Harry's First Word

Summary: James and Harry are home alone when Harry learns a new word- his first word. Let's just say Lily won't be too happy... Shit.

Lily Potter had gone out for the day. She had a few errands to run, leaving James and Harry alone. "Be good, you two," she had said before she left with a pop.

"Well looks like its just you and me," James said grinning, as he affectionately ruffled Harry's hair.

Harry giggled.

"Right so," James, who had never been alone with Harry, felt uncertain of what he should do. "Er, how about a trick? You like tricks, don't you Harry?" Not giving Harry a chance to respond, he pulled out his wand from his back pocket. Then, with a flick of his wrist, red sparks flew out of his wand. Harry clapped his hands together in delight.

James smiled and then attempted to do a more complex spell. Attempted. The failed trick caused his wand to fly out of his arm and landed on the couch on the other side of the room

"Shit!" James cursed as he scrambled to get his wand.

Harry, momentarily distracted, grinned mischievously. "Shit!" Harry squealed. "Shit, shit, shit." He laughed as the word rolled off his tongue. It was a rather funny word, Harry decided. He liked it.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Harry said again, laughing at James' horrified expression.

"Lily's gonna kill me," he moaned. "Holy shit."

"Shit!" Harry shrieked again. James, realizing his mistake, tried to cover it up. Where is Moony when I need him, James thought to himself. Remus, who always seemed to be good with kids, was recovering from the full moon last night and no matter how desperate James was, he knew he couldn't bother his friend today. The other marauders were as hopeless as James was with kids, so James was all alone. He thought about what Remus usually did with Harry. First James tried to make a fish face, something Remus did often with Harry and that usually made him shriek with delight. Today however, it just made Harry launch into more squeals of "shit!"

Then, he tried to sing one of those muggle nursery rhymes.

Honestly, he never really did understand them—what was so special about a song that was a about a farmer anyway? And he was called Old McDonald too. James always snickered at this—but both Lily and Remus were a firm believer in nursery rhymes, so Harry had grown up with nursery rhymes.

"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, How I wonder what you are?

Up, up, up in the—

"Shit, what comes next?" James asked, regretting for the first time, never paying attention to Moony's constant lectures of how nursery rhymes were "essential to a child's development."

"Shit, shit, shit!" Harry chroused, finding joy in the mortified look that had crossed James' face just as Lily apparated into the house.

"Lils," James murmured, trying to cover the trace of nervousness in his voice by pulling her in for a kiss. Nothing got under Lily's nose however and she frowned as she kissed Harry's forehead. "How was your day?" she cooed even though Harry couldn't talk yet. That was, until today. Yup, shit was Harry's first word and even though James couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride at this, when Lily found out, well, James Potter was going to be screwed.

James quietly edged away as Lily continued her greeting of Harry who was babbling some nonsense words, contentedly.

That was until she coddled his butt, which was growing increasingly wet. "And what's Harry got over there?" she cooed.

"Shit," Harry said smiling proudly.

"What was that?"

"Shit," Harry said clearly, enunciating every syllable.

James stifled a laugh, despite himself. His son was going to make a great marauder one day. Lily, however didn't seem amused. "Who taught you that word?" she demanded. The look on her face made James shudder. Thankfully, Harry didn't know any other words so he couldn't possibly tell her who told him, right?

Unfortunately for James, Harry knew how to point and right now his tiny little finger was pointed at James. "Crap," he said fearfully. It was meant to be a whisper, but somehow it traveled to Harry's ears. "Crap!" Harry said, smiling in excitement. "Crap, crap crap!"

Lily's emerald green eyes bore into James' hazel ones. He usually loved her eyes but right he wished they were looking anywhere but at him. "JAMES POTTER!" Lily's screamed in a voice so inhumanly loud James was sure the neighbors had heard. Not that he cared, he could use some rescuing now. When it was obvious that his superhero wasn't coming, James sighed. Shit, he thought. So much for Quidditch tomorrow.