeplessly thinking about her.
In the last couple of weeks both of you had become closer, and closer till it was obvious boundaries and lines we're being blurred. It was hard to act normal around you when Spencer's heart was beating out of his chest and his mind was racing with a million different things he wanted to tell her but couldn't.
Even with knowing how wrong it was, how he shouldn't get even closer, still he wasn't able to back off. It was little things, like getting far to close or holding your hands, looking into your eyes a little longer than most times, staying up talking to her.
Even though Spencer knew about him, you never mentioned him, not once. There was never any reference him, it was as if he didn't exist. Which made it easier to forget, to get closer and closer to her as if there was nothing stopping Spencer from doing so.
It didn't take long for everyone else to notice the way both acted around each other, it drew everyone's attention. No one wanted to bring it up, the way you both we're so playful around each other. Constantly making everyone around you feel like the third wheel or as if they didn't belong between the both of you.
"Spence, you have to do something this can't go on forever" JJ finally said confronting Spencer, "Tell her, get it over with." Those words continued to echo in his mind get it over with, he had too for his own sanity.
So one day as you both carried on a normal conversation Spencer took a deep breathe and finally said it, "Mila, I can't do this anymore. I'm crazy about you and this is hard enough on me, my feelings have gotten out of control."
And they had grown out of his control, there was no way to stop them no way to be sure he could act rational. "Spence, I'm married…." Mila said unable to look at him.
"Then maybe it's time we stopped this, Mila" Spencer wanted her to say no, to disagree to finally admit how she felt about him so he waited but that answer never came so he had no choice but to walk away.