Alternative to Afghanistan is an idea that came to me about another way that the Afghanistan plot line could have gone. It will be a bit cliche, and probably not up to par compared to my other stories. Each chapter will go with an episode while Kensi is in Afghanistan, changing as little as possible. After "spoils of war" it will become AU. I may take some creative license with the timing of episodes - dilating or constricting time as suits the story, but this will be explained. The majority of this is written as Kensi's journal.

Day 1

I'm not sure what I'm doing here. No one I met at any point in the trip here knew what I was doing - and it seemed no one even knew where I was going. I spent the first flight worrying about Deeks and hoping he would forgive me. I know it wasn't my choice - but this isn't fair to him. I managed to control the tears, but barely. I couldn't cry in front of the other passengers - I need to be strong. But I can't help but wonder if what happened on this case is the reason I've been sent away.

The long flight gave me too much time to think. I analysed every second of that night, from the date that wasn't a date, to falling asleep in his arms. And then the case... God we screwed that up. I know I shouldn't have punched him. Maybe he's right, I need anger management classes. I think we just needed more time... everything was awkward but it had to get better, right? Too bad we didn't get the chance. This mission had better be damn important. If they've hauled me over here for something stupid, I won't ever let them hear the end of it.

I just hope he's ok... and that this mission hasn't screwed it all up.

But I can't afford to think about it right now. I have a mission to focus on - if someone would just tell me what it is.

Day 5

I'm bored out of my mind. Still, no one knows why I'm here. And even though I could be of help, no one will let me in on what missions go on here. I'm finding it's driving me stir crazy. There's really not much to do - I can't leave the base, and there isn't that much here.

And while the conditions are a hell of a lot better than expected, they still leave a lot to be desired. I was so desperate for something sweet that I actually enjoyed an apple today. Up until now - apples have belonged in pies. But it was the only thing even resembling sugar that I could find. I just want this mission to be over with. Why doesn't anyone know what's going on?

Everyone is complaining about the cold, but I haven't found it too bad. I'm wearing a lot more layers, but the clothing is comfortable. Although I'm not looking forward to having to wear a burkha if I go out... so bloody demeaning. But I guess it would help with staying anonymous.

I'm actually missing Deeks, too. And not just as a friend. It's too quiet without his constant joking and chatting. The bed would be a lot warmer if he were here to share it with me... I still can't stop running through that one night together, and hoping like hell this mission is over before our "thing" falls apart.

Day 8

Well, I finally got what I asked for. Granger showed up today - with a sniper rifle. I've been bored out of my mind and no one really talks to me much, so I've had a lot of time to waste. He showed up as I was practicing throwing knives. It feels weird to not have my dad's knife with me. As long as I can remember, it's been my security blanket of sorts. As long as I had it, I knew I was safe. But I don't regret for a moment giving it to Deeks. He needed it to be safe, and I hope it will protect him while I'm here. I can't have his back, but at least I know he won't ever be unarmed.

I assembled the rifle. It isn't mine, but it will do. No one talks to me now, and I hate being a pariah. It would be easier if I could be like Granger and not give a damn what anyone thinks, but I don't relish being disliked. It would make things a hell of a lot better if I just had a damn friend. It's isolated here, and I miss the team. And I miss Deeks so much already. I wonder how he's doing... I hope he's ok. I guess I see why I was chosen instead of Callen or Sam, but why couldn't I have a partner here? Preferably MY partner, but it's yet to be seen if this is our punishment.