H e leaned back away from the pier, holding his bottle up, letting the light of the moon show its contents. It was almost empty. He peered at it with bloodshot drunken eyes. He finished the rest in one gulp and laid the bottle on its side before pushing it away, letting it roll and clank against the other empty bottles piled behind him.

He reached for another one and upon twisting the cap off, let out a burp that echoed in the night. He silently laughed to himself like a child. He downed the new bottle in what seemed like record time, even for him, and let it roll and clank against the rest. He reached back for another, only to realize he'd drank them all.

He sighed heavily. Lately, he had begun to drink a lot more than usual, and 'the usual' was a lot to begin with. The valley was supposed to be a vacation of sorts, a way of getting his shit together, and at first it had worked. He'd gotten that job at JojaMart, and even started helping Marnie on the ranch. He wasn't happy—he didn't think he'd ever be—but with the new job and scenery, it was enough to help him push whether he was happy or not to the side. He'd drank in the city after the accident, after nothing else capped the fire that burned beneath him, and after blackened nights, he swore he'd never drink again. That's when he decided the valley would do him and Jas both some good. Maybe in that old farmhouse where he'd spent most of his childhood, in the dense Cindersap Forest where him and his brother spent late fall evenings, he would find himself again. At first, moving back to the valley seemed to work.

But then that familiar cold came rushing back, grasping him by the stomach and spreading through his veins. The scenery of the valley changed then. He'd stare too long, but he wasn't looking. Suddenly the green fields he saw early in the mornings became the background of which he played out his saddest moments, failures, and things that would never come. So, he started drinking again, and again, to numb the coldness that he felt, or at least push it back until the morning. Pelican Town was just as he remembered it all those years ago, with his brother, cousins, and his parents and he knew then; that was the problem. But now he couldn't leave. The memories were too fresh now, and he felt like he owed them to stay.

He groaned out loud as he stood, swaying dangerously as he bent down to grab the empty bottles he threatened to topple over into the water. The walk back to the ranch was spent stumbling over his own feet as his world spun. The familiar feeling wrapped around him though, and no matter how unsteady his world felt, he felt steady; the fire beneath him had been quenched.

He opened the door to the ranch as quietly as he could, but bumped into the doorframe and rattled the empty beer bottles in his hands. He paused at the door, it slightly ajar as he let the dim blue light of the night drift in. He waited to see if anyone had heard the noise, but he was only welcomed by silence. He drifted through the kitchen, placing his bottles at the bottom of the trashcan.

His eyes stared at nothing as he reached in the freezer for a pizza, and as he tried to open the microwave, he swayed backward as the ground beneath him seemed to move and he let it take him as he fell with a smack.

He woke up in his bed, Jas sitting on the edge as she watched cartoons on his TV. He grunted as he rolled over to face her, his stomach twisting and his head suddenly pounding.

"Good morning, Uncle Shane!" She cheered. Shane winced at her loud voice. "You sure are sleepy. You were so tired, me and Marnie found you passed out in the kitchen this morning."

He tried to smile at her words, but all he felt was a sharp pang of guilt, as if she'd stabbed him right in the gut with that smile.

"Yeah." Was all he could say, a soft forced smile tugging on his lips.

He lay there a few moments more, staring at the ceiling before he decided to force himself up. His curtains were drawn, probably done by Marnie as she'd know what state he would wake up in. Light still seeped through and he turned his head away, staring directly at Jas. Her blue eyes were content on him, big and bright, and he forced himself to look away. He just couldn't do it.

He rolled out of bed with hunched shoulders and eyes rimmed with red. He shuffled his way to the kitchen where Marnie sat at the table, her eyes drifting to him when he entered the room.

"Good morning," but her voice wasn't cheerful like it usually was. "Do you want something to eat?"

No matter how upset she was with him, no matter that she had to drag his body to bed this morning and lie to Jas for him, she took it upon herself to care for him.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Shane…"

"Please, just leave it." He cut her off with a curt wave.

He showered, taking longer than usual as he let the warm water run over him, hoping that maybe it would dilute the coldness that swam through him. If anything, it hissed and created steam inside him, causing him to stare at the shower wall for too long.

When he got out he dressed and as much as he tried not to, he got a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked much older than twenty-seven: his face gray, and dark hateful bags resting under red rimmed eyes. He had a five o'clock shadow that he didn't even bother shaving—what would the difference make anyway? He pressed his lips in a firm line, giving his reflection a disapproving look, but the eyes that looked back at him were too gone to give a fuck.

His hands slithered into his Joja jacket as he slipped out of the bathroom and made his way through the kitchen. Marnie was still sitting at the table, reading a magazine about farming. As he went to leave, she called after him.

"A new farmer moved into the old farm next door. Maybe you should pay them a visit!"

H e rolled his eyes. Like that was going to happen.