"James, we're brothers, right?" Fifteen year old Sirius Black was lying face down on the Gryffindor common room floor, picking absentmindedly at the scarlet rug. James Potter, the boy at which the question was directed, turned to look at the black heir from his spot on the couch.
"Course we are. What's up Siri?" Sirius gave a light chuckle and pushed himself off of the floor.
"Siri- Remus gave me that nickname." James looked anxiously to where Sirius was staring into the fire.
"Honestly mate, what's bothering you?" Sirius started resolutely into the fire before looking down at his hands.
"Do you know any gay people?" James's eyes widened. He was trying to find the right time to tell the marauders about his recently discovered change in sexuality. He still liked girls, and Lily would still be his, someday, but he had found out (with help from Fabian Prewett) that boys were just as good kissers as girls were. James honestly didn't see much of a difference. He and Fabian had a very good relationship, albeit a quite one. James supposed now was as good a time as any to start being a little more open.
"Erm, yeah, I do. I'm really close to one, actually." James chose his words carefully.
"And… are you alright with them?"
"Of course I am! What's gender got to do with love? As long as you're with someone who makes you happy then…" he trailed off. James chanced a look in Sirius direction before continuing, "Besides, I'd be a right bloody hypocrite if I wasn't." Sirius's head shot up and he looked at James with wide eyes.
"You mean you're…?"
"Yeah Pads, I am. I like girls too, but boys aren't so bad."
'So you wouldn't mind if I…?" James rolled his eyes.
"Paddy, is this your way of telling me you like boys?" Sirius turned scarlet and gave a barely visible nod.
"Not boys, just… one boy. He's the only boy, the only person, I've ever really liked." James quirked an eyebrow.
"Do I know him?"
A nod.
"Gryffindor?"
Another nod.
"Fabian's not been cheating on me, has he?" Sirius smiled deviously.
"So that's the maker of those moans coming from the dorm when you think no one's around! 'Oh, James! Oh, yes! Right there!' Fab always has had a higher voice. And all along, we thought you were secretly screwing a bloody butch!" Sirius laughed as James's ears went pink.
"Oh hush, you prat. We're talking about you here! So, is mystery boy cute?" A soppy smile appeared on Sirius's face.
"He's gorgeous! He's got these eyes that just absolutely glow! And his hair is so soft, James! I could run my fingers through it forever. He is the smartest, sweetest, most divine creature I have ever laid yes on! And he's so modest. It can be really adorable, but it's usually just frustrating! I want to grab him by the shoulders and say "Listen here; you are the most perfect, beautiful, wonderful person in the world! Get it through your head, Re-"Sirius clamped his mouth shut, and James's head shot up.
"Were you about to say 'Remus'?"
"N-no, I was about to say... Re…eed. I was about to say Reed."
"There's no one in Gryffindor named Reed."
"That's not true! There's a first year named Reed Quimby! Remus is tutoring him, remember?" Sirius avoided James's face as much as possible. James hardly noticed though, he was thinking hard.
**Flashback**
A while later, Remus came shuffling into the dorms, his head dipped cautiously.
"James? Are you decent? Can I come in?" James quickly stuffed Remus's letter under his pillow and tried to look inconspicuous.
"Yeah Moony, come on in." Remus entered and walked to his bed, keeping his head down.
"Listen James, I'm really sorry about walking in on you and… um…" James pretended not to notice the question in Remus's voice.
"It's- It's quite alright. We should learn to be more careful I guess, eh?" James smirked at Remus, who managed back a weak smile. Suddenly, Remus became fidgety. He began to cross and uncross his legs, and fiddle with the hem of his jumper.
"You-you didn't happen to see a…letter lying around here, did you?" James subconsciously shifted his eyes to his pillow.
"Oh…erm… no, no I can't say that I have. Why, are you missing one?" James turned red and averted his gaze from the young wolf.
"I…no, I'm not. I probably just left it in my bag. I'll see you around, yeah?" When Remus departed, James slid the letter out from under his pillow, and put it at the bottom of his trunk.
He had a lot of thinking to do.
**End flashback**
"Hullo? Earth to Prongs?" James was snapped out of his reservoir by Sirius waving a hand in his face.
"Right, as I was saying- You're not hitting on firsties, are you pads? Because brother or not, I'd have to be concerned about you if you were looking to shack up with first years." Sirius shot James a mock glare.
"No, I am NOT getting in on with a first year. Y-you won't tell Moony, will you?" Sirius's eyes widened considerably as he peered at James imploringly. James got a sudden uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, which he waved away quickly. This was perfect! Remus wanted James, James was unavailable. Sirius wanted Remus, Remus needed to be over James. It was killing two birds with one stone!
Ultimately, James just wanted his two best friends to be happy. Remus shouldn't waste his time with someone who couldn't give him what he deserved. Sirius would be able to treat Remus the way James couldn't. So smiling widely, James turned to his brother, determined to make this work.
"Of course I won't tell, Pads! In fact I'll do you one better! I am going to help you get Remus!" Sirius's eyes brightened and he grinned.
"Really, James? You'll help me?"
"Sure, Padfoot. Now here's what we're gonna do."
Remus Lupin was, if nothing more, observant.
People often thought him to be quiet, or misjudged him to be stuck up, but the one thing Remus could pride himself on, if he could pride himself on anything at all, was his attentiveness. So when Sirius Black started acting strangely, Remus was almost positive he was the only one to notice.
It had started at breakfast one morning. Remus sat at the Gryffindor table, waiting for the other marauders to slug their way out of bed. He noted the sudden noise as their appearance, and, without looking up, bid them good morning. It was not until he was putting Jam on his toast that he realized something was off. He looked up and saw James, sitting in his usually spot-directly diagonal to Remus.
He was smoothing down his hair and arguing with the person next to him, who would undoubtedly be—
"Sirius? Since when do you sit across from me?" Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, but Remus, being the observer that he was, saw that faint pink that tinged his friend's cheeks.
"We just thought we'd switch it up a bit. I don't always sit next to you."
"Yes actually, you do. You always sit next to me, and James and Peter across, like the beds in our dorm. Have I done something wrong?" Sirius shifted his glance to James who gave a barely visible (except to Remus) nod. Remus watched as his friend took a considerable breath before mumbling
"I… like sitting next to you, Remus, but I just wanted to sit across from you today to… see you face when I talk to you! How can I not want to look at those gorgeous eyes of yours?" Sirius finished with a wink and a smile that wasn't completely his. Remus quirked an eyebrow, and cocked his head at the fall of Sirius's face.
"Well… alright? If you're sure, then that's fine with me." He watched as his black haired marauders blew out a relieved breath. James continued conversation loudly, in what Remus knew was an attempt tochange the subject.
Conversation went on as normal, and Remus thought Sirius's odd behavior was due to an off morning.
Until lunchtime.
They were heading up to the dorms for their afternoon break, and Remus had almost forgotten about Sirius and his strange behavior. They had just finished a particularly grueling DADA lesson that had left Remus physically and mentally drained. Even the small load of books he was carrying, ones that usually wouldn't have caused him to break a sweat, were causing him to almost buckle at the knees. It didn't help that the full moon was drawing ever near, and it was definitely taking a toll on Remus's strength.
"Remus, are you quite all right?" Remus blew out a huff of frustration before turning to his pudgy friend.
"Yes, Pete. I'm alright. I'm just a bit knackered is all. The full's in two days and those defense spells left me more wiped than usual. I'll be fine after a good afternoon kip in the dorm." Peter shrugged and shuffled ahead, choosing to talk to James. Remus turned his head, feeling Sirius's staring at him.
"Can I help you, Siri?" Sirius continued to stare a little longer, before snapping out of his reservoir.
"Those books look awfully heavy, Rem." Remus glanced from his pile of textbooks to the concern pooling in his friend's eyes. He wasn't sure why, but Remus felt himself blush under the gaze.
"Oh, they're not so bad. I've handled worse." Remus gave Sirius a wry smile and tried to continue walking, until he felt a hand on his forearm.
"You're really not looking up to snuff, Rem. I'd hate for you to over work yourself. Let me carry them. I don't mind at all." Remus knew that Sirius meant well, and it was sweet to see someone care for him so wholeheartedly, but Remus' pride was taking over, and he couldn't keep the slight edge out of his voice when he replied.
"Sirius, I said I'm fine. You've got your own books to carry." Remus tried to squirm out of the young Black's grip, but Sirius held firm. With a frantic glance at James, who gave him a persistent nod, Sirius doubled his efforts.
"Really Moony, it's no trouble. I forgot my Potions book anyways, and all the rest of mine are light. Let me carry them for you, I want to!" With a harsh tug, Remus yanked his arm out of a startled Sirius's grasp.
"I said no, Sirius! I can do it myself! I'm not some damn invalid!" He shouted to he stunned faces of his friends. "I'm not weak. I don't need your pity." He added more quietly, shifting his eyes from Sirius to the floor.
There was a deafening silence, until Remus heard someone's breath coming in quick huffs. Oh, now I've done it. He thought.I've gone and made Sirius cry. Remus, how could you be so thoughtless? Of course he was only trying to help.
Remus lifted his head back up, an apology on his lips, when he suddenly stopped short.
Sirius was laughing.
Remus was just about to ask just what the hell he was playing at, when Sirius finally found his voice.
"Weak? Is that what you think? You thought I was trying to pity you?" Sirius shook his head and gave another incredulous laugh. Remus failed to see what was so funny about the situation. If there was one thing Remus could not stand, it was people feeling sorry for him. He had spent a good portion of his life feeling sorry for himself, and he had done enough of it for the whole world.
Sirius once again took hold of Remus's arm, this time much gentler, and peered eagerly into the eyes of his friend. Gold locked with Silver and something passed between them, something Remus couldn't put his finger on.
"Remus, I want to carry your books. It's not because I think you're weak or you need pity, it's actually quite the opposite. You're the single strongest, bravest person I know."
"Surely not Siri, you're much-" Remus tried to intervene but Sirius cut him off.
"No Remus, I'm not. I wish I was as strong as you are. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but I could nevergo through what you go through. I used to think my life was shit, Moons, and it is, but it's nothing compared to you. I know what you're like, Remus. I see how you tear yourself up once a month on the outside, and tear yourself up every day on the inside. It would be so easy, Remus, for you to hate. For you to be bitter and cruel and terrible for everything that's been done to you. You'd have every right to be spiteful and no one would blame you, but you don't. So when I see you trying to bear all this weight on your own it makes me so angry. You're everything that's light, and good, and happy, so damn it Moony, if you don't deserve a break once in a while no one does! So yes, I'd like to carry your books, if you'd let me, but it's only because I care about you, Remus, and I want to do anything I can to show you that you don't have to do this alone. You don't have to do anything alone.
Not with me around, or James, or Peter. We love you, Rem, honest and truly, and we want to make you see you can depend on us for anything. So even though it's silly, I want to carry your books, because it makes me feel like I'm helping in the only way I can."
Remus stared at Sirius for a long while, wishing the moisture in his eyes would evaporate. Fifteen year old boys did not cry over such trivial things. Crying was reserved for really important matters; only Nancy boys blubbered up at silly things.
Well, Remus thought as he flung himself at a surprised Sirius I can't really be offended by the term "Nancy boy", now can I?
Sirius wrapped his arms cautiously around the young wolf and looked dazedly at James, who was giving him a discreet thumbs up and a mischievous grin. Sirius sighed contently and gave the lycan a light squeeze before releasing him. Remus graced Sirius with a small smile as the taller of the two boys carefully wiped a tear away from honey gold eyes. Sirius turned to walk away when he felt Remus grab his arm to stop him.
"I suppose", Remus started in a small voice, avoiding Sirius's gaze, "that is if you really, reallywanted to, you could carry my books if you'd like." Sirius broke into a grin and made a grab for Remus's texts before abruptly stopping. He looked down to Remus, and that genuine concern that made Remus's pulse quicken quite foreignly was back.
"Would you like it if I carried your books Remus? I want to carry them, but only if you'd like that, not because you think you have to let me." Remus contemplated Sirius's question, that same feeling overwhelming him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it; it was new, but not entirely unwelcome. Finally he offered Sirius a lopsided grin that made Sirius's heart skip.
"I would really like it if you would carry my books, Sirius." With another grin, Sirius lifted the textbooks from Remus's arms and flashed a smile as he passed James who countered with a smile that for some reason, unbeknownst to James himself, didn't quite reach his eyes.