A/N: ok so I was driving to work, and of course I forgot to charge my ipod so it dies.. Leaving me helpless so I was forced to listen to the radio.. Which turned out to be a not so bad thing because I heard this song…
Rascal Flatts here comes goodbye…
To understand fully you'll have to listen to that song.. Go to you tube if you must.. But yes…
Ok for those of you who cant go to you tube here is a link the lyrics…
Just the song is enough to explain it lol…
.com/cowpie/songs/R/rascal-flatts/here-comes-goodbye
It reminded me of Jacob and how he would feel when Nessie/Carlie told him she was choosing Landon over him…
So I couldn't get enough of my story rising sun so here is a missing piece of the story not in Nessie's POV but in Jacobs…
Enjoy and please tell me watcha think!!! : )
The slight echo in my head sent chills down my spine. It was like an itch that wouldn't go away.
She had saved him, she had protected and yelled for him. A part of me could feel the pull he had on her. Each day she was further and further from my grasp. Slipping from my fingertips.
I could feel the pain begin to seep in. I knew goodbye was just down the road. I would no longer hold her, care for her, love her. She was not mine to love anymore. I had lost.
I had talked to Landon, we both agreed to be men about this, no fighting, no tricks. Let her do this on her own. Which ever way she went we would take it like a man.
How could I take this like a man? I was loosing the only person that I had ever loved. The person that was meant for me. Somehow that all didn't matter. Somehow I knew goodbye was coming.
I could remember crystal clear the good times, all the happy memories. Why did they all have to die now? Why did they seem meaningless?
I sighed, and got up to go to the Cullen house. I couldn't just avoid her. As much as I wanted to stay in denial forever, I knew if not today, then some day down the road here soon. I would loose her. I couldn't hold on to false hope forever.
There are moments in your life that stand out from the rest, I could name two. Meeting Renesmee, and when she left on the run from the Volturi. The most joyous moment in my life, and also the most painful. Now, she had returned I had waited for that day for exactly eighty two years, two months, eleven days, and four hours without her in my life. She suddenly was there like all my prayers had been answered. In reality my worst nightmare had just began.
I couldn't loose her, I wouldn't. slightly I knew this was no longer in my hands. I had no control anymore. I was loosing the battle.
I walked up the house. My mind told me to go in, but my heart told me to turn around and run. Run away, stay in shelter, deny the inevitable.
There are moments that you experience every second and it feels like minutes. Every minute feels like hours, and the hours drag on to years. And then you realize. Its only been a matter of a few seconds. And you feel that sharp pain all over again.
I heard them talking about baseball I figured it was as good a time as any. They had just got home from school.
"What's this about baseball?" I said as I quickly put a false smile on my face and walked into the house. I stopped and there she was, the love of my life, looking as gorgeous and amazing as ever. How would I just be friends with her? Could I do that? Could I really give her up that easily? I noticed she had paint all over her. I laughed.
"What happen to you?" I laughed again. She really did look ridicules. "You look like you got in fight at the Crayola factory." she didn't laugh, she just stared at me, fear was hidden on her face. I knew the lonely day had come. Today would be the day I lost her.
"She had an, accident in art." Edward tried to smile. It came out all wrong, it was forced even for him. I studied Nessie intently. Hoping the fear, hoping beyond all hope that there was another reason. I saw none. I noticed Landon was next to her, a smile spread wide across his face. My heart sank, it felt like it had been ripped out. This was worse than the fight with the newborns. Crushed bones were nothing compared to this pain. He too was also stained with paint.
"There's a thunderstorm, were going to go play." Jasper finally answered me, I felt him try to send a wave of calm to me, it didn't work. How could I be calm? How could I be anything but broken right now. Thanks for the try but nothing could heal me now.
"Want some extra's?" I tried to lighten the mood. Shake it off. After all who needs love right?
"What do you mean?" Edward asked.
"We'll make a game of it." I replied.
"You want to challenge us. To a game of baseball?" Edward laughed, like something I had just said was funny. I saw no humor in anything at the moment, I wondered if I ever would find humor again.
"Not challenge, a good fun, friendly game." I tried to force a grin out.
"Wolves VS Vampire?" I saw Edward smile out of the corner of my eye. I only had eyes for Nessie.
"Something like that." I responded, eyes still on her. She was the only thing I saw. Her face was pale, even for vampire. She looked slightly broken and in pain. It just made my pain escalate.
Landon reached out and squeezed her hand, he gently brought his lips to the top of her head. "It'll be ok." I heard him whisper. The beast inside of me roared, wanting to escape, wanting nothing more than to rip him limb from limb.
She tried to smile up at him, that wasn't her real smile, even I could tell that. The rest of the Cullen's quickly exited the room, and I knew this was the moment I would break.
"Or maybe we wont play. If you don't want us to play its…" she shook her head. I knew that wasn't the case.
"It's not that, it's, oh Jake." she looked down at her feet, I could smell her tears. She started to cry a stream falling down her face. It broke my heart to see her like this. Here comes goodbye. Here comes the pain. I warned myself. Prepared myself for the break. That earth shattering, ear splitting, break that was surely to come. Broken heart. that's what it was called. But it was much, much more than just broken.
"Nes." I whispered, not daring to speak normal, afraid I might loose it. I slowly reached out and grabbed her chin. I made her look at me. This was to painful. It was unbearable. But I couldn't see her in pain. If It meant that I would be in pain for the rest of my life, just to spare her. I would gladly do it. "It's fine." I smiled, making it as sincere as possible.
"How can it be fine, you don't." she cried. Another break in my heart. I knew what was coming.
"I know. It's fine." I tried to assure her. I didn't have an answer for how it could be fine. I didn't know it myself. I knew deep down this wasn't fine. But I either had to pretend to be strong, pretend to be ok for her, or loose her completely. What if she didn't want me around? What if this was worse than I thought, what if I wasn't just loosing the love of my life, but my best friend all in one? "Do you still want me around?" I asked quietly, fearful of the answer. Waiting for my heart to stop beating all together.
She looked up at me slightly horrified and confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean with everything, I didn't know if you still wanted me around." I knew this wasn't the case, I knew she couldn't loose me completely just like I couldn't loose her at all. But I needed to hear her say it. Say that she wanted me, even just a little.
"Jake?" it wasn't a statement more of a question. Did Landon know how to read her like I did? I doubted it.
"Nessie. It's ok. I know. I've known for a little bit now."
"Known what?"
"That it wasn't me." I tried not to sound broken. Landon stood there, not saying a word. He actually looked sorry. It took all I had not to phase and rip him apart. He was taking her from me. It was like he was sent here for my own destruction.
"What? How?"
"Because you may not have realized it but I did, the day of the battle. Deep down your subconscious told you that day."
"What are you talking about?" she tried to stop crying, but I knew for her, it wouldn't happen.
"Come here." I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. Trying to prove to her how much I loved her. How much I cared about her. How much I needed her. Landon let go of her hand and stood there watching us. Stupid, just needed to leave. Why had he come here? Was this my torture? Was this my punishment? God must really hate me. "The day we fought the Volturi." I paused, I felt my eyes sting, I knew if I continued without a break I would start to cry. And I would not cry in front of him. I would not show him the satisfaction. "We, were fighting. Me and Landon. We were both about to be attacked. Who did you protect? Who did you run after?"
She pushed me away and looked at me, eyes wide. "Think back Nessie."
She stood there for a minute. I saw the realization sink in her face. She had realized I was right.
"I yelled for both of you."
"But who did you attack Marcus because of?" the image replayed in my head. Her face, the fear in it, the fear of loosing, him.
"I, you."
"I could tell, I could feel it, I sensed I was loosing you." even now, I'm loosing you. Stop making this more difficult and more painful. Just get it over with. Like a band aid the quicker the better.
"Jake. No. I, I love you. I really do it's just." she sighed as I raised my hand at her. I couldn't really listen to this right now. She loved me, that was something at least. Right?
"Do you remember what I told you a long time ago? About imprinting?"
She stood there almost dumbfounded. "We become what ever that person needs us to be. Maybe what you need from me right now, at this point at least is a friend, a best friend." hopefully, eventually, more than that. I would win her back, if it was the last thing I did. I had to. I was nothing with out her.
"Jake. I still want you in my life." just not like I want you, or need you in mine.
"Then that's what you'll have from me. I am what ever you need me to be." without you my life was nothing. My life without you is the saddest thing. Without you I cant live. When you're gone, everything's changed. My heart stops beating, you'd think I'd become a vampire. I cant eat, sleep or breath. Life become nonsense and meaningless. I couldn't say that to her. Not now anyway.
"And finding out about Leah imprinting on you probably isn't good timing." she tried to smile, but it came out forced.
"Leah will be whatever I need her to be. Right now you need a friend. So that's what I am. I love you. I always will. The letters tell you how much I love you and that I will always love you. But maybe, right now. The timing's just not right. Right now, maybe all you need is a friend." I smiled down at her, I couldn't do anything else, I hugged her. I had lost her. The most precious thing in the world, and I had lost. I calmed myself and turned to Landon, trying not to show my hurt or anger. "But I swear if you hurt her, the Volturi will look like puppies compared to me. I will rip you literally limb from limb, and burn the pieces myself. And have fun doing it." I smiled at the thought of ripping him limb from limb. It really would be worth it.
"Understood, and I would expect nothing less. In fact, I will offer myself up, without a fight."
"I'm holding you to that." and hoping you do hurt her in the process just so I can have the chance.
Landon nodded and smiled back at me. I hoped he didn't want to stick to our deal. I don't think I would be able to.
She pulled away slightly and grabbed the bustards hand. No, don't touch him, this is our moment. The thought of him holding her, even just her hand. Sent the beast in me in a frenzy of anger. How would I share her? How would I sit there and watch her and him together? I knew deep down, I would need to pretend at least. Pretend to be happy, and wait for my moment. My opportunity to strike, and win my Nessie back.
"So do I get to know what you two talked about now?" damn I thought I would be off the hook.
Landon began to laugh so I followed suit.
"You want to tell her? She's your headache now." I laughed and nudged her. I slightly thought if I should be an actor. Pretending to be the buddy, the pal of the guy I wanted to eliminate. Then again, they always say keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
"Hey!" she snapped and smacked my arm.
"We might as well. couldn't hurt." Landon shrugged.
"Well?" she always was impatient.
Landon laughed lightly again. So I did to. Trying to keep up the false pretense.
"Well, we talked. We had a." Landon paused.
"Discussion. A manly discussion." I added
"Ok?" she pulled away, and turned to face us. All my body wanted to do since she released me was reach out and grab her, whisk her away and show her how much love I had for her, that she was making a mistake, a terrible mistake. How could she choose him. It didn't see plausible. But it had happen. I wondered if I would ever be the same.
"We decided that no matter what way you went, we both were not going to try to sway you, influence you at all." Landon chimed in.
"We decided that, for this to work, for either of us to have you in our lives, we would have to get along. Whether you chose me or him, or hell neither of us. We needed to get along, for your sake." I added with a forced smile making it as sincere as ever. People say when you love someone let them go, if they come back then you know it was meant to be. I don't believe that. If you love some one. You never let go, you hold on with everything you have.
"We needed to be friends, and we agreed no matter who you chose, we would agree to still hold that. Be friends, for you." Landon smiled at her. It made me sick to see him look at her that way. And it made me even worse to see her return that same look. He was really testing my patience. I wondered slightly if he knew how hard, how painful this was. If that was the goal. Make me suffer make me watch you give googlie eyes and kiss my Nessie. My love. Oh now, she was not yours. Never yours. Soon you would realize. She shall never be yours. I would not allow it. Pretend I shall.
"I think its working out quiet nicely. Oh the stories I could tell you." I joked, knowing I would tell him horror stories, anything to make him think twice. I would get her back, if I had to play dirty to do it.
Nes rolled her eyes at me. "Ok so now I'm not so sure if I can be friends with you anymore." she smiled. "You know to much, I think I might have to kill you." she laughed and looked at me
"Oh, did she tell you that when she was little she used to.." she smacked me again. Keep up the lie. Pretend, and wait for my moment. I smiled.
"Your both going to be the death of me." she laughed her gorgeous laugh.
"Come on, I'm going to go call the pack. Lets get ready for some baseball!" I walked out of the room. Leaving Nessie, with him. Leaving my one true love behind. I would call the pack to play baseball. But at the moment I had to pull myself together. I couldn't allow anyone to see me like this. I walked outside Alice was standing on the porch.
"Hello." Was all she said, she didn't even look up.
"Hi." I tried to get out, my voice cracked.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. Love isn't supposed to hurt this much." I tried to smile. "Tell me."
"Jacob, I can't you make everything disappear."
"Then tell me what you see for them? Do they," I couldn't finish.
"Jake, even if I did see that, and I'm not saying I do. I couldn't tell you. It's not right."
"Alice!" I tried to keep my voice even. "If it were Jasper. If you had lost him to someone else." she turned and looked at me.
"Nothing's been decided, not that far ahead yet." I smiled, knowing I still had time then. I nodded and left her on the porch.
I ran for the woods. Phasing before my feet hit the forest floor.
I never knew love could be this way? Love wasn't supposed to hurt like this. I couldn't see the pain and the tears. And now knew they were here to stay.
Even though it had been a like a lifetime ago, I could still see all the memories as clear as yesterday.
Reminiscing.. that's what I can do. Even for a moment, Just to remember how happy we were. Being together embracing the love we have given to one another. But those moments are gone, there over. She no longer belonged to me. I knew I had broken her heart with everything that had happen with Leah. I guess a heart for heart seemed like a fare trade I guess. I had broken hers, and now she had broken mine.
I knew my dreams would now be nightmares filled with tears. It had always been hard to sleep. Eighty two years and I haven't slept a peaceful night. Not one. I knew I had done things wrong. I wished I could take them all back. I did so many things and none were right. I tried to make them right, fix them but all I did was make things worse. I had nothing left. My heart was now an empty pit. A black whole. I knew it would never be fine again. Not until Nessie was back in my arms. I would stop at nothing to get her back. If it took the rest of my life, I would get her back. I had waited eighty two years for her. I would not give up that easily.
Then again, could I win her back? Could I take her from Landon. Of course I could, but would she allow it?
I've wanted nothing more for so long than to have Nessie back home. I just never imagined her home coming would be my down fall. I never imagined in all the years that when she came home, she would not be with me.
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, its just never good enough. No matter what you do you always end of up loosing.
Like everything you are, and everything you have, is slipping through your finger tips, like grains of sand. And you can do nothing to keep it there. You try and you try, but its hopeless. You end up losing it all. Although really you've already lost it, you just haven't excepted it yet. Your in denial.
If only I was in denial. Thinking dreaming, this was all just one bad dream that I would wake up from, but knowing this was my reality, my one true nightmare that I was to live in.
My own personal hell. I was doomed to walk the planet alone, miserable. If only could just forget, imprint on another, never imprint at all.
Life, life sucks, then you die. If only I were that lucky. Then again, I had already died, the minute I walked out of that house. The minute I lost her. Death came quick and with so much pain it was hardly bearable. With out Nessie, I was already dead.