Second Chances
My first (and possibly last!) Fanfiction I've written so if anyone actually reads this and feels the need to review, please be kind. :) I felt inclined to write this after the Season 8 mid season finale so technically there is kind of a spoiler in here. You've been warned!
Daryl couldn't remember how long he had been running or how far he had gone, it truly didn't matter to him anymore. He needed to get out and away from the people he cared about as fast as he possibly could. His face and arms were being slashed by low hanging branches and the stones making their way into his shoes were causing blisters, but he didn't care. The consistent ringing in his ears was suddenly pierced by an overpowering, familiar voice,
"Loser!" "Failure" "It's all your fault"
The words his Father once screamed at him burned into Daryl's brain as he ran through the woods. He spent so long trying to convince himself those cruel words weren't true only to find that his Father had been right all along. Too many people had been killed because of him and he couldn't risk losing anymore of the people he cared about. He just couldn't be with them anymore.
The sun had set and darkness was settling around him before Daryl finally collapsed to the ground from pure exhaustion. His legs throbbed from running and his chest stung from working his lungs too hard but he welcomed the pain like an old friend. He deserved it, every bit of physical pain he felt took away some of the emotional pain he couldn't seem to escape.
Leaning on his hands and knees Daryl dug his fingers deep into the dirt to try to suppress the need to scream out in anger. He hated himself. He hated that he allowed himself to become so vulnerable, for getting so close to people he knew he would lose, and above all, he hated himself for being one of the reasons he kept losing them.
When he felt thick wet drops land on his hands he cursed himself for being so weak. It took him moment to realized it wasn't tears he was feeling, but the very first drops of an oncoming rainstorm. It was only then that he forced himself out of his self pity party and looked around at his current situation. He was alone, it was dark, and it was about to start down pouring. The depression and self loathing kept him on his knees silently begging the God he no longer believed in to strike him down now, but after that first clap of thunder his survival instincts kicked in. Before his depression could stop him, he began looking for shelter.
It didn't take him long before he found an old hunting shed, it wasn't much but it would get him through the night. Daryl peaked into the one window shack to make sure it was clear of any walkers or any other dangers. When he found it empty aside from a few crates and other miscellaneous useless items, he felt secure enough to use it as a make shift shelter for the night.
Daryl's auto pilot kicked in as me mechanically started securing the shed from the inside. It wasn't long before he found himself sitting in the corner absentmindedly fiddling with one of his arrows between his fingers as he replayed the events of the last few days over in his head.
He was so tired of losing people. He was so tired of losing his family. Daryl broke his arrow in half as he thought of all the others who had been hurt or killed because of him… They didn't deserve it… He didn't deserve them. He was always meant to be a loner, he should have left a long time ago.
Daryl leaned his elbows onto his knees and laid his head in his hands.
"Maybe these walls will cave in and I can just die here." Daryl let his dark thoughts start to take over "Be better for everyone."
Whether from physical exhaustion or emotional, Daryl felt himself being pulled into the welcoming darkness of a dreamless sleep. As he felt himself slipping, his final thoughts before dozing off were "Hopefully I just won't wake back up". ***
A few hours later Daryl was awoken to the sound of pouring rain on the roof and a walker bumping itself against the door. Daryl looked to the window and raised his hand to his eyes as a shield against the surprisingly bright moon pouring light into the small shed. He considered finding something to block the window when he noticed a small movement out of the corner of his eye.
Slightly startled he reached for his bow as he heard a warm voice interupt his movement.
"Hi Daryl."
Daryl's entire body froze at the familiar voice. His mind raced as he tried to piece together how it could be possible. Maybe he was losing his mind, maybe he was still asleep, or maybe the roof did collapse and he was dead, but he knew the most likely possibility was he was just hearing things. Only way to find out was to see for himself so he turned his head slowly towards the left wall half knowing no one would be there, half hoping his logic was wrong.
His eyes adjusted to the darkness as a small blonde figure came into view. She sat crossed legged, leaning against the wall, playing with the small braid she always wore in her hair. When they locked eyes she smiled shyly at him.
Daryl's heart began to pound. He had never believed in ghosts but that was before crazier things happened, like the dead coming back to life to eat people. His mind raced knowing that this was impossible. He had to be going insane or something. But whatever the cause he couldn't deny that seeing her sitting before him was the first time he felt a twinge of happiness in a very long time.
"Well are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna say hi back?" Beth laughed
Daryl's mouth dropped open but he remained silent for another moment not quite sure what he could possibly say to her before finally asking, "Is it really you? Are you really here?"
Beth only hesitated for a second, but her silence felt like an eternity, "Well, yes and no."
"The hell does that mean?"
Beth crinkled her nose as if trying to think of the best way to explain. "It's me, but I'm not completely here."
Daryl's heart sunk. He knew it was too good to be true. His face must have shown all his emotions because Beth quickly jumped in.
"No, no! I'm here. It's not your imagination! Oh, it's so hard to explain. I'm not physically here, you can't touch me or feel me but it's really me, Beth. I came to see you."
Daryl swallowed hard. He didn't believe loved ones could come back. When you're dead, you're gone. But he desperately needed this to be real. He needed to talk to her again.
"Why didn't you come before?"
"I would have come the second I died if I could have, there are a million moments I wish I could have come." Beth sighed and looked down at her faded cowboy boots "But I don't get to decide that. I'm here now though even if it's just for a little while."
Daryl looked away from her quickly to try to hide the pain in his eyes. He couldn't bare the idea of her leaving him again. The first time almost killed him. How was he suppose to do it all over again? Daryl cleared his throat before responding, willing his voice to sound as gruff and unfeeling as possible;
"Why're you here now?"
Beth tried to catch his eye without success. "Because you need me."
Daryl growled under his breath "Don't need nobody."
"Daryl, stop. Don't do that."
He kept his eyes firmly planted on the door. He wouldn't do it again. He couldn't let her back in just to lose her again. "She's not really here." Daryl firmly thought to himself "When you look back she'll be gone."
The silence between the two of them stretched for longer than was comfortable. The sound of thick raindrops bouncing of the roof fell into a strange rythem before Beth chimed in again.
"Do you still think there are good people left in this world, Daryl?"
He finally looked back at her half surprised to still see her leaning against the wall. He searched deep into her blue eyes trying to decide if she was real or not. Daryl took a deep breath before responding. "Yeah I suppose so."
Beth grinned at him but he continued his thought before she could say anything in response.
"But that's why I gotta leave. I keep getting the good ones killed." Daryl looked down at the broken arrow at his feet.
"Why would you ever think that?"
"Cause it's true." Daryl snapped "I got Glenn killed. Hell, I even got you killed."
Beth's mouth dropped open in pure shock. "Why in the world would you think you had anything to do with what happened to me?"
Daryl blinked back tears before looking back up at her. "I shoulda been more careful. I got soft and wasn't payin' attention. I practically let them take you. And I tried to get you back. I…I ran all night to find you." Daryl's cleared his throat trying unsucessfully to get the emotion out of his voice. "If I had found you. You never would have been shot."
"You ran all night?" Beth's quiet voice was almost drowned out by the rain "You tried to find me?"
"Course."
"Why?"
Daryl looked deep into her eyes. A thousand things ran through his head, a thousand things he wanted to say to her but he couldn't find the words. He just kept staring at her hoping that just the way he was looking at her would explain everything he wanted to say, hoping that somehow she could just understand what he was trying to express but could never properly convey. It reminded him of his last good memory of Beth. Sitting together at that funeral home. There was so much he wanted to say to her that night before he lost his chance forever. The silence had dragged on far too long before he finally said.
"I just had to."
Beth kept staring at him, her eyes pleading with him to get more information than that out of him but he saw her slowly start to give up. When Daryl didn't want to talk about something, nothing in the world could get him to utter a single word about it. Even the girl he never dreamed in a million years he would be able to see again, real or not, even she couldn't get answers from him. And Beth knew that. He used these few moments of silence to get a good look at her. She looked the same yet somehow different. She still kept her wavy blond hair in a pony tail, still had the same yellow polo on, the same jeans, those brown cowboy boots. He couldn't quite place what was different about her, but his thoughts were interrupted when Beth gasped with surprise.
"Hey! You have my knife!"
Daryl looked down at the familiar white handle peaking out of the brown leather sleeve at his hip. "Yeah, guess I do."
"How did you get it?"
Daryl absentmindedly glided his fingers across it as he thought back to the day he received it. "Carol gave it to me after." Daryl paused not knowing if he had it in him to say it out loud, "after you died."
"Why?"
"I think she thought it would help me." Daryl slowly looked up into her big blue eyes that were looking back at him so intently. "I was having a rough time."
"And you kept it? After all this time?"
Daryl shrugged and looked back down at the knife, "Still having a rough time I guess."
Beth smiled sadly at him. "I'm glad you have it."
"Yeah, me too." Daryl returned her smile, but it slowly turned into a confused frown as a sudden thought dawned on him. "Don't you already know that? Can't you see everything going on around here… Wherever you come from?"
Beth pulled her knees to her chest and signed. "Actually no. It's not really allowed." Beth waved her hand in the air as she tried to think of a way to explain, "Looking 'down' at the loved ones we left behind causes heart ache and stress. And those feelings aren't a thing where I am."
"Sounds nice." Daryl started digging one of the broken halves of his arrow into the floor by his foot out of nervous habit. He felt relieved knowing Beth had no idea how bad things had gotten and what a mess he had made of himself.
"It is." Beth nodded, "And when we're reunited with our loved ones it's like no time has passed."
Daryl felt a twinge of jealousy at that. He wanted nothing more than to have everyone he had grown to care for all back together at this moment, like no time had passed.
"Do you remember things? Or is it just like one big group of singing people with wings?"
Beth burst into giggles at that, "It's not like that at all. Of course we have all our memories. I think about things all the time. Things that happened, people I love, successes, mistakes, everything."
Daryl nodded slowly. He didn't dare ask her what she remembered about him even though he desperately wanted to know. But he didn't have to wonder for long because it was like she read his mind.
"I remember when we found that stash of moonshine." Beth grinned at him and Daryl couldn't help smiling at the memory. He ran his hand through his overgrown hair.
"And you getting drunk and suggesting we burn that cabin down, remember that?"
Beth sheepishly put her hand to her grinning mouth as if embarrassed, "Probably wasn't a very good idea looking back on it."
"Nah, pretty bad idea."
Beth laughed again and buried her head into her knees.
"Good thing I didn't make a habit of drinking homemade moonshine."
Daryl couldn't help but laugh as he leaned his head against the wall, "Guess I wasn't a very good influence on you."
"You were great! You taught me how to hunt and track!"
"You were getting pretty good at it." Daryl nodded at her.
"I still can't believe you let me use your bow."
Daryl shrugged, "I trusted you."
Beth's grin got bigger as she leaned forward, "You trusted me after I came up with the brilliant plan to burn our shelter down? I guess I was a bad influence on you! Trusting people so easily is a total Beth Greene move."
Daryl chuckled and stretched his legs out in front of him. He hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time, probably since the time they had spent together in that funeral home. Since the moment he realized that she was starting to mean more to him than just some girl he felt obligated to protect. The moment when her perpetual optimism and her silly songs suddenly were nice things. Things that he enjoyed, more than enjoyed… Things he started holding onto for dear life because he felt happy when she did these things, he felt happy just being around her. And after everything he didn't think he could ever feel that way again. It wasn't until he looked back up at Beth's smiling face that a dark cloud fell over his joy. He suddenly remembered she wasn't really there. She was probably just a figment of his imagination. A result of exhaustion or dehydration or just him finally starting to lose his mind. But she felt so real to him. Watching her familiar mannerisms and hearing her laugh gave him hope that maybe this was for real. Maybe life was being good to him for no good reason and giving him one more chance to see her. Daryl finally opened his mouth to break the silence.
"What else is it like where you are?" He felt foolish for asking the question the second it left his lips. Feeling ridiculous with himself for having such childlike hope that there was an actual place she was, somewhere he could someday go and get back to her.
Beth's smile stayed but she shook her head at him almost in a teasing manner, "Can't tell ya that."
"Why not?" Daryl frowned.
"Cause if I tell you, you'll want to come with me."
"I already want to come with you. There's no place for me here anymore." Daryl kicked his heel against the floor in defeat.
"That's not true. You're needed here." Beth smiled at him "You're gonna be the last man standing, remember?
Daryl snickered at the memory of the two of them sitting out on a porch getting drunk on moonshine. That night felt like a lifetime ago and yet he could pull up every second of it like how you replay an old home movie.
"Gonna be the last man standing if I keep getting everyone killed."
"Stop that. Stop pitying yourself .They need you, more than you know."
Daryl stared at her through pieces of his hair. He had no response. He knew no one truly needed him but Beth continued on anyways,
"You're strong and you're brave and you're smart. You've made mistakes but who hasn't?" Beth's voice got firm forcing Daryl to have to look away from her. "You love them and you would do anything for them. You're a good man Daryl Dixon. You always have been. They will be lost without you."
As the silence stretched on Daryl realized that the rain had finally stopped. He cleared his throat and tried to think of a way to change the subject to something other than him.
"Are any of our people with you where you are?"
Beth's fierce face broke into a warm smile. "Yes."
"Who?"
"My Dad's here and so is everyone we lost at the prison. Sasha and Tyreese are here." Beth paused a moment "Glenn's here."
Daryl looked over at her, if this place was real he had no doubt they would be there, they were good people. They deserved to be in a better place. He hesitated a moment building up the courage to ask the question he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. "What about Merle?"
"Yes, Daryl." Beth smiled at him. "Your brother is here."
Daryl felt tears come to his eyes so he quickly looked down at the floor. If Merle could be reunited with the group, there was hope for himself after all. Fear suddenly took hold of Daryl as one more name came to mind. He asked her quickly before he lost the courage to do so.
"Carl? Is Carl there?"
Beth waited until Daryl looked back up at her before shaking her head. "No, not yet."
Daryl felt a mix of emotions at her response. The pain of knowing he would lose another member of his family soon but bitter sweetness of knowing he still had a chance to say goodbye if he went back. Daryl couldn't stop the tears at that moment. He cried for the family members he lost, he cried for the ones he knew he would lose, he cried for his lost homes, he cried for all the dangers they still had to face, and finally, he cried for himself.
"Oh Daryl" Beth choked out. He looked up to see her slowly inching closer to him. His breath hitched in his throat as he felt her approach. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms but he was disappointed when she stopped before she was within his reach.
Beth reached out a hand towards him but didn't touch him. "I wish I could hug you." the emotion thick in her voice.
Daryl turned to face her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He felt a rush of ecstasy having her this close to him again and a million memories of her ran through his mind. But those thoughts quickly turned dark as the memory of carrying her body out of that hospital came flooding back to him. He remembered all too well the sound of her sister's screams muffled in his ears against the pounding of his broken heart. Beth saw the change in his eyes and weakly leaned towards him.
"Daryl?"
"Why'd ya have to go and stab that cop?" he snapped at her.
"What?"
"We almost had you back. We were so close. All ya had to do was come with us but you turned back!"
The realization of what he was talking about came to Beth quickly. "I had to."
"No! You didn't" Daryl pushed away from her. "What were you trying to do? What were you trying to prove? We needed you! I needed you!" Daryl stopped himself after his unintentional confession. It was the first time he had admitted it to himself let alone said it out loud, but it was true. He did need her. He hadn't been the same since she died. She was the light at the end of his dark tunnel and he watched that light go out leaving him in complete blackness.
Daryl looked back over at Beth with tears in his eyes. "I needed you, Beth."
Tears fell from Beth's eyes as she moved closer to Daryl. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't want to leave you. I would give anything to go back and do it again. To just walk out of there with all of you and never look back. But at the time I felt like I had to prove to everyone that I was strong, that I wasn't weak like everyone thought."
"You weren't weak."
"Everyone thought I was. Even you did for awhile. It felt right in the moment, it felt like what I needed to do."
Daryl looked up at her. She was close enough to touch and it was then that he knew she was real. He could just feel it in the deepest part of his soul, Beth had come back to him. He was given a second chance to be with her once more. Even if it was only for a little while it was more than he deserved and he was more grateful than he could express. They held a deep gaze into each others eyes as Daryl tried to form the words he desperately needed to say to her. All the things that had burned in his mind since the day he watched that car with the white cross take her out of his life forever. But how could be express how much she meant to him, how not a single day has gone by that he didn't think about her, how part of him died with her at that hospital, how he would give up his bow forever for just one more night in that funeral home with her. He needed her to know all of that but all he managed to say was;
"You were right ya know."
Beth tilted her head and furrowed her brow. "About what?"
Daryl leaned as close as he could possibly get without touching her.
"I've missed you so bad since you've been gone, Beth Greene."
A few stray tears fell from Beth's eyes as she smiled widely at him. "You're gonna just have to miss me a little longer, Daryl Dixon. Our people need you."
Daryl groaned and closed his eyes. "I don't think I can say goodbye to you again."
"We're not saying goodbye. We don't do goodbyes, remember?" Beth giggled. "We'll be together again. We'll all be together again."
Daryl's heart seized in his chest as he realized that she was about to leave him. "Please don't go, Beth."
"I can't stay. I don't have a choice."
Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded his head.
"You need to go back, Daryl. Promise me you'll go back."
Daryl nodded at her. He would promise her the world if he could. "I promise."
Beth smiled sadly at him. Daryl looked her completely over, desperate to memorize every bit of her. He needed to be able to hold onto this moment and this memory of her until the day he could join her again. He locked in on her big blue eyes, drinking them in like he was dying of thirst.
"We'll see each other again?"
"I promise. You got a hug with you name on it." Beth giggled.
Daryl smirked at her. "I did run all night to find you. I think I deserve more than a hug."
Beth looked down failing to hide a subtle blush. She grinned at the floor before quietly repeating her previous question, "Why did you try so hard to find me?"
Daryl ran a hand through his hair. He was never good at talking to people never mind girls… But who knew he'd be so awkward talking to the ghost of the girl he once spilled his soul to. If only he had some more of that moonshine. Hell, he'd even take the peach schnapps if it helped.
"I really can't touch you?"
Beth shrugged, "As far as I know you can't. But you could try."
Daryl didn't need to be told twice, with slightly trembling fingers he reached over in an attempt to try to touch Beth's hand. Nerves took hold of him and he stopped an inch before he could rest his hand on top of her's. Sensing his apprehension, Beth turn her hand over so that their palms were facing each other. Taking that as a welcome invitation Daryl slowly closed the gap and was shocked to find he could feel her fingers interlocking with his. A mix between a squeal and a laugh escaped Beth's lips.
"I guess you can touch me! Wish I had known that earlier."
Daryl looked up at her with fire in his eyes. Beth titled her head slightly at him and grinned slyly at him.
Daryl knew he had to tell her how he felt but could only think of one way to best explain to her everything he couldn't find the words for. He reached up and pushed a stray blonde hair away from her face before resting his hand on her cheek. He was proud of himself, he had never felt so bold in his life. But the boldness only lasted for a second before the sudden sharp fear of rejection hit him like a brick causing him to lean back away from her. Daryl quickly tried to force those fears away. The last time he avoided telling her how he felt, he lost her forever. For whatever reason Beth had been brought back to him and he wasn't going to risk losing this chance again. Beth leaned forward starting to close the gap between them.
"Why did you try so hard to find me?" she whispered.
Before he could lose his nerve again Daryl reached over and placed his other hand around her waist, pulling her closer to him. With only the slightest bit of hesitation he lightly brushed his lips against hers. It wasn't much, but it was all he could manage without breaking into a sweat. He was about to pull away when he felt Beth's small hand reach around to the back of his neck and she began to kiss him back. Daryl wrapped his other arm around Beth's waist trying to get her even closer to him. As the kiss got deeper and he felt his tongue exploring Beth's mouth, his whole body tingled. He felt like he could fly if he gave it a shot. Daryl was never into all that romance garbage he saw people obsessing over but in this moment he finally understood what the big deal was.
When they finally pulled apart, Beth looked up at Daryl shyly with a smile in her eyes. All she managed to say to him was,
"Oh."
It didn't seem like much but it was all Daryl needed. He knew what she meant just like she knew exactly what he meant in that kiss. Nothing else needed to be said, they just understood each other. It's what made all of it so wonderful and so painful. They had deserved happiness, they had deserved each other, they deserved so much more. But life isn't always fair. But sometimes life is kind and let's you have one more moment, something that you can hold onto for as long as you need. Not yet ready to say goodbye Daryl quickly grabbed Beth's face in his hands and kissed her long and hard before resting his forehead on hers.
"Thank you for coming back."
Daryl felt her hot tears land on his hands, "I wish I could stay."
"When we're together again it'll be like no time passed, right?"
Beth took Daryl's hands in hers and looked into his eyes, "Yes, like no time has passed at all."
Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Guess it'll just suck for me then."
Beth laughed at his dry humor, "I'm sure you'll be far too busy to be missing me too bad."
"Believe me, nothing could make me stop missing you."
Beth's whole face lit up as she leaned in to kiss him again but Daryl pulled back and gazed at her with a questioning look.
"You don't have any boyfriends or anything where you are, do you?"
Beth laughed and rolled her eyes at him, "No! What kind of girl do you take me for?"
Daryl shrugged before leaning back in for that kiss, "Was just making sure."
The two wrapped each other in their arms for another minute or two before Beth finally pulled away. "I have to go now, Daryl."
Daryl felt his body go numb and his stomach drop but he nodded. He knew it wasn't going to last forever.
"You go back and be the Daryl Dixon we all love and need. And when it's your time, I'll be waiting for you. Like no time has passed."
Daryl couldn't find it in him to speak so he just nodded again. He wasn't ready for her to go but he was grateful that he at least had the chance to say goodbye to her this time. Not goodbye really…
"I'll see you later then." He finally said
Beth smiled warmly at him, "I'll see you later."
She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. Daryl felt the warmth of her touch for just the briefest of moments before he felt nothing but the damp, cold air of the empty shed. He kept his eyes tightly shut not yet ready to face the world without her again. He needed one more minute here, with her on his mind. They would be together again, at least he could hope that was true but until then he had a lot to face and a lot that needed to be done. But he would do it, he would do it for her and for his family, and for himself because despite everything, he had gotten this far and he wasn't going to go out easily. Beth didn't give up without a fight so neither would he.
The End