I need you
She had lost the feeling in her butt from sitting on the hard plastic chair. She had no idea how long she had been sitting on this chair or how long she had been sitting in the same position, just holding the girls' hand, talking to her hoping that she would say something or react to what she was saying or just squeezing her hand, just a small thing so that she knew that the girl was still there somewhere.
"You should go home."
"I can't." She said as she looked at an older woman that came into the room.
"You don't help her by sitting here and not being well rested." The woman said as she looked over from the girl in the chair to the girl that was laying in the bed.
"I can't leave her here alone." She sighed. "I just can't do that, she needs me now."
"We all feel like that." The woman said. "But Alex, you need to get some rest and I can promise that I will call you if something happens with her."
"Thank you, Julie." Alex said as she let go of the girls' hand, and placed a small kiss on the girls' forehead before leaving the hospital room. "I love you, Marissa. Remember that and I need you now."
/
The blonde girl was back at home it was a place that she couldn't stay at longer than she had too, it was a reminder of her and Marissas' past, a past that showed a lot of almost picture perfect moments in their life, it was photos all over the place.
Clothes and photos was scattered all over their apartment floor it was how their life together had been before the accident. All that she could think of was if Marissa somehow was thinking of her as she laid in that hospital bed, she could only hope and pray that she was.
"Hello." The blonde said as she heard her phone go off. "Yes mother, I'm at home."
She could just sigh, now it was her mother that wanted her to be home and try and get some rest, she had talked more to both her own and Marissas' parents since the accident. She continued to talk to her mother, it was suffocating, and she needed time alone when she wasn't at the hospital.
/
Before she left she called her girlfriends cellphone, she knew that it wouldn't get picked up but she needed to hear her voice and this was the only thing that she could do to be able to hear that voice at the moment.
"You have reach Marissas' phone and as you hear I can't take your call at the moment I'm probably too busy with my girlfriend, so you know the drill."
As she heard the message that Marissa had left on her own phone, the blonde broke down, it wasn't the first time it happened and she knew that it wasn't going to be the last time either.
She looked at the clock on the old VCR-player before she left, the numbers was really bright and screamed at her, it was a one thirty, it was the same time as she had gotten the call from a hysteric Summer that Marissa was at the hospital and had been in an accident, the clock in the kitchen had stopped at a quarter past one, from what she understood it had been the time that the accident had happened.
She had no idea on how she would go and live without her girl, she just needed her now. Alex knew deep down that she had lost all of the control that she once had.
/
As she was back at the hospital, she walked the same hallways as she always did and she ran into one of the nurses on the floor. The blonde just looked down, she wished that someone would come and sweep her away or help her stay strong, that was what Marissa normally did for her and now her brunette wasn't there next to her to tell her to stay strong and that she was needed and she couldn't tell anyone how much she needed Marissa.
"you don't have to be here." The nurse said. "You need to get away from this, you know that it's depressing to be here and she has her mother there and her friends are on the way."
"I need her." Alex said as she turned to the nurse. "That is all that I can say, I just need her."
"We all know that and she does too." The nurse said. "You just believe."
Alex walked inside the room, and she saw that Marissa was still laying on the bed, not moving and the beeping from the monitors told her that she had a steady heartbeat and that she was breathing, the blonde closed her eyes and she took a deep breath before letting Julie now that she was back.
"You can go home now if you want to." Alex said as she grabbed another chair, she knew the answer to that even before she had said it.
"I thought that I told you to go home and get some rest." Julie said as she looked at the girl that was now sitting on the other side of the bed, she could tell that the girl was broken and a mess.
"I can't stay there, it reminds me too much of her and I need to be here." Alex said and took Marissas' hand in her own before laying her own head on the bed next to the brunettes' body not wanting to disturb anything. Julie could see how the blonde slowly started to relax and her breathing was going down and was more even. She had finally fall asleep, a much needed sleep.
As the older woman got up to leave them alone she could smell something from Alexs' breath, she had gotten a drink or maybe it had been more like a bottle, maybe that was the reason for her passing out and not the fact that she had need some sleep. She had never understood until this moment how much her oldest daughter meant to the blonde girl and now she finally understood.
/
"Good morning, Marissa." Alex said as she woke up the next morning, her head felt heavy but at the same time it was nice to feel something, it meant that she still was alive. "It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day today."
"Hi." A voice said and Alex turned around she recognized the voice to be her girlfriends' best friend.
"Summer." Alex said. "I think that today is going to be a good day. I can feel it in my heart."
"I hope so Alex." Summer said as she took the chair that Julie had been sitting in last night, Alex couldn't remember that the older woman had left at all maybe she had gotten some great sleep last night after all. "I kind of need my best friend."
"And I need my girlfriend." Alex said not knowing what to say anymore.
/
She had taken the position that she always had, she was sitting on the uncomfortable chair that was placed on the left side of the bed, she was holding her girlfriends' left hand, this time she looked at the palm of her own free hand, there was something laying there, she closed her hand before closing her eyes.
She prayed she had never done that before this accident had happened; praying was the one thing that she could do to feel somewhat safe and feel that she was doing something. She tightened the fist around the object in her hand it didn't take long before the object was thrown at the wall in the hospital room.
"You need to stay calm and don't lose your temper like that."
Alex just sighed as she got up and got the object from the rooms' floor before looking at the brunette that was standing next to her. "I don't know what to do, you know how people say that they would rather hurt than feel nothing at all, and they have never been in this position."
"Alex, I don't know what you are going through but we all want to help you in some way." The brunette said and looked at the blonde that now had moved back to her seat next to the girl that was laying on the bed. "Anyway that we can, you just need to say the word."
"Summer, please." Alex said and looked down on Marissa, she didn't want to talk about this. The room was quiet, neither of them said a word, the only sound that you could hear was the steady beat from the machines in the room before Alex opened her mouth and said something.
"You want to know something."
"You can tell me anything you want." Summer said and reached over her friends' body and squeezed Alexs' free hand. "Anything."
"I was going to propose." Alex said and took the object, which was a box, from her pocket and showed Summer the ring. "I was too nervous do anything about it so I decided to wait and now I might never get the chance to do that and if I had done it, she wouldn't have been out there and this wouldn't have happened."
"This is not your fault and you know it." Summer said. "You need to stop blaming yourself about the accident you can't do anything about it." The room went quiet again except the sound of the machines.
/
"Marissa, you want to know something?" Alex asked, she knew that she wouldn't get an answer but she couldn't help but to talk to her and tell her all different things that she could think of and it never got old. "I have told you before that I need you, and I still do, need you." She squeezed the girls' hand and this time it felt like someone was squeezing her hand back she looked up at her girlfriends' face, it looked so peaceful, she had just probably just dreamt the whole thing or imagined it.
But not even a minute later, the sound that were coming from the machines changed, it was like it was a faster pace, like the girls' heart was working more and there it was a flutter of the eyes from the girl that was laying on the bed.
Alex just screamed, she was not sure on what it was that she had screamed but there were nurses and doctors that came rushing into the room.
"Is she waking up?" Alex asked one of the nurses, she didn't want to get her hope up from this.
"She is staring to but we won't know for sure when she will be fully awake and being able to talk to you but this is a start."
Alex just sighed, this was a step in the right direction and maybe she would be able to do what she had wanted to do for so long, maybe this was the turning point in her life.
/
A couple of days passed before Marissa was conscious enough to speak to them but now was the time for them, it were their time.
"I heard you." Marissa said, as Alex walked inside the room. "I heard you all the time, when you were talking to me." Alex had been close to tears when she had heard Marissa say the first part of that but when she told her that she had heard all of it, there was no turning back, the tears were now flowing freely down the blondes, cheeks. "Alex, I need you, too."
"Marry me." Alex said. "I kind of need you now, if you know what I mean."