Spoilers Warning: Unless you've already watched up to season 4, episode 9.
Disclaimer: One Tree Hill and it's characters belong to Mark Schwan.
Sort of a song fic, but with chapters! Hahaha. This chapter is Porcelain by Cauterize.
- - -
Sat up for hours, thoughts of a lover
I'll probably never get the chance to
hold again.
Brooke was thinking of him again, she thought of him often. She remembered how they had started out, five years ago...
Five years ago:
He found her at the rivercourt, of all places. Yes, Brooke Davis at the rivercourt, something beyond bizzare. "Hey Brooke, how're you doing?" He asked. She turned to him and tried to force a smile, but she couldn't do it. He saw the tears in her beautiful brown eyes and sat next to her, hugging him. "It's okay.." He murmured into her brown hair.
"Oh God, Jake... It hurts." She sobbed into his shoulder. He stroked her hair, "silly girl... then why'd yo u ask him to go to her?" She managed to compose herself and looked him in the eye, though hers were still clouded with tears. She gave him a sad smile, "for the same reason you asked her to go to him."
"Because we love them." He answered, knowing it for himself. She nodded, "and because, I'm tired of being insecure and paranoid and worried. I want Lucas to be a hundred percent sure if he wants to be with me. I just have to let him be with Peyton now and if she's what he really wants..."
She trailed off and then picked herself up again, "no matter how badly I may treat Peyton, deep down, I still love her. And I want Lucas to be happy, I want them both to be happy, y'know?" Jake nodded, finding a new respect for Brooke inside his heart.
- - -
All of my days spent waiting for
nights with her again, again. And
I'm sharing a drink with a memory
and a laugh with an empty seat.
Present:
Jake was thinking of her. He was sitting alone at a club, he had forgotten it's name. He had just played another great show, and while everyone had left, he sat in the silence and suddenly started thinking of her. He laughed to himself, he remembered when they had started out, five years ago...
Five years ago:
Brooke kissed him, long and hard. He felt his body responding, kissing her back, wanting more of her sweet taste, but eventually, his head won out. He pulled away from her, "Brooke, this is wrong right?" She nodded, "really wrong...but hey, I'm a girl, I have needs. And you're a guy, you have needs. How does friends with benefits sound? Peyton and Lucas will never know." She whispered huskily, her lips just centimeters away from his.
Normally, Jake would never do something this immoral. He would never hook up with a girl or sleep with her if they weren't in a relationship, he wouldn't use one girl even though there was another one in his heart. But Brooke had somehow made the situation extraordinary. So he let her pull him down onto her bed, on top of her, as she started pulling off his shirt.
- - -
They had continued like that for months, Jake would be walking down the hall in school and suddenly find that he was being pulled into a broom cupboard. It was their secret, and no one ever knew. When he was with Brooke, he didn't think of anything else. He could forget all his obligations and responsibilities, he could just be Jake.
- - -
Do you still look the same?
Will you still look at me the
same? Cause I know that I
don't, I've gotten so old in
these last few years.
Present:
Brooke wondered if his hair was still brown and silky soft, like it used to be. She remembered how he used to look at her with tenderness in his eyes, after they had sex and he thought she was asleep. She wouldn't call it making love, because there was no love between them. Only lust.
Yet, Jake was so gentle, the way he touched her, the way he held her, one might have thought that there was love. But they both agreed. It was purely physical, right? Brooke looked into her nightstand mirror and continued ran her fingers through her short, straight brown hair. She had it cut into a crop and it made her look sexy, sophisticated and a lot older. It had been five years, so much had changed, and yet, she still thought of him...
- - -
And I'd rather be fighting with you than
sleeping here next to her. Don't let me
fall I'll break, what a mess I'd make.
Pathetic pieces on your floor will cut
your feet forever more. You're porcelain,
such fragile skin, just let me hold you.
I'll be gentle. I won't drop you. This time,
I'll be careful.
Jake was at home, his fiance was sleeping by his side. But he couldn't get to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking of Brooke, he had no idea why. He remembered when he had fought with her...
Five years ago:
"I have responsibilities Brooke! I can't just go running out on my house everytime you want a quickie!" Jake's voice rose. "Yeah, responsibilities," Brooke answered bitterly, "Jake! Stop using Jenny as your excuse. Everytime you can't do something right, you say it's because of your responsibilities, why don't you be a man for once and take some responsibility for your actions?"
Jake shook his head in anger, "Brooke, stop making it sound like I owe you something! Stop trying to push me away? God, Brooke, you don't know what you want! Damnit, how could you do that to me?" Brooke teared, but looked away, "it's not like I owe you anything either." She answered bitterly, "I'm just your friend with benefits, why are you so upset that I slept with Michael?"
"Damnit Brooke! You can't keep prostituting yourself this way! What if you get a sexually transmitted disease? What then? You're such a tramp!" At that, Brooke had burst into tears and run away from him. One week later, they were back to benefitting though because Jake himself hadn't understood why it upset him so much that Brooke slept with someone else. Just that it did.
He had apologized and they'd talked things out. The two of them had fast become good friends and the sex, well, it was something else. Brooke Davis was phenomenal in bed, that went without saying.Yet, it was something more than the sex. They had a connection that neither of them could describe.
- - -
Forget for just one second that this
is not alright. Let's drink to feeling
nothing, at least just for tonight.
Stay for one more, passed out on
the floor like we used to do, it got
so hot in your room.
"This isn't right," Jake moaned through clenched teeth as Brooke's butterfly kisses went down from his neck to chest. "Jenny's in the next room, I have to go take care of my daughter." Brooke didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arms tigther around his neck and he couldn't resist losing himself in her kisses and the alcohol.
As he slept, Brooke looked at him, the contented and happy look on his face. He was just so sweet and innocent, he reminded her a great deal of Lucas, it made her heart ache.
- - -
And I can't let it go, this phantom pain I'm
feeling and the hurt won't leave me alone,
and I'm tired of sleeping with ghosts.
It had been two weeks since Brooke had last slept with him. He wasn't sure what he had done wrong. And he wasn't the typical horny guy who needed to get laid, it wasn't about the physical connection, he just missed her. He felt like a part of himself was missing, incomplete.
Fell asleep with your ghost, woke up
with a headache from a cure that's
only temporary and in the morning,
always fails me.
"I miss you too, Jake." Brooke admitted, "but things are just getting complicated and we can't be friends anymore." He looked shocked, "why?" He asked her, the hurt evident on his face. She took a deep breath, "because, two weeks ago, you told me that you loved me. Do you?" She watched closely for his reaction and it seemed that he was wrestling many inner emotions inside him.
Don't let me fall I'll break,
what a mess I'd make. Pathetic
pieces on your floor will cut your
feet forever more. You're porcelain, such
fragile skin, just let me hold you. I'll be gentle.
I won't drop you. This time, I'll be careful.
- - -
A/N: There! I'm leaving you guys with a cliff hanger. Hahaha. So keep reviewing! Narinenia at yahoo . Com (: