It was early in the morning at Dalton Academy. Most were asleep, except for those who got up to use the bathroom at 6'o'clock in the morning but they would eventually go back to bed. One boy in particular was having trouble sleeping, out of fear, a heavy heart, and over exhaustion.
His name was Julian Larson.
Anger burned through him as he lay in his bed, wondering why someone had to go and control his life like Logan did. Then anger was replaced with tears when he realized that Logan did not even know he had Julian in the first place.
Everything would be so much easier if Julian could just tell Logan how he felt, but when you are a diva and, not to mention, a movie star there are some things you cannot do. These certain things you will never admit to and, therefore, nobody will know of these flaws. So, they reside inside of you and slowly drive you to the point of insanity.
Julian was at the point of insanity.
It felt as if he was slowly being torn apart, as if all of his thoughts were cracking his skull and as more were added, so was pressure. He tried writing in journals. He tried e-mailing these thoughts to one of his e-mail accounts, but thought better when he realized he could actually send these thoughts to someone by accident. He tried running away by going to film a new movie. He tried sleeping pills. He tried writing songs. He tried yoga. None of these things distracted him or calmed the storm in his mind. In fact, it felt as if they made everything worse. He talked to Derek about it, but that didn't even seem to help.
For the first time in his life Julian Larson, the famous actor, the famous singer, the son of Dolce Larson and Travis Armstrong, felt pathetic.
He felt pathetic because here he was, wondering why a boy he loved didn't love him back, or how no matter what he tried it didn't seem to cure him of his infatuation forLogan. Why did he have to be cursed with these feelings?
Why?
Rolling over onto his side he hugged his cool sheets to his bare chest. Goosebumps formed on his skin at the touch, causing him to shiver and pull them closer. Sniffling, he wiped the tears away before staring at the wall opposite of him. From what Julian saw in the movies he thought that unrequited love was just hard to go through, but since he was experiencing it himself it was heart breaking. Movies made it seem like a paper cut on your finger, but in real life it was like getting stabbed in the chest and having the knife twisted over, and over, and over again . . .
Returning from his painful thoughts Julian realized something;
The last thing he wanted to be was alone, cold, and crying.
It was obvious that at the rate he was going he wasn't going to fall asleep. But where could he go at 6'o'clock in the morning, especially on a Saturday morning?
A thought popped into his head,
Derek.
This may seem remarkable but Julian felt bad for wanting to wake up Derek. Yet, at the same time, he knew that it would probably be the best thing to do. Yet, at the same time, he didn't think he should drag Derek into his problems.
Julian inwardly groaned at his sudden sentimental side. His snarky side must be in hiding deeply inside of him for him to think of someone else. Never mind . . . he wasn't as heartless as everybody thought he was. He let the love of his life date others and be happy that must be a sign of being selfless.
"Julian Larson-Armstrong, do you want to lay in this bed and never sleep, all by yourself, or would you rather have someone by your side?" He whispered the question to himself as he ran his hand over his face. Turning over onto his other side he glanced at the digital clock whose letters screamed at him in bold, red numbers, 6:44 a.m.
Seeing that the time wasn't as indecent as he originally thought it was, Julian pulled the covers off of himself. Not even bothering to put a shirt on, he quietly opened the door, peeking his head out into the hallway before stepping out into the hall and closing the door softly behind him. Logan's and Derek's room was located across the hall which came as a relief to Julian who didn't want to be seen by anybody, and not because he wasn't wearing a shirt or looked like complete shit.
Slowly he opened the other boys' dorm room and slipped inside without even making the floorboards creek. The room was somewhat lit by the sun that slowly rose over the horizon, giving the room a somewhat blue look to it, but even if the room were pitch black Julian knew his way around it as if it were his own room from how many times he had been in it.
Walking quietly to the edge of Derek's bed, making sure not to wake the love of his lifeLoganwho was only on the other side of the room. Julian bit his lip, second-guessing himself, but slowly brought his hand to Derek's shoulder and shook him lightly.
"Derek?" Julian whispered, continuing to shake him lightly. Derek stirred from underneath his touch and sleepily looked up at Julian, blinking a few times before he realized what was happening.
"What time is it?" Derek asked, bringing his hands to his face as he tried to rub the sleepiness away.
"Shhh; Logan's still asleep," Julian quickly told him, glancing over at the opposite side of the room. "It's almost seven."
"Why so early?" Derek asked a hint of a whine in his scratchy morning voice.
"Hey, I was being considerate, I could have woken you up a long time ago," Julian told him as Derek scooched over to allow Julian to join him.
"Why so early princess?"
Julian scowled at the sudden use of a pet name, but brushed it off. "I was torturing myself. It seems that when I am alone with my mind all we do is fight like a drunk couple."
Derek looked at him questioningly. "A drunk couple?"
"Fine; we fight like those couples on reality television shows, is that better?"
"I wouldn't know, I don't watch a lot of television," Derek quickly interjected at the look on Julian's face. "I only watch it when you're in the program or whatever the hell it is . . ."
"Nice save,"
"Damn; you are nice in the morning. I didn't even know you could talk without sarcasm."
"Har, har."
"But seriously,"
Derek said, looking at Julian as if he were x-raying him. Julian didn't really feel comfortable with Derek's down-to-business-but-I-can-already-read-you-like-a-book look. "What's wrong?"
Julian took a deep breath of air before exhaling slowly. "Like I told you. I was trapped with my mind for too long, and I was over thinking things."
"We both know there is more than that . . ."
"Fine, I was thinking about . . ." Julian turned his head a bit to look over his shoulder at Logan's sleeping figure, hidden beneath his covers. "Him."
"And what were you thinking?"
Derek sounded like a therapist, and the thought of Derek dressed all prim and proper, smoking a pipe, and writing Julian's thoughts down in a spiral notebook caused Julian to chuckle quietly to himself.
"How I know he doesn't feel the same way and that I am screwed because no matter what I try I can't seem to get over him."
Pause.
"You always have to choose the hard to get ones, don't you?"
Julian quietly laughed.
"Seems that way."
Julian watched as Derek closed his eyes with smile on his face.
"How do you know he doesn't reciprocate the same feelings for you as you do him?"
The air became stiff.
"W-What?"
"How do you know he doesn't like you?"
Derek opened his eyes and they stared intently at each other, trying to understand what was and what wasn't.
"Isn't it obvious?" Julian asked Derek, eyebrows furrowed. Derek sent him a questioning look. Julian let out a sigh before continuing. "He has never looked at me. He has never imagined me that way. I am nothing more than a Hollywood brat or whatever you guys call me - a princess? And, even if I were "out of the closet" or whatever you'd like to call it he probably would
never see me that way, I am not his type."
"Oh please," Derek scoffed. "You two are so perfect for each other it's absolutely sickening. Don't worry, he'll wake up soon. Someone will probably have to hit him hard enough but he'll get there."
Julian had a small smile grace his lips. "Thanks D."
"No problem Princess. Now, let's get some sleep, shall we?"
Neither of the boys needed to be told twice before they slipped off into their own little worlds of hopes, wishes, and desires.
However, what neither of them noticed was the boy on the other side of the room, staring at the two of them, wondering if he was dreaming.
Logan Write had listened to their whole conversation. He had even been awake when Julian walked into the room. When he had noted that Julian was shirtless, he had to be dreaming. Yet, he watched as the two boys held a hush conversation that he had to strain to hear.
When they had fallen asleep, allLogancould think about was the boy who seemed to be driving Julian to the point of giving up completely. The thought was going nowhere and he closed his eyes to try to attempt to return to fall asleep and thought to himself,
Well, whoever this boy is, if Jules ever tells him, he should feel lucky to be loved by such a diva.