Rated: My first K+
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters
A.N. Well, this morning I found out it was Burnin' up for you baby's birthday was the day before yesterday, soooo this one's for you! Happy belated birthday yo :)
Also, it's good for people to know your birthday everyone, because usually, the kind writers and readers of the femmeslash ship will probably try their best to make yours the best ever. I think. Not too sure. Maybe they're more heartless than I remember. Haha, I kid you. You can lower those torches now.
By the way, I've been working on a new Carter/Rosie story, so please check it out when it's uploaded. Thanks.
Summary: I know that I can't have her, because she's already in love with someone else, someone better, but I can't help loving her. Why does it hurt so bad? Carosie. Carter/Rosie
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Rain is so very annoying. Especially when it's keeping me from her.
I had nothing to do the evening of the biggest rainstorm in the history of my life, so I figured I would look through what my video camera captured this week.
I pulled out the tape from the camera and connected it to my laptop, being careful not to break the USB cable like I had three times before. After the viewing screen popped up on my laptop, I pressed play.
"How's my favorite girl? Smile for the camera, Carter!" I could hear my voice come out. I wanted to slap myself for sounding so creepy.
"Stop recording Ed. I'm not in the mood." I hear her reply in her honey sweet voice. Did I ever mention how much I loved honey? More than a bee, let me tell you.
"No! it makes memories, Cart!" I whined.
"Cart?" She looked into the camera with a look of disbelief, "Did you pull that nickname out from your a-"
"Hey, no need to hurt my feelings, Cart... Er. Carter. I am your best friend, right? Right?" How desperate did that sound?
"Yeah, sure." Was that sure a "most certainly" sure or a "in your own mind, buddy" sure?
"Then why don't you speak to me much? I mean, before Rosie came, you'd at least humor me. Is she your new best friend or something?"
"It's nothing like that, Ed. I mean, I practically hate her. She's so annoying and perfect and everything. It was supposed to be me and my dad. Us two. But she had to come along like some fairy tale princess and sweep everyone off their feet. I hate her, I swear." She suddenly broke off into a rant.
"Okay, but that really doesn't mean you should hate your cousin."
"My cousin? What are you... Oh, right. My cousin. Still, I hate her. Ed, I have work to do."
At that, her hand came on screen and reached over to the camera. It was that exact moment she slammed my camera so hard that I'm sure the screen cracked. I'm not pissed at her or anything; I'm never angry at her. Even if she didn't apologize for it.
Watching the video made me want to call Carter, so I pulled out my cell phone and quickly pressed one on speed dial. That's what she was to me. Number one. I always wondered if I was number one to her as well.
"Hello?" Wow, she sounded even more sexier over the phone. Like, really, really hot. I just... whoa, bad thoughts, Ed. Bad thoughts.
"Hey Carter! What's up?"
"Is that you Ed? Ugh, don't you know it's dangerous to call people during thunder storms. Like, I read that this girl got her ear burned off or something."
"I'm happy to talk to you too Carter. Thanks."
"Okay, sorry. I'm just a little grumpy. I have to share my stupid room with Rosie. She's just sitting there like a freakish doll."
"So you're in the same room with her?"
"No. Rosie wanted me to get her Chrystal bubbling cider, so I'm in the kitchen. God, I'm just going to give her like a cup of water and a straw. If she wants 'bubbling cider' she can use the straw and blow her own bubbles."
"Ohhh, the dark side of Carter revealed. Let me get my camera and come over. This can be a good documentary." I joked.
"Ha ha. You're just hilarious, Ed." Girls are sarcastic to guys they like, right? "But I still hate, hate, hate her!"
"Carter, sometimes, if you think about it, maybe you don't hate her so much?"
"What? Did you not hear me say that I hate her?"
"Yeah, but maybe you still love her despite what she did to make you hate her. After all, she is family. I mean, sometimes you're scared to let someone into your life so you hate them. But you love them. You know?"
"I guess..."
"Like, remember in grade school? Remember how mean I was to you?"
"Well, yeah. You were a total jerk back then. You always stole my crayons and pushed me off the swings." I was kind of hoping she'd forget most of it.
"I was a jerk to you because..." Don't say it Ed! "...you were my first crush." You said it Ed, you totally messed up.
"Huh."
"I mean, I thought girls were like cootie monsters, so I kind of wanted to hate you, you know. But after we hit fifth grade, I just thought 'screw it.' Trying to hate you hurt me more than it should have. So I started to open up, and we became friends and I'm over everything. And I love being your best friend, you know? Maybe you should try opening up to Rosie. She's your cousin, and just hating her won't do anything but come back at you, Carter." My voice was shaking.
"Ed, that's the most thoughtful thing I've ever heard you say." Her voice was a mixture of shock, understanding, and sarcasm. How do those things possibly blend?
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Uhm, Rosie's probably waiting. Thanks for the advice."
"Yeah, no problem, call me soon?" She hung up after giving me an answer in the affirmative, assuring me a chance to hear her voice over the week.
I loved her so much. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn't be like Donny. Carter had a crush on him since forever. If I were him, I wouldn't be so stupid as to pass up on someone like her. She's like a small, quaint cafe in New York City. There's so much places to stop at that you never notice it. Only when you really go there, sit down and really get to know it you start to realize that the rest of New York can go screw itself. Okay, that wasn't the best metaphor in the world, but either way, I really liked her.
The next three days were spent at home due to the flooding that the storm caused in our school. The fourth day since the storm was a Saturday, so I laid down on my bed and tried to remember the homework assignments I hadn't touched for days. Just then, my cell phone rang.
"Carter! You called me! What a... surprise." I answered. Usually, I was the one who called her.
"Yeah. Can I... tell you a secret?" She whispers.
"Of course! Go ahead." I was slightly excited.
"I was thinking about what you told me the night of the storm... and... I've been thinking over everything and as much as I was against it and scared over it, I think I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure of what I'm about to say. Just promise... promise you won't hate me or anything after I tell you." In all my years being her best friend, I had never heard her so scared in my life.
"I could never hate you, Carter." Maybe she loved me back!
"I... I kind of like..." She was going to say it! "Rosie."
What the hell?
"Wait, what? You? Like, another girl, Rosie? Your cousin?" That was wrong on so many levels.
"Ed, Rosie's not really my cousin... She's... like a family friend. I'm sorry. Forget it, I'll hang up and-" She sounded ready to cry. One thing I could never stand was making her cry. I would rather strip naked, stick needles covered in diseases into my arms, and then jump into a volcano with only a ice cube to protect me.
"No, no. Carter, I was just like shocked for one second." How could my crush turn gay on me? I really loved her so, so much. But I couldn't loose her.
"I... uhm. Started noticing things the moment I met her... Like how she sat, how she walked, how she smelled..." Her voice slowly drifted off. "I think I hated her because I was scared. But now, I think I'm fine with admitting it."
"Yeah. When people are crushing, they notice those things." Like the way you sit like no one's watching, how you walk like the whole world's yours, the way you smell like strawberries dipped in golden brown honey. I wanted to yell that out so bad.
"Does that make me a... lesbian?" she was hesitant.
"Well, not exactly. You liked Donny." Please be bisexual. Please be bisexual.
"I don't know. I've never felt this much about Donny in all the years I've known him combined. Rosie was here for, what? A few weeks? And it only took me three days to understand and accept that I really do like her, and not hate her. She told me the other day that she noticed I've grown surprisingly kind and sociable towards her really quick. She said that she really feels welcome now and she would try to act less... like a princess. Not that she is one. But still. All thanks to you, of course."
"Right. So are you going to tell her?" I was as nervous as hell.
"Mhm. Hopefully. I might explode in the process though. Oh God, here she comes now." She sounded as uncomfortable as I felt. "Thanks for everything Ed. I'll call you back."
My mind was in a turmoil as soon as I put down my phone. The very girl I had pined over for the past years, who I was certain would one day wake up and realize that her best friend with the camera could be a bit more than that, fell in love with Rosie. She was the last person in my mind that I saw as a potential threat to our would-be love story. Not only was Rosie a girl, but I thought she was her cousin too.
Maybe I could go over there and talk Carter out of telling Rosie everything. Or maybe Rosie, who seemed as straight as a stick, would break her heart and I'd comfort her while she cries in despair. And after her tears she'd look up and realize the one who loves her most was holding her through the tough stuff.
With my mind made up, I hopped off my bed and made my way outside, still wearing my blue striped pajamas. Carter lived really close to my house, so I was at her place in a matter of minutes. Before I could enter her house, I heard a cry from the docks out back. Running, I saw the figures of Carter and Rosie sitting side by side, their feet in the water. Tears were streaming down Carter's face, and unfortunately, I could only see the back of Rosie's head. This was the perfect time for me to step in and save her breaking heart. I snuck behind a tree closest to the docks and heard the very end of their conversation.
"Carter... do not cry." Rosie's voice gently cooed.
"I... I'm sorry. I know that you wouldn't feel the same, but I just wanted to get it off my chest because it's been really hurting for the past few days. I know it's weird how you thought I hated you, but I don't, and I know this is stupid. I'll get over it, and I just-"
Carter and I were both shocked as Rosie leaned over and caught her on the lips. Her shock momentarily wore off, and she returned the hungry kisses with the same intensity. Rosie then pulled away and whispered something to Carter, which caused a blush to appear on my crush's face. Carter grabbed her cheeks towards her own and they both began to kiss once more, with Rosie grabbing Carter's arm and pinning them against the post in the corner of the dock. I was slightly afraid that the post would break and cause the overhead roof to fall upon them.
Carter pushed off the post but Rosie would not let go, causing both girls to fall into the water with a loud yelp. Both girls were smiling and laughing, and at that moment, I felt insanely guilty for the plan of preventing this romance that I had just moments before.
I stepped out into the dock and walked towards the girls, both too busy making out in the water to notice me. When I finally reached the edge, cleared my throat, causing them to break apart before looking up at me.
"Need a hand, girls?" Carter looked relieved that I wasn't her dad, and Rosie just smiled in confusion.
"Are you not frightened by what we were doing?" she asked.
"Uhm, I hope what you mean is kissing, because I can't really see below your heads because of this muddy water." I attempted to joke.
"Ed! You pervert!" Carter laughed as I pulled her out of the water. Rosie came out next.
"I shall go and take a shower, if you do not mind." Rosie quickly quipped, shivering due to the freezing temperature.
After she left, she and I stood there for a good ten minutes.
"So, what did she whisper to you?" I inquired.
"Were you spying? Okay, whatever." she laughed. "She said that she loved me to, and that I'm filled with "unnecessary, superfluous worry." But she said it in a really hot way."
"Oh." I wanted to scream, pull out my hair, throw rocks, but I couldn't move.
"Thanks Ed, for everything." Carter walked towards me and gave me a long hug, before whispering into my ear, "I don't say this enough, but you're the best friend anyone could ask for. I love you."
I hugged her back, but I felt a sort of stinging in my heart as I let go and watched her walk away, to her Rosie.
It was because I was watching her walk away from what could have been between us, and because I letting go of my wanting and waiting for the last time.
She found someone, and I lost someone.
Even when she said that three letter sentence that I had been dreaming of hearing come out of her mouth, it hurt so bad. It hurt because I knew that she loved me, but no matter what I did, I would never be number one in her heart. I could drizzle that "I love you" in as much fabrication and honey sweet dreams possible, but it would never be truth.
Walking back home, I made a decision.
Even though it hurts, I would accept her love, because even if it isn't the kind of love I had always wanted from her, I would take what I could get.
No matter how much it broke me inside.
---
So, why am I writing this all down? It's been exactly seven years and three months since that phone call that made me loose and gain Carter's love. I'm just sitting here, reading this letter delivered straight from Costa Luna. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest the minute I saw Carter's loopy handwriting. It was a simple letter.
"Hey Ed. How's it going? We haven't talked in years, but I knew I needed you for this to work. Next week, Rosie and I are going to get married. I know that this wouldn't have happened without you and that conversation we had long ago. Please contact me. My number never changed, so call or text me a 'yes' if you'll attend. If you agree to, which you absolutely must, then Rosie will send over a jet to bring you over. Rosie sends her greetings to you as well. Smile for the camera, Ed! Love, Cart."
Attached was a small picture with a smiling Rosie with Carter in her arms, both matured and still beautiful. Carter was smiling the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her face.
That's what made me reach over to my small notebook and write this all down, because I remembered everything. I'm smart like that.
I reached over for my cell phone moments before and pressed one on my speed dial, because she is still number one to me.
Now that I am done, I will finally press send. My finger was lingering over the button for the whole time I was writing.
"Ed?" God, she sounds as beautiful as ever.
"Hi." I say, currently playing with my thumb.
"I've missed you! How are-"
"Sorry, Carter, but I can't come. I'm sorry. I'll come visit one day, okay?" My voice is shaking again. Never a good sign.
"But..."
"Sorry. I love you Carter!" I try to sound cheerful.
"Okay, I love you, and so does my fiancee!" She sounds so happy. I don't ever want to ruin that.
After we hang up, I stare at my phone for a few more minutes. Why did I say no? Easy. Because, when the priest says "If anyone has a reason why the couple should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace," I'm not sure how I'll react.
You see, when I look at the picture of Carter and Rosie, I see myself there. I see me holding Carter, and it hurts because I know it won't ever happen. I do love Rosie, and I know that Carter is perfect for her, and vice versa. One can't stop a heart from wanting, but I really want it to stop.
I'm a fool, and I know it. I'll be hurting her by not coming. I don't have an unrequited love, because it's worth something, nor an unconditional love for Carter, because she does love me back in a way. What I have is an unintentional love. I want to hate her, to forget her from my life. Move on. But thoughts of her cloud my mind and haunt me every day. No one really means to fall in love, but when they do, they really want someone there to catch them.
Maybe one day I'll find someone that will love me one step more than Carter, and I'll be the one hearing wedding bells and looking out into the pews at the faces of the ones I love. And maybe when I look into the face of my lady, I'll see her and not Carter, and I'll be able to love with all of my heart. And I probably won't see Carter and Rosie at the wedding in my future, because I didn't come to theirs. Why should they waste time at mine? I'll be heart broken, but I'll have a wife. Someone who'll pick me up from where I fell for Carter.
That special someone who can fix up all the damage I suffered from my unintentional love for Carter Mason, whose voice is sweeter than any honey I have ever tasted.
End.
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A.n. This story started off as a happy Carosie story, but as I started writing this from Ed's Point of View, I realized that he's not such a bad dude. A lot of this is based on some experiences I had, so I apologize if it's really over dosed with his thoughts. But really, this whole story runs on the premises that if you love someone without meaning to, you have to learn to move on and do the best for that person. And how impossible it is to fully let go. It hurts real bad, you know, when you suffer from unintentional love, and I'm sure many of you went through this kind of experience. Read and Review, and happy belated birthday to my Homeslicee Tara.