A penny for your thoughts
Late in the evening, the Café was empty of customers and Haley just stared at that little spot in the counter, as she always did.
"A penny for your thoughts…" she smiled as she recognized the voice and a finger slid a coin to her. She lifted her head and smiled softly at the clear eyes that were looking back at her
"Hey, Luke" she said
"Hey, Hales" he replied softly smiling at her "So… those thoughts?"
"You realize we're graduating in a couple of months, don't you?" she asked and he nodded "So I keep wondering what I'm gonna do from now on. " Haley started to walk behind the counter, gesticulating with her hands and arms "I mean, I know, yes, I'm going to college and so are you. And yes, it would be a complete new experience and we would learn all these things and build our future and…"
"Wow! Hales, stop to breath, please, you're gonna asphyxiate!" Lucas replied laughing lightly. Only Hales can ramble like that and he'd always loved that about her.
Haley stopped in her tracks and smiled at him as she took a deep breath and blew her bangles. "Sorry, I'm freaking out" she said going to sit next to him.
"I don't think is the future what is bothering you, Hales" Lucas stated calmly looking at her. Haley started to play with the coin, sliding it throughout the counter with her fingers.
"Well, the past is not helping these days. Hi, I'm Haley James, marital status: divorced, age: 18" she deadpanned.
Lucas noticed the sad look on her face, a tear almost running out of her eyes. He slowly grabbed her jaw and made her look to him. Her chocolate brown eyes stared at him confused and in pain "You regret the decision?" he asked
She shook her head "No, I don't. It was the right thing to do. I mean, we were so young and we hardly knew each other. We didn't even know if we were ever going to grow up in the same direction. What was I thinking? Getting married at 16…"
"You weren't" Lucas replied "You were in love"
"That's the thing" sighed Haley "I'm not so sure I was. I have to believe it was not love"
"Why?" asked Lucas
"Because otherwise, I'm not made for love" she replied before leaving the counter and headed to the back part of the Café.
Lucas stood there, contemplating the coin that laid still in the counter.
Haley moved among the teenagers that were surfing the hallways of the School. She spotted Nathan and their eyes fixated on each other. He nodded smiling sadly and she nodded back. After they divorced the year before, they had remained distant friends and were civil towards each other. Nathan had insisted that Haley kept the apartment and he moved back with his mother. Haley had to work extra hours in the Café in order to support herself, and Karen raised her salary as much as she could, but for Haley it was hard to support herself and even thinking of college was nerve breaking.
She worked hard and finally got a full Scholarship to UNC. She'd always dreamed to go to Duke, but she'd learnt in the past years that she should take what it was given to her.
She'd gone back to her old self, popularity had seemed to go away the minute Nathan and she had broken up. And she was thankful for it. Being in the spotlight was something that took too much energy out of her, energy that she now used to study, work and hang out with Lucas.
She noticed the tall figure searching in his locker and smiled tenderly. Lucas had gained some calm the year before. With Dan's heart attack he was forced to deal with his father and his abandonment and he had done it properly. He had reached a closure and while he did not consider himself a son of Dan Scott, he had learnt to accept that it was a part of him and dealt with it on daily basis. His bond with Nathan was tight, as they both slowly learnt how the other was and they've reached a point of brotherhood.
It was Haley's best accomplishment so far.
But it was also her curse. Because in her senior year she had realized of one thing: that Lucas meant more for her than just friendship.
And there was nothing she could do about it.
Lucas was alone in the rooftop of the Café, his broody eyes staring at the view, his arms resting on the table nearby.
"A penny for your thoughts…" he heard Haley whispering behind him as she sat next to him and put a coin in the table. Lucas lifted the coin and examined it carefully.
"How many thoughts you think this coin has wrapped in it?" he asked
"Lots of them" replied Haley "We've been passing it to each other for more than a year now"
Lucas sighed deeply "Yes, and we've been telling each other our thoughts as payment… but still, how many thoughts you think are in here, still unspoken?"
"Are there thoughts between us unspoken?" she asked estranged.
Lucas stared at her as his hand went to caress his cheek "I can think of a few…" he whispered before leaning in and softly kissing her.
Haley's mind and body wanted to kiss him back. She wanted to pull her to him and never let go, to love him with everything in her.
But she couldn't.
"Lucas, we can't" she said sadly as the tears were falling from her face
"Hales…" he whispered to her, his eyes looking at her with all his love in them
"I can't do this" she replied before walking away. Wanting to stay with him, safe in his embrace. But knowing that she couldn't do that.
The Café was empty one more time as Haley furiously cleaned the counter, trying to get all her frustration out of her body.
"Haley" she heard that voice that once had meant so much for her…
"Nathan" she said, lifting her head to meet his glance. He was smiling softly at her and the sight broke her heart.
"What are you doing?" he asked
"Cleaning" she deadpanned
"I don't mean that…" he said softly "I meant, about Lucas…"
Haley's eyes filled with tears "Nathan, I cannot talk about it. Less with you"
"Yes, you can, Haley. Because I get the feeling that I'm the one standing in your way to happiness"
Haley looked at him estranged. Nathan sighed deeply
"He loves you, Haley. He's been in love with you for such a long time. And I know that you love him too. So why deny it?"
"I can't, Nathan…"
"Because of me? Because he's my brother? You don't need my blessing, Hales. But if it can change your mind, you have it. I want you to be happy. I loved you once and you helped me change my life. But somewhere down the line, we were not right for each other. But he's the one for you. He's the one that has known the real you and has loved it forever. The crotcheted poncho, quirk as hell, old version of you. The one you used to be. The one you are when you're next to him"
"And I'm supposed to jump from one brother to the other?" she asked
"No. You're supposed not to let a stupid prejudice stop you from being with the one person you want to be with."
"What about the rest?"
"Who cares?" replied Nathan "You can't let happiness and love run away from you, Hales"
She looked at him and he smiled at her "Go find him" he whispered softly "You deserve it"
Lucas stood in the Rivercourt, contemplating the hoop sadly and wondering why he could not have the one he wanted. He spotted Haley walking towards him and smiled. Her hair done in two ponytales, her old jeans and her vintage shirt. Her smile and her chocolate brown eyes. She stood in front of him and reached the back pocket of her jeans and pulled a coin.
"A penny for my thoughts?" he asked sadly. She shook her head
"A penny for your feelings…" she whispered "all of them"
He looked at her, his eyes fixated in her chocolate brown eyes "I didn't choose it, Hales. It just happened. When you divorced, you went back to your old self. The clothes, the ramblings, the smiles, the laughs. I haven't realized how much I missed those, you, until they were back again. And then I just knew: it was because I love them. Because I love you. But I cannot have you…"
"I haven't realized how much I missed our old routines until we were back at them" she replied softly "And then, one day…" Haley's voice broke as the tears accumulated in her eyes "You looked at me, and I realized that I wanted you. And that I could not have you…"
Lucas softly dried a tear with his finger
"But I want to have you" she continued "there's nothing I want more… than you"
She leaned in and softly kissed him. Lucas wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him and deepening that longing kiss. As they broke the kiss he looked at her eyes, still filled with tears and smiled broadly.
"You have me, Hales. For good"
Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be simpler, but much less magical.