There she was, perched upon a small brick wall, staring off into the woods. Her usual scowl was on her face, but her silver eyes were vacant. She was left to her thoughts, and this was what had become of her. Her hair was pulled back into her trademark braid, and the soft wind had caused a few strands to fall loose. The hair tickled her across her face, but she was oblivious to it as she was to the rest of the world at the moment. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, and she hugged them to shield the cool air. As she rested her chin lazily on one of the knees, she shivered slightly in her worn-down, knitted brown sweater.
He had watched her helplessly on the small television in his small house, and sometimes the big screen that hung in the middle of town, but he preferred to watch in his house, where no one could see him. He hadn't talked to her since she'd been home. He had seen her a few times when she passed by, but he made no move to talk to her. He had missed her badly while she had been away in the Capitol and ached to talk to her... Yet when she came home, he didn't want to be near her, didn't want her to see how broken down he had become since she had left a couple of months ago.
The break was gradual, and each day was worse than the last. The pain became almost too much to bear, but he watched the games anyhow. He watched how she was hurt and as she killed other innocent children. In those moments, his heart broke, because he knew she would never be the girl he has come to the love in the last year. At least not fully anyway. In the hob he'd seen her smile a few times, but he could tell just how broken she had become, too. Everyone knew when they saw her. No one said or asked anything, but they knew. Her mother and sister were worried about her like the rest of District 12. They were afraid she'd do something stupid like kill herself or maybe even another like she did in the games. But he knew her, and saw how much it killed her to kill another; he could see the guilt eating at her soul.
The games changed people, he knew that like everyone else in the country, and not for the first time he wished she hadn't been the one to go into those damned games. Those were selfish thoughts that wished she hadn't volunteered for her sister, that she would have been like the others who had siblings reaped into the games and not volunteered. But that was just another thing that made her who she was. Just another thing that drew him unceasingly to her. She was not like the others in this district - she was selfless. She was one of the few who put their family before themselves. She repeatedly and blatantly broke the law to provide for her family. He assumed she didn't even think of what the consequences would be if she was found out. It was what made her special.
This morning he had woke, and he knew that if he didn't talk to her soon, he would slowly rot away in melodramatic sorrow.
Sucking up the courage he hadn't had the entire time she'd been home, he slowly walked over to her. He sat across from her on the wall, not once taking his eyes off of her. If she knew he was there, she made no move to acknowledge it. He took in the beautiful features of her face and the changes that had occurred. From a distance he never would of noticed, but up close he could see how tense and ridged her body was. How her eyes were pained and frightened. How the fire that had always been there didn't burn as brightly or as strong. How there were deep, swollen, black bags beneath her eyes from her lack of sleep. How the lines in her face seemed to have deepened, making her look she aged a few years in the time of about sixth months.
Finally, after a while longer, he spoke one word gently,"Katniss."
Pause.
No reply.
"Katniss?" He now inquired.
Still no answer.
He waited a little while longer, then, sure she was too far lost in her own miserable world to respond, he turned dejectedly to walk away. He slid off the wall, his feet hitting the ground lightly. This is okay, he thought, he hadn't known what to say anyway. He'll try again some other time. He didn't have the bravery to try and snap her out of it, anyway.
Right when he lifted his right leg to walk away, her voice broke through the silence.
"Darius?" He whipped his head around to make sure he wasn't just hearing things. She was looking at him, her lips slightly parted, her eyes blank and quizzical.
"Darius?" she asked again when he didn't say anything.
"Y-yes," he stammered. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment. God that sounded so stupid! Why did I have to stutter?
"Did you need something?" she questioned. He stayed quiet, not really knowing what to say. He had hoped on his way here that he would know what to say to her when the time came, but nothing came to mind. She sat there silently, waiting for his answer. Still he said nothing. "Darius...?" she asked again, pulling her eyebrows together. "Are you all right?"
Goddamn it Darius! Say something to her!
"Yeah, I, uh... just wanted to see...um...see how you were doing," he forced out finally. He cursed himself under his breath for sounding that way. He looked at her from the corner of his eye, not being able to look her full in the eyes at the moment.
"I'm fine," she said hesitantly. "Why do you ask?"
"Just wondering. I haven't talked you since you left. Just wanted to see I guess."
She was silent for a moment, then asked, looking away, "Why didn't talk to me? We saw each other a lot."
He paused, wanting to word his next words in the best way possible. "I didn't think you need to be... teased."
"Why would you think that?" She looked at Darius again.
"Well after the hell you had just been through..." he trailed off, just letting those words sink in. He peeked at her again to see if he in any way hurt her with his words. He hadn't.
"I think that it would've made me feel better. It would make everything seem more normal. Like it was before I left for the games." How much she had been talking surprised him. Katniss wasn't one to talk a lot or keep the conversation going. He wished that she would be that way but right now, this was one of those talks he just didn't want to have.
They didn't talk for a few minutes. Darius stared at his feet, trying to avoid the gaze from Katniss he felt boring into the side of his head.
"Darius?" He looked up, meeting her gaze for the first time since he'd gotten there. He waited for her to go on, but she seemed to be deciding on whether or not to say what she was going to say.
"Darius," she said again, this time much more decidedly. "Do you want to go on a walk with me?" Her words shocked him.
"Yeah, s-sure." She swung her legs over the edge of the wall and jumped down, standing closely next to him. Really close. Closer that he would have expected. Especially close for Katniss.
They did the same thing, taking long walks through their poor district, for the rest of the week. Most of the time on their walks were silent, but neither of them minded it.
It wasn't for a few days before she had to go on the victor tour that it all changed.
They walked for a little ways, but then she stopped abruptly, making him almost run into her. She turned around and looked him dead in the eye, her gray orbs holding something that he had never seen before in all the years he'd known her. They looked completly foreign on her, but oddly familiar to him.
What's the real reason you didn't come and talk to me?" she blurted. "There's something that you're not telling me." Her words cut through him like knifes. He wanted to look away from her accusing gaze, but he was mesmerized by the beautiful shade of her eyes. Up close he could see small specks of blue in them. But like the rest of her, they were closed off. Not completely, but enough to not see everything she was thinking and or feeling.
"I was jealous," he muttered, finding the strength to advert his eyes elsewhere.
"There's no reason to be jealous of me winning the games. My life has turned into a living hell now."
"Because he's gone?"
"Because who's gone?"
"Peeta," he said like it was the most obvious thing ever.
"Why would he be the one make my life a living hell?" she almost laughed, sounding bitter and clearly confused by what he was trying to say.
"Because you loved him."
"Oh," was all she said, blinking. Her eyes flicked down to the space between her and Darius's feet. They stayed in an awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say to that.
They continued walking again, then maybe five minutes later, she spoke quietly, "It was all an act." Her words confused him and made this odd feeling of relief overcome him. "It was an angle to get sponsors," Katniss continued,"Haymitch forced me into it. I never really like him that much." An unwanted smile came upon Darius's face. He turned his head before she could see the silly grin, but he wasn't fast enough.
"What are you smiling at?" Katniss quipped. Her arms were folded over her chest, a scowl upon her face.
"Nothing," he lied. She stood in front of him, and stared at him intently. "What are you doing?" Darius asked meekly.
"Trying to figure you out, since you won't tell me." He looked away, hoping she wouldn't see why. She stared at him for a long while, making him fidget uncomfortably.
When he couldn't take it any longer, he blurted out a jumble of words that came across incoherently to Katniss' ears.
"What?"
Still in a hushed whisper, he said again, "I was jealous of you and Peeta." He closed his eyes, the memory of them kissing in the cave flooding back to his mind and flashing behind his eyelids. He felt that anger he felt when he saw that come back to him then. His face turned red and he shook slightly.
Why did she go along with it? he thought to himself. Out of all the hearts she had in the palm of her hand, why did she choose his? Sure it was all an act, but why did she go along with it? Why didn't she just ignore him like many of the other men who can't seem to get their hearts back from her?
Men like me?
In that moment, he opened his eyes and faced Katniss, who was starring at him worriedly.
She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "Can I kiss you?" Her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped a little. Her face went through many emotions, starting and ending in confusion. Then her face went blank, but her eyes seemed to sparkle a little.
When she didn't say anything, Darius took a step towards her. He half expected her to step away, but she didn't. She just stayed there and looked deep into his eyes. They were close now, their chests brushing together when the other breathed. One of his arms wrapped itself slowly around her waist, giving her time to step away if she wanted. She didn't.
Instead she took the tiniest of a step toward him. Her eyes traveled down his face, landing on his lips. He tightened his grip on her, figuring that she wasn't going to move. Her eyes came back up and met his. Slowly, they leaned closer. Just as their lips brushed, she closed her eyes. Darius kept his open, still waiting for her to just jump away and hit him like he had expect her to when he asked to kiss her.
But that all changed when their lips finally met. Her hand crawled up his chest and his arm, reaching around his neck and tangling his fingers in his red hair. He held her closer to him, wanting to know that this was all real and not just another one of his dreams. His lips synchronized with her soft, warm ones. It stared out slow and experimental, neither of them really sure of what they were doing exactly, but soon their bodies took over, not allowing themselves to think. It became heated. Their hands roamed the other's body and if they were cold before, they weren't anymore, the adrenaline taking its affect.
They pulled away finally, breathing hard. One of his hands rested dangerously low on her back, and the other ran through her now loose hair. Her hands were either clamped around a mass of his red hair or stroking his chest softly.
Suddenly aware of where she was and whose arms she was in, Katniss jumped back a few feet away from him. Both their faces turned beet red. Katniss stared at the ground, shocked at what she had just done. Neither of them said anything.
After a few moments of the awkward silence they had made, Katniss turned briskly away and ran home, not bothering to look back at him.
The next day he sat at the brick wall where they always met, but she didn't show. He went there everyday until it was time for the victor tour, but still no show.
The morning she was going to leave for the tour, Katniss went to the brick wall for the first time since the kiss. When he didn't show, she went out to look for him.
First she went to the place she was almost certain he would be. The hob. She walked in and glanced around. He was easy to find. His red hair stoodout from all the others who were from the seam, and the rest mostly had dark brown hair.
She walked up to him, and tapped him on the shoulder. He gave a little jump, but looked calmly at her. It took him a moment for him to focus on her, but when he did, his eyes widened a bit. A bottle of liquor was in his hand, and was three-quarters of the way empty.
"Katniss," he said, the stench of the alcohol on his breath making her feel a little dizzy. She nodded her head towards the door, then, without waiting for a response, turned and walked out of the building. She walked slightly faster that she usually did, and she wondered if, with him being drunk and all, he would be able to keep up, or if this was even a good idea.
She stopped in the same spot they had kissed a few days earlier. She didn't turn around, but could hear the crunching of the snow from his heavy footfalls. She was surprised she could anyway, over the sound of her thumping heart. Even when he had stopped walking and the only sound he was making was from his uneven breathing, she didn't turn around.
"Katniss," he said. He took a step closer, and put one of his strong hands on her shoulders. "Katniss," he said again.
Without warning, she turned and pulled his head down, kissing him hard on the mouth. He responded eagerly to her needy kiss.
When they pulled back, once again their breaths had become short and ragged. Unlike last time, they smiled at one another. Staring into the other's eyes, they spoke without words, and leaned in and kissed once more.