Waiting.
That's' all I can do, right? I shouldn't ring again. That would be a bad idea, horrible actually. the first time I rang was bad enough. 'Chat?', really? Of all of the words in my vocabulary, I chose the word chat. Nice one Lizzie. I am about to graduate from grad school and you used the word chat.
How long has it been?
8 minutes.
Stop obsessing! He is a very busy man and he will call you back when he gets the message.
Maybe, he's in an important Pemberley Digital meeting, and he has his phone turned off. It did go straight to voicemail….. Or maybe he blocked me!
He can't of blocked me. Can he?
He hasn't had any contact with me, since I left San Francisco, he must not want to keep in touch, but blocking me off his phone is a step too far, isn't it? We were getting on so well, you don't block people who you get on well with!
I am reading into this way too much. He is just a very busy man…who probably never wants to speak to you again.
No, he does, he must do.
He said he loved me.
Granted, that was months ago, and I said a lot of harsh things to him, well, I think shouted is the more appropriate term. But, then with the letter and everything else he did, for me at Pemberley and for Lydia, especially for Lydia. It's obvious he didn't want me to find out about that.
10 minutes.
He might be mad at me for finding out? Is that it? No, be reasonable! No way could he be mad at me for finding out, it wasn't like I went looking for it, that was all Lydia. And he clearly isn't mad at Lydia.
Ok, Lizzie, stop obsessing and just resign yourself to the fact that he is busy. He is not mad at you! I think.
He is busy. Very very Busy.
He is the CEO of a huge company, and he probably has work to catch up on if Caroline is right and he spent weeks away from work to find Geo….. The devil. He doesn't even deserve a name anymore.
What if Caroline spoke to him, convinced him to cut me out completely. Those two have always been as thick as thieves.
No, that can't be it, Caroline is insane! Darcy would be crazy to listen to her after what she did to Jane. What is he doesn't know, what if he stopped watching the videos and has no idea what she did. I have to tell him, right?
But there is the one problem we started with, he still hasn't returned my call after 15 minutes.
HE IS BUSY! STOP GETTING IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD!
Ok, stop thinking about this for now. go and see Lydia. She needs you and you need to get your head out of this and think about something else, anything else in fact .
~/[§]\~
24 hours later.
He still hasn't called.
Or texted.
Or emailed.
All his social media accounts are radio silent.
And now I sound like a creepy stalker who is obsessing on a rich handsome single guy.
Oh lord, I am becoming my mother!
Help me!
Is he even still single?
He wasn't seeing anyone at San Francisco, was he? No, he went out with me and Gigi all the time, there was no way he could have hidden a secret girlfriend with me knowing, and especially not Gigi, she would have hunted her down like a hawk. And then asked about nonexistent math problems. And then set up traps.
It's official lizzie, you have gone insane.
Oh, why isn't Charlotte here? Or Jane? Or even Lydia, was that trip to the Mall that important. I need to tell someone, and rant to get it out of my system. I talked to the internet already and that just ended in me making that god awful phone call that has no become the root of all my problems.
This is why I need someone here with me to stop me from making all these bad decisions and then putting it up on the internet.
And this is all imaginary Charlotte's fault!
Damn you Imaginary Charlotte, what have you gotten me into!
Real Charlotte wouldn't have let me do this!
Wait, no she would have, she was all over you last time she was here to get in touch with him.
Damn you real Charlotte for making Imaginary Charlotte seem like you and ruining my capacity for sane thoughts.
Right, turning to imaginary Jane, who I hope will give better advice that imaginary Charlotte.
'Do you want some tea?'
Yes, I will think this over, whilst enjoying a cup of tea Imaginary Jane.
Ok, kettle.
So, Imaginary Jane, let's see what you have got for me.
'I think you two are very sweet together and if it's going to happen, you need to be patient Lizzie. It will happen if it's meant to happen.'
Right, kettle has boiled.
Imaginary Jane, you may be right.
He will ring if he wants to.
Which may be never.
Or soon.
Ok, I will stay positive until tomorrow, A lot of people take a day to return a phone call. Any more than two days though is just clear sign it has been ignored.
So that means that if he calls, it will happen today or tomorrow, leaving….
My birthday.
The day I will know for sure if I'm being ignored by him.
Yay, happy birthday to me.
Do they do cards for 'Good luck for today you will know if the guy you really like actually still likes you back anymore!'?
So, don't obsess. You will know soon. Leave it!
~/[§]\~
The evening before my Birthday.
There is nothing more to do, Birthday brunch planned, orders taken, table booked, so not much left to keep busy about before tomorrow.
And I have been keeping busy, there's the rest of thesis to write and the final independent study to focus on. And Lydia.
And he still hasn't called.
He doesn't want to.
I guess he changed his mind. He never loved me after all.
And I don't blame him. I said some pretty unforgivable stuff that day. This is my doing. And it's not like he owes me anything. Not even an explanatory phone call or text. That's fine. He's already done so much, I really shouldn't have expected him to want to do anything else. He deserves to be left in peace, if that's what he wants.
It just would have been nice to know, that's all.
The weather seems to be reflecting my current mood anyway, a lot of drizzle. Not even proper rain, just depressing drizzle. I'm guessing I won't be having a dry birthday then.
Was that knock?
No,
Wait, there it is again. Definitely a knock.
And now the doorbell.
Ok, so someone's standing outside my door, in the drizzle.
Maybe it's h….
Nope, it's Charlotte!
Real Charlotte
Charlotte.
With Ice cream!
Charlotte!
Not Darcy.
Charlotte with a cheesy movie.
Not Darcy.
It's ok. You shouldn't be disappointed! You knew deep down he wouldn't come.
And Charlotte's here, for our birthday!
Charlotte, who can actually give real advice now that she is here in person!
Just switch off for now and watch the stupid cheesy movie!
~/[§]\~
Our Birthday.
Ahh, talking to the camera is so much easier when there is someone there to also talk to! Rambling on by yourself is surprisingly hard.
Keep talking about your studies, maybe I can distract Charlotte away from the topic I can see the little devil on her shoulder wants me to discuss.
Damn it, she had to bring it up!
Just wish Charlotte hadn't mentioned him, on camera.
She didn't talk about him at all last night!
Ok, breathe, it's for the viewers, they're really interested in what is going on. They are concerned and you need to let them know what's going on. Even if it is hard to admit.
Yes, I am disappointed, but this was my fault as well. I could have been nicer, and not judged him as harshly as I did.
And yes, a lot has changed, but clearly not enough for him, so it's fine.
I will be fine.
And Charlotte has ordered Chinese food! Honey walnut shrimp! It will all be ok.
And I have the best people in the world behind me, Charlotte and Lydia and Jane, even if she is in New York. I know they're there for me.
And Jane is great, she's so happy with her second chance. They are rare things.
I just wish I had one more chance
But I don't.
Charlotte's back, she must need some change for the tip.
"Excuse me Lizzie"