Disclaimer: I do not own the Star trek the characters nor to I profit in from this writing.

Warning: Rape and emotional abuse (but only in the context of the story not gratuitous). But be aware and read at your own risk.

Thanks: Many thanks also to my beta readers The Night Was Moist and Atana71. Thanks so much.

Chapter 1.

Nyota sat in the sun on the small metal chair and smiled. Her head was tipped back slightly and her eyes were shut to enjoy the warmth of the San Francisco sun. The sound of the small fountain and hum of conversation from the other diners in outdoor café were soothing. All was right with the world. She was doing well with her studies she had good friends, and she had what felt like… love. She smiled softly. It was love that had been totally unexpected and it was so new she was still surprised by the very thought. Neither of them had named the change in their relationship, but Nyota knew, and she knew that Spock knew and she knew that he knew that she knew. Nyota grinned at the delightful stupidity of that untidy train of thought.

She glanced at her watch. Spock should be there soon and they would spend a wonderful afternoon together exploring the galleries. Then, in the evening; she sighed, and smiled at the thought of the evening.

"Nyota!" The delighted shout caused her eyes to spring open and she stood so suddenly she almost tipped her chair. Striding toward her with his arms outstretched and a joyful smile on his face was Raphael.

In the years since she had last seen him and she had forgotten the impact and sheer impossible beauty of his bronze skin and mint green eyes. Seeing him now Nyota felt nausea and her skin rose in gooseflesh as a cold prickling helpless panic crawled beneath her skin. Once she had loved him ardently, naively and disastrously. She had learned that under that charming façade he was as narcissistic as he was beautiful, and under that he was manipulative, and plain nasty. It had cost Nyota a lot of tears, heartbreak and wrenching pain to learn these lessons and having leaned then she had found it impossible to trust anyone for a long time.

Smiling broadly, Raphael swooped down and hugged her. "Wrong!" her mind screamed. She was immediately rigid with distress and fear. Raphael had her in his arms and was leaning in to kiss her. "Absolutely not!" it screamed but still she seemed unable to act. The only thing she could think of was to lean back in his embrace. This put her out of kissing range, but unfortunately it also pressed her hips firmly into his. Nyota saw Raphael's expression and knew he misinterpreted the move.

The part of Nyota's mind that was still functioning wondered what he was doing here. She soon realized that there could only be one explanation: her mother. Raphael still kept in touch with Nyota's mother, something Nyota bitterly resented. Her mother was always dropping little hints about him in their conversations, "Raphael sent me a card last week, he is such a thoughtful boy," or "Did you know Raphael has moved? I'll send you his new address." She could never see past his beauty and charm. Raphael could be as smooth as melted chocolate and just as sweet, when he wanted. Nyota had no doubt that her mother had told him where to find her.

"And whose fault is that?" her conscience chided her. Nyota had never told her mother the whole story. She had been too ashamed.

"Raphael," she finally managed, hating how her voice shook, "what are you doing here?"

Fear gripped her, as firmly as Raphael's hands. He started to draw her towards him. She reached up and cupped his face with her hands.

"If I'm holding his head away he can't kiss me," she thought.

"I'm in town on business and your mother suggested I drop in and see you," he replied, "I was wondering how best to contact you and there you were just waiting for me."

A deep shudder ran though her. Looking into his smiling face, she saw with horror that Raphael assumed it was a shudder of pleasure not disgust. Only he could be that oblivious. People said Spock could not read people but compared with Raphael Spock was… She faltered, she simply could not compare Spock with Raphael at any level. Where was Spock? It was unlike him to be late. She needed him beside her.

Nyota looked away from Raphael and thought she caught a glimpse of movement in her peripheral vision: a tall slender man dressed in dark colours turning and walking away.

"So," Raphael purred in his seductive voice as he rubbed her back with his hand, "let's have a drink and discuss what we will be doing tonight."

Nyota's attention snapped back to Raphael. She felt sullied where he touched her. With that thought a liberating wave of anger swept though her clearing her mind of the paralysing fear.

"We will not be doing anything tonight," she declared. Bendng her knees she sat, slipping down out of his grasp and just reaching the chair behind her. Frankly, she would not have cared if she had landed on the ground. She would have done anything to get Raphael's hands off her.

"Raphael, I don't know why you are here, but I will not be having a drink with you or seeing you ever again." She felt stronger now. The initial shock had passed. When she stood up again, Raphael grabbed her hand, "Don't be like that, Nyota," he said turning the full force of his eyes on her.

Nyota did not want to cause a scene in a public place, but she would if necessary. She snatched her hand away. "Do not touch me," she said slowly and clearly, "I have an appointment and I'm late."

"Well maybe tonight? We can reminisce about the good times." His voice was full of its usual charm but there was a hardness coming into his eyes already.

"Yes," she thought, "you never expect that any woman will not fall in with your plans at the snap of your fingers. I might have once but I am not that girl anymore." Nyota repressed another shudder and continued aloud, "As I remember the bad times far outweighted that good. I do not know why you're here and I don't want to know. Goodbye Raphael."

"Your mother will be so disappointed Nyota," Raphael said smoothly.

"Yes I suppose she will," she shot back refusing to rise to the bait, "But don't worry, I'm sure that you'll be able to find someone to occupy your evening. You always do."

Moving quickly, she almost ran from the cafe.

Nyota sat with her leg jiggling in agitation. She felt a growing sense of unease pressing down on her. Although this was totally irrational, she wanted to get off the transport and run.

Where was Spock? Had that been him she had glimpsed turning and leaving? Why was this darn transport so slow? By now, she was rocking in her seat, as if the movement of her body could speed the transport along. She felt tears pick her eyes. In an effort to calm herself, she started taking deep slow breaths.

Somehow, she made it to the Academy grounds without breaking down entirely and then she was standing before the door of Spock's quarters. A hot snake of dread coiled and slithered in her gut and, as she reached for the buzzer, her hand trembled.

No response.

She had just raised her hand to press the buzzer a second time when the door suddenly opened. One look at Spock confirmed her fears. He looked as tightly closed as a clenched fist.

He had been there. He had seen her.

TBC…

Au:. I wanted to look at the effects of a person's history and how that history causes us to judge, misinterpret, filter or distort what we see and feel.