Falling inside the black.
Disclaimer: It is with a heavy heart that I admit that the rights to House MD or its characters aren't mine, wish they were. Who doesn't, really? The plot –or what seems to be a plot- it's mine though.
A/N: Hello my readers. This is my first House fic so please be good. I don't know how it'll turn to be, and I don't have plans about it either. An idea popped in my head and I decided to write it down. Please leave a comment, ever critiques if you think that can help. English is not my first languages so be kind ;) If you spot any error feel free to tell me.
1° chapter
That night Cameron decided to waste time alone, at a bar. She had had a rough day, and didn't feel like calling Chase. He was out with his friends anyway… They were doing not so great, honestly. She wasn't really tired so she had opted for a drink.
Who she found didn't really surprise her; the younger girl was known as a 'regular' for bars. Their eyes met but Thirteen seemed to not wanting to move from her chair, some feet away. The blond doctor drifted her glance, heading to the bar counter. She asked for a cocktail, Strawberry Daiquiri; then sat down. An electro chill song was playing and Allison closed her eyes. She had lost a young patient today. It wasn't really her fault but she felt a bit guilty.
As a drink became a few more, Thirteen looked toward the bar counter: Dr. Cameron was still sat. Mmm she wondered what the woman was doing there; for some reasons she hadn't considered her as a drinking girl.
After an hour of stealing glances, Remy decided to go and talk with Cameron. She was curious and a kinda inebriate. Not that it was a new thing. She could handle alcohol.
As soon as Thirteen was behind her, the blond girl turned around. The younger one let her eyes lingered a bit too longer. "Hey.." Cameron was the first to speak. Her voice slurring slightly.
The brunette smirked "Dr. Cameron." She sat down next to her, since the chair was empty now.
Thirteen turned her face to the right side to look at Allison who was instead interested in her glass. She was feeling weirdly inadequate looking into Thirteen's eyes? That since she caught her staring. She had stared all night, really.
"Are you gonna drink it, or what?" the brunette suddenly spoke out.
Cameron finally lifter her head, "Yeah.. of course." And with that she finished the last cocktail. "So, any particularly reason you're sitting next to me? I saw you with that pretty girl before…" the blonde wondered if Dr. Hadley had done anything -before she had walked in the bar- with that girl. Isn't she with Eric, or something?
"We were just talking.."
"I can't know."
"Mm?" Thirteen mumbled ordering two Tequilas.
"I don't know what you two have been doing before I entered in here. Since that your attention was-" Cameron didn't finish her sentence looking as the bartender gave them the tequila.
Shrugging she drank it, even more eagerly then the younger doctor had expected. Remy smirked at the action and sipped from her glass too. Allison, then, moved her glance to the brunette.
Thirteen held her eyes intensely. They were practically strangers. All she knew of Dr. Cameron was because House mentioned her every now and again, or thanks to nurses' rumours.
Allison kept staring. They were practically strangers. She minded her business and she didn't listen to the juicy gossips about Thirteen. She didn't care that much either: everytime she had helped House with some cases the younger woman hadn't show any interested in talking, so…
"You know…" Remy breathed out, after what seemed an eternity, "I didn't imagine you liked to drink."
Cameron smirked a bit, but didn't reply. 'Kay.. maybe she is not in the mood for chatting. And I know that feeling. Thirteen thought and moved her face slowly.
They sat in comfortable silence, as music kept blaring and people talking. Suddenly Allison's phone vibrated inside the purse. Thirteen heard the woman grumbling and she closed the calling.
She questioned the blondie with her eyes, "Just Chase…"
"Trouble in paradise?" the brunette joked.
And Allison felt the need to explain herself "No, no!" she said too quickly. "I just had a bad day.."
"Isn't a boyfriend suppose to cheer you up?"
This question was left unanswered. Thirteen looked Cameron again: yeah she looked messed at the moment, yet still beautiful. "I had a bad day too."
"Yeah, with House I'm not surprised."
Remy grinned at that. They took other drinks and kept their thoughts for their own.
It was getting pretty late when Cameron said "I don't know how I feel about Robert at the moment.."
Thirteen was confused for some seconds, then she remembered Robert was Chase's name. "Why so?" she heard herself asking, not really caring though.
"I think… I'm not worthy his time."
Dr. Hadley opened her blue eyes wide at that "What?!" she was bemused. Why wouldn't Cameron be worthy the surgeon's time? She was good looking as him -if not more- and caring from what she had seen these months. They seemed the perfect couple in some people's eyes.
"He's putting much effort in our relationship. He expects more from me and I donno if I can give him that." Allison confessed. It was easier to talk to -an almost- stranger.
"Mmm.." Thirteen licked quickly her lips, thinking. "You don't love him?" she dared to ask.
The older girl sighed, and Remy took the silence as a no. "Then I guess you have to make things clear with him." She winked at that, getting on her feet. "I'm going to my house now." She stated, still not moving.
"Me too…" Cameron mumbled, not wanting to drink more. Her head was already dizzy.
"Really?" the brunette grinned "I hadn't invited you, but if you insist..." she joked.
Allison chuckled softly rising up. "See you this Monday, Remy."
Dr. Hadley felt weird for a moment at the use of her real name. She was used to 'Thirteen', hearing it all day from the colleagues. But just for a moment.
Then she smiled lightly "Yeah, good night, Allison."
The blond woman shook her head and was the first to walk out the bar.
&&&
She reached home and threw herself on the couch, exhausted. The alcohol was wearing off, leaving space to tiredness. Yawning, the doctor assumed a fetal position and chose to sleep there. It didn't matter really.
After some hours the light woke her up. Still groggy Allison stretched: all her muscles were throbbing. Well that's what you get for sleeping on the couch. She told herself.
Getting on her feet she picked her purse from the floor. She checked her phone: Chase hadn't called anymore. She felt relieved at that. It was only 7 in the morning. She guessed she had had only 5 and something hours of sleeping.
She went in her kitchen, not really hungry though. She pondered if eating was the best option, then decided for a shower. After she was done in the bathroom she put on clean clothes. The sun was fierce in the sky. She didn't smile, she felt cold inside. It was a weird feeling, but not really new to her. She had gone through at lot, since she was a teenager. Sighing and brushing sad thoughts away, she walked to her door. It was better to go out. She left the phone inside her home on purpose. Chase would come anyway. They shared the apartment almost always now.
She didn't take her car, but walked instead. She reached the park in a couple of minutes. It was almost desert that early. Only an old man was sat on the bench alone, reading the newspaper. Cameron looked on the dry grass and sighed. She went and sat down an empty bench, near the one 'used' by the elderly.
She didn't know how much time had passed, how long she had stared into the nothingness, but after a while she zoned in. Finally people were rushing inside the park. Parents with kids, laughter, happiness…
It was Sunday and she never felt so numb. What the hell was wrong with her now? She betted her boyfriend had been wondering the question often, lately. He had moved in with her and she had grown colder. She didn't want to hurt him really, but she was having hard time.
She rose up and looked at her watch: it was 9.30 am now. She raised an eyebrow, concluding she had spent almost two hours there. She ran back to her house, only to find Robert waiting for her on the couch, with the TV turned on. "Hey.." he merely greeted. She moved her head, then went to her room. She started at the mirror on her beauty drawer: she looked tired.
She smirked lightly, remembering the night before. Thirteen. She shook her head. That girl was really mysterious. With the young brunette in mind she reached her boyfriend again.
"How are you?" he smiled his charming smile. She curled next to him and lied "Good, you?"
"Me too." He let his left arm dance on the girl's shoulder. "What you done yesterday?"
"Just been here… I didn't sleep well though."
"Yeah I can see that." Chase teased, chuckling a bit.
Allison didn't laugh back "Sorry.. I look awful."
"Wha.. I was joking! You look tired indeed, but still pretty as usual." He reassured his girlfriend, sincere. He kissed the top of her head.
Cameron drew the attention away from her "You, instead, had fun with your buddies?"
"Ay. But I missed a certain blondie.." he smirked.
Cameron closed her eyes briefly and said "I'll tell her if I see her." making Robert smile. But then she got on her feet, "Are you going out later?" she walked away from the couch.
Chase made a confused face and thought she sounded like she didn't want him around. But he put the bad feeling away. "No, I don't think so.. I met with the dudes yesterday, so I'll stay here. Why? You have to go out?" he asked with his annoying accent, as House would say.
"Umh.... no." she finally said. She had nowhere to go anyway. She had to make an effort, for Robert at least. "Wanna go see a movie later?"
He seemed to beam "Of course. But not soppy film!"
"Hey! That last movie I chose wasn't that bad!"
"Suuure." They giggled. And Cam returned on the couch. Yes, a last effort… for him. She thought as she let him cuddle her.
&&&
The evening arrived and the couple made their way to Chase's car. They reached the cinema. They chose 'Revolutionary Road'. It seemed good, plus Leonardo DiCaprio was a plus. For Allison at least. Not that she lacked the handsomeness. When they entered in the movie theatre many girls looked in their direction: Robert drew a quite attention. She didn't feel jealous though; he tightened his hands around hers and they sat down.
The movie was fascinating, they were enjoying it, but Allison needed to breathe for a while. She excused her self and headed to the bathroom. The mirror was stained but she didn't mind; it wasn't like she enjoyed seeing herself. She checked the time on her phone: the movie was about the end. She leaned on the sink, alone in the toilet. Closing her eyes she thought about the passed week. When Cuddy had asked her to take her job. Shocking, yeah. But she had accepted, of course. It been… interesting. Until she followed her mind and quitted. She knew she had let the older woman down, seeing Lisa had a child now, but she had done the right decision. As she has said, she agreed almost always with her ex boss. "House…"she rolled his name on her tongue. He had mocked her through the day; their old fights had been back. But it was over now. She smiled sadly. She'd always say yes to him. "He's in my head.." she re heard herself speaking with Cuddy.
Sighing she returned to catch the end of the movie; "Everything's okay?" Chase asked half concerned half annoyed. "You've been there like.. 15 minutes."
"So? Am I not allowed?" it came out harsher than Cameron intend to, but she didn't apologize.
Her boyfriend looked a bit hurt, but shot back "Sorry if I minded the absence of my girl!" and returned his glance on the screen.
The end credits slowly made their way and Allison immediately rose up. They reached his car in silence. They drove back to home in silence. And they went to the bedroom in silence.
The woman slowly undressed herself as well as Robert. They got under the cover of the comfy bed and hushed a cold goodnight.
The morning came, and Cameron was the first to wake up. Hurrying herself she made breakfast then took a quick shower, without wetting her hair, already clean from the shower done the day before. While she was picking up what to wear, Chase woke up. He yawned discreetly and got on his feet. "Good morning hun.." He whispered. The blond girl lifted her face and smiled sweetly "Good morning." she said back "I made breakfast. My shift starts in some minutes so I've to go. See you at lunch?" "Sure. Have a good day, and don't get too stressed!" he shouted at the end, seeing Allison had ran out the room. He pouted a bit, reaching the bathroom. No goodbye kiss..
The doctor arrived at work: Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital. She held her breath and walked inside. She waited for the lobby to come. It beeped as it opened, and Cameron ran in and pushed the "close door" button with her fist. She arrived on her floor and looked around. There were already many people. As usual, she greeted the nurses at their station and headed for the locker. Once she changed into her ER clothes -pinky scrubs- she prepared herself for the busy day. At least my shift won't finish too late. She tried to see the good side, but failed miserably when she saw the many patients she'd have to deal with.
After hours of working finally lunch-time arrived. Cameron was finally free from the attention of a middle age man, a bit too much obvious. If it hadn't been that he really needed her help, she'd send him away. Mmm, no I'd probably never do that. She thought. She was about to head for the cafeteria when she bumped into House.
"Oh sorry..." she mumbled apologetically; then she looked up and saw her old boss towering on her, with a weird expression "Hi House." She wondered the meaning of his look.
"Cameron." His face quickly changed: his infamous smirk returned and he rolled the cane he took around. "Having fun?" he grinned, pointing his head to the patient who was 'harassing' her.
"Not really." She grumbled, making her way toward the canteen. He followed.
"I thought damaged middle age men were your soft spot."
She rolled her eyes, he always liked to mock her "I know you like to torment people around you, but change line. The damaged one is getting boring." She hid a subtle smirk at his expression.
Finally Allison spotted Chase sat down at a table. Sighing she said "I see Wilson waiting for you. Good lunch."
"I see your barbie boy waiting for you, too." They exchanged farewell and Cameron reached that table.
"Hey Barbie." She smiled. Robert's eyebrows almost touched the ceiling. He sputtered "Wha?"
She burst into laughter "House.. he just-" she saw his expression changing "Okay, never mind." she giggled another bit, though. Then the new ducklings arrived, 'escorted' by Foreman.
Thirteen winked at Cameron's way, and the blonde let another smirk brush on her face. "Busy day?" Chase started making small chat with them, while Allison looked on her food tray. She didn't feel like eating much, so she got on her feet, excusing herself politely. She brought the tray with her and emptied it in the trash can. When she turned around to return at the table she was met by a pair of greenish blue eyes. "Umh, yes?" Allison felt her cheeks blushing a bit.
"Why are you throwing all the food from your tray?" Thirteen asked.
"Cuz.. I'm not hungry?"
"It's... a waste. You could have asked if someone of us wanted to eat. See?" she put her right hand on Cameron's arm, while the left one was pointing to the table they left. "Kutner is really hungry. The others too. Little pigs…" she joked.
The blond woman simply stared. Remy thought she was annoyed she had offended her boyfriend a bit too, so she immediately added "Expect for Chase, maybe. He doesn't look like a pig… at all." She narrowed her eyebrows, somehow thoughtful.
Cameron laughed, and hard. Thirteen's eyes were on her again "What?" she questioned confused.
"You're kinda funny." The younger girl smiled at that.
"I thought you were pissed? Or something..."
"Naa, you should see him at home. He's really a pig!"
The internist chuckled. "So.." she started "How went after you returned home?"
"Good, hehe. I fell asleep immediately." They laughed.
"Yeah I know the feeling. But I meant with Chase. How it went with him. If you don't mind me asking!" she corrected the end. Gah! Thirteen shook her head, why am I being silly?!
Allison smiled again "It's okay. Plus you're funny."
"Mm, it's not good if you say it twice in just one conversation. This means you're making fun of me."
"No, really!" Dr. Cameron explained herself "I didn't mean to mock you, I-" she stopped when she saw the other woman's face. "Hey!" she hit her on the shoulder playfully "YOU are making fun of me now." Remy sniggered annoyingly.
"I was about to say it was funny when you get confused, or correct yourself at the end of every sentences cuz you looked cute. So that was why I was laughing again, but… Now I changed my mind. No... You're not cute anymore." Allison said in a childish tone Wtf? She thought amused, what am I doing?
Thirteen faked a hurtful expression and pouted "Cute no more?"
Stare.
Stare.
Then they burst into laughter and returned to the table. "Hey, took long." Chase said.
"Yeah, Thirteen slowed me down."
Everyone looked at her confused, but Cameron didn't add anything. They finished lunch in some minutes then returned to their work. "See you later!" she had muttered to her boyfriend after a light kiss.
A puking kid, an ill woman, and few stitch away and Cameron saw House hobbling in the ER. She raised one eyebrow: it was the second time she met him there.
She got nearer "House, are you missing me or what?" she smirked.
"Since when you turned into a lesb?! And why no one told me?" he instead exclaimed, quite loudly.
That drew attention of a couple of nurses. Cameron's jaw set firm in place, cheeks flushed. "What do you want?" she demanded already annoyed.
"Really, why you were laughing so freely with Thirteen before?"
"How-?" she heard herself almost asking, "Never mind. It doesn't matter how you know. I was just…" Unbelievable, I don't have to explain myself she rationalized, but continued anyway "Just chatting, you know."
"But you two don't get along. You can't get along."
"Care to explain?"
"Cuz you think I hired her to replace you. And well, you two just never showed interested into each other. I actually never saw you talking with her. Mmm…" he thought for a moment "Well, okay talking yes, but on rarely occasion and always about cases or patients' lives."
"Wow, I never thought my life mattered that much to you." Cameron said sarcastic. "For your information now we talk. Yes and also civilly, we even smile. Does that sound too weird for you? Normal adult person chatting and laughing with another normal adult person, both working in the same place."
"Ah ah, smartass." House shot back drily "Normal adult? You barely hit puberty and well.. she's not very normal." And with that he started to limp away.
"Wha? I'm older than her and yet I got 'barely hit puberty'?!"
Greg sniggered "Aren't you glad I didn't say you weren't normal?" he winked exaggeratedly, just because. Then he left for real.
Cameron shook her head at the antic of her ex boss. House, House.. what I have to do with you? Happier she returned to work. Today was not as bad as she had feared.
&&&
Chase's shift had started later so Allison had the apartment all for herself. After a shower –yes, just pass a day in ER and you'll understand why- she had relaxed on her bed, with a book to read. Now she was in the living room instead, zipping through channels, when she heard a melody starting. She had chosen a music programme.
When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else
She immediately thought at her boyfriend at work. She hated herself for liking his absence sometime. "What had gone wrong?" she pondered, but really she knew the answer. She didn't love him, as he did.
Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all ok
With the 'tried to forgive' line she admitted he hadn't done anything to her. Yes there were a couple of fights and some immature behaviour from his part, but he also had been understanding. He knew she wanted to slow things. What he didn't know was that she felt his pressure anyway. He was sweet but she wasn't really into the relationship.
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
She guessed she was following the flow, without thinking much. But it had been more than a year she had been seeing him, and since lately things had become serious. She couldn't do this to him. She was just confused. It had been a weird weekend, thanks to the little time spent 'bossing' House around and the quitting.
No… nothing was wrong. Cameron even lied to herself. With that mantra in her head she returned to stare at the TV screen, not really interested.
&&&
Chase opened the door's apartment with his copy of the key. He looked around only to find Allison asleep on the couch. He guessed it had been a hard day in ER.
Once he was near, he shook her sweetly "Al.. it's me."
Cameron mumbled a bit, then finally opened her eyes "Hey." She assumed a sitting position. "I, umh. We.. We have to talk." She stated, surprised of herself. "I mean..." she started. What I meant? Confused on what to say she was about to continue, when her home phone rang. Saved by whoever is calling.
She smiled feebly at him and went to pick up the phone. Robert, bewildered by his girlfriend's behaviour, went in the bedroom to change into comfier clothes. Whatever she wanted to say could wait…
In reality they never restarted the conversation; instead Chase questioned about the dinner. "I'm tired.." Cameron groaned "Don't feel like cooking."
"Tired? I'm the one returning now. You were sleeping around." He meant it to be a joke, but Allison took it differently.
"So? It's not like all my shifts finish earlier like today. At the ER I do the hell more than you do."
The man frowned annoyed now "What are you saying? That MY job is easier? Pff..!" he waved his hand.
Cameron rolled her eyes, not replying.
"I was just hungry.." he mumbled.
"Then you can cook for yourself!" she explained a little loud.
He really didn't get her "What the fuck!" he lifted his voice too "You were earlier, and you know I AM tired too. I wanted my girlfriend to cook, but no! It's okay, I'll do it. No problem!"
"We are in the 21st century. I don't HAVE to cook for you, if I don't want to."
"You wouldn't cook well anyway. You're not that good." He mumbled, but Cameron heard it.
"You know what? Just go okay? Go find some restaurant and maybe drink some beer! Get the hell out of here!" she yelled.
"Are you gone mad? Hit the head at the ER?" he even made the move to go and check her head. "You are exag-"
She cut him off, repeating "Out of here.." in a low tone.
"Whatever." Chase fumed and headed to the door "Take a pill or something! C-a-l-m down." He spelled out walking out the apartment. She bashed the door closed.
Ahh, alone finally! She thought angrily and walked to the kitchen. It was late but she hadn't eaten either seeing she had fallen asleep waiting for Robert. Not hungry anymore! She swallowed air and went in her room to take her iPod. Then she reached the exercise machine in the living room. A bit of exercise would help her to relax. She chose a fast song and started running. Run, run don't think. Just focus.
R&R are love ^^