.
TLS Lyrics and Lemons Contest
Song: Nothing by The Script
http : / / tinyurl . com / 67592a2
Rating: M
Word Count: 6124
Pairing: B/E
Summary: Edward needs to get over his recent break-up. A night out with friends, one too many drinks, and some drunk dialing doesn't help...or does it?
Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and characters. The Script owns the song Nothing.
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Nothing
"Dude, you need to get out of this bed. Now." Emmett yanks the comforter off me, ruining the cocoon of despair I had created for myself.
I curl into a ball in the center of the bed, desperate to be swallowed up by the mattress so no one can see me. "Leave me the fuck alone, Em. I don't want to get out of this bed."
"Dude, you sleep in your underwear?" Jasper inquires like it matters what I sleep in. Individually, I can take them in a battle of wills. Together, they're certain to break me.
"Seriously, you two need to get the fuck out of my room."
How the hell did they get in my apartment? I decide I don't care enough to ask.
"You need to get the fuck out of your room," Emmett scolds me. I can feel one side of the bed sink under the weight of his large frame.
"Get off my bed," I growl. My jaw is clenched so tight it hurts. Can't these guys take a hint? I'm fucking wallowing. I'm quitting life.
"I'll get off your bed when you do."
He starts bouncing, making the bed shake underneath me.
"Come on, Edward." Jasper tags in. "We're taking you out. A few drinks and you'll forget all about her. I promise. Remember when Alice broke up with me? Some beer and some shots and she was nothing but a memory."
Nothing but a memory my ass. He didn't think about her because he was too busy puking his guts up. Jasper can be such a lightweight. I know that no matter how much I drink or eventually throw up, I am never going to forget her.
Her.
Bella.
"Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward." Emmett bounces a little harder with each shout out. Jasper joins him in saying my name over and over. They're relentless. Resistance is futile.
"If I go with you dickheads, you have to promise to buy all the drinks tonight."
"Deal," they say at the same time.
The bouncing stops, and I stretch and roll on my back. My hands claw at my dirty hair. As soon as I lift my arms, I am all too aware of the fact that I haven't showered in four days. I smell. Bad. When you can smell yourself, it's really bad.
"I need a shower."
"Yes, you do," Emmett says, getting off my bed. "You smell worse than my sweaty balls."
"You smell your own balls?" I ask, opening my eyes only to be smacked in the face with one of my pillows.
"Careful or I'll make you smell my balls."
"Get out of here before I kick both your asses," I threaten.
"You have twenty minutes to clean yourself up," Jasper says, heading out the bedroom door.
Emmett points at me and then at his two eyes and then back at me all menacingly. "I'm watching you, Cullen. Get out of that bed. You need to stop this woe-is-me bullshit."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that, Em." I swing my legs off the side of the bed and sit up. I rub my eyes because I don't think I've opened them in hours. I check the clock. It's after eight. Wallowing does make you lose track of time.
Sitting on the nightstand next to the alarm clock is a picture of me and her. It's one of those pictures she took by holding the camera an arm's length away so our faces are a little out of focus and my head is partially cut off because I'm so much taller than her. We look so fucking happy, though, and she's beautiful. The ache in my chest flares up, making me want to curl back up in the fetal position.
Emmett grunts behind me. He's not going to let me sink back in the deep, dark hole I want to hide in forever.
I look at the picture one more time. Bella is beautiful and smart, unlike any other girl I know. She's funny and sarcastic, like me. She loves to eat Pop Tarts for breakfast and sometimes wears two different colored socks just for the hell of it. She can talk in circles and is a crazy, jealous bitch when she's drunk. She cheats at miniature golf and never paints her nails because she bites them. She loves to have sex and is never going to have it with me again.
Cue the fucking ache.
"You got ten seconds before I tackle your stinky, boxer-covered ass and carry you to the bar just the way you are," Emmett warns. He's probably not kidding. I flip him the bird as I stand up, scratching the back of my neck and make my way to the bathroom.
I wait for the water to warm up and the steam to fill up the room before stepping in the shower. I wet my hair and try to enjoy the feeling of the water hitting my neck and shoulders. It doesn't work. I reach for the shampoo. The dark red Herbal Essence bottle. Long-term Relationship – that's what it's called. Fuck the irony. It's shampoo for long hair. Girly shit. My girl's girly shit. My ex-girl's girly shit.
I hate my life.
Bella has long chestnut brown hair. Hair that falls down her back in soft curls. Thick and gorgeous hair that I used to nuzzle with my nose and push behind her ear. I used to play with it when she would sleep on my chest. I used to grab it when the sex got a little kinky. She hated it when I used to twist it around my finger and get it tied in little knots.
I fucking hate my life.
I begin to wonder if I stay in here for a really long time, will Dumb and Dumber give up and go to the bar without me? Can I please crawl back in my bed where I'd stay for the rest of my pathetic, pointless life? The loud knocking at the door tells me that isn't a possibility.
"You have ten minutes or you'll be going to the bar naked and wet!" Emmett shouts over the sound of the shower. Bastard is not going to give up and again is probably not kidding. I wouldn't be able to get in the bar but quite possibly could be spending the night in jail for indecent exposure.
I squirt the shampoo in my hand and lather my not-so-long hair up. Immediately the scent of berries and flowers overwhelm me. She always smells like this...so damn good. I just want to wrap myself up in her, but that is never going to happen again.
We had been arguing on and off for a good half hour. We were supposed to go to some work party her boss was having. She said she needed to make an appearance. I told her I had other things I had to get done. She said I never make an effort to come to things that were important to her while she came to all my stuff. I said I didn't see the point in me being dragged to some boring-ass party with a bunch of people I didn't know. She said I was an asshole and stormed into my bedroom.
"I can't do this anymore," she said even though she didn't sound like she meant it. She worried her lip with her teeth as she came out of the bedroom, shoving some clothes into a bag.
"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?"
"It means we're done. I'm done. It means don't call me." She continued throwing her things that were scattered around my small apartment in her bag. "Don't stop by my place. Don't say hello when you see me on the street. It means I deserve better than a one-sided relationship."
She was all fire and rage as she stood in the middle of the room. Her hands were clenched in fists at her side. "It means goodbye."
"Really, Bella? You're what? Breaking up with me because I won't go to a fucking work party?" My hands were on my hips. I cocked my head to the side as I stared her down. She was so un-fucking-believable. "Like I need this shit with everything else that's going on right now."
"That's right! You've got more than you can handle right now. I am obviously just another thing that you are so sick and tired of dealing with. I get it, Edward. I absolutely get it!"
"Don't be like that." I reached for her, thinking if I gave her a hug, she'd calm the hell down and I could get back to all the other shit I needed to deal with.
"Don't." She pulled away from me and that's when her big, brown eyes welled up with tears.
I fucking hated it when she cried.
"Jesus, Bella! This is a really bad time to pull this crap." I was overwhelmed; distracted by all the other things I was juggling in my life. Usually, Bella understood. Usually, she was cool with it when I had to cancel or do stuff when we were hanging out. I wasn't trying to be a shitty boyfriend. Sometimes I was pulled in a million directions, and she was my girl, she was the one I could rely on to take a raincheck. I didn't need her fucking drama tonight.
"It's always a bad time. Work, your friends, the band - everything else comes first." She backed up, heading for the door. "You have your priorities. I get it. Maybe I was hoping, just once, you'd put me first."
I rolled my eyes and let my head fall back. I stared up at the ceiling. She didn't give me guilt trips very often. This was a real winner, though.
"I can see that I'm wishing for something that's not going to happen, so I'm going to put me first. We're over. You don't have to fit me in anymore."
I shook my head, unable to think of anything I could say that would change her mind at this point. "Whatever. Fine. Have a great life."
I was being sarcastic. I was being an ass because I figured she was full of crap. She'd be back later tonight after she went out drinking with Rose. She'd be begging to get back together in a few short hours.
She grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open. "You, too." She sounded so sad, so broken, so damn…sincere.
With that, she was gone.
I press my forehead against the cool tile wall. The pain in my chest nearly incapacitates me. I thought she would get over it. I thought she'd come back.
But she didn't come back.
She packed up all my shit that I had at her apartment and left it outside my door the next day. I tried to blow it off. Two could play this game. I ignored her. I dealt with all my other stuff and figured I'd just wait her pretty little ass out.
Two weeks went by. Nothing for two whole weeks.
Then five days ago, I walked into Lucky's, the place where we had our first date. The place we went for dinner at least once a week until this ridiculous break up. She was there. With another guy.
Was she fucking kidding me?
I lost it. After informing me we had broken up and were both free to see other people, there was a lot of screaming and yelling. Some food may have been thrown. I definitely dumped the guy's beer in his lap. Needless to say, I'm permanently banned from ever visiting Lucky's again. Apparently, I'm not so lucky.
I fucking love their cheeseburgers.
I love Bella more.
I spent the last four days in this heartbroken stupor. I couldn't go to work. Couldn't eat. Couldn't shower. Couldn't rehearse with the band. I don't want to be around anyone other than her, but she's probably with him.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Bella is my girl. We fought. All couples fight. We both said shit we didn't mean and maybe I took her for granted sometimes, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. I love her. I love her more than I could ever imagine loving anyone else. When you're meant to be together, like Bella and I are, you tough out the bad times because the good times are so fucking worth it. We've had a lot of good times.
I bang my head against the tile just enough so it hurts, but nothing hurts like the hole in my chest.
Emmett knocks on the door again. "Five minutes! I swear to God, Jasper is timing this shit on his phone. You better get out of there and get dressed!"
I shut off the water and towel off. Time to put on my game face. These guys are tired of me and my self pity bullshit. If I give them one night out, maybe they'll leave me alone for another week.
Once I'm dressed, they take me to Therapy. It's one of the local drinking holes down the street. It's a great little place, and I love that its name is exactly what it is for so many people.
Dr. Heineken is now ready to see you Mr. Cullen.
Jasper grabs the first round up at the bar while Emmett and I look for a table. I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying, trying not to drag my feet. Emmett's hand smacks the back of my shoulder.
"Lots of lovely ladies here tonight, Eddie boy. The world is your oyster. You can have any girl you want. By morning Bella Swan is going to be nothing but a memory."
Highly unlikely.
We drink. We drink a lot. The buzz feels good, at first. I try to forget her, but after one too many, I know that I'll never. Women flaunt their shit near our table. This is what used to drive Bella crazy. Not trying to be cocky, but I'm a decent looking guy, who plays guitar in a band. That kind of stuff makes women notice me. Women always notice me. Bella could handle that to a point. What she couldn't stomach was that they also liked to touch me. That was where Bella drew the line. No one was allowed to touch me without suffering the wrath of my girlfriend.
Tonight, I had no girlfriend. No one to get jealous. No one to tell a bitch to back the hell up. Some blond is sitting on my knee while her friends flirt with Jasper and Emmett. I finish my beer. My vision is getting fuzzy and my judgment is definitely becoming impaired. I really hate the blond hair in my face. I like brunettes. I like one brunette.
"You want another one, Edward?" Jasper holds up his almost empty bottle of beer. I nod. If this is supposed to make me forget, it isn't working.
All I could do is think about Bella. Bella reading that damn Wuthering Heights book for the millionth time. Bella baking me a cake for my birthday. Bella letting me eat said cake off her naked body. Bella posing for a picture outside the club where we saw that Pink Floyd tribute band. Bella holding my hand, our fingers interlocked whenever we were together. Bella in my bed. Bella in her bed.
Bella.
Bella.
Bella.
"Edward!" Emmett waves a hand in front of my face. "You want to throw some darts?"
He's completely trashed; he can barely keep his eyes open. I'm afraid of letting him handle anything sharp. He could hurt himself. More importantly, he could hurt me.
"I'll pass, man. I can't even see straight."
The girl on my knee wiggles and scoots her ass up my leg a little. I don't need this right now. If I stay here, she's going to think I'm interested in what she's offering. I'm not.
"I need to take a piss." That always makes the girls get out of the way. She jumps off, and I jump up.
I go to the bathroom to relieve myself because I've had a lot to fucking drink. Beer turned to shots, shots turned to Jack and cokes, and then we went back to the beer because I'm pretty sure those two are almost out of cash.
On my way to the bathrooms, I see her. At least I think it's her. I move fast. Faster than I usually do. I push people out of the way. I spill their drinks. I don't care, though. I need her.
My hand touches her shoulder. The woman turns. She's not Bella. She's not my Bella.
"Hi," she says, smiling like she's won some kind of fucking prize.
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
Disappointment shadows her face immediately. She has no idea what disappointment feels like. True disappointment weighs me down as I make my way to the bathroom. Bella's not here. Would she even be jealous if she was here? She used to get so damn jealous.
We were at her apartment after a night out. I was taking care of some business in her bathroom. I loved spending the night at her place. It was so much cleaner than my place. She had fruity smelling soap to wash your hands with and candles in every room.
Bella came in and I already knew she was pissed off.
"Can I tell you how badly I wanted to rip those fake fingernails off that strawberry blond bimbo who thought she could run her fingers through your hair while I was standing right next to you? I mean who did she think she fucking was? Did she think she was your girlfriend? Because I'm pretty sure that title belongs to me."
I couldn't help but smirk. She was hot when she was all crazy and possessive.
"You are the only girl for me, baby." I finished my business and started to tuck myself back in my pants.
"Don't you dare put that away."
Crazy and possessive usually turned into crazy, possessive, and naked.
She reached down and stuck her hands under her black miniskirt. She wiggled and shimmied until she was stepping out of her bright pink thong. I stood very still, unable to do anything as she stuffed those panties into the front pocket of my unbuttoned jeans. One of her hands brushed against my hardening dick.
"Show me."
My Adam's apple moved up and down my throat as I swallowed nervously. "Show you what?" I croaked.
"Show me I'm the only one." She licked her lips and stared up at me with those eyes I got lost in every time we were this close. Browns and tiny flecks of golds swirled together in a mesmerizing kaleidoscope.
"You know you're the only one," I said softly. My hands settled on her hips.
She pushed up on her tiptoes and pressed her T-shirt covered breasts against my chest. Her tongue darted out and licked at my bottom lip, but when I tried to kiss her she pulled back, knowing exactly how to drive me fucking insane.
"Prove it, Cullen."
I stroked myself as my last name fell from her lips. I loved it when she called me that.
She backed out and I followed her to her bedroom. The woman was going to be the death of me. She was wearing knee high socks. One was rainbow-striped, the other was all purple. She sat down on the end of her bed and spread her legs for me. I watched her for a minute as she ran her hands up and down her soft thighs. She had to be driving herself as crazy as she was making me. Her hands moved behind her back, unzipping her skirt. I helped her pull it off, tossing it across the room.
Naked. We both needed to be naked.
I pulled my shirt over my head and crawled on top of her. Wrapping my fingers around her purple calf, I situated myself above her. Her mouth was quick to attack mine this time. Hot and wet. She tasted like beer and lime. Her fingers scratched at my scalp.
"No one touches your hair. No one but me," she growled into my ear.
I pulled her shirt off, revealing her blue lacy bra. I loved the blue bra. I palmed her breasts. Her nipples were already hard and touching them made her moan. Moaning Bella did things to my dick that should be illegal. Her hands rested under the hem of my T-shirt on my hips. They were cool against my heated skin. The sensation of her skin on mine made everything better. I dipped my head down and licked down the sweet slope of her neck. Pushing one of the straps off her shoulder, I released one breast from the cup. I loved the blue bra, but I loved what was under the blue bra even more.
She let go of me so she could prop herself up on her elbows and give me access to her chest. She was beautiful like this. Wanton. Lustful. Brazen. My hands squeezed her perfect breast and my mouth enveloped her hardened nipple, causing her to not only moan but whimper. Every sound made me want her that much more, tested my control, made my heart race.
Her hands roughly pushed down my jeans and boxers as her tongue entered my mouth. There was no need to rush, I wanted to say. When we were together like this, time stood still. The only urgency I felt was to worship her. She wanted me to show her she was the only one. I wanted her to feel that way without any doubt.
"Take me," she whispered in a breathy sigh. Her lips brushed against mine, teasing me with their proximity but lack of pressure.
I slid my hands up her thighs. The way Bella felt was magical; the softness of her skin had to be a gift from above. I felt the heat rising in the small space that still existed between us. My fingers searched out her sweet spot. Her head fell back as I rubbed and pushed, playing her better than any instrument. The music we made came out in the form of wet kisses, soft moans, and quiet gasps. I grew harder, painfully so. I dragged two fingers up and down her until she coated me in her arousal.
Soft, wet, so fucking good. That was my Bella.
I pushed my throbbing cock down enough to line up with her opening and slid inside her. Tight, warm, a velvet cocoon. She was all I would ever want. I would want and she would give. That was Bella. Always giving me what I wanted. Her mind, her body, her heart, her soul. They were offered to me without fear, without regret.
Her teeth clamped down on my shoulder. It hurt, but at least it muffled her moans enough that I didn't finish the second we started. I was never going to last if I was on top of her. All I wanted to do was push in and pull out like a fucking jackhammer. I rolled us over. She sat up, straddling me and carefully, slowly moving up and down my length. My arm muscles flexed as I helped lift her up. She ran her hands up and down my straining forearms. They were her weakness along with my crooked smile. She was defenseless against their allure.
I kept my eyes open as we kissed and made love. She was mine. I was hers. Here, there, anywhere, everywhere. We were drunk and she was more insecure than she ever needed to be, but I loved her. I would always love her. She opened her eyes, catching me watching her. I knew she saw it. She had to see what I felt for her. She smiled and I smiled back. We were both crazy. Crazy in love. I held her tightly as she quivered inside and out with pleasure. Her climax was worse than her moans. Orgasming Bella made my dick weep every time.
"You done or are you going to stare at yourself in the mirror all night?" A voice pulls me from my memory.
I have no idea how long I'd been standing in front of the sink, but obviously it had been too long. Suddenly, everything is clear. I need to call her. I pull out my phone and walk out of the bathroom and into a tiny hallway, dialing her number with anxious fingers.
"Bella," my voice cracks when she picks up. I hadn't thought about how hard it would be to talk to her after all this time. My heart is in my mouth, and I can't fight back the emotion. "I'm a mess, Bella. A total mess. Emmett and Jasper have spent all night trying to convince me that I can get over you, but I can't. I can't, baby. I need you. I need you to forgive me and come back. Can you please come back? I love you. I swear I do. I can't spend another day without you. I'll do better this time. I promise. I love you. I love you so much."
I confess it all. Tell her exactly what I'm feeling. I pace outside the bathrooms, waiting to hear her response. Waiting, but all I hear is nothing.
"Bella? Can you hear me?" I push a finger into my other ear, so I'm sure I can hear what she has to say.
Nothing.
I check my phone to make sure we're still connected and that I have a strong enough signal. Everything seems to be fine.
"Bella?" I walk past Jasper and Emmett, who are playing darts with the girls. "Bella? Bella?" I shout into the phone.
Emmett grabs at my arm, trying to stop me from leaving the bar, but I need to get out of here, so she can hear me. I need a better signal. I need to be outside. I shake him off and head for the door. The night air chills me immediately as I step outside.
"Bella, I still love you. Do you hear me?"
Nothing.
"Bella!" I'm delirious. I keep shouting her name. Why isn't she answering me? Why isn't she saying anything?
"Edward, what the hell are you doing?" Jasper and Emmett are right behind me. Jasper attempts to wrestle my phone away. "Calm down, man!"
I drunkenly swing at him. Right now, it doesn't matter that he's my best friend or that we have never gotten in a fight before. He's trying to take my phone, and that shit is not right.
Emmett bear hugs me from behind as Jasper pries the phone from my hand.
"Was he drunk dialing her?" Em asks as Jasper ends the call. Jasper nods solemnly.
I struggle to get loose from Emmett's hold, but it's impossible. "Give me my phone back! I need to talk to her. You guys don't understand. I have to fix this!"
I see the look Jasper gives Emmett before he turns his gaze on me. "You're crazy. Come back inside. Let's have some fun."
"Let go of me," I demand, wriggling like a worm in Emmett's burly arms.
"Are you done throwing punches?"
"Yes!"
Emmett lets go, and I stumble forward, not realizing how much energy I was expending trying to get away.
"Give me my phone." I hold my hand out, waiting for Jasper to do as he's told.
He holds it behind his back and takes a step away from me for every step I take towards him. "You have to come back into the bar with us."
"Fine! Give me the phone."
He hands it over, and I take off running. Pressing redial, I don't look back. My mind is focused on one objective. I know Emmett and Jasper are chasing me while the phone rings. It stops when she picks up.
"Bella," I huff, sprinting down the street. "I still love you, baby. I love you so much. Please take me back. Please, Bella."
All I hear is nothing.
Maybe I hit the wrong button. Jasper's a fast little fucker and a quick look over my shoulder tells me he's almost got me.
"I've got to call you back!" I shout into the phone just before he tackles my ass into the grassy parkway.
We're both breathing heavy as we begin to wrestle. I manage to get myself on top of him, but Emmett's giant paws lift me off and toss me on the sidewalk.
"What the fuck, Edward?"
I sit on the pavement, my mind a whirling mess of discombobulated thoughts. I rest my elbows on my knees and bow my head, trying to catch my breath and ease my mind about the fact that Bella hasn't spoken to me yet. Jasper stands up and brushes the dirt and grass from his clothes. Emmett hovers over me, winded from the chase.
"You have to stop this. You can't call her all fucked up. Come on." Jasper has a little blood dripping from the corner of his mouth that he wipes away with the back of his hand.
I take what he says into consideration. She didn't respond when I called. No words had fallen from her lips. She didn't understand because she couldn't see.
"You're right. I shouldn't call her. She doesn't want to do this over the phone." I pick myself up off the ground. She needs to see firsthand what she's done to me. I have to go to her apartment.
So, I stumble there, along the railings and the fences.
"Where the hell are you going?" Emmett says, following after me again.
I'm going to Bella because I know with her face to face that she'll come to her senses. Every drunk step I take leads me to her door. If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure. She doesn't live far. I'll be there soon.
"Edward, come on." Jasper tries to keep up. "This is crazy. This is not going to end the way you want it to."
I refuse to listen to him. "You don't get it; but to me, it makes perfect sense. I can't live another day without her."
"Don't be so melodramatic. You're drunk. This is the alcohol talking," Emmett tries to convince me.
The alcohol is what's finally giving me the courage to do something about the way I feel.
"I know that I'm drunk, but I'll say the words and she'll listen this time."
"Even though they're slurred?" Jasper challenges sardonically.
"Piss off, Jas." I spit, but I'm not slurring.
I keep moving. She's going to listen and take me back; I know it. I make it to her street somehow. Finding my way in this condition is more difficult than I expect. I start screaming her name as I get close. Jasper and Emmett try to calm me down, but I fend them off. Once we arrive at her building, I go right to her door.
"Bella!" I knock loudly; I knock with purpose. "Bella, please open the door."
Nothing.
I press my forehead against the painted wood door. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Do you believe me? I need you to believe me. Please open the door. Please talk to me."
Nothing.
I pull my phone out and call her again. Maybe she's not home. I hear it ringing on the other side of the door, squashing that theory. I hang up.
Another reason for her silence threatens to destroy my already battered heart. That reason being the asshole I spilled beer on the other day.
"Is he in there? Is that guy from Lucky's with you right now?" I'm suddenly pissed. I want to beat someone up. If he is in there, I want to beat him up. "Two weeks and you're already with someone else? Did I mean that little? Did you really even love me?" I punch the door. Now the alcohol is talking. "Did you mean anything you said when we were together?" I punch the door again. "Remember how you told me you would love me forever? You're a liar, Bella Swan. You're a liar!"
"Maybe we should go," Emmett offers. I almost forgot they followed me inside the building.
"Come on, Edward. She's gonna call the cops or the neighbors are. Let's just go. You're better off, man." Jasper tugs at my arms.
I shove him off me and stare at the stupid ass door. The stupid fucking door that I can't get her to open. I press both palms against it and lean forward. Shouting at her isn't going to make her open the door.
"Bella, please," I say with a gentler tone. "You were right. I was an ass. I am an ass. I took you for granted. I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that?" I bang my head. "I won't do it again. I promise."
Nothing.
"I dream about you." I close my eyes because I don't want to look at this fucking door anymore. My hands press harder against the cold wood. "Every night. I think about you...every day. I miss you." I sigh. Oh, how I miss her. "All the time."
It's a sobering experience to be denied by silence. No fighting. No arguing. No release of emotion so we could kiss and make up. I fucked up. Why did I let everything else become more important? My hands are shaking, spoiling my attempt to maintain some semblance of control. I have so very little left.
"You were right. You deserve a guy who puts you first. You deserve a guy who isn't going to forget for a single second what a lucky bastard he is."
I let my fingertips lightly ghost down the door like they used to touch her body. It was as close to her as I was ever going to get again. I ruined this. I did this. I have no one to blame but myself.
"I still love you. I always will. I really do hope you have a great life." No sarcasm that time. Just the honest-to-God truth.
And from the other side of the door comes nothing.
I take a deep breath and turn away from the barrier that exists between me and the only thing that matters. I squeeze through the small space between Emmett and Jasper and head for the exit. At least I tried. I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.
I got nothing.
I step outside where the world seems a darker place. It's filled with less color and no joy. I don't want to walk home. I want to get home as quickly as possible, so I can crawl in my bed and resume my wallowing.
Emmett and Jasper say nothing as they join me on the curb. Jasper pulls out a cigarette and offers one to me and Em. I refuse with a shake of my head. So does Emmett. Jasper lights up as we wait for a cab to drive by and take me home.
I watch as the cars go by. I see taxis with their lights on. I stand tall, but inside I'm broken.
Sometimes love's intoxicating. When you're coming down, your hands are shaking. When you realize there's no one waiting, the pain is unbearable. She wasn't waiting for me. She moved on and left me with nothing.
I spot a taxi for hire coming down the street. I contemplate jumping in front of it instead of hailing it to the curb.
Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I'm better off now than I ever was with her.
I got nothing.
Nothing.
Then, like an angel sent to talk me down off the ledge, I hear her voice.
"Edward," she calls out.
I turn and there she stands in my Beastie Boys T-shirt, shorts, one green sock and one pink and grey striped sock, and no shoes. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun. No makeup. No other guy standing by her side. She looks like she's been crying. She's a beautiful mess, and all I want to do is hold her in my arms and never let her go. She bites her lip and fidgets with her hands. A small smile finally appears.
"Don't go," she pleads.
And suddenly...
I have everything.