Started as a one-shot and I'm turning it into it's own fic. Thanks to all those who encouraged it!

Fill-in of thoughts and extended/extra scenes in episode 4x11, In the Clamor and Clangor. This takes place after Luke tells Lorelai he's living with Nicole and they fight at the diner, and after he shows up at her place shoveling snow for another fight.

Three weeks. Three damn weeks! How the hell could he be so non-chalant about this? Have I been reading more into our friendship than I should have? God, I feel like I'm nothing to him! Is he just the diner guy and I'm just a regular customer he banters about coffee with to get good tips? Is that all I am to him?

Lorelai was furious. She held back tears as her anger fumed. She paced her house looking for something to distract her but every step was met with increasing rage at the fact that Luke had moved in with Nicole three weeks ago and failed to mention it to her. She had seen him nearly every day for the past three weeks, so he had every chance to update her on such an important life decision. In fact…

When did he even have time to move? Wouldn't I have noticed? Seen his truck packed up or boxes around the diner? I didn't even know he and Nicole were so... on that level. They're not! They can't be! They just decided to give it another shot! What the hell is he thinking?

She felt betrayed, and she knew she was more hurt than she should be, but she justified it through their friendship. Lorelai is strong and independent, a woman who is not easily shaken, but this shook her, and she was struggling to avoid the reasons why. She tries more than anything to avoid those reasons. Luke was always in the back of her mind as someone who supported and cared for her, who she thought of romantically from time to time, but each of those times, she dismissed the thought immediately because she never opened herself up to something if there was a possibility that she could get hurt. She never sought a man unless he sought her first, knowing she wouldn't be rejected. She's shared moments with Luke that seemed to indicate he was interested, but he never acted, so she wrote it off and buried any glimmer of feelings she had for him.

"I have to get out of the house." She resolved, feeling like she was going crazy. She grabbed a coat and hat from the closet and walked out the door to try and clear her head.

Get a fucking grip, Lorelai. She thought to herself. Just face it… Luke moved. He's with Nicole. He's—

The church bells rang loudly, clanging through her thoughts. The rang on and on, disrupting any train of thought she had. She found herself in front of Luke's diner, frustrated and feeling like a little rebellion would do her some good.

The airy ring of the bells on the diner door jingled as she walked in and stood before Luke. He stepped toward her, braced himself for round three.

"Wanna help me break the bells?"

Luke nodded and agreed without hesitation. "I'll get my toolbox."

Both parties felt relieved, like the tension had settled now that they were talking about something different and about to spend time together as friends once again.

Okay. Lorelai told herself as he turned around to retrieve his tools. We're okay. Maybe I was overreacting or thinking too much into this. She swiped a donut and followed Luke upstairs.

"I'll just be a sec," Luke said, making a B-line to the closet.

Lorelai paused, completely confused upon entry into Luke's apartment. Because it was just that—Luke's apartment. She was expecting an empty office with supplies here and there, maybe some things leftover from the move, items that needed to be stored. But there stood before her, a fully-lived-in apartment: dirty dishes piled up in the sink, bed unmade, clothing strewn across the bedroom, not at all moved out of. She took in the sight, trying to wrap her mind around the thousands of explanations swirling around her head, but none added up to make any sense. For some reason, she realized, Luke wanted her to think he had moved in with Nicole. But she didn't want to fight anymore, at least not yet, so she faked a smile and they headed towards their conquest.

They arrived to the church and were back to their old routine: Lorelai playing with flashlights, Luke telling her to stop, Luke explaining why Lorelai's ideas were irrational, Lorelai finding dirty jokes at every possible chance, friendly and quick banter which they both always enjoyed. Luke outed himself as the previous destroyer of the bells and Lorelai realized she was in better company than she ever intended to be. When the conversation turned to Luke's tools, Lorelai couldn't stop herself from prying… She had to know.

"So um… why wasn't your toolbox at your new place?"

"I needed it here," Luke said, looking up at the bell tower with his flashlight.

"Huh," Lorelai was unconvinced, "Moving usually requires lots of tools. Hanging things, putting things together…"

Luke's response was automatic. "Nicole hired a professional picture hanger, we didn't have anything to put together. Hand me the screw driver." He stretches his hand out.

"Philips or flathead?" she replied in a matter-of-fact tone, enjoying Luke's look of surprise. "I know things."

"Philips."

She hands him the screwdriver.

Lorelai decided to stop skirting around the issue. "Luke, how come you told me you moved?"

"I did move."

"Well you may have moved but none of your stuff did."

"What are you talking about? Hey hand me the open-ended wrench."

Lorelai let out an exacerbated breath. "Luke, I was in your apartment. It's exactly the same."

"No it's not."

"I just think it's weird you're pretending to move when you didn't."

Luke moved from his work station to look at her, frustrated by her questioning. "I did move."

"Luke your bed wasn't even made," she prodded further.

"So?"

"There were dishes in the sink. There was some kind of shake in the blender, MegaMan protein powder on the counter- remind me to mock you for that later, by the way."

"Can we talk about something else? Or, better yet, let's not talk and just get this done," Luke said, feigning friendliness.

"Does Nicole think you moved?" Lorelai knew she could get to him if she pushed the right buttons.

"Of course she thinks I moved, I did move!" His voice growing louder with each syllable.

"Do you sleep there?" The more minute and intimate questions would break him and it was obvious to her that he didn't.

"Of course I sleep there," Luke's responses became shorter and he was getting annoyed that he couldn't finish his work on the bells without her interruptions.

"When was the last time you slept there?"

"I live there."

"So last night?"

Luke scratched his head through his baseball cap. "Yeah- I had an early delivery and it didn't make sense to sleep there."

Lorelai started to laugh beneath her breath, "the day before?"

"I was there for dinner?"

"And after dinner?"

"Nicole was getting a sore throat so it made sense to go back to my place and not get sick!" Luke explained, proud of himself for his excuses.

"Your place." Got him.

"My old place!" He quickly corrected.

"You didn't say your old place, you said your place!"

"Well I meant my old place."

Luke would not let up, and the questions she had masked in competitive banter were now frustrating the hell out of her.

"Luke, you don't live with Nicole." Lorelai was fed up with this game. She was emotional and confused and would get the answers she needed whether he liked it or not.

"Yes. I do." Luke refused to back down.

"You watch her TV, you eat her food, you keep stuff in a duffle bag at her house. You're a rude guest, not her boyfriend!"

"Husband."

"Whooole other discussion," she argued with an involuntary, yet obligatory eye roll.

"You know what," Luke said, also fed up with this conversation, "you're doing it again."

"Doing what again?"

"You're passing judgement on my relationship with Nicole."

"I'm not passing judgement."

"You passed judgement on our marriage, you passed judgement on our divorce, and now you're passing judgement on our living together."

Lorelai couldn't believe that Luke was so oblivious to what she saw. "I'm not passing judgement on you living together. You're passing judgement on you living together… by not living together!" Her throat felt tight as she fought back tears. Why does he fight so hard to make me think he's with her?

"You know, I was a little tipsy on that cruise ship but I don't remember anyone pronouncing us husband and wife and Lorelai." At this point, Luke had forgotten about his job and turned his attention to his opponent.

"They may as well have because I spend as much time as you do," biting sarcasm even more apparent in her voice than usual.

"And the judgement's back!"

"I could move in with you guys and you wouldn't know."

"You know, none of this is any of your business."

Lorelai had had enough. "It's absolutely my business!" She raised her voice.

"How?" He asked incredulously.

"Because!" She was trying to think more quickly than she spoke. She hesitated some, trying not to reveal too much, but the words kept spilling out in her hot anger. "I wasted a week of my life adjusting to the idea that you had moved, only to find out that you haven't moved!"

"How much adjusting did you have to do?" Luke recanted. Lorelai tried to keep her breath steady, refusing to break, wondering when the tables turned on her in this argument. "Nothing's changed! I still see you every day! I still cook your food! I still serve your coffee! What do you care?"

Lorelai's resolve broke. Her voice softened as she let her feelings consume her, unable to avoid them any longer. "I care," her voice was almost a whisper.

"Why?" Luke begged, desperate for a real answer.

"Because I don't want you to move."

Luke needed more than that. "Why?" They had come to moments like this so many times before but neither of them had ever taken that last step to confirm to the other what they already knew, though it was knowledge that they both kept hidden within themselves. "Why don't you want me to move?" His voice was low and sincere. His eyes desperate.

Lorelai's chest burned as she looked at the ground in front of her. She shook her head, hating that he was putting this on her, making her say it. She kept her voice barely above a whisper, fearful that if she were any louder her voice would waver. "Luke… you know. I know that you know."

Luke's tone matched hers. "What, Lorelai? What do I know? What do you want?"

She looked at him, her chin quivering, tears on the brink, but she refused to let them fall. She shrugged as she gave in.

"You."

And just like that, everything that had ever gone unsaid was out in the open, clear as day, understood between the two of them.

"You told me to go." Luke's voice started low, but grew louder as though he was processing everything as the words were formed. "You said there was no reason that I shouldn't go, Lorelai. I went because you told me to go!"

She knew immediately that he was talking about the cruise. "Yeah, I said you should go! I was trying to be a good friend!" She yelled, barely holding it together, trying to put together what was happening. "I didn't say you should get married!"

Luke turned around and in a flash, Lorelai saw him punch the wall of the church as he yelled, "dammit!"

Lorelai was unsure of what to do, eyes wide, tears finally falling. "Luke…" she said, her voice shaking. She had seen him mad before, but never physically violent.

Luke stood leaning with his arm against the wall, his back to Lorelai as he tried to calm himself down. He couldn't look at her. "One word from you and I would have left her at the dock, Lorelai. One word. I gave you every chance. I've given you every chance to just say something!" He turned to face her again.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lorelai's sadness had turned quickly into anger. "You have given me every chance?" She let out a frustrated laugh. "Unbelievable. I have given you more moments and more chances than I can even count! You cannot put this on me! The ball has been in your court. You should have done something! Said something!"

"You're out of my goddamn league, Lorelai! Look at you!" Their eyes were fixed on one another, anger stirring from across the room. Lorelai's tears, whether from sadness or rage, continued to streak her face, her eyes wide at witnessing his fury. "Of course there were moments. I saw moments everywhere because I wished for them, hell, I prayed for them, but I convinced myself they were all in my imagination because you would never go for me! You go for guys like Christopher and that teacher- clean cut guys who come from money! You don't want me! You couldn't have possibly wanted me! And if for some reason you did, it had to be you that said something! It had to be, Lorelai!"

Hurt consumed Lorelai and suddenly all she wanted to do was escape. "I can't believe you think I'm so stuck up and self-absorbed." She wiped tears from her face. "Well you got your wish, Luke. I said it."

"Well it's too late."

Lorelai nodded, a small sob escaped from her throat. "Yeah, I guess it is," she said as she turned and fled through the door.

"Lorelai, wait."

She didn't.

"Lorelai!"

…

She didn't know where to begin processing everything that just happened. She felt like an idiot. She hates being vulnerable, and she did it even when she knew it would hurt her. The feelings and emotions she masks under her wit had been uncovered and she hated it. She should never have said anything. It was better to ignore because at least they could always be friends… but now? She didn't know. She marched into her house, shedding her coat and hat on the floor, and plopped onto the couch. With her head in her hands, she wept silently.

"You're seeing someone."

Luke's voice startled Lorelai and she stood quickly, wiping the tears from her eyes and turning to face him as he stood in the opening to the living room behind the couch.

"Don't tell me you're not because I know you. Your clothes are tighter and more low-cut. Your skirts are shorter even when its freezing, your perfume is different when you're planning on seeing him, and you try to work him into your schedule so you're at the diner at different times. You don't like to tell me when you're dating, but I can tell when you are." Luke was breathing deeply, like he had just run to her house. Lorelai walked around the couch on the opposite side of the room as she continued to allow her mind to catch up, wondering if she left the door open or if she just didn't hear him come in.

"Yeah, well I didn't have any other clear offers," she retorted.

"Don't do that. No more jokes or hiding behind your verbal marathons."

Fine, she wasn't in the mood anyway. If he wants the truth, he can have it. "Yeah, I am seeing someone… Jason… But he doesn't mean half as much to me as you do, Luke."

He rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!" she said, arms pointing at him angrily. "Don't you dare act like I don't care about you, Luke! We've been through too much! The fact that you think I'm some Hartford snob who only dates men who come from money goes to show how little you really know me!

"That night we were supposed to paint the diner- what happened?"

She felt a pain in her chest, remembering how much she had hurt him the night she stood him up, realizing how much it affected him if he is still hurt by it. "Luke, that has nothing to do with this!"

"Were you with him? Christopher? Did you sleep with him that night instead of coming to paint the diner?" His voice cracked, but he was insistent.

"Luke…"

"Just answer."

She paused for what seemed like minutes.

"Yes." It came out in a strangled whisper. "And the night before that we sat on the floor of your diner and I waited for you to kiss me. You didn't."

Luke couldn't have stared at her more intensely and she could see him trying to think all of this through, make sense of it like she was trying to do.

"Luke, I— "

"I'm married." He said it quickly, as though he'd known he needed to say it this whole time but had to force it out. His voice was low, full of regret.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "On a drunken whim, Luke!"

"Whim or not, I have to own my mistakes and try to make such a huge commitment work. This isn't just a light decision I made at a drive through! I can't just give up so easily."

"Which is the most frustrating thing about all of this!" She yelled, not thinking before she spoke. "Of course you have to try because it's you! But its keeping me from you, and it's also one of the stupid reasons I love you!" Her eyes widened a moment later after realizing her confession… Confessing it to herself for the first time as well.

Silence deafened the room for what seemed like an eternity. Lorelai's mind was running a mile a minute trying to find ways out of this.

In three large strides, Luke crossed the room and closed the distance between them with an unexpected and fiercely passionate kiss. Lorelai stumbled slightly and moaned into him as he caught her by surprise. She sank into the kiss as she felt his warm arms around her waist. She took his face in her hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, whimpers and moans escaping with every new and intense touch.

Minutes later, Luke pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers, holding her in his tight embrace. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know," she confessed. "I would never let myself really love you because I didn't know if you—"

"I do. I have. For so long."

Lorelai smiled, leaning into him. They both sigh in the other's arms for a moment before she lifted her lips to his once more, but Luke stepped back an inch.

"But, I can't." The words were physically painful for him to get out.

She grabbed his shirt in her fists as her smile furrowed into pain. "No. Please."

"I'm sorry."

He squeezed her tightly, knowing he had to leave, but desperate to hold on for one moment longer. He kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry," He whispered again, and walked away, refusing to look back, knowing he wouldn't be strong enough to leave if he didn't go now.

She stood in a stunned silence in the middle of her living room and watched the man she loved walk away from her. Sadness, anger, jealously, outrage, hurt, betrayal… So many emotions took over her that she decided not to deal at all. She faced her head forward, stood up straight, and walked up the stairs to her bed, hoping tomorrow she'd wake up and find this all to be a nightmare.