A/N: Hey there guys! This is my first time writing fan fiction, so please bear with me! Please let me know how I'm doing. Starting at the part where Bella is left in the forest after Edward's departure. We will depart from Cannon soon enough. I felt the need to reiterate a lot of S.M.'s story at the beginning. All of the characters and some details belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is an AU with some surprises, Jacob/Bella storyline, and rated M for some lemons :)
Chapter 1
I am sitting in the middle of the forest, feeling more lost than I ever have. I'm so cold... Just so, so cold. I'm not dressed to be here at this time of night, and the only thing I can think of to do, is curl up in a ball and try to stop shivering. The time is passing so slowly. How long have I been here? Hours. Days. Years. I feel empty. I'll just stay here. What does it matter? He's gone. He left. He doesn't love me... He doesn't. He doesn't love me. He said as much.
There's nothing left to do, so I sleep. I've lost track of time, but after a while, I hear people calling my name. Why should I answer? I have no reason anymore. I have no reason to try. The reason for my existence left... But here they are anyway. Loud shouts tell me that they've found me. No reason to open my eyes. I know where I'm going. Back to Charlie's. Where I'll never see Edward again... Because he left. He's gone. He doesn't love me.
Warm arms scoop me up and carry me, quickly. I can feel the cold wind on my face. There are cries of relief. There are people happy to see me. But none of them are the face that I long to see. This feels unreal. Is this really my life? Is this really happening?
"Oh my God, Bella! Oh, baby, I'm so glad they found you! Are you hurt? What hurts? Can you please speak to me?" asks Charlie.
I'm not sure how to answer. Everything hurts. My body, my mind, my soul... I'm dying. Crumbling like ash. "I'm fine," I lie. I'm not. I'm far from fine.
The warm man carrying me hands me over to Charlie. He looks like he could be related to Jacob. Charlie grunts under my dead weight and carries me to the cruiser. I lay down in the backseat. No need for a seat belt tonight, Chief Swan.
Charlie tries to talk to me on the way home, but I don't answer. I don't have the energy to keep up conversation. I want to go home and sleep forever. We get home and Charlie pulls me out of the back of the cruiser. He asks me if I can walk. I don't answer. He picks me up, carries me to my bed, and lays me down. I can see the concern on his face.
"I'll shower in the morning, Dad. I just want to sleep," I say, hoping that this will send him out of my room to leave me in peace.
"Bella, what happened? Why were you in the woods? How did you get out there?" these questions are the ones he tried to ask on the way home, too, I remember. I didn't answer then, and I don't want to now. But I know if I don't say something, he won't leave me alone. He's too worried. Charlie normally doesn't pry, but I'm too far gone this time.
"Dad, Edward broke up with me. He's gone. They're all gone. Please, just let me sleep."
"Did he leave you there? Did he actually just walk away and leave you to find your own way out? I ought to kill him! Are you sure he's gone? I'm going to drive over there-"
I interrupt him before he can say it. "Dad! Please. Just... Don't. Just please stop. It's over. They're gone. Forever." I am choking back tears. I can't hold it together anymore.
Charlie reaches over and pats me. Poor guy. He is hesitant. He doesn't know what to do. Crying is not his area. At my tears, he starts to walk out of my room.
"If you need anything, tell me. I'm going to go watch TV in the recliner."
As he leaves, I listen for him to get down the stairs. When I can no longer hear his steps, I let loose. I am crying so hard that it hurts. Time is passing again, so slowly... He's gone. He never loved me. Of course he didn't. Why would he?
I'm running in the forest, trying to find him. Where is he? Why can't I find him? He was just here. I see a sparkle over to my left, and I chase it. That must be him. It must be.
Only, when I get to him, it's just his head. I suck in my breath, looking around, and body parts are littering our meadow. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle... All here.
"Bella! Bella! Wake up! Bella, please wake up!" Charlie is shaking me. Then I hear my screams. I can't stop. I don't know how to stop. Every night, for the past month. I have nightmares. They differ every night, though the subject stays pretty much the same... Something happening to the people I love. Ever since he's been gone. Since he told me he didn't love me. That he didn't want me.
"Bella... Listen. I'm going to call your mom. We'll get you on a plane to Jacksonville as soon as possible. Maybe she can help you. Because I am just don't know how. I don't know how to help you, Bells."
"No, Dad. I'm not leaving Forks. I can't go," I cry.
"Yes, you are. He's not coming back, you know that, right? I don't know what to do anymore. This isn't good, Bells. It's not good for you. You've been having nightmares every night since we found you in the forest. I've tried. I am not sure what else I can do," Charlie sighs.
"No, I have to stay. I love Forks. I know he's not coming back. But I have friends here! I'm supposed to be seeing Jessica tonight. And I plan on hanging out with Jake soon."
"Well... Ok. But you do need to see your friends. I was going to suggest you hang out with Jake. He has called a few times and asked about you," he says lightly.
"I'll be sure to call him tomorrow. I've missed him."
This seems to satisfy Charlie. He dips his head, gets up from my bed, and walks to my door. He looks like he wants to say something else, but shakes his head slightly and closes the door. I have to find a way so stop these nightmares.
After waking up and showering, I decided to make my phone calls. First, to Jessica, and then to Jacob.
"Hey, Jess! It's Bella."
"Bella Swan?"
I sigh. "Yes, Bella Swan. I know we haven't spoken in a while. I was wondering if you'd like to go see a movie tonight?"
"Yes! I'll pick you up around 5?"she sounds excited.
"See you then!" I say, trying to sound excited, too. Really, I kinda wanna hurl at the thought of putting effort into something. But if I don't try, Charlie is going to call Renee. And I'm not ready to leave. Better call Jake now.
"Jake! Hey, it's Bella!"
"Bells! Hey loca! How are you?" he sounds more excited than Jessica.
"I'm... ok. Hey... I was just wondering if you want to hang out. Nothing crazy. Maybe go to a movie tonight? Jessica and I are going to Port Angeles. I was thinking maybe you could come?" I asked, knowing he would say yes. I don't think he's ever told me no to anything I've asked.
"Absolutely! Sounds like a blast," he answered, predictably.
"Alright, well Jessica is picking me up at 5. I can come get you before then? Or-"
"Nah, I can be at your house before then. Maybe we can hang out for a little while? Talk? I haven't seen you in a while..." he trailed off, hesitantly.
"That sounds great. I'll make us some cookies, chocolate chip, right?"
"Mmmmmmm..." I can practically hear him salivating over the phone. "I'll be there around 3?"
"Sure thing, Jake. See you then," I said, then waited for his goodbye, and hung up.
That was exhausting. How am I going to be able to do this tonight? I can't keep this up, like a normal human being. I'm not normal. I feel so broken... But, I've decided to push through this. Maybe being around other normal humans will make me feel normal. Three can't come fast enough.
I'm taking the cookies out of the oven when I hear the knock on the door. I look up at the clock. Right on time. I know it's Jake. I walk quickly to the door and open it. I was right. It's Jake. He picks me up in one of his crushing bear hugs, spinning me around. When he sets me on my feet, I notice how much he's changed in the last month since I've seen him.
"Holy biceps, Batman!" I spout. I look down, worried he'll think I'm weird for saying something. I stand aside so he can come in and sit on the couch.
He chuckled and smiled, saying, "I'm just filling out, Bella. Which you would know if I had seen you in the last month! Where have you been?"
"Oh, here. I haven't been doing much." I take a seat on the opposite side of the couch. He looks disappointed in my choice. I hop up, thinking out loud, "Cookies! I made you cookies! Would you like some?"
He smiles again and gets up with me, heading to the kitchen. "They smell amazing! Of course I would love some. Thank you."
I set the plate on the kitchen table and offer him milk, which he takes with a smile and thanks. Watching him eat is fascinating. Where is he putting all of this? I made 3 dozen cookies. He ate 2 dozen himself, and refilled his milk glass once. I can't imagine trying to feed this guy all of the time. He must eat Billy out of house and home.
Once he noticed that I wasn't eating, he stopped. "Aren't you going to have some, Bells?"
"Oh, I ate some of the dough. I'll have some later, if there are any left," I wink, and he laughed. He pushed the plate away.
He has a serious look on his face. "Bella... I heard that Edward left. How are you doing? Are you... ok? I mean, how are you taking it?"
I had hoped. I had really hoped that this wouldn't be anything that we talk about today. "Jake, I'm just not ready to talk about it. He's gone. I'm here. That's all."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business... I'm just worried, is all. I hear Charlie talking to Dad... Ah, I'll shut up now," he says, looking very embarrassed.
I don't know what to say, so I just let it go. I decide to go with something easier to talk about. "So... How is school going?"
"Oh, yeah. Um, it's going pretty good, actually. I'm supposed to be graduating early. I don't know, I may start some college classes next year," he smiles, puffing his chest out a little.
"Oh wow! I'm so proud of you! That's awesome news..." I drifted off, trying to think of something else to talk about. "Do you want to see if there is a game on while we wait for Jessica?"
"Sure," he shrugs. I know he wants to talk more... I just don't know how.
I go and sit down where I sat before, on the end of the couch. Jacob sits down next to me, in the middle spot. He smiles when I look at him inquisitively, but says nothing. I flip on the tv and try to find ANY SPORT that will take up some time, here. I would watch competitive cheer leading at this point. I find some football and zone out.
I'm not sure what I was so worried about. Jake is easy to be around. He makes no demands of me. We're sitting in silence, and it's comfortable. It didn't seem like long before we heard Jessica pull up in the driveway, and we walked out to meet her before she could get to the door.
"Hey Jess! I hope you don't mind... I invited Jake to come with us tonight. He's pretty tall, so maybe he should take the front seat," I say.
"Um, yeah, sure. Nice to finally meet you, Jake," she breathes out. She seems hesitant, but she's anything but rude. She would never have told him he couldn't take the seat.
"It's ok, Bella! You can take the front. I'll squeeze in the back, somehow," he chuckles.
I ran and got into the back seat before he could argue more. That's that.
"Shotgun is the DJ?" Jake asks. He is already pulling out her CD case. He is so at home everywhere he goes. I can't help but smile. He puts in a CD of a band I've never heard of. It sounds like Metal.
"When did you start listening to stuff like this, Jessica?" I wondered.
"Oh. Ha. That's not mine. I borrowed some music from Mike. Apparently his brother has, uh... unique tastes. This isn't something I usually listen to..." she trails off, looking expectantly at Jake. He's in the middle of an air guitar solo and doesn't notice. I laugh and then realize that I feel a little better today. I don't feel the need to constantly hold myself together. Then I feel bad again. Sigh. Why do I feel the need to think of him? It's almost like I feel guilty when I feel better.
"You ok back there, Bells? You got quiet all of a sudden," Jacob screams over the music.
"Sure. Yeah! I'm great!" I smile as big as I can. His eyes narrow and I know I'm not fooling him. He knows I'm lying. This is gonna be a long car ride. "Turn it up!" I yell, trying to sound enthusiastic. He shrugs his shoulders and does what I ask. Jessica sighs audibly, and looks annoyed. Oh well.
By the time we get to Port Angeles, my ears are throbbing from the loud music. Jessica climbs out of her car and snaps, "Thank GOD!" and I look at Jake and roll my eyes. He laughs quietly.
We walk up to the theater and notice that if we don't want to be out until really late, there are only two movies to choose from. Face Punch, and Love Spelled Backwards is Love. Jessica is outvoted, and we buy our tickets to Face Punch. I'm not in the mood for some mushy love stuff. Besides, I didn't want to give Jake the wrong idea. He's always looked at me admiringly. Don't want to feed that, when I can't even hold myself together.
When we get into the theater, I sit on the end, and Jacob is directly after me so he takes the seat next to me. Jessica takes the seat on the other side of Jake, looking annoyed again. I look over at her during the movie a few times, and notice her sneaking appreciative glances at Jacob's new physique. I can't say I blame her. It is quite impressive. He's grown at least 3 inches since the last time I saw him. I'm not quite sure how. And probably packed on 20 lbs of muscle. His six pack shows easily through his fitted shirt. What's not to like? I catch her eye and she blushes and looks away. Maybe I could set them up? Jacob's hand sits open on the armrest between us, looking like an invitation. I put my hands in my lap and look back to the movie.
The movie ends and we get up to go outside, but Jake says he's not feeling so well and needs to stop by the bathroom. He comes out, having splashed water on his face, saying he felt really hot. Jessica's eyebrows shot up about a mile in agreement, but she didn't say a word. Walking down the sidewalk back to our car, there were some bikers down the alley that were catcalling Jessica and I. I guess Jake doesn't look so menacing when you have a whole group with you. I stop and look at them, thinking they look familiar, and recognize them as the guys who Edward saved me from the last time I was here.
"Bells, just keep walking. Not far to the car," Jacob said.
But what is more interesting is the face of the man who had left me here to die, appearing a short distance away, who whispers, "Keep walking, Bella."
Time ceases. I feel like I've been punched in the gut, all of my breath leaves me.
"Hold on. I think I recognize those guys."
"Yeah, Bella, they look like really fine, upstanding citizens. You probably recognize them from all of the volunteer work they do in the community," Jacob says snarkily.
I take off running towards them, and the image of Edward appears again, "Turn around, Bella! This is dangerous."
I turn around to see Jacob shaking. He doesn't look so well. Jessica is gobsmacked, standing still with her mouth open. I run further and one of the guys says, "Hey boys, looks like we got a taker!"
I look him in the face and Edward says, "Please, Bella. You promised you would be careful!"
"And you promised it would be like you never existed," I exhale as I go to climb on the back of his bike. I hear a yell and stop.
"Isabella Swan! Come back here. Now," Jacob almost barked out. I've never heard such anger and authority in his voice. Jessica looks over at him and looks shocked. I'm shocked, myself. So shocked, in fact, that Edward disappears. I come back to myself and realize what a crazy choice this is. I turn around and walk away.
"Your loss, baby!" the guy shouts after me. I take off running at that.
Jake looks relieved, but he is still shaking. "I need to get home, Bells. I don't feel so good."
He is silent the entire way home. There is no music. I'm worried but every time I try to talk to him, he just kind of growls at me. We drop him off at his house in La Push and head back to Forks. Jessica doesn't even try to make conversation. I think she might be mad at me.
When we pull up in front of my house, Charlie's cruiser is in the driveway.
"Bella... Maybe next time we can go shopping or something. Um... Alone? Also, maybe no running towards creepy guys next time. You really scared me," she said, looking more annoyed than worried. I get it. I would be upset, too.
"I'm sorry, Jess. Sure, that sounds great. I'll get back with you about a good day. Thanks for picking me up and being ok with Jake coming," I say brightly.
"Yeah, sure. See you later," she answers, then I close her door. Walking back up to my house, I think that maybe I should call Jake and check on him. It is a little late, but Billy doesn't mind when I call. I walk in and see Charlie asleep in his recliner. He works so hard that I don't have the heart to wake him. I take the blanket off of the back of the couch and toss it over him. I take out my cell and head up the stairs to try to call Jacob.
"Black residence," Billy's voice answers.
"Hey Billy, it's Bella. I was calling to check on Jake. When we dropped him off, he wasn't feeling too well. I just wanted to see how he is. Can I talk to him?"
"Oh. Um, well, he went right to sleep. Sorry, Bella. I'll have him call you when he can."
"Thanks, Billy. Goodnight!" I hang up the phone and get ready for bed.
I almost forgot about how miserable I was. Looking around my room, everything reminds me of Edward. The stereo where my CD that Edward made me used to play on repeat. This bed, where he gave me my first kiss. The window where he climbed in and out, night after night, to hold me while I slept. I sink down to the floor and hug my knees to my chest. It's going to be a long night.
Like I said, I felt the need to repeat some of her work, in my words. How did I do? I know I strayed a little already, and some things will be out of order as far as the timeline goes. Now for a surprise and a bit of building :)
Thank you guys!