Reality was one thing. Despite appearances, River was actually pretty good at reality. She could often be found skulking, moping in the bowels of the ship, trying to keep her emotions at bay; but while she was awake, she knew that her fantasy was just that.
Once she went to sleep, no power in the 'Verse could stop the flood from coming.
There she was. A vision in navy, with silk or chiffon falling in pleats down her back. That dress looked stunning on her, brightened her skin tone, and made her hair look silky. In the dream, it seemed to take forever to reach her.
"Inara." She was quiet now, earnest. Her eyes were shining, not yet spilling.
Inara's voice was amused, as it so often was. "Yes, River?"
River couldn't remember how the conversation had gone up to this point. Only that the atmosphere was suddenly intimate; they were so close together. River couldn't help but give a longing look to the Companion's lips. Her lipstick was perfect and River wanted to taste it.
She tried to put on her most seductive face. She hoped that all the work she'd already done, in this episode she couldn't quite remember, would make her say yes. She leaned in close, brushed up against her hair, and took her hand. She couldn't read the signs anymore. The room was spinning. Here goes.
"Your hands are so beautiful…" She knew Inara was blushing; she didn't have to look up. She traced over Inara's long fingers, bringing the smooth skin to her mouth and brushing her own lips against it. Then she went for it. Still holding her hand, River looked straight into her eyes, those eyes that could kill a man. And she said, quiet and unassuming, "May I kiss you?"
The pause was excruciating. But finally, Inara nodded. River brushed the tendrils off Inara's cheek, leaning her face up. She didn't want to come on too strong.
It was Inara who closed the gap between them, pressing her soft lips to River's. River bit back the involuntary noise that almost made it out of her throat; it ended up sounding like she was choking a bit. Strike one for sex appeal. But River kept trying, moving her mouth more urgently. She parted her lips slightly and ran her tongue along Inara's lower lip—trying to contain her sighs until she could elicit one from Inara.
Just as her eyes welled up, River surfaced to consciousness. The sheets were twisted, drenched in her sweat. She tried to let the tears leak out without alerting anyone, especially Simon, to her emotional state. Just another dream.
She managed to talk herself down, to remind herself that it was never going to happen: even on the impossibly small, hypothetical chance that Inara would be interested, there were a million other factors that would keep anything from happening. Ever. End of sentence, no haggling necessary. Remember?
River remembered. It hurt to admit it, but River knew deep down that it was all just a wild fantasy. She was letting her imagination get the best of her, again. But she was shameless: she allowed herself to wallow, whispering, "You're so beautiful… I love you," over and over, to the empty room.
Slowly, fitfully, she sank back into her pillow.
Same dream, but now we've hit the fast-forward button. Lights slowly come up on two nude women, lounging in bed together. Inara is mostly face-down. River takes the opportunity to lean over her lover, dropping kisses on the nape of her neck, all the way down her spine, to the small of her back. Thank goodness there's a fan on in the room.
Inara murmurs lightly. River brings her face back up to Inara's ear, asking if there's anything she can do. "Tell me what you like." Inara does her one better, showing her with her hands where she wants to be touched. River can't get over Inara's fabulous curves; she's like a marble statue, only soft and warm. Soon her hands are everywhere, smoothing over all of Inara's skin. River wants to make her feel beautiful, and precious. Because she is those things.
The familiar ache begins to creep into River's elbows and fingertips. All of a sudden she turns Inara over. She settles halfway on top; from here she can hold Inara the way she likes, but still reach up to kiss her. River would hold and kiss her forever. Finally, she drops her lips down to Inara's collarbone, over her chest, her stomach, her thighs. She knows Inara is insecure about her body; she can read it in her face. Inara used to look different. She wasn't always the goddess River holds in her arms tonight.
River doesn't care. Once a goddess, always a goddess. River wants desperately to tell Inara how passionately she loves her, but she doesn't want to send her running. So she tries to show her instead.
While her fingers continue to play over Inara's skin, River's mouth finds another occupation; it works its way around Inara's thighs and those tremendously gorgeous hips, hoping to eke out a reaction. Inara gasps; the sensation is somewhere between tickling and orgasmic, and it's wonderful. River takes the encouragement as an opportunity nip harder, allowing her fingers to work her up just a bit more, before River plunges into her salt waters.
This time the salt waters are pouring fresh and hot onto the pillow as River wakes up again, writhing. She feels like she's been punched in the gut. She knows, she knows she shouldn't be doing this to herself, allowing the dreams to continue this way. But her grip on her subconscious isn't strong enough; the tears always come, and in the moment it's just too beautiful.
River gives in for now. She isn't going to get any sleep tonight. Once again, the dreams have won out and River is left tired, sweating, and heartsick. Absently, she wonders what Inara might be dreaming about, tucked away in her shuttle.