Disclaimer: All the characters, names, locations, etc. belong to J. K. Rowling.

What Pansy means

"Pansy has always been a gabble of incomprehensible feelings for me and, although she has put effort through the years to convey me the mean of some of them, she hasn't got results. I still don't know how a human being can cry when he is too happy, for example."

Theodore Nott, Future Perfect (Futuro Perfecto), Metanfetamina (original in Spanish)

I remember very well the day I discover that Pansy Parkinson didn't know how to paint his nails. We're in the slytherin common room while she was trying to put some nail polish for the Slughon's party. She knew the theory, everyone knows the theory! You only have to put the damn nail polish… well… in the nails! But Parkinson put that thing in all her finger. Her hands were shaking like she had ninety years or more —I really thought that McGonagall do it better and everyone knew that she was approaching to the century. So, Pansy's hands ended smeared with that things that was called polish and smell worse than cat pee.

I've always thought that women born with natural talents because it appears that all of them knew how to make up, how to walk in heels… and that kind of things. But no. They born without talents. Pansy Parkinson only knew how to make up because Daphne taught her how, but she paint his nails terrible and walk with heels like a lame goose. Yes, she was incredibly complicated like all women, with that stupid custom of saying and not saying things, believe that they are superior. Pansy also used to have an irritating habit of yelling at everyone in this worlds. Well. She didn't yell to Daphne never. Maybe because they are still best friends.

She yell to me that I was a total pervert, for example. And, when she was dating Draco they discuss a lot. The time they don't waste in Draco's bed, or kissing, they fight. And their fights what pretty legendary: all the Slytherins remember it. But, at that moment they wasn't a couple, and the sweared to Merlin that the break-up was for real that time. It wasn't; but that was another story. In sixth year, everyone noticed that something have happened to Draco, but only Nott knew what exactly. I think he guessed, because Draco didn't tell anybody, not ever Crabbe and Goyle. And, of course, Theodore Nott suffered Pansy's shouts, too; he only waited the storm to finish with a raised eyebrow and the answered calmly. But, no matter what, Pansy always treated him as the mother he have never had.

She was complicated. Complicated to a fault. One moment she could behave like a five-year-old girl, and the next she was everyone's mother. She hate the people drunk and hate even more the hangover, but I actually saw her drinking fire whiskey a lot of times over the years when she was sad, disappointed with Draco's attitude or furious —and, in that case, running far is the best option—. Contradictory as herself and her teens. But, no matter what Nott says or thinks about, I can say for sure that she only get drunk two times in our first sixth years at Hogwarts, meanwhile the rest of us were trying, stupidly, to appear older. It never works.

I was an idiot. I guess that was the reason of Parkinson's behaviour when I are close, even a little, to her. When we first met we hate each other; well, maybe 'hate' isn't the right word, but I don't know how to describe that relationship between idiotic teenagers. I always was bothering Draco and Pansy droves nuts instantaneously. Ater some years we decided give us a truce: the first time Draco demonstrated to be a total jerk with women, especially, with her. We all was jerks, Draco, Theodore, Gregory, Vincent and me, but Draco screwed up as anyone because he was uncapable to confess her that he loves her. Do yoy guess? He never told "I love you" to Pansy in all that years, altough his feeling were pretty clear since fourth year.

After the first truce, came many others. At the end, she rarely yelled to me. Altough she was never pretty, and Lily Moon didn't stop bother her about his awful family nose; all the Parkinsons have carried that curse over the years: the ugliest nose ever.

I think she had a kind of beauty that not all the people sees. She had a "i don't know what" and you inevitably looked at her; maybe her manners between aristocratic and seductive that seemed ridiculous in a girl's body. She was a teenager that want to feel like a woman, and for us it looked sophisticated when we had sixteen. But now I realise it was completely and absolutely ridiculous. The real beauty in her was her eyes; they were brown, totally common, but the look like chocolate. I'd never seen that tonality with so much attention. Usually, people looked at her first, because of her real and tangible beauty, then the eyes headed to Daphne Greengrass, who always was —and still is— a godness. But Daphne never saw anyone, but Nott.

But well, this is her story. Of how she taught me what being Slytherin really meant, beyond the prejudice and stigma that rounded the house. She also taught me what means lie for your friends, wish flowers for her birthday like any other girls. She shows me that she was smart for whiles, when Draco wasn't near. A little time ago, she explained to me that when she fell in love with someone, she fell in love for good: as a complete idiot. She's right, there isn't any other way of fall in love with people.

I fell in love with her like that: as a complete idiot.

Is there any other way of fell in love with Pansy Parkinson?

No. She acted insane sometimes and she always was the most stubborn and contradictory girl I ever met. She had a huge loving heart for all people she cared about and a 'not give a damn' face for all she hated, beginning with her archenemy: Hermione Granger. I still don't know why she worried so much about that ugly girl, why for? They are never going to be in the same circles, or like the same things or the same boys —even though I keep saying the two of the have an awful taste for guys—. Why for? But Pansy Parkinson was complicated, fickle, contradictory, and, most important, teenager.

At least, she doesn't worry about Granger anymore.

"Blaise, they look terrible!" She was talking about her nails. And yes, she finally found out that she was a disaster doing that. All her fingers —not only the nails— were green. And, of course, green didn't look so good with her red dress.

"I see."

I raised an eyebrow as Nott style, but that didn't fit me. Where did he learn to raise his eyebrow the way he still does? The gesture was kind of 'I'm don't know if I just say to you you're a douche or die because I'm bored." Why the hell Nott used to have no zest to life? Well, back to the topic, I remember the raised eyebrow looked terrible on me and, in front of me, Pansy Parkinson looked like an abortion instead of a femme fatale. She looked her hands like the poorly painted nails was the worst tragedy in her lifetime.

"Do you have nail polish removal?" I asked. That was my only offert: took off the polish. And, with that, try to undo the disaster herself did in her hands. I didn't try to fix it in any other way, I was conscious that, in painting nails, I was probably worse than her. Time gave me an opportunity to confirm that: a few years later I saw my work in her nails. Horrible in every way.

"I think so." She pursed her nose like saying whatever. I can say that, even when Pansy made thatkind of gestures that made her look uglier, I was really impressed on her and that never happened to me with any other girl. I keeps happening to me, but I'm get used to. I'm get used to her, her abrupt humor changes, and her weird personality. But her expressions... No, that's different, the way she bites her lips when she is frustrated, the way she pursed her nose... It's seductive. There was something —and still is there— seductive about her that didn't had to do anything with fallen eyes or practised smiles like Daphne Grengrass' ones. Pansy Parkinson is a kind of beauty more natural, more tangible, more real. She was like any other girl. Nothing special. "Here it is."

She put the bottle just in front of me. The nail polisher removal is a potion that obviously, take off the nail polisher better than muggle things, but it has the same use. So, it's not fast. She also put cotton infront of me, with really bad manners and sat down again. We were supposed to go to a party as fridns, but she was driving me crazy already.

The truth: I went to that party only because of her. First, I caught the bliss in her eyes when Tracey mentioned that Hermione Granger had a date for the party and the date was Cormac McLaggen, who was, in Pansy's words, a jerk of Gryffindor —she used to know everything about everyone in Hogwarts, names, dates, relations, like a real spy—. Pansy hated Hermione since the very first momento she saw her because she had the ugliest hair in Hogwarts and Pansy didn't have better reasons to hate her.

So, there we was, against all odds. She had yelled at Draco Malfoy two hours before; she said him he wasa jerk and that he never invited to a party —a complete lie: they had gone togheter to the Christmas ball in fourth year—, that he was stupid —thing that we already knew by that point— and that if he didn't take her to a party she would come with me. Yes, that was the first new I had that she was planning to go with me to Slughorn's party.

And then she broke for me another women cliche: they didn't take an eternity to be ready. Pansy always have dressed up fast, she knew how to look incredible even though she didn't always like how she appeared. Even today, she's complexed, thing —I think— totally normal: her best friend always was one the most beautiful girls in Hogwarts and now, in their late thirties, she's still incredible. Pansy didn't have green eyes, curves or the manners of a seductive woman. But she didn't need it and she didn't know it.

So there we were: ready for the disaster if the season. Have you ever seen Pans Parkinson hands? She has long fingers but not bony. Nails always clean and neat. She's always said that, if she wasn't going to be a model, at least she wanted to have the hands of one. Even though in that precise moment her nails was a complete disaster. I unpaited the one by one, looking at her hands —the most beautiful hands I'd ever seen.

If she still would have been Draco's girlfriend, I swear I wouldn't have tried anything. I swear it for Merlin, and Salazar Slytherin, and the wizards that came after them. But they had been playing the now yes, now no for six months and they had broken up time ago. Draco Malfoy had more worrying things to worry about and Pansy, even though he loved her so damn much —because yes, he loved her, but he never had the gutts to tell her—, was in a second plane. I shouldn't have try anything. But I liked her. I liked her so damn much.

And obviously, there I was: torturing myself.

"Blaise, there's a spot, there..." Pansy pointed, with her left hand, a super little spit in her finger. She was exaggerating —and she still does. I stared at her abs I found her look. Damn eyes of her. They had —still had— that something that drives me crazy in that moment. I kept myself list in them like the most idiot of the idiots existent.

And the I did the most idiotic thing I could do: I kissed her.

The story didn't end there, but you can imagine what happened next. Yes, we went to that party and had a great time. She laughed at Hermione Granger. I didn't bang her —talking properly, I didn't sleep with her—. That's not what I want. We didn't become boyfriend and girlfriend. I remember the war came after that and hit us in a way nothing had ever hit us, our worries became others, not our romantic life. Then the trials and she got back with Draco. They fought a lot and they screwed up ther relationship a couple of times. They broke up again and I cheered her for a little while as the best douche. Until one day she came to my door and said he was giving me a chance.

Am I forgetting about something? Not really... Well, Theodore Nott was the best man in our wedding.

Pansy, for a reason I don't know, is my favourite character to write about. Put myself in her place is really easy and seeing her trough Blaise's eyes is wonderful because he loves her so much... So, this is a shorts story about them. It's a translation I did myself and I expect it's better that my other translations

Andrea Poulain

December 22, 2014