Hi guys! I've finally gotten around to writing this (My first song-fic. I'm so excited! squeals
You don't
remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so
hard not to think of you.
I tossed and turned in my bed, moaning in a low voice. My mind ran in an incessant mantra. Edward, Edward, Edward... Every time I thought his name, I would wince in pain, the gaping, empty hole in my chest growing larger by the second. I spared about half a second of my masochistic venerating and moaning of the loss of the Love Of My Existence (and yes, I used capitals) to feel a consuming wave of self-pity. He had left me a few months ago and I was still unable to think of anything else.
But who can
decide what they dream?
And dream I do...
I sobbed broken-heartedly. Edward. I thought of his smouldering topaz eyes, his beautiful crooked smile that made me melt into a puddle of feminine goo, his Adonis-like body, and found myself clutching the bag of ice I had taken to sleeping with. Another sad attempt of mine to try to pretend that he was still with me. That he hadn't escaped from my weakness, my clumsiness and my altogether incapacitating humanity.
His image popped back into my mind (as if it had ever left) with shocking clarity. I snorted (or at least tried to, it came out more like a strange chocking/sobbing sound) as I remembered what he had said to me those last days.
It will be like I never existed. Your memories of me will fade in time. Your kind forget.
As if. How anyone could ever forget someone like him was beyond me.
I believe
in you...
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to
be with you,
To live,
To
breathe,
You're taking over me...
I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised. I should have known that a being so utterly and impossibly perfect as he was would stay with a poor stupid and talent less human like me. But to have it happen so soon.
A sobbed ripped it's way out of my throat.
I wasn't prepared to have the drug I had gotten so used to having as a daily supply be so brutally ripped away from me.
Have you
forgotten all I know
And all we had?
A surge of anger, so intense it blinded me, bringing with it a fresh flood of tears who simply augmented my aggravation. I was such a worthless creature I couldn't even be angry without falling into tears.
How dare he leave me like that. No warning, no nothing! He just got up and left me one random day. After everything I had done for him. I had nearly died, all for the sake of keeping his secret.
As soon as it came it left, leaving me feeling guilty enough to compensate for twelve serial killers. It wasn't His fault I almost died. It wasn't His fault I got roped into keeping his secret in the first place. All He had ever done was save me from a stray van, and look how I paid him back for it. By getting ad at him for doing what he should have done a long time ago.
You saw me
mourning my love for you
And touched my hand...
I knew you
loved me then.
I believe in
you...
I'll give up everything just to find you,
I have to be
with you,
To live,
To
breathe,
You're taking over me...
I reviewed the scene in the forest when He left me. This time, something was different though. This time, I could swear that he had glanced back at me before going, and in his eyes, I saw a glimmer of what I knew must shine through my own every time I do so much as think of him. Pure raw love, scorching in his intensity.
I
look in the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
So
many things inside that are just like you are taking over
I buried my face into my pillow and screamed, crying out my frustration, my never-ending tears soaking the cloth. I looked up at my blotchy faced, red-rimmed reflection and, seized once again by a sudden fit of rage, threw it with all my might at my window. When it fell down, I looked outside.
A glimmer of gold caught my eye. I rushed over to the window and pulled it open violently. "Edward", I called out softly to the empty (to my eyes) night, knowing he would hear it if he was out there. Hope surged through my chest, momentarily filling, though not entirely, the painful hole in my heart. I waited. One minute... Two...
Ten minutes passed and then I finally let myself feel the intense disappointment I had tried (futilely) to hold back and let myself sink to my knees. I wrapped my arms around my chest and curled into as tiny a ball as I could manage, trying desperately to hold myself together. I sobbed loudly, trembling sporadically, as the cold midnight air of Forks whipped my hair around me.
I
believe in you...
I'll give up everything just to find you,
I
have to be with you,
To live,
To
breathe,
You're taking over me
I believe
in you...
I'll give up everything just to find you,
I have to
be with you,
To live,
To
breathe, Taking over me
You're taking over me.
Your Taking
Over Me
Taking over me
Taking over me...
Here we go! It's over! Pease please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase leave a review!
