The Dance, a startrek: voyager fanfic

Voyager

"The Dance"

By VoyagerCat

This story takes place around "Repression" It's not really an episode addition, although there are some references to the episode.

******

"Commander, we'll be in communication range with Voyager in three hours."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Chakotay replied softly. He was not at all excited to see Voyager again. They had been on a two-week mission in search of much needed supplies. Chakotay had volunteered for this mission, and his ever eager Captain seemed much too happy that he had.

"Commander, may I ask a personal question?" Lieutenant Harrop turned around from her seat at the helm of the Delta Flyer. Chakotay gave her a slight nod.

"I can't promise I'll have an answer for you." He closed his eyes, than leaned back in his seat.

"You don't seem very happy to be getting back to Voyager. In-fact, you look like you'd rather be going back to Borg space, than to be going home. What's been wrong with you these last two weeks?" Chakotay didn't want to talk about this, but then again he had agreed to her personal question. He gave a sigh before he answered.

"I'm sorry I've been such lousy company Debbie." He gave her his full dimpled smile this time. "I just have some things I need to work out on my own, but I appreciate your concern. I'll try not to be such a Dragon." Debbie laughed.

"I'm not sure I'd call you a Dragon, a Crocodile maybe, but definitely not a Dragon."

"Thanks a lot." Chakotay smiled again. "If you don't mind Lieutenant, I've only got a few hours to work this out. I think I'll go get some rest. Let me know when we're in range of the ship."

"No problem Commander. I hope everything works out okay."

"Thanks Deb, I hope so too, see ya later." Chakotay headed for the small sleeping area in the back of the Flyer.

How had things gotten like this? He thought as he lay down on the cot. We were getting along fine until I tried to kill her and take over the ship. How will I ever be able to even look at her again? Kathryn, I'm so sorry. He closed his eyes as a tear slid down his face. I'll find a way to make it up to you. That was not our last dance, I won't let it be.

******

"Commander, how long before we rendevous with the Flyer?" Captain Kathryn Janeway asked from her seat on the bridge of Voyager.

"We'll be in range in approximately three hours." Tuvok stated. Janeway stood up and headed for her ready room.

"Let me know when we're in range." She placed her hand on Tuvok"s arm as she passed by his station.

"Are you alright Captain?" He asked softly, knowing she would not tell him the truth anyway. He knew Captain Janeway better than anyone on this ship, with the exception of Commander Chakotay, whom Tuvok was quite positive was the problem. Janeway gave him a slight smile.

"I'll be fine my friend, I just have to work this out on my own." She patted his arm and left for her sanctuary.

How had things gotten like this? She thought as she got her coffee and sat on the couch. We were getting along fine until he tried to kill me and take over my ship. How will I ever be able to even look at him, to trust him again? Chakotay, I'm so sorry for so many things. She closed her eyes as a tear trickled down her face. I'll find a way to make it up to you. That was not our last dance, I won't let it be.

******

Three weeks earlier.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Captain Kathryn Janeway announced as Lieutenant Tom Paris and Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres embraced in a very passionate kiss. The congratulations and cheers were heard throughout the holo-deck. Captain Janeway was the first to give the new married couple a hug. "I'm very happy for both of you." She whispered in Tom's ear. "Stay out of trouble Mr. Paris. I'm not the only one who can punish you now." She winked at B'Elanna.

"That's right helm boy. You're mine now." Tom just hugged his wife tightly, and spoke softly in her ear.

"I couldn't be happier. I'll always be yours."

"Tommy, my boy." He was smacked on the back by the one and only Seamus. "You best be taken good care of this lovely lass, or I'll be havin' to steal her away from ya."

"Don't worry Seamus, I'll take good care of her." He gave his new wife a big smile. "Besides, I don't think you could handle her. She'd kill you within a day." They were all laughing now.

"Well in that case, good luck to ya boy." Seamus turned to face everyone. "Drinks are all on Michael, enjoy everyone." The festivities had begun.

Everything was exquisite. Neelix had out done himself, as always. With help from Tom, they had made Fair Haven a real place of beauty. Most of the crew was there, as well as all of Fair Haven. This was Tom's biggest holo-deck creation. It seemed only fitting to hold the wedding and reception here. After everyone had a chance to congratulate the couple, the real fun began. The food was a mixture of Klingon and Irish cuisine, and lots of it. There was music and dancing. They had turned Sullivan's into a big dance hall. Everyone was taking turns dancing with the newlyweds, and each other.

"Katie girl, may I have the pleasure?" Michael held out his hand to Captain Janeway.

"The pleasure is all mine Sir." Michael led her onto the dance floor.

"I'm really happy for you B'E." Chakotay was dancing with B'Elanna.

"Thanks Chakotay." She snuggled into him, and kissed his cheek. "I'm really happy. I never thought this day would come. We've had our share of problems, but I know whatever happens we'll always be together." Chakotay just held her tight and buried his face in her hair. After a few moments B'Elanna stopped dancing and looked at Chakotay. His attention was not on her. She looked over to where he was gazing, and immediately knew the reason. Kathryn and Michael were laughing, he was swinging her around the dance floor. "Chakotay, why don't you just go ask her to dance?" He looked down at her with a sad look in his eyes.

"You know she'd just say no, protocol." He looked back over to Kathryn and Michael.

"To hell with protocol Chakotay. This is my wedding reception, and I say there is no such thing. You two belong together, just like Tom and me. This protocol crap has gone on for seven years. I think it's about time you did something about it."

"What am I supposed to do? She won't even acknowledge that she has any feelings for me."

"Maybe she won't acknowledge it, but we all know how much she loves you, even you know it. So just go over there and do something about it. Michael isn't the one she really wants."

"You could have fooled me." Chakotay went to sit at a table. "Care to join me for a drink Mrs. Paris?" B'Elanna gave him a scowl.

"Don't call me that, old man. I think I'll just stick to Torres. Tom and I are married, and if he wants us to share a name, he can change his to Tom Torres." Chakotay started laughing.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He's so in love with you, he can't see straight." Just then Tom walked up to them.

"I can see just fine Commander, and right now, I'm looking at the most beautiful women I have ever seen." B'Elanna gave her husband a big smile.

"I think I'm going to like being married" She stood up and wrapped her arms around Tom's neck. Tom picked her up and swung her around.

"Come on, let's go have one last dance before we sneak out of here." They headed for the dance floor. Chakotay just watched as they left. He was truly happy for both of them, but his gaze once again settled on the one person he knew he could be truly happy with.

The fun and dancing lasted long after the happy couple had left. Chakotay was once again sitting at a table by himself, when Kathryn made her way over to him. "Chakotay, may I join you?"

"Of course Kathryn, have a seat."

"Chakotay, is something wrong? You've just been sitting here nursing the same drink for over an hour." He tried to look sincere as he spoke.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just a little tired." She gave him a smile of her own.

"I'm sure you are. I noticed you were dancing with all of the female crew members."

"Not all of them." He answered a bit harshly. Janeway reached out and took his hand.

"Chakotay, what is it?"

"Nothing Kathryn, can we just drop it please?"

"Ok, you don't have to talk to me, but I do have a request." She had a cute half smile on her face, the one Chakotay loved. "May I please have the last dance with you?" She just kept her hand over his, waiting for an answer. When none came, she spoke softly. "It's ok, I'll understand if you don't want to." She let go of his hand, as her smile faded. "Well, it is getting late, maybe I better get back to the bridge." She got up to leave, just as Chakotay took her hand again.

"Kathryn, I would love to have the last dance with you." He gave her one of the smiles she found almost impossible to resist. His smile was mirrored on her own face as they walked arm in arm to the dance floor. The music was soft and very romantic. Chakotay could hardly breathe, having Kathryn in his arms like this, was a dream come true. She was snuggled in very closely, and seemed to be enjoying the dance as much as he was. Not letting her go, even slightly he spoke softly. "Kathryn, thank you for asking me to dance. I would have asked you earlier, but you seemed to be having such a good time with Michael, that I didn't want to intrude. She lifted her head off his chest looking him in the eyes, with that sparkle Chakotay hadn't seen for a long time. It made his heart skip a beat.

"Chakotay, Michael and I are good friends. He's helped me to feel more like Kathryn Janeway, than just Captain Janeway. I don't have to pretend to be someone that I can't always be. I don't have to hide from myself. He's helped me to find me again." She gave him a smile, and wrapped her arms around his neck, even tighter than before. "Chakotay, sometimes a dance is just a conversation between two people, and nothing more." She kissed him softly on the cheek, then buried her head back into his chest as they continued to dance. Chakotay wasn't sure what she had meant by her statement, and not at all sure he wanted to know. They just danced slowly and quietly for the rest of the song. Neither of them had noticed when the music changed, and the dancing got a lot faster. They just stayed in each others arms, rocking back and forth slowly. Everyone else in the room had noticed, and they couldn't have been happier for them. Someone had changed the music back to a slow, romantic song as their command team continued to dance.

"Kathryn, you did notice everyone was watching us, didn't you?"

"Yes." She mumbled into his chest.

"Does it bother you?" Kathryn stopped dancing and stepped back, just a little.

"Chakotay, I couldn't care less what anyone thinks, but you." She reached up and put her hand on his face, tracing his tatoo lightly with her finger.

"Kathryn, was this dance just a conversation between two people?" He had to know for sure. She took his hand and led him off the dance floor, over to a quiet table. She pulled her chair over very close to his before answering his question.

"No Chakotay, this dance was a barrier that was finally broken between us. A barrier that's been needed to be broken for a long time, and I know that's my fault and not yours." She reached for his hand again, and this time he took both of her hands in his. "Chakotay, you're my closest and dearest friend, and I know I've done some things over the last seven years that have hurt you, and I'm very sorry for that. Every day I thank whatever Gods that brought us together. I can't imagine not having you by my side. I'd be lost without you." She looked away from his intense gaze. "I should have told you long ago, in-fact I should tell you every day just how much you mean to me." She looked up as a tear fell from her eye. Chakotay wiped the tear away while giving her that smile again.

"Kathryn, there is nowhere in the universe that I'd rather be, than right here by your side. So many times, I've wanted to just reach out and hold you. To be able to tell you how much I really care. To take part of the burden from your shoulders, but you never let me get close enough to do that."

"I know Chakotay. It's been hard to find a balance between Captain Janeway and Kathryn Janeway. It's taken a long time for me to realize I can be both at the same time. The last seven years have changed all of us, and most of that change is for the better. We've shared things that no other crew could ever understand. I truly don't regret having the opportunity to get to know everyone on this ship, and I consider all of them my friends." She paused and tried to give Chakotay a smile. "I always believed that if I didn't let Kathryn get too close, it would be easier to make the hard decisions as the Captain. The sad part is, all I've managed to do, is to hurt the people I care about the most." She gave his hand a squeeze. "Chakotay, you are the most important person in my life. I hope you believe that. I never meant to make you feel otherwise." There was no way he could have stopped himself, even if he'd wanted to, which he didn't. He took her in his arms and kissed her right there on the holo-deck, in front of their entire crew. Kathryn Janeway returned the kiss with the same passion, and not a single person would have even thought to interrupt them. It had been a day filled with love and hope for the entire crew. A day they could hold onto. A day they would all remember, as they were about to face another Delta Quadrant crisis.

******

"Chakotay! What the hell are you doing?" Kathryn Janeway was grabbed by the arm and escorted to the brig by her first officer. He was armed, and he meant business.

"I'm taking over your ship Captain. Now get moving."

"Chakotay, you're being brainwashed, this isn't like you."

"No Kathryn, Teero just helped us to remember who we really are. We're Maquis, and we are taking over the ship." They were at the brig. As Chakotay escorted the Captain in, Tuvok looked at her, than he joined Chakotay.

"Tuvok! Wait, this is wrong, you know it is." Janeway pleaded with him.

"It's no use Captain, I cannot resist. I am Maquis as well." They both turned and left, leaving Captain Janeway locked up in the brig of her own ship.

The Maquis members had taken over the entire ship, leaving the Starfleet crew in shock. "B'Elanna, I want you to find an M class planet to drop off our Starfleet crew, then we'll be on our way. It's time we showed them all who is in control around here."

"You got it Chakotay."

"Tuvok, join me in the ready room if you will."

"Yes Captain." Chakotay and Tuvok entered the ready room.

"Tuvok, let's have a drink to celebrate our new freedom." Chakotay poured both of them a drink. Tuvok took the drink, and without hesitation he took a sip of the liquid. Chakotay was watching him closely. "It's nice to see your loyalty is with the Maquis."

"I will do as you wish Captain." He took another swallow of his drink.

"That's good to hear Tuvok." Chakotay tapped his com-badge. "Bring her in." Captain Janeway was escorted into the ready room, flanked by two Maquis security officers.

"Chakotay, what's going on?" Janeway inquired. She received no response. Chakotay just looked at Tuvok, and handed him a phaser.

"Tuvok, to prove your loyalty, I want you to kill Captain Janeway." Tuvok said nothing as he took the phaser from Chakotay. Kathryn looked from one to the other. Her eyes shown a slight panic. Tuvok had his finger on the trigger.

"Chakotay, this isn't you. You don't know what you're doing. Please listen to me."

"I know perfectly well what I'm doing Captain." He turned to face Tuvok. "Now Commander, do it." Tuvok hesitated slightly, but Janeway never took her eyes off of Chakotay. She was terrified of what she saw in Chakotay's eyes, or to be more precise, what she didn't see. There was no trace of the Chakotay she knew, or thought she knew. She closed her eyes, just as Tuvok pulled the trigger. Nothing happened, the phaser didn't fire.

"Well Tuvok, you passed the test." Chakotay looked at the two security guards. "Take her back to the brig." Janeway was led out of the ready room, and as the doors closed, Tuvok surprised Chakotay from behind, grabbing him and forcing him into a mind meld. For Chakotay the realization of what he had just done to Kathryn came flooding back into his brain. The thought sickened him more than he could stand. How would she ever be able to trust him again? How could he trust himself?

"Commander, are you alright?" Tuvok asked gently. Chakotay had a look of utter panic in his eyes. Tuvok knew just how he felt, although he didn't express it in the same way.

"Tuvok, what have I done?" Chakotay sat at the desk and put his head in his hands. He was devastated.

"Commander, this wasn't your fault. We have been brainwashed by Teero. If anyone is to blame it would be me."

"Tuvok, she'll never forgive me. I've betrayed the one person I care about the most." Chakotay was almost in tears.

"She will understand Commander, but not if we don't get her ship back. We need to free the rest of the Maquis from Teero's mind influence." That brought Chakotay back to reality. They had to stop them before it was too late.

Chakotay and Tuvok walked into the brig together. "Now what do you want Commander?" She would not even meet his eyes. Chakotay's stomach was doing flip flops. She'll never forgive me. He thought, and looked away before answering.

"I thought you might like your ship back Captain." Before he could say anymore, she walked past him, and out of the brig, never giving him a chance to explain. How had this all happened? What am I going to do now? Chakotay headed for his quarters, making sure he stayed out of her way.

A couple of days later in the senior staff meeting, the tension was still so thick in the air, you could cut it with a knife. Everyone felt guilty about what had happened, but none as much as Chakotay. Kathryn still wouldn't even look at him, not to mention she hadn't said more than two words to him. If Chakotay could jump out an air lock, he would have.

"Let's get this meeting over with people. Our biggest concern at the present time, are supplies. I suggest we take the Flyer out ahead in search of the supplies. We'll be able to cover more area that way." Janeway looked at everyone in the room, except Chakotay.

This is my chance. He thought. I'm getting off this ship. "I'll volunteer for the mission Captain." Chakotay spoke before his brain even registered that he had intended to say anything. Janeway finally turned and looked at him. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before she looked away again.

"I think that's a good idea Commander. Pick who you need for the mission, and let Tuvok know the details." She looked at everyone again. "Is there anything else?" No one dared say a word. "Dismissed." Chakotay was the first one out the door. He never looked back, or he would have seen the very hurt expression on the Captain's face. This was breaking her heart as well.

******

"Hey Starfleet, where's the Captain?" B'Elanna asked Harry as she entered the bridge.

"Hi B'Elanna, we haven't seen much of you in the last two weeks. Married life must agree with you."

"Harry my friend, it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just love being the boss."

"I'm sure Tom loves' it to." Harry was laughing.

"So, where's Janeway?" Harry's smile faded.

"She's holding up in her ready room, as always. I'm worried about her. B'Elanna, what's going on with her and Chakotay?"

"Well Harry, I'm about to find out." She headed for the ready room.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea B'Elanna." Harry called out.

"Don't worry, I can handle Kathryn Janeway." She looked back at Harry. "I'll be a pussy cat, I promise."

"That doesn't make me feel better B'Elanna. Klingon cats are mean as a . . . " B'Elanna started laughing.

"Mean as what Harry?" He was laughing now too.

"Never mind, I'd rather not find out." B'Elanna was still laughing when she entered the ready room.

"What's so funny Lieutenant?" Janeway looked up from her padd to meat B'Elanna's eyes.

"Nothing really, Harry just thinks I'm a pussy cat." Janeway couldn't help smiling at that one.

"That wouldn't be quite how I'd describe you."

"Oh really!" B'Elanna sat on the desk. "How would you describe your hard working, dedicated chief engineer?" She kept smiling at Janeway.

"I think you just did." Janeway was laughing now. "What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

"I came to see if there was anything I could do for you." Janeway's smile faded. "Look Kathryn, Chakotay will be back in a couple of hours. You need to work this out with him. He loves you, and you know it." Janeway stood up and walked over to look out at the stars streaking past. She didn't say anything. B'Elanna walked over to her, and spoke more softly this time. "Kathryn, I know how much this has hurt both of you, but it wasn't Chakotay's fault. He couldn't help what he did, none of us could. I'm just as much to blame as anyone." B'Elanna sat on the couch in front of Janeway.

"B'Elanna, I'm not blaming anyone, not even Chakotay. I know you were all brainwashed." She sat on the couch next to her friend. "I'm just not sure if I can ever trust him again, at least not completely. B'Elanna, the look in his eyes when he ordered Tuvok to kill me, was the most horrible look I have ever seen. I didn't know the man standing in front of me. He wasn't the same Chakotay I've know for seven years."

"That's the whole point Kathryn. It wasn't Chakotay, it was Teero's influence in those eyes, not Chakotay." Janeway sat back and closed her eyes.

"In my heart I know that, but every time I close my eyes, I can see his face, and that look." B'Elanna put her hand on Janeway's arm.

"You need to talk to him. You're not going to settle anything by ignoring each other. When he gets back, talk to him, let him know how much you've been hurting. Tell him you, if you want to work it out." Janeway opened her eyes and looked at B'Elanna.

"You're not only a damn good engineer, but you're a good counselor. Maybe I should promote you to the job."

"Don't you dare?! I'd have to show you what a real Klingon pussy cat is like." She was glaring at Janeway.

"Oh, I think we've all seen it before. I won't tell anyone that you really are a sweet and carrying person."

"Sweet! Damn, Tom must be rubbing off on me." They both started laughing. "Well, I better get going, don't want Tom to miss me too much." B'Elanna got up and headed for the door. "Think about what I said Captain. He would never intentionally hurt you." With that she was out the door before Janeway could reply.

******

"Commander Chakotay, we'll be at the rendevous point with Voyager in 15 minutes."

"Thank you Lieutenant, I'll be right there." Chakotay still wasn't happy about getting back to the ship. The only thing he knew for sure, was he needed to talk to Kathryn. One way or the other, he had to work this out. His life would never be complete without Kathryn Janeway. He had to make her believe that.

"Delta Flyer, we have you on visual. Prepare docking procedures, and welcome back."

"Thank you Tuvok." Chakotay replied. "Is Captain Janeway there?"

"No Commander, she's in her quarters, and asked me to oversee the unloading of the supplies."

"Understood Tuvok. We'll see you in a few minutes. Chakotay out." This is not a good sign. Kathryn, we are going to have to talk, whether you like it or not. Chakotay was even more worried than before. "Lieutenant Harrop, prepare for docking."

"Aye Commander."

Chakotay had been pacing around in his quarters for over an hour now. Still, no word from Kathryn. She never even came out of her quarters to check over the supplies. This is crazy, I have to make her understand. He left for her quarters, before he changed his mind. He almost walked back to his own quarters twice, but hesitantly he rang the door chime.

"Come in." He was surprised that she even answered. He walked into a dimly lit room, with soft music playing in the background. Janeway was standing over by the view port, with her back to him. She didn't acknowledge his presence.

"Kathryn." She didn't answer. "Please Kathryn, we need to talk." She turned around and faced him. Chakotay stopped dead. She looked beautiful. He hadn't even noticed she wasn't in her uniform before now. She had on a soft flowing skirt and a flower-printed blouse. It was Chakotay's favorite color. The same blue as her eyes. He just stared.

"Commander, how did the mission go?" He just kept staring, not uttering a word. Janeway smiled slightly at him. She couldn't help it.

"Commander, did you hear me?"

"Yes, sorry Captain. Everything went good. We found a lot of supplies that we needed." He finally blinked his eyes, as if he was coming back to life.

"Chakotay, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?" She went over to the replicator. "Coffee, black."

"No, but thank you for the offer." He took a seat on the couch, and was a bit surprised when she sat beside him, close enough that they were touching.

"I know we need to talk Chakotay." She put her coffee cup down on the table and took his hand. Chakotay wasn't quite sure how to react. "I've been doing a lot of thinking while you've been gone." She looked down at their joined hands. "I'm just not sure how to say this." Chakotay's heart dropped down to his toes. She's never going forgive me. He tried to pull his hand away, but was surprised yet again when she held tight. Without meeting her eyes, he spoke softly.

"I'm so sorry Kathryn. I would never concisely do anything to hurt you. I would die before I would let anything happen to you. You have to believe that wasn't me. I'm so sorry." There were tears sliding down his cheeks. Janeway lifted his chin up, so she could look into his eyes. As their eyes met hers were filled with tears as well. She just looked in his eyes for a long moment before saying anything.

"I needed to be sure, I needed to know if it was gone."

"If what was gone? I don't understand Kathryn."

"The look in your eyes. The one that for an instant, scared the hell out of me. The look of pure hatred that I saw. I don't think anything has ever scared me so much."

"Oh Kathryn, what have I done to you?" Chakotay was openly crying now. Kathryn cupped her hands around his face, letting his tears slide down her hand as well.

"Chakotay, that look is gone. I know that wasn't you. I just had to be sure."

"Kathryn, I would do anything to take back what happened. I don't know how to make you see how sorry I am. I would never hurt you." He paused before continuing. "I love you." He pulled her hands away from his face and stood up, walking over to the view port. Janeway just sat for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

"Chakotay, when I look in your eyes now, do you know what I see?"

"I'm not so sure I want to know." Janeway got up and went over to him. She walked in front of him, so he would have to look at her.

"I'm going to tell you anyway." She took his hands in hers and held tightly. "I see the most loving and kind man I have ever known. I see my best friend, the man who has stood by me for seven years. I see the man I love more than life it's self. I see you Chakotay, and only you." She gave him her best smile, even though the tears were sliding down her face now. Chakotay wiped the tears with his hand, and gave her a smile of his own. How I love that smile. She thought, as her heart melted completely.

"Kathryn, would you do me the honor and dance with me one more?" Her smile just got bigger.

"It would be my pleasure." Chakotay took her in his arms, holding tightly as they danced to the soft music in the background. "Chakotay." He kissed her head before he answered.

"Yes."

"This dance isn't just a conversation between two people is it?" He started to laugh.

"No Kathryn, this dance is the last and finial barrier between us. From now on Kathryn Janeway, your dance card is full." He leaned in and kissed her very sweetly, as they danced long into the night.

The End