Warning(s): Thievery, dangerous internet challenges, general bad life choices, peer pressure, unsanitary handshakes, minor adult language, minor morbid humor

[Lights up. The setting is the town square of a charming central European village. In the middle of the square is a fountain; lots of flowers are planted in the area, and the square is bordered by local shops. People bustle about, carrying on with their business. FRANCIS enters and stands by the fountain. He has a killer taste in fashion, and it shows with his brightly-colored but simple attire. He moves with an air of sophisticated grace. He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number, holding it to his ear.]

Francis: [Into the phone:] Hello! This is Francis, just calling to give you a friendly reminder that you were the one who said in the group chat to get our butts over to the fountain, and it's rather worrying when you don't follow through with your own order. [Melodramatic sigh] Anyways, call me back when you get this and please be here soon. Au revoir! [Hangs up and pockets phone]

[Francis approaches the fountain and seats himself on the wide lip of its pool, observing his surroundings. After a brief moment of this, GILBERT shouts from off-stage and enters, a BAKER following soon after while shaking a fist at him. Gilbert's hair is normally quite a train wreck, and he has slightly pasty skin, tends to slouch, and has a devious feel to him. Francis springs up.]

Baker: Why, you little–

Francis: Gil? What did you do?!

Gilbert: Psh, oh c'mon, it's not my fault extreme awesomeness apparently doesn't get you free stuff.

Francis: Oh my god, did you try to steal something from this poor guy?

Gilbert: [Whines] But Franny, he had cute little cakes that looked like baby chicks!

Francis: [To the baker:] I am so sorry, sir. I swear, he's not normally like this! He–he just really, really likes birds.

Baker: [Shakes his head disapprovingly] This is the fifth time this month your friend here's tried to rob me of my cakes. If he does it again, I'm banning him from my shop, period. [Exits while mumbling angrily]

Francis: [Whacks Gilbert upside the head] What's wrong with you? Do you think I like bailing you out all the time?! Honestly, if Antonio were here–

[ANTONIO enters upstage of Gilbert and Francis. Antonio's hair is slightly mussed, but in a really cute kind of way. He's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, and he comes across as a little distant because he frequently zones out. His skin is tanned and littered with dirt scuffs and bandaids from accidentally crashing into things. He looks around for a moment, kind of lost, then begins approaching the two as they continue talking.]

Gilbert: If Antonio were here, he'd be helping me get those delicious chickies!

Francis: Please, if Antonio were here, he'd side with me. He'd march right up to you and–

Antonio: [Gets in-between Gilbert and Francis, wrapping an arm around each one's shoulder]

And what?

Francis: Ah, Antonio! Guess what Gilbert did again.

Antonio: Oh no, don't tell me he peed in the fountain.

Gilbert: That was one time!

Francis: And also why we don't go drinking in the square on New Year's anymore. Anyways, Gilbert tried to steal from that poor man who makes the cakes shaped like birds.

Antonio: [Looks at Gilbert pointedly] Gil!

Gilbert: I couldn't help it, okay?!

Antonio: Yeah, but that's why you're supposed to work on that. You can't keep going down this path of crime and edible birds!

Francis: [Nods head] Wise words the fool speaks.

Antonio: [Laughs] It's funny because it's true!

[Gilbert detaches himself from the others, slightly pacing.]

Gilbert: Moving on from my questionable habits, I've called you here today for something of the utmost importance.

Francis: [Sarcastically:] Let me guess: you want to build a statue of yourself out of butter.

Gilbert: No! Although, now that you mention it, that would be totally awesome. Nonetheless, what I've planned for us is much, much more urgent than any mere slab of diabetes. Have you heard of the Roof-Dash Challenge?

Antonio: The what?

Gilbert: The Roof-Dash Challenge! It's been all over the internet lately, and it's awesome!

Francis: What then, pray tell, is this 'Roof-Dash' you speak of?

Gilbert: It's where you take your car, drive it from rooftop to rooftop, and videotape it.

Francis: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

Gilbert: It is not! It's totally awesome!

Antonio: Whoa, whoa, wait a second, I'm kind of confused. What do you do again?

Francis: You drive a car off a roof and plead to God you don't crash into the side of the nearest building.

Gilbert: Guys, no, this takes a lot of skill and it's really cool! Like, you have to build up just the right amount of momentum to drive your car off the roof and land safely on the other building's. That has to count for something, right?

Francis: [Puts hand on Gilbert's shoulder] Gil, listen, I know it's all you have, but I think you need to stop spending so much time on the internet. It's making you act a little crazy. And by a little, I mean a lot.

Antonio: I don't know, I think we should do it.

Francis: You what?!

Gilbert: Aw, yes! See, Toni's there for me! [Does a victory dance] Oo, oo, oo, oo, suck it, Francis! Suck it! [Plays an air guitar]

Francis: But– wait– hold on a moment, is this even legal?!

Gilbert: [Waves him off] Ah, who cares? It's just a fun little game.

Francis: Yeah, a fun little game that could get us thrown in jail!

Antonio: Hey, weren't we already thrown in jail?

Gilbert: Oh yeah, the killjoy slammer from Wacky Land Amusement Park! Don't worry, Francis; if we can survive Warden Clowney, we can survive anything!

Francis: [Throws hands in the air] You people are idiots! I can't believe you're seriously considering this!

Gilbert: [To Antonio:] So, since Franny doesn't want in on it, we taking your car or mine?

Francis: Guys!

Antonio: [To Gilbert:] Oo, let's take mine! I need a new one anyways!

Francis: You can't just drive off a roof, you know!

Gilbert: Sounds good to me, tonight at eight?

Francis: This is stupid!

Antonio: Hell, just make it three this afternoon.

Francis: You could die!

Gilbert: [Sarcastically to Francis:] Yeah, well, if we're going to die, we might as well go out in a blaze of glory. For the trio or what? [Spits in his hand, then puts it face-up in-between him, Francis, and Antonio]

Antonio: [Follows suit, spitting in his hand and placing it face-down on top of Gilbert's] For the trio!

Francis: [Looks between the two, then sighs loudly and spits in his own hand, placing it face-down on top of Antonio's] Alright, for the trio.

All Three: One, two, let's do it! [Raise hands from pile and cheer, Francis half-heartedly]

Gilbert: Great! This afternoon at three, we'll meet up at Toni's place. I'll bring the camera, we'll use Antonio's car, and Francis'll bring his guts for once. See ya! [Exits]

Francis: My God, we're all going to die because of an internet challenge.

Antonio: Eh, at least we'll die together, right? Anyways, I've got to get going. See you at three! [Exits as lights go out]

[End of Scene I.]

Surprisingly enough, I am not, in fact, dead.

This is something I wrote for my end of the quarter drama piece in Creative Writing I, freshman year. It's been sitting in my Drive for about two years now, sad and lonely, so I decided to finally post it. There are ten scenes in total, and each will be a chapter. The whole thing's pre-written.

In case you're curious, this, from one of F. Scott Fitzgerald's prompt lists, was the inspiration behind this play: "Driving over the rooftops on a bet."

PSA: The Roof-Dash-Challenge is not a real internet challenge-thank everything good and just in the world-nor should it ever become one. It's extremely dangerous and very stupid. Don't do anything these characters are doing. You could end up in the hospital, or worse. Thank you.

Also, I began posting this to AO3 about two-to-three weeks beforehand, so if you go to my AO3, you can read scenes II and III as well.