A Typical Wrestling Fic
A parody of all the wrestling fics on and the WWE in general
Chapter 1
Torrie Wilson walked down the hall of the arena, where desperate guys who were trying to prove their masculinity to their friends looked at her butt. Just then, John Cena bumped into the diva, both tumbling down.
"Ah ha, wuss!" Randy Orton yelled, pointing and laughing
"Gah! Déjà vu!" Boogeyman yelled
"Umm…what?" John Cena said, helping Torrie up, "Hey Torrie." Said the former champ, still confused by the events that had transpired.
"Hey John." Torrie said looking into John Cena's eyes
"Torrie, aren't you married?" MVP asked, raising an eyebrow
"Aren't you having an affair with me?" Candice Michelle asked in her innocent voice as she came into the room
The entire room went silent. MVP's nose started bleeding profusely until he fell to the ground, his leg still twitching
"Wanna…go on a date?" John Cena asked, covering his mouth
"Um…sure." Torrie said, the two walking away
Meanwhile…
Kane was in his locker room…doing whatever Kane does when Undertaker came into the room, holding a large pile of documents, "Kane, bad news, both of us have children that have been kept secret to us from somewhere around 13 to 16 years"
"Gasp!" Kane shouted
Their was an elongated pause, "So…wanna go bond with them in the cheesiest way possible?" Undertaker offered
"But I have a match…" Kane complained
"And since when do wrestling fics have anything to do with wrestling?"
Crickets chirp
"Good point." Kane admitted as he and Undertaker went off to bond with their newfound daughters
In the parking lot
Randy Orton was just about to get into his car when some random chick ran up to him, "Hi, I'm Lauren! I just started with the WWE and…" the girl who magically obtained the name Lauren began
"Oh…" Randy Orton said, somewhat peeved that this was the eleventh time this had happened this month, "Okay…" Randy Orton began, but they locked into a passionate kiss for no reason at all.
"Hey! I'm new with the WWE too!" Said a young man who shall not be named who was always smirking
"Are you a luchadore?"
"…No..."
"…Are you going to persue a romantic relationship with a diva?" Randy asked
"If I can." the unamed man answered
"Are you emo?" Randy asked
"Do emos smirk?" the man asked
Hooray, some differenciation Randy thought, "Well today's your lucky day kid. Apparently, Vince is now obssessed with booking rookies in main events and ridiculos appearances, with legends and stuff. So good luck!" Randy said, going back to making out with Lauren as the man walked away
But his love fest was interrupted by someone.
"Hey Randy." Jericho said, poking Randy
"WHAT?" he asked, nearly throwing Lauren
"Look, I'm loved!" Jericho said, pulling out his laptop
Randy read the contents on the laptop, "Jericho x Stephanie, Jericho x OC, Jericho x…ORTON! What the crap is this!" Randy asked
"Apparently it's called fan fiction."
"What's fanfiction?"
"It's a website full of stories that people make up about us." Jericho smiled, jumping up and down
"See Chris, that's the funny thing, we're real people aren't we?" Randy asked
"That's what they want you to think." Bret Hart said, jumping out of the trunk of a car and dancing off.
Silence
Orton gave Lauren and Jericho RKOs
Maria then ran up to him, "You actually wrestled in a wrestling fic?" Maria asked
Booker T then stepped out a nearby ice cream truck followed by Sharmell, "Blastphemy!" Booker yelled
"You do know the camera's are still rolling?" Randy asked, gesturing to a cameraman
"Oh shi-!" Booker yelled, running out of the parking lot dragging Sharmell
That's when the Hardy Boyz walked up to them, "Sa-weet, abandoned ice cream truck!" Jeff said excitedly, "I call first dibs."
I've gotta find a way to save my Spongebob-pop Matt thought, "Look, a dog!" Matt yelled, pointing in a random direction
"Where…wait a minute, you always say that, and then there's never a dog, then something bad happens." Jeff whined
"Drat! But I always have a backup plan." Matt grinned evily, fishing out a bag of Skittles and throwing them into the nearby river.
Jeff's eyes widened, and he did a Swanton Bomb into the river.
Meanwhile in the corporate office
Vince McMahon was in his office watching the clearly unscripted episode of Raw go on before his eyes. Jonathan Coachman ran in, "What was it that you wanted sir?" Coach said, to chipper to be working for a McMahon
"Have the Internet People take the footage of Cena throwing Edge into the river and Austin throwing the belt in the river off the website. I want people to think that this is original, and clear out any rumors that Creative consists of Stephanie and a bunch of retards with a diet of Kool-Aid and Twinkies."
"Are you saying that we should fabricate a story saying that the school bus full of third graders that has served as our creative team since 2002 has been mysteriously found?" Coachmen asked
McMahon nodded as Coach ran out of the room, "DAMN! I'm in a fanfic!" Ron Simmons yelled into the room before going about his business
Elsewhere
"Wanna make a crotch joke?" HBK asked Triple H
"I love you." Trips responded
"Ewwwwwwww!" HBK yelled as he ran away
At the unamed place that Torrie and Cena are dating at.
"You suck." Cena retorted after half an hour of doing non-relevant stuff
"Likewise."
Candice and Batista randomly appeared
"Cena." Candice said
"Torrie." Batista began
"You have no idea." They both said at the same time
"DAMN!" Ron Simmons yelled
"Weren't you just at the corporate office?" Cena asked
"I always happened to be in places where wrong sounding jokes are made. It's a magic power I picked up in LA during my hiatus in 2002." Ron explained walking away
Suddenly, AJ Styles, a TNA superstar walked up to Cena, "Hey, where's da love? How come we only get crappy supernatural fics?" AJ whined
Cena FUed AJ through the table
"OH MY GOD!" Joey Styles yelled, who had been sitting at a table in the eatery the entire time.
"Seriously, that's about the second-to-last extreme thing that's happened in wrestling." Tazz complained
"What was the first?"
"Any match involving Hulk Hogan." Tazz explained
"Hey…I second that brother." Hulk Hogan, the man occupying the table to Cena's left yelled as he walked off doing poses into the sunset.
"Geez, is it like, daylight savings time or something?" Viscer..I mean BIG DADDY V said as he proceeded to eat the entire table.
John Cena FUed Big Daddy V through the floor of the eatery, shortly thereafter FUing Tommy Dreamer, who was preaching the word of some fictional brand called ECW…
(AN: So that ends my parody of all wrestling fics! Oh, and can you guess the references pertaining to each fic. I'll give you a hint, most of the stories can be found in my favorites section. And QPython, I hope you can take a joke, but the joke was in praise)