A/N: The Original Poem was written by Clement Clarke Moore.
A/N: The UFC did the "Twas The night Before Christmas" UFC Style. So I decided to do Nick's version of the poem.
Can I Add I loved Machida, reading that Poem He's so cute. But most people wanted to see Nick do it...
A/N: But can you see Nick Diaz reading Christmas Poems and Stories on Camera for the UFC?
"You know...It's like...The Night Before Christmas,
Is hosting Q and A, now a Fighter thing?
CM Punk is Fame-whoring more than he's training,
My little Brother Nate, hangs up a Stocking Over his bed
If Dana White don't pay up, Nate ain't getting out of bed"
"UFC Fighters are all fucked up and bruised in their beds,
While Championship Belts shine brights in their heads.
I'm running in the street, there's no way that I Can nap,
I've got Anderson Silva, can GSP say that?"
"In streets I don't know, I Hear shouts and glass shatter ,
I ain't Dr Phil so that yelling don't matter
Reaching for my phone, I slip into an alley gap,
And bump into a tool with a GSP cap"
Before I can bitch like Caraway on Twitter,
Standing there is GSP, the soft pitty-pat hitter,
I say "Georges what the fuck are you doing out here?
He says: "Nick mind your Language. Say Hello to my French Deer"
"He points and I see all these Deer outside of his place
GSP needs happy pills or a Christmas slap to the face,
He said "Before we put the gift's the car,
You can play with my Deer, but dont lead them too far"
"Nick Meet my Deer Condit, now, Serra, and MacDonald and Hughes,
Meet, Hieron, Meet, Miller, BJ, and Karo, too"
I reached out to touch their fur, but Georges Started his car,
The Deer ran around Georges' house back, pissed off and alarmed"
"You gonna see family?" I ask, as I see presents and shit,
"Come and see" Georges said as the Engine revved Full Tilt,
With Georges feeding me shit, I got in his car, with a slam
While Georges patted his car, and glared with eyes his all Dead-pan"
"Georges would go to a house pick a lock and Break in,
I'd wait for the cops to break the bones of our shins,
But it's the dead of fucking night, Georges ain't making a sound,
He Goes into Fighters houses to turn their world upside down"
"Georges went Santa for Silva and Hendricks, MacDonald and Cung Le
Has Georges heard shit about the Lawsuit Le dumped on the UFC?
I keep my mouth shut, and help Georges out,
Cruz and pettis have Dogs, so we barely get out"
"Gina Carano's apartment is huge, but she don't have a tree,
Carano's so hot, for a second, I don't wanna leave,
There's Cupcakes on the Counter for Christmas Hottie Cupcake Tate
But Georges gives a pair of Boxing Gloves to Tate's Bitch Caraway"
"Are we nearly done?" I ask, and Georges replies a grin.
With me on look-out, somewhere new, Again, he Breaks in
He goes under the tree and spreads the Green bills of cash,
I've gotta ask Georges if he's after this chick's ass...
"This is for Zingano, she deserves it all"
Georges says that and I nod, not smiling at all,
Van Zant got Fifty Grand and more in her UFC debut,
The UFC screwed Zingano over, even Georges knows that's true.
"I get out my Wallet to help Zingano,
Who never got a bonus for that UFC 178 TKO.
It's bullshit that Cat Bled and fought for less than Twenty Grand,
You know, I don't mind helping Fighters out whenever I can.
Georges drives home and I get out, with a feeling I don't get,
I walk away, but Georges Whistles like I'm his fucking pet
Georges says "Nick wait, before you go to drink at a bar"
I've got Presents for the Diaz Brothers
"I've saved the best until last"
"I don't drink" I mutter. I pause and we stare,
When Georges pulls out a bag, I don't go anywhere.
Georges walks over and gives me the bag,
He's sweating, breathing heavy,
His scared ass almost looks sad"
"These are yours and Nate's Presents. They're labelled" he says.
"This Box Nick, shows how I feel about you. Merry Christmas"
I say thanks and walk down Georges' steps.
I could run But I won't"
"If Georges' shit breaks Nate will blame me,
I get back and my Little Brother ain't asleep
I Give him Georges Gift, he grabs mine and peeks"
"Fuck you" I say and snatch it back.
My little Brother opens his present and pulls the Ribbon shit back
"Shit, Georges has great Fucking taste" Nate says as he turns on more lights
Georges has got Nate Numb-chucks, engraved with "Nate Diaz 209".
"It's pretty fucking cool and Nate bitches at me to put my shit on show
But I always open on Christmas Day, it's fucking Tradition, you know?
So the second after Midnight I'm up out of bed,
I Grab Georges Present with tired confused Dread"
"If it's dog shit I'll be pissed,
Or if it's tickets to George's movie?
I shake it. Not a sound.
Is it creepy like a Dead Puppy?"
"I open it expecting to get an electric shock
I open it,
I'm shocked, the anger is electric.
After All the shit I did for him tonight?"
And this is What Georges Brings?
A box full of shit.
Shit as in...Air, Oxygen, space, Hollow, Zero nothing?
It's a fucking empty box.
"Georges...that piece of Christmas Chickenly Turkey shit.
Nate knocks on the door.
He knows what I've done.
Nick what did Georges get you? My Little Brother asks"
"I open the door and try to front...
"Tickets to Georges' New Movie" I say.
My Little Brother Reaches for the tickets...
I tell him I'm tired and say: "Get some sleep"
He looks in my room but I softly nudge his feet.
"Night" I say. I shut the door before he speaks.
I hear one knock, but I turn on the TV.
Why is Georges ST Pierre cool with everyone but me?"
"I walk back to the door to see My little Brother.
He ain't there, but he's left me a box to discover,
Nate's left Georges' present..."
"My Little Brother's given his Numb-chucks to me,
I slide the box back to his door,
I don't need that Charity pity"
"I think of all the Good shit I've done.
Should I go out for one more run?"
"You know, I run and I Shadow-Box,
Now Georges ain't been caught,
Georges is a sneakier piece of Deer shit,
than I first thought"
I'm cursing and running until I can't think anymore
I stare at the Christmas sky and yell...
"Where you at Georges?"