Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. However much I wish, I still do not own any of these Characters or Places. I do own some of the sayings in here so I do at least get some

credit.

A/N: ok, so this was the former "the drunken adventures of Legolas and Gimli" but it was deleted because it was in play form I think so… I'm feeling slightly more descriptive today so just read this again and review. Oh ya, I forgot to mention last time that my bff Amelia (aabbhh2) wrote this with me… or at least the play, the story version is mine though! Ha ha ha! (grins evilly)

A man sat at the counter, his head drooping. He had apparently had too much to drink. He sat on a dusty stool that matched the rest. The bar was nearly empty except for 4 other people. A very tall man with a white robe and beard seemed to be the leader of the group. His followers included a grubby and dirty man, an extraordinarily clean pointy eared man and a very, very drunk, short man with a braided, red beard.

(A/N I know that only Aragorn is a "man" but how else was I supposed to describe it?)

Three of the men had large tankards of ale. The only one who seemed to be sober was the one in white. "The ring is all together silly," he grunted. The wizard looked around at the others. They all began to show signs of consciousness.

"I believe you're right, dear Gandalf," said the Dwarf. "I think I'll have another ale!"

"I agree!" said the grubby man who turned out to be Aragorn

"Let us toast to Frodo's stupidity!" said the other one, who had very pointy ears and appeared to be an elf.

"To Frodo's stupidity!" three of the party said in unison. Gandalf was the only one who seemed to slightly like the gay hobbit

(A/N I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST GAY PPL! Don't even think about saying that I do)

"It's nice to be free!" Aragorn grinned widely, not making any sense, and set his tankard down on the dusty table.

"Yes it is!" agreed Legolas

"I wonder what's for dinner…" Aragorn changed the subject.

"I heard we're having chicken!" answered the slightly sensible Legolas

"If we were in Mirkwood we might be able to catch a nice squirrel!" exclaimed the slightly drunk, no wait… really drunk, Gimli, Legolas glaring at him across the table.

"Don't worry Legolas; I know for a fact that they never actually caught any squirrels." Replied the wizard reasonably. Legolas roared with laughter.

The man at the bar stirred and lifted his head. He slowly dragged himself off of the grimy seat and lumbered toward the small group. "Ah, it's Gandalf the grey." He said pointedly to Gandalf

"White" Gandalf corrected quietly.

"What are you doing here Wormtongue?" asked Aragorn, completely sober now.

"Didn't I shoot you?" asked the confused Legolas

"No, that was my twin brother Eugnotmrow! Kind of a cool name huh? As for the ranger's question—"

"I'm the KING! Not a ranger." Said Aragorn proudly

"Whatever. Well, it's none of your business what I'm doing here!" said Wormtongue

"It certainly is our business!" said Gimli, no, wait… hiccupped Gimli.

"You're drunk!"

"Yes I am! And it's a good thing too, otherwise I might be calling you grandfather!" Gimli replied, hiccupping in between words.

"Was that supposed to make sense?" Aragorn asked Legolas quietly.

"I don't think so," the elf replied.

"Would you be so kind as to tell us what you are doing here Wormtongue?" asked Gandalf.

"All right, I confess. I plan to take over Rohan by hypnotizing king

Theoden, then help Saruman to create an army of uruk-hi to kill you all. Savvy?"

"Wait, didn't you already do that?" asked Legolas

"Um… yah, you're right…"

"Don't change the subject!" said Aragorn

"oh yes… where were we? Oh, now I remember! All right, I confess. I plan to take over Rohan by hypnotizing king Theoden, and then help Saruman to create an army of uruk-hi to kill you all. Savvy?" Gimli tried to punch Wormtongue in the head but the stupid, drunk, hiccupping red head was too short so instead punched him in the groin.

"Hey! My dad's name is Groin!" Gimli commented

"No, no, Gimli, it's Gloin not Groin." Corrected Gandalf. Wormtongue groaned in pain and fell to his knees clutching his crotch.

"Whoops, sorry grandfather, I missed!"

"Does that mean you're sober! No, it doesn't matter, off to Minas Tirith!" Gandalf said slamming his ugly white staff into the groin… no I mean ground. Gimli raised his ax in agreement but toppled onto Wormtongue's head.

"Nice one Gimli!" Legolas said in praise.

"Concussion!" Wormtongue remarked

"Good!" Aragorn said turning his back on the extremely strange scene and opened the door. The other three followed on they're way to the White City.