Author's Note: Hey everyone! Here's my tag for 7x10 that I wrote because that episode really was not okay. I should be studying more for my midterm on Friday, but I really needed to get this out of my head. I personally feel like Jane is being really selfish, while I understand why he's doing what he's doing, I don't agree with it. Yes, Lisbon has her own faults in this as well, but I feel like Jane is really walking away from the whole thing too easily considering everything that went into them getting together. That's just me. Maybe I am Jane-blaming a little, but that's how I feel. If anyone doesn't want to read anything Jane-blamingish, then I just want to warn you right now that it might come across that way. I'm not saying it's all his fault, I just want to make that clear. Otherwise, I hope you guys like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist(because if I did, Vega would be alive and that episode would have just been a bad dream).
Jane sat in his airstream that night, on the edge of his bed. He couldn't bring himself to lie down, though. Lisbon wasn't going to be there. He knew she wasn't. He had just told her that he was leaving. He really had hoped that she'd come with him. He really wanted her to. Jane didn't want to leave her behind. But, what else could he do? He couldn't watch her do such dangerous work. It was hard enough before, but now…now it was even worse. Michelle was so young and she hadn't even been on the team that long. Jane couldn't live through this again. Jane sighed heavily and got up to make himself a cup of tea. No sooner had he gotten into the kitchen that the door of the airstream was flung open harshly, swinging and hitting the wall with a hard thunk. Jane whirled around to see an enraged Lisbon standing in the doorway, glaring daggers at him and if looks could kill, Jane would be dead on his feet.
Lisbon stomped in, slamming the door shut behind her. "You bastard! So that's really it, huh? You're leaving? You're just going to walk away!? After everything you said to me! After everything we've been through. After making me get off that fucking plane and take a chance on you!? What happened to 'we'll work it out', huh!? What happened to that!?" Lisbon kicked off her shoes furiously and stormed over to him, cornering him against the kitchen counter. "You're selfish, you know that!? You know that!?"
Jane just stared at her.
"ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW, JANE!"
"Yes, I know that."
"Good! Because you are! How dare you!" Tears welled in Lisbon's eyes. "You said you'd never leave me again, so what the hell is this!?"
"I said you could come with me. I want you to come with me." Jane whispered hoarsely.
"Well, that just makes it all my fault, then, doesn't it?" Lisbon screamed. "Because it's not like you could possibly be the selfish one! Nope, not you. Never you."
"You're not completely faultless, yourself." Jane snapped in irritation.
"You're right." Lisbon bit back. "Sorry for wanting to do my job. The job you've always known means a lot to me. The job you have always seen me do from the moment we met. I'm sorry I can't just give up everything I've built my whole life making because you suddenly got scared about the risks!"
"It's different now and you know it!" Jane retaliated.
"Because we've slept together? Because you can kiss me now? That suddenly makes me more important now?"
"That is not it at all! That was low, Teresa. Really low!"
"Oh and 'I'm leaving' after you promised me you wouldn't, wasn't!? After you put yourself in unnecessary danger to stop me from doing my job!?"
"You didn't have to go in with them and you wouldn't listen!"
"I did have to go in there. It's my job! My job! My fucking job!"
"If you're just going to swear at me to prove your point, then maybe you should go." Jane ground out. She just didn't understand and he knew that she never would.
Lisbon sucked in a breath, as if she had just been physically attacked. The tears fell down her cheeks. "Fine." She huffed, trying to keep her voice even. "I'm sorry that you're a coward. And I'm sorry that I apparently wasn't enough for you for you to stick around." Lisbon turned on her heel and headed back to the door so she could put her shoes back on.
Jane watched her wordlessly.
Just as she was about to leave, Lisbon stopped, her hand on the door latch. She turned to look at him, not even mad or upset, just emotionally drained and numb. "When I got off that plane, I thought I was crazy. You lied to me so many times I had no idea why I should believe you, but I did. You've proved me wrong so many times before about a lot of things. I thought you would leave me again even after that. For a while there, though, you had me going. You really did. I thought you had proven me wrong again. But wow, what a time for you to start proving me right. Thanks for that. I really appreciate it." Lisbon left, slamming the door behind her.
Jane felt nauseous as he heard her car engine start and the crunch of the gravel as she pulled away. That was one hell of an argument. It wasn't so much of an argument, as it was her just bombarding him and screaming at him. Suddenly, Jane felt his own anger. She didn't understand what he was going though and she wanted to come in here and yell at him? She did have a point. He had said that he would never leave her, but she was making his position impossible and she hadn't even given him the opportunity to explain that. She had just barged in and thrown her side in his face and then stormed out. Jane started to pace the airstream. He was mad, but the fact that Lisbon showed up had meant that she'd still cared. She still cared enough to drive all the way to the airstream. She could have called to yell at him. Texted him. But, no. She'd actually driven over to yell at him in person. Now he was mad. He still cared, too. Now it was his turn.
-Mentalist-
A little while later, Jane pulled into Lisbon's driveway, parking behind her car. He got out and locked his car, making his way up her front steps to unlock her door with his key. His heart squeezed. His key. It had given him great joy to have it. He felt like it was her giving him a piece of herself. It was a free pass into the place she held the most sacred with all her things and personal moments. Jane shook it off and unlocked the door, quietly making his way inside. He wasn't going to make such a spectacle as Lisbon had. All the lights were out. Not even the TV was on. Had she really gone to bed? Would she really have been able to sleep? He knew that she was home because her car was in the driveway and her purse was in its normal spot when she was home. Jane took off his shoes and headed upstairs. Lisbon better have been ready for a piece of his mind, since she had so forcefully shoved a piece of hers in his face. On his way to the stairs, Jane noticed a shoebox laying on the floor with the contents spilled everywhere. They were letters. As he picked them up, he saw they were the letters that he had sent her from when he was in hiding from the FBI. Jane held back the tears and reminded himself why he was here. He and Lisbon really needed to talk. He was going. He had decided it. That was all. Jane just needed to make Lisbon understand why.
Lisbon's bedroom door was closed when he got there, gently trying the handle he realized that it was locked. He didn't have a key for this door. He'd never needed one before. It was like a ton of bricks to know that he now needed one. Jane stood silently at the door, listening. He heard some soft sobbing and sniffling. There was another sound as well. It was really faint. He had to strain his ears to hear it. It was a sloshing sound. Like liquid in a bottle…like alcohol… "Teresa?" Jane called, now a little panicked. There was no response right away. "Teresa!?" He tried again.
There was some rustling noises and then Lisbon's footsteps as she walked towards the door and unlocked it. Lisbon leaned heavily on the doorframe, not letting Jane it. "I thought y'were leaving." Lisbon slurred, glaring at him. "Go away."
"No, Teresa. You need to understand." Jane said as calmly as he could. She had been sober at the airstream. He could tell by her walk and the look in her eyes. Now her eyes were clouded with alcohol and he didn't like it.
"The fuck, I do." Lisbon slammed the door right in his face, but forgot to lock it before going back to bed.
Jane bit back his anger, collecting himself before he opened the door to her room. No matter how mad he was at her, he wasn't going to leave her here to drink herself to sleep. Jane was scared that she might drink herself into a coma. He couldn't have that. Jane opened the door and walked over to the bed where Lisbon sat cross-legged and taking a generous swig of her tequila.
"Get out!" Lisbon snapped at him after swallowing the tequila.
"No." Jane told her firmly, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"It's my house!"
"You barged into my house not two hours ago."
"You're the asshole that dumped me at a fucking cemetery after my colleague's funeral and then left me standing there alone. You deserve it."
"I didn't dump you." Jane scoffed, horrified.
"You said you were leaving."
"I said you could come with me."
"But you'd go, either way."
"I can't do this. You don't understand what it's like."
Lisbon frowned at him and then got up off the bed.
Jane watched as she stumbled around to stand in front of him and then she grabbed his arm, clumsily pulling him to stand up. Jane did.
Lisbon pulled him towards the bedroom door. "Out. Get out. You were the one that wanted to leave. Bye."
Jane stopped before they were at the door and Lisbon was too drunk to be able to effectively pull him without his cooperation.
Lisbon stumbled with his weight holding her back and almost dropped her bottle, but managed to hold onto it. She turned to look at him, very unhappy.
This wasn't what Jane had expected. He'd expected her to be mad, yes, of course. But not this. He hadn't thought she'd start drinking. Why had she started? She was always so careful about her drinking because of what had happened to her father and she was so much stronger than this. He looked at her as she swayed on her feet when she let his arm go.
"Leave."
"I'm not leaving. Not until we talk."
"I don'want to talk."
"Too bad."
"Too bad for you." Lisbon raised the bottle to her lips. A good portion of it was gone.
Jane reached out and grabbed the bottle before it reached her lips. "Stop that."
"No." Lisbon yanked at the bottle, but Jane didn't let go.
"Yes. Put the bottle down and let's talk."
"No. I can drink what and when I want to. I'm an adult!"
You're not acting like one. Jane almost said to her. "Then just give me the bottle and drink it later." Of course, he had no intention of letting her have it back later.
"Why? Does this bother you? Does my drinking make you mad?" Lisbon tried to pull the bottle out of his hand again.
"Yes, it does." Jane knew now. She did it to bother him. She knew it would bother him. Of course she probably was trying to find some comfort in it for herself, but she also knew it would bother him. Her statement proved that. What a terrible idea.
"Well join the fucking club!"
"I've never heard you swear this much."
"Then leave."
"Teresa, I'm-" He couldn't finish that sentence. He couldn't say that he wasn't leaving.
"You're what, Jane? You're leaving? Good. Go. You don't want to live without me, so your logical sol'tion is t'cut me out of your life? Wish I was so smart."
Jane pursed his lips. He wasn't going to get through to her. Not right now, at least. He had to wait this out. He saw a moment where Lisbon tried to adjust her hand on the bottle for a better grip and seized the opportunity to yank the bottle out of her hands.
"Hey!" Lisbon exclaimed, reaching for the bottle. "Give that back!"
Jane held the bottle behind him, out of her reach. His other hand circled her waist to hold her against him as she tried to reach it, but his arm was too long for her.
"Give it back!" Lisbon insisted, pushing against his chest to try and make him let her go. "Let me go! Give me back the bottle!"
Jane held her as tightly as he could while she struggled against him until she broke down and slumped against him, sobbing. Jane knelt down, to place the bottle on the floor, off to the side, and collect Lisbon in his arms so he could place her back on the bed.
Lisbon curled up into a ball on her side, facing away from Jane and continued to cry.
Jane couldn't bring himself to leave her be. Not like this. Not when it was partially his fault she was like this.
"Why?" Lisbon choked. "Why aren't I enough? Why aren't I ever enough?"
"Teresa, that's not it at all. You are enough."
"Then why are you so willing to leave?"
"I'm not willing. But I need to."
"You don't."
Jane brushed some hair from her forehead and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "I can't lose you. I'd rather cut you out of my life than watch you die. It's not because I don't love you. It's not because you're not enough. It's because I do love you. It's because you're more than enough. You're everything."
"That's really redicl-" Lisbon hiccupped. "Ridicus."
Jane smiled gently. She meant ridiculous. "Maybe." Jane agreed, his throat tightening. "And I know it really hurts, but Teresa I can't do it. I just can't.
Lisbon turned on her other side to face him. "You talk like everything is a goodbye. You act like I'm fragile."
"You're not fragile. I am."
"You said we were strong together."
Jane was silent as he held her watery gaze. Her words hung in the air. "I want to be strong on my own, too. But I can't."
"So you leave me. Instead of trying to be strong you leave me."
"Teresa." Jane sighed, trying not to cry as well. "What do you want?"
"I want you to stay. I want you to keep your promises. Is that so bad?"
Jane couldn't help himself. He lay on the bed next to Lisbon, pulling the covers over them and holding her tightly against him. "No, it's not bad." Jane kissed her hair. How was he going to do this? How was he going to leave without her? He could hardly even keep his distance from her.
Lisbon nuzzled her face into his shoulder. "I thought you said we could work it out. I want to work it out."
Jane sighed. "I don't know if it can be, Teresa."
"You're not even going to try?" Lisbon's voice sounded so small.
Jane kissed her shoulder. Don't mess this one up. Jane could still hear Sam's voice in the back of his mind. You and Teresa are never going to work out, Patrick. Erica's voice was still taunting. He remembered that moment, how he was so sure she was wrong. How he felt so strongly that he was going to stay with Teresa. Jane held her tighter.
"That's a no."
"It's not a no." Jane told her.
"You want to try? We'll really work this out?" Lisbon pulled away to look at him.
"I'd like to work it out."
Lisbon didn't look especially convinced, but nodded. "Okay. So yes."
"Yes."
Lisbon gave him a small smile and even that made Jane happy. It had felt like forever since he'd seen her smile. Even if it had only been a day.
Jane leaned forward and kissed Lisbon lightly on the lips. He saw Lisbon's eyes sparkle a little bit when he pulled away and then she was the one leaning forward to kiss him. "Got to sleep." He told her softly when she pulled away for air.
Lisbon looked at him, hesitantly.
"I'll be here when you wake up." Jane assured her.
Lisbon didn't seem very assured, but she settled back against his chest, anyway.
Jane rubbed her back soothingly until he knew that she was asleep. He knew that she was going to wake up with a wicked hangover, but he was happy that she was there. And she was alive. And she was safe. He couldn't leave now. He just couldn't. They still had to talk more. He had to make her see how difficult it really was for him, but clearly leaving wasn't his only option. And he saw that it certainly wasn't his best one. His best option was always Lisbon. It always had been and it always would be. Jane began to think up realistic scenarios to suggest to her. A training agent? She could do what she loved, but just with fake houses and fake criminals and fake guns. He would have to think about it all some more and talk to her about it after her hangover, but he was going to stay. He was really going to keep his promises.
Author's Note: Well, that's it for this oneshot. Maybe I'll write a second chapter where they really talk it out, but that probably won't be for a little while sadly.
