Nightmares

by Kamara

Set in Go Nagai's Devilman world, an American devilman tries to survive in Japan

1. Default Chapter Title

NIGHTMARES part one

a Devilman novella -- all characters except Risa belong to Go Nagai.

by Kamara

stealthbunny@msn.com


I realized today that I have lost track of the miles.

To hell with the miles. I've lost track of the days.

I counted back silently as I pulled the makings of lunch out of my backpack. The last of the bread hadn't gone crunchy or moldy yet, so the last stop couldn't have been more than a couple of days ago. I would have liked to skirt around towns, but I have also grown very sick of instant ramen, morning, day, and night. When I could, I peeked into a town, made a stop at the nearest market, and left as soon as possible. My life had narrowed to walking, avoiding people, and tearing apart the occasional demon.

I might try to avoid people by being this far out into the rural, but it was impossible to avoid hearing that more demons had begun to appear, especially after that party of college students had been torn apart. It had been the first real massacre by demons. Only one person had survived; a female gaijin found among the carnage of both human and demon.

I told them that I didn't remember how I escaped being slaughtered, or what actually had happened. I'd really rather continue to pretend that I don't remember that night.

My nightmares remember clearly enough.

I might try to avoid people, but winter, however, was another matter. I could already smell the promise of snow in the air. The cold didn't bother me much anymore, but I couldn't sleep comfortably in wet snow all winter. Sooner or later, I'd have to figure out what to do when the snows came.

I finished off the sandwich. Later. I'd worry about it later.

I made another sandwich to eat as I walked, and fastened the flap of the backpack down, tying the straps to the metal frame and tugging at them gently to make sure the knots would hold. I had been careless my first week out; the strings had come undone, and I had lost a week's worth of food between lunch and camp. I noticed another worn spot in the pack and made a mental note to line it with duct tape that night after making camp. The pack had gone with me to college, then later overseas when I decided to study in Japan. It was probably time to get a new one, but food was more important, and there just wasn't enough for both

I slid down the embankment to the creek and scooped up a mug of water. My reflection distracted me for a moment, a whirl of red mane surrounding dark-rimmed, haunted eyes distorted by the water, and I snarled at it, flashing my fangs. I quickly turned away and downed the water, then climbed back up to my pack, shaking drops of water from the metal cup as I went.

God, how long have I been on the road? Weeks? Months? That party had been just before the beginning of the fall semester. Months, then. Maybe I should get a pocket calendar and start crossing off days. But it was easier to just ignore it. The blending of the days into a mass of unrecognized time seemed to make the time pass easier.

A few hours later, at the dawning edge of dusk, my danger-sense went off. The first few times this had happened, I had ignored it and had quickly learned how much I needed to trust it. I backed up against a tree and eased my pack off, straining to hear in the sudden silence. No birds, no wind, nothing -- not even the gurgling of the stream I had been following since breaking camp this morning. I crouched down, listening, sniffing the air.

The demon stepped out of the bushes downwind of me. I willed myself not to move, hoping against past experience that it wouldn't notice me. Of course, it did -- I had never been able to avoid this. They always noticed me, which was one reason I had taken to the road. It let out a soft whuf of surprise, then moved towards me, eyes grinning redly.

It was big, bigger than any I had yet seen. Hopefully, all I'd have to avoid were its claws, three times as long as its fingers, and the set of horns curving up from its skull. Some demons had powers other than physical strength, and I hadn't yet figured out if I did, too.

The demon charged, and I sensed its surprise at my speed as I ducked and rolled out of the way of the horns. A normal human would have been gutted before being able to react. It swung around, slashing at me again, but I flipped back out of its reach, and the claws tore a foot deep into the sod where I had been standing. It recovered faster than I had calculated and whirled to catch my ankle before I could dodge. I caught up a small boulder and brought it down on its wrist as hard as I could, before it could pull me closer. Something in its arm cracked, and its grip loosened enough for me to yank my foot away, leaving my boot and layers of skin behind in its claws.

In movies, fights always seemed to take the last half hour of the film. Less than five seconds into this fight, and I know I didn't have a chance of winning. It was much stronger than I was, and if it caught me again, I wouldn't be able to get away. I couldn't see that it had wings, though, and I put everything towards escaping, snarling at it wordlessly. Its eyes widened in confusion at my fangs, but I was already leaping for the sky, my wings shredding my clothes as they folded out and caught at the air, my mane whipping around my face, my body changing...

I almost made it.

Somehow, it jumped high enough to reach me, the strength in its huge legs making up for its lack of wings. It caught my leg, claws biting deeply through fur and skin into muscle. I screamed, the noise traveling from throat into a chest roar, and turned in mid-flight, tearing at its hand with my teeth. It grunted and flung me against a tree trunk as it landed. One of my wings snapped behind me, and I felt a rib break inside as well. I screamed again and clawed at its fingers as it picked me up again and threw me hard against the ground.

Where do demons go when we die? I found myself wondering. And further behind that was At least it will be over.

Something grabbed the demon from behind, a huge arm appearing and wrapping around its throat. I caught a quick glimpse of another demon, even bigger than the first, ripping it away from me. My leg was still in its fist, and it cracked as I was dragged along. I reared up while it was distracted, and bit through its arm at the wrist. The other demon tore into its throat, blood and foam spurting, then threw the twitching body away.

I launched myself into the air again, desperate to get away from this other demon. My broken wing whistled uselessly through the air, and I landed back on the ground even harder than I had been thrown. The demon, huge and human-shaped, with leathery, bat-like wings, and furred from the waist down, stalked over to me, and I rolled up to all fours, trying to scrabble away into the brush. A name whispered to me in the silvery other-voice that I often heard in the background of my thoughts: Amon. My leg caught on something and wrenched painfully; at the same time something broken stabbed deep inside. I gasped in sudden sharp pain and felt myself shifting back to human-form.

And you couldn't even give him a decent challenge, I snorted to myself. I rolled over and hissed in a useless gesture.

The demon had stopped, staring down at me in wide-eyed surprise. "You're human?" he asked in Japanese.

In Japanese.

"I won't hurt you," he quickly added. "Watch." He began to shrink down to human size, his wings folding away like mine, his black headpiece ruffling into dark hair.

His eyes were black-rimmed, just like mine, and I could see the tips of fangs when he grinned encouragingly to me. "I'm human, too." He came up to me and quickly knelt down, catching my chin and lifting my face up to the light. "We didn't know there was anyone else."

I still hadn't said anything, and his face suddenly creased in concern. "Do you understand me? Do you speak Japanese?" he asked in careful English.

I nodded. "Hai. Who are you?"

"Fudo Akira." Then, after a pause, "Devilman."

"How did you know...? I mean..." I pointed at the body of the other demon.

He shrugged. "Saw the fight."

"How did you know which one to kill?"

"Ryo told me," he said simply, as if that explained it all. It probably did, to him. "You're hurt, aren't you?" He looked off towards the woods. "Ryo! Hurry!"

I shrugged. "I'll heal." I looked at my ankle, where the claw marks were already folding and healing. "Won't I?" I added bitterly.

He lifted my chin again and studied me thoughtfully for a moment. "Yeah," he said softly. "You'll heal. We always do."

I heard the pound of running feet and tensed again, too tired for another fight, but it was a human who came up, blond and slightly taller than me. He stopped short when he saw me, and I got the immediate impression that this was someone who was rarely surprised, and didn't like it at all when he was.

Akira looked up at him in delight. "She's human, Ryo."

"So I see," he answered shortly, then quickly shrugged off his long coat and handed it over to me. Akira promptly took it away and wrapped it around me himself with a protective air.

I wasn't doing very well with talking. I pointed at Akira. "You... how...?"

"The gattai?" and then when he saw that I didn't understand the word, he repeated it in English. "Fusion, of demon and human." I nodded, and he went on excitedly. "You see, Ryo had this idea --"

"Let's save this for another time," Ryo interrupted sharply. "She's hurt."

"Right. Of course." Akira ducked his head in apology. "Can you walk?"

"Of course I can," I answered and clawed my way to my feet. I took a step, but when I brought the broken leg forward, it felt like there was nothing there, and I lost my balance.

Ryo was the closest, and he automatically caught me before I fell. "Obviously not," he said in a dry tone. "And stop struggling before you hurt yourself worse."

My temper flared, but there was not strength enough to support it, and it was infinitely easier to swallow my pride and let him carry me. I think I was asleep before he had gone more than a few steps.

*

Someone shook me awake an eternity later. I fought it, trying to curl back into the comforting swirl of darkness, but the person kept shaking me. I snarled something unintelligible and batted their hands away, but the person caught me by the shoulders and propped me up, firmly trying to spoon something warm into my mouth.

"G'way," I managed to get out before a spoon popped in my mouth, and I had to swallow the liquid or choke.

"Maybe you should let her sleep, Ryo," I heard someone say.

"She needs the food more. No, dammit, you are not going back to sleep until you finish this."

"Don't like ramen." But I only got another spoonful of the stuff.

"It's not ramen, it's soup, and you are going to eat it."

I opened my eyes blearily. "Not hungry."

The blond sighed wearily. "You are. You just haven't realized it yet. Now, are you going to eat on your own, or do I have to keep feeding it to you?"

"Too tired t'eat." I tried to lay back down, but somehow he had cornered me up against the wall. Not a problem. I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes again. Ryo swore under his breath and went back to shaking me. It occurred to me that his voice was familiar somehow, both young and old at the same time. The other-voice, however, was gone in the fatigue and wouldn't help me with a name.

"She's not as strong as you are," he went on to Akira, as if he had been in the middle of explaining something and had been interrupted. "She won't heal as quickly. Much faster than normal humans, of course, but not as fast as you do. Her body's burning up protein faster than she can make it. If we don't feed her, she may starve while she sleeps."

I started to struggle back out of the haze. "I think I'm hungry."

Ryo quickly shoved the bowl into my hands with obvious relief. "Good. Here's some bread. If you're too tired to chew it, soak it in the soup." He stood up and turned back to Akira. "She's probably never been hurt this badly before."

"Haven't," I agreed, somewhat amazed to find out that I had already eaten half the bread and finished the bowl of soup. I tried to hold out the bowl and failed. "More?"

Akira immediately brought a full bowl and swapped it for the empty one. I drained it just as quickly and went through another before I slowed down. "Can I go back to sleep now?' I asked plaintatively.

"One more bowl," Ryo ordered. The aching fatigue came back in a rush, and this time I abandoned the spoon and drank the soup straight from the bowl, already half asleep. Someone took the bowl away just as I let it drop, and pulled the blanket up to my chin as I fell back to the pillow. A hand stopped on my forehead, feeling for fever, but I was asleep again before it pulled away.

*

The next time I woke, I wasn't nearly as musty-headed. I was ravenously hungry, though, and I sat up quickly, startling the girl who had been reading over in the corner of the cabin. She jumped out of her chair with a screech, and I instinctively plastered myself up against the wall. Had the girl not been between me and the nearest window, I probably would have dived out of it before thinking.

We eyed each other warily from across the room, then slowly relaxed and started to laugh at the same time.

"I'm sorry," she apologized once she had caught her breath. "It was just so quiet, and you sat up so quickly. Are you feeling better? Akira-kun left a note saying something about a camping accident."

"Um... yeah." I was nervous about playing questions-and-answers when I didn't know the rules we were playing by, and pulled a change of subject. "I'm hungry, though."

She nodded. "He said you might be. There's some sandwich makings in the cupboard. I'm Makumura Miki."

"Risa." Last name? Traceable? Do I need to worry about that? I deliberately misunderstood her look of confusion and looked around for a piece of paper. There was a pad on the table, and I glanced at the note on the cover sheet. I couldn't read it; the handwriting abbreviated the kanji too much. I folded it over and scribbled the kana for my nickname on the next sheet. "It's short for Teresa, but no one except for my grandmother ever called me that." I handed the note over and noticed she was looking at me warily. "What is it?"

"Why," she asked carefully, "are you wearing one of my boyfriend's shirts?"

"Because I lost my pack?" I shot back rather hopefully.

She cocked her head, considering that. "Must have been a pretty bad accident. What happened?"

I fell back on the usual lie. "I don't really remember." By that time, I had eaten half of one sandwich, had another one made, and was working on a third. Miki was watching the growing pile with wide eyes. "I'm really very hungry," I added in a small voice.

She laughed a little, shaking her head in amazement, then waved at a door further back in the small cabin. "There's a bath in there, if you want one. Akira-kun said they'd be back later tonight." She began to settle back with her book, a high school text.

"Akira's your boyfriend?"

"Of course," she said, as if surprised I should even ask. I thought about it for a moment, then realized she hasn't even referred to Ryo, and shrugged. I carried the stack of sandwiches into the bathroom with me.

Oh, thank you, Lord, they have a shower! One of the things I missed most from being on the road so much was a complete wash everyday, and the occasional times when I did stay at an inn, they had baths. It had been ages since I had had an actual shower.

I stayed in for about an hour. It felt so glorious to be clean, especially my hair. I ferociously towel-dried my mane and combed it out until it flew around my face with static.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I peeked through the other doorway into the bedroom. I was impressed at its size; it was about as big as the outer room and the kitchenette combined. A Western-style cabin this size meant some money, especially since this was obviously a vacation home.

A clean shirt and a pair of slippers had appeared just inside the door. I pulled them on, picked up the last sandwich, (which had gone rather soggy from the steam), and padded back out into the main room.

It smelled wonderfully of roasting meat. Akira and Miki were sitting and eating on the couch, which had apparently been folded out into the bed that I had woken up in. Ryo was being rather obvious about being in the kitchenette away from them. He shoved a plate at me. "Rabbit."

Meat! Not sandwiches, not ramen, meat! I leaned over his shoulder and peered into the pots eagerly. "How did you get them?"

He pointed wordlessly over to the sawed-off shotgun propped up against the wall by the door, and started filling my plate with rice mixed with chunks of meat. For lack of a more convenient place to sit, I hopped up onto the counter and began attacking the food. "When will I stop being so hungry?" I wailed between mouthfuls.

Ryo smiled slightly, but it didn't meet his eyes. "When you've finished healing."

"How are you feeling?" Akira asked anxiously. I noticed he was putting away an enormous amount of food too, and I wondered if he had been in a fight lately as well, or if he just needed more food to keep up such a large amount of strength and power.

I swallowed my mouthful. "Stiff." I slowly stretched my leg out straight and wiggled my toes. "It doesn't hurt, but it doesn't really want to work, either."

"You'll need to keep exercising it. Start going for walks tomorrow." Ryo finished his own dinner and slid his plate into the sink. Miki started to say something, and he deliberately turned away from her to Akira. "Why don't you and your girlfriend go off someplace? After all, you're the one who wanted her up here, and I want to talk to Risa for a while."

Miki looked at me with respect, "You've impressed him," she said sarcastically. "I've never seen Asuka Ryo interested in anyone other than himself."

Ryo's jaws clenched, and he started to turn angrily to her, but Akira deftly stepped between them. He draped his arm around Miki's shoulders and guided her into the other room smoothly enough that I assumed this happened often.

Ryo continued to glower toward the door after it had closed behind them. Feeling uncomfortable, I slipped off the counter and began collecting the other plates. I stacked them in the sink and had just started to wash them, when a hand came over my shoulder and slammed the faucet off.

"Never mind that." He steered me over to sit on the couch, then pulled a chair over and draped himself over it.

I gestured toward the closed door. "You don't like her very much, do you?" His eyebrows raised, and I shrugged. "I was never known for being very tactful."

He flicked his fingers dismissively. "Neither am I. She's a distraction, but Akira can't see that." He regarded me for a long moment, until I nervously toed the slippers off and tucked my feet up underneath me.

"Tell me how it happened," he finally prompted. "The gattai."

"I don't remember," I recited.

He gave me a skeptical look. "You're lying," he said evenly. "You don't forget something like that."

"And you've been through it?" I challenged, angry at him for being right. "I don't want to talk about it."

He sighed angrily, the breath whistling through his teeth, eyes sparking with impatience. I wasn't easily intimidated by a glare, so I glared back. He snorted and threw his hands up in the air. "All right, we'll start somewhere else. What's the demon's name? Do you know that?"

"No," I said uncertainly. I always tried to ignore that other-voice. "Sometimes, I think I do, in dreams, but not when I'm awake." He brooded, and I mimicked his skeptical look of a few minutes ago. "Do you think you know everything about demons?"

"My father researched the subject," he explained tightly. "Plus, I've been collecting information on my own for a while now."

"I was teasing."

He blinked. "Oh. Well... don't. This is important."

I got the impression that he usually was able to intimidate whatever he wanted out of people, and I was amused when he was uneasy when it didn't work with me. Toying with people had never been very appealing, but I had grown to like it more than a bit since the fusion. And truth to tell, he bothered me. He knew much more about this than I did, and I envied his confidence.

Plus, I knew that he was hiding things in multi-layers behind his cool exterior, and I was quite sure that I didn't want to know what was at the core of it. And I was afraid I couldn't find out what I needed to know without learning what I definitely did not want to.

"You dream often?" he asked. "Nightmares?"

My stomach clenched and the temperature of the room plummeted. "Yeah," I said softly, fighting to keep the fear away. Breathing was hard. "Two, three times a week."

"Do they seem familiar? Like memories?"

My mouth had gone dry. I jerked my head in a nod and pulled my knees up to my chest, burying my face against them.

"What about?" he pressed.

"I don't want to talk about them!" I shrilled. My fists were clenched, and I was shaking hard. For a second, the cabin was gone, and I was falling deep into the memories that weren't mine. I felt my hair start to swirl into the mane, claws growing...

Fingers bit deep into my shoulders, and Ryo shook me sharply once, snapping my head back to look straight up at him. I gasped in air that was knife-sharp cold, then the cabin slowly faded back in from the mist.

"Are you back?" he asked.

I nodded, pulling away from him, then shuddered and buried my face back against my knees. He let go and left to go rummage around the kitchenette. A few minutes later, I began to smell tea brewing. He came up to me and pressed a warm mug against my arm. I took the tea and sipped it slowly, grimacing a bit at the strength.

The chair squeaked a little as he sat down, but he didn't say anything until I had finished the tea and looked up to glare at him, daring him to be scornful.

Instead, he was tapping a finger thoughtfully against the arm of the chair. After a long silence, he pulled away from his thoughts and met my gaze again. "I think your strong will is the only thing saving you. At least, it must be strong because I have never heard of anyone surviving a gattai without first being aware of it happening and knowing how to win control over it. You battled wills with the demon and won, but you don't really have control. Probably the only times you've even changed forms are when you are being attacked, and you change back only when you've exhausted your energy, right? You probably fight shifting each time you're scared or angry, too?"

"Too stubborn for my own damn good," I muttered shakily. "You're a pretty good psychiatrist, Asuka-sensei."

He ignored that. "Unless you gain that control, the gattai will kill you. I'm really not sure how you've managed to survive it this far, without any help."

I matched his gaze evenly, and he snatched my cup away and went to put it in the sink. "I don't have the time to coach you." He turned on the water and began swiping a cloth at a plate.

"Because you're too busy coaching Akira?" I wandered over and found a towel. When he finished rinsing the plate, I took it from him and dried it.

"Exactly. You are not strong enough to be much of a help, and I can't afford to have my attention divided." He handed me the next plate. "On the other hand, Akira is so delighted to find someone else in a gattai who's not busy trying to kill him, that he'd be angry at me if I sent you away, and I can't afford that, either. Nor can I afford having you around and out of control." He stopped scrubbing for a moment and thought, then snarled and took some of his frustration out on the plate. I quietly mopped up the widening puddles he was creating. He slowed his attack on the plate, but when I reached out to ease it away from him, he caught my arm, forcing me to look at him. "It would be easier if you just left on your own."

"And if I don't, would you kill me?" I taunted, easing up on my tenuous control enough to send my hair swirling. I didn't have much to lose in angering him, and I had flirted with death too often to fear it.

He let me go with a shove and picked up the last plate. "I've killed stronger demons than you. I think I could easily convince Akira that you had been planning to kill him the first chance you got."

"Tell me how to get rid of this gattai, and I'm out of here."

He snorted in disgust, and I lost my patience. I was stronger than him, so wrenching him around and shoving him up against the counter was easy. "Dammit, I didn't want this," I hissed. My hair swirled faster. "You may have convinced Akira that this was what he wanted, but I had no such choice. Tell me how I can get rid of this, or I'll rip your arm off."

He didn't flinch. Death didn't scare me, but Asuka Ryo was beginning to. He stood very still and very carefully did not move. "I don't know of a way that won't kill you in the process."

"That's not good enough." I tightened my grip. The skin of his arm under my fingers went white. My claws began to grow, pressing deeper into his skin.

He turned paler, but if anything, his voice only grew quieter. "The reason why demons can take over humans is because the humans don't realize what is happening to them. Even if they did, it takes a very large amount of strength and a pure heart to win." His eyes didn't leave mine. Or maybe it was mine not leaving his. "Akira won because he knew what was going to happen. He was aware, and he allowed it to happen. And he is strong enough to keep control. You lose your control, you lose the gattai, and the demon will take over and kill you in doing so. It wants to live, too."

I let him go. He stepped to one side, away from me, gently massaging his arm. The marks of my fingers were already darkening into bruises, and I realized that I had hurt him without even caring. I stared at him for a long moment, then slid numbly to the floor. "There's no way to get rid of it?" My voice shook.

"Not unless you want the demon to kill you. Or I could take you outside and do it myself. It would probably be quicker and a lot less painful."

"Are you always this cold-hearted?" I spat through my teeth, glaring up at him through my curtain of hair.

For a quick second, he looked very old, but it was gone so fast that it was easier to believe that it hadn't been there. He looked down at me with contempt, then turned his back on me and began to put the plates away.

"Made a decision yet?" he asked as he closed the cupboard door after the last plate. When I didn't say anything, he picked up his coat and threw it over one arm, then picked up his shotgun. He came back to stand over me for a second, then held out a hand to help me up. "Is this what you want?"

I may not be afraid of death, but that doesn't mean that I long for it. I lashed out with one foot and kicked Ryo's legs out from under him. He fell and landed hard on the wooden floor. The shotgun bounced away, skittering out of his reach. I caught his shirt and pulled him closer to me.

"What I want," I growled, "is a second opinion." I let him go. "Until then, I'll wait and see what happens."

He gathered his feet under him and leaned forward, his nose almost touching mine. I glared back.

He tapped my nose with his finger. "I think," he said pleasantly, "that you might just be strong enough to survive after all." He stood up and collected his gun and coat and put them next to the door, humming under his breath.

I sputtered for a few moments, feeling like I had been manipulated into something I had wanted all along. "Are you always so smug?" I demanded, at a loss for any other come-back. "You're worse than a damn cat."

Ryo laughed, and it sounded genuine. "Look who's talking!" He began unfolding the couch-bed again. "Get some more sleep. You've aged in the last couple of hours."

"I wonder why?" I murmured sarcastically, just loud enough to be overheard. He smirked and shook out a sheet over the bed.

"We found your pack a few days ago. Some animals had gotten to it first, and your things were scattered around, but I think we found everything but the food." At my shocked look, he stopped spreading blankets. "You've been asleep for a several days," he added softly. "We woke you a few times for food, but you might not remember."

I was feeling numb again and quickly sat down on the bed. That long? "No, I don't... wait. Maybe once. You were forcing soup down my throat."

"I don't have a very patient bedside manner."

"Are you kidding?" I spoke automatically, not really feeling connected to what I was saying. "I'll bet the reason Akira heals so fast is because he's terrified of your nursing."

He threw a pillow at me, and I caught it easily. "Go to sleep," he said gruffly and headed for the bathroom door. He stopped short halfway there.

"What is it?" I asked tensely, wondering if he had heard something outside.

He hesitated for a long moment, watching the door. "The spare fouton is in the bedroom." He turned back, and I was surprised to see him uncertain. "Have... have you heard any voices from there lately?"

"I wasn't listening." He looked disapproving, and I took a mental note at the rebuke. "Maybe you can slip in there without waking them up."

"But... what if they're not sleeping?"

I almost laughed, then I saw that he really was uncomfortable and realized that he was much younger than he acted -- just out of high school, if that. Somewhere behind the coldly smooth personality that was at home with dealing with demons and death, was a kid who did not know how to relate to Akira's relationship with Miki. And quite probably did not want to. "Do you want me to sneak in?"

"No!" He was horrified at the idea and quickly stepped between me and the door as if I might go ahead and do it anyway. "Just give me a blanket." He started toward one of the chairs.

"Baka," I said mildly. "You won't sleep at all in a wooden chair. You take the bed. I'm used to sleeping on the ground."

"I'm fine," he snapped, quickly growing annoyed with himself and the situation. "You need the sleep."

"Then we'll both take the bed. It's more than big enough for two. I'll stay on my side if you stay on yours."

He hesitated again. "I don't bite," I added in amusement. I was beginning to enjoy having control. "At least, not humans."

"That's not very comforting, coming from someone who threatened to tear my arm off a few minutes ago."

"Well, you threatened to kill me!" I cried defensively.

We glared at each other from across the bed.

I sighed suddenly in exasperation and rolled under the covers, keeping well over to one side of the bed. "Fine. Sleep uncomfortably. Make us all want to drop you off a cliff tomorrow because of your grouchiness. See if we care! I'm going to sleep."

"Oh, shut up," he snapped and stalked into the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later in pajamas and snapped the light off, still moving in quick, angry movements. He poked the fire down to glowing embers, then paced the room for a few more minutes, before finally giving up the argument with himself and coming back to the bed and laying down. He grumbled under his breath for a few more minutes, tugging the blankets a little further in his direction every so often, then rolled over away from me, taking the rest of the blankets with him.

"Oh, joy," I muttered in English and yanked them back. "I won't bite," I warned, switching back to Japanese, "but if you kick me during the night, I'll kick back."

He muttered something that I couldn't understand and probably didn't want to. I chuckled softly under my breath and went to sleep.

*

Tell me how it happened. The gattai.

I don't remember.

You're lying. You don't forget something like that.

The ground falls out from beneath me. Darkness, nothing but darkness, falling. No feeling, no sound, no smell, nothing. Can't feel myself, hear myself breathe. Screaming, over and over again, no sound. Falling. A bottom, there had to be a bottom somewhere. Is this dying? God, please let me find the bottom!

I hit the ground hard and at the same time am hit with bursts upon bursts, worse than electricity, worse then anything imaginable. Something pushing inside my brain, demanding entrance. I try to curl up in a ball. Go away! Leave me alone! It pushes harder. Suddenly, I can hear again, something pounding. My heart? I can't be dead, then. I grab onto that sound, focusing all my energy on that pulse. The thing trying to get inside seems to hesitate, and I grab it, to destroy it while I have a chance. Instead, it welcomes the embrace and spreads inside me, accepting the confines I allow it, and I suddenly feel more alive, stronger, more powerful than I've ever felt in my life. My screams of fear turn into exultant roaring.

Nothing has ever felt this good.

The blackness fades away, and I am back in a room that is suddenly smaller, filled with blood, and screams, and beings that I barely recognize, human and demon. The smell of blood is hot and maddening; I reach out and pull something living toward me. It squeals piercingly until I tear its throat out, revelling in the warm taste of its blood. I laugh and toss the body away. The room fills with screams again, human and demon, but loudest by far is my laughter as I catch something else in my claws to kill.

It has my face.

*

And I shot up, strangling and choking for air. Dream? Oh, please, God, all of it, just a dream? Something moved beside me abruptly, and I clawed to get away, scrambling back --

-- and off the bed. I landed hard on my tailbone, knocking breath and reality into me, and tears of surprise and confusion came to my eyes.

A dream? My tongue felt the sharpness of fangs, and the other-voice was whispering something silvery far back in my mind.

And I was shaking, drenched with sweat. The palms of my hands stung, and I knew they'd be bleeding from where my nails dug in and tore the skin apart. Just as I knew the scars would be gone by morning.

I don't think I screamed. Not out loud, anyway. I gasped for breath.

A blond, tousled head appeared over the edge of the bed above me. False-dawn flashed off ice-colored eyes and a knife blade.

His eyes were awake, but his voice wasn't quite working yet. "Whazza ma'r?"

I shook my head frantically. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

Ryo gazed at me for a long moment, as if undecided whether or not to kill me anyway for waking him. Then he dropped the knife to the floor, and his head fell to rest on his arms. "Mmmrph."

Embarrassed, I crawled the couple of feet to the fireplace and added pieces of wood and poked at the embers until the fire built up again and was crackling comfortably.

"Dreams?"

I didn't answer, and Ryo rolled over and was quiet for a moment, as if hoping that he would fall asleep before he could decide whether or not to get up. Then he sighed and lunged up out of the bed, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders as he made his way across to the kitchen.

The smell of tea wafted by, and soon he had come back with two steaming mugs. I took the one he handed out to me and automatically began sipping. He sat down next to me, grumbling softly, then noticed I was still shivering. He clawed out towards the bed until he caught the corner of another blanket and pulled it towards him. He shoved it at me, ignoring my protests. "You're cold and damp, sitting next to a warm fire, and the last thing I need if for you to get sick. And probably give it to me."

"Do demons get sick?"

He didn't answer, and I wondered if it was because the question was too stupid to merit an answer or because he didn't know. Instead, he rubbed ferociously at his eyes. "It's bad enough," he lectured to the fire, "that Akira calls me in the middle of the night, two or three times a week about nightmares, and now I get this."

I quietly drank my tea, trying to will myself invisible.

Ryo bundled himself deeper inside the blanket. "It's late, it's cold, and I want very much to go back to sleep, so this will be short. You're seeing the demon's memories. It's to be expected from the gattai. You're catching up on a second life. The sooner you accept it, the easier it will be."

I set my mug down on the hearth much harder than I had intended, and it shattered, embedding slivers in my hand. "I don't want to accept it. Haven't you heard anything I've been telling you?"

He carefully placed his mug next to the fragments of mine; an obvious comparison between control and lack of. "Then you'll have nightmares. If you accept the gattai, you'll still live the memories. You can't avoid that. It's part of the blend. But they won't seem like nightmares any longer. They'll just be memories, like any normal dreams."

I refused to say anything. Instead, I turned my hand to the firelight and concentrated on picking a piece of the mug out of it.

He shrugged. "Your choice." He crawled back into the bed.

I stayed where I was.

There was a moment of silence, then a sigh. "Risa, come back to bed."

"Not tired."

"Are you still hungry? Then you need the sleep."

"Do you always manage to be right about everything?"

"Of course."

I threw my pillow at him. He took it and added it on top of his own.

"Hey!" I bounced back on the bed. "Give it back!"

"You gave it up. You sleep without it."

"But... but... but..." I sputtered for a few moments. "Aw... come on. Give it back." I inched closer and poked at the lump of blankets. "Are you ticklish...?"

""No." His voice was cold steel, quiet and deadly, and I rocked back on my heels so fast that I almost fell off the bed again. I watched him for a long silent moment, then very quietly slid under the covers and watched the flames dance in the fireplace until I fell asleep.

*

Habit made me wake up with the sun, but I stretched lazily with the luxury of rolling over and going back to sleep. Sleeping in was also something I had grown to miss. It was more comfortable to walk in the early morning before the sun and humidity grew intense. Lazy weekend mornings, breakfast in bed in front of a television, long showers, sneakers instead of heavy hiking boots, a solid roof over my head when it rained -- things like that I missed.

So burying myself back under the blankets was a luxury I hadn't hoped for in months. With any more encouragement, I'd be purring.

The bedroom door clicked open, and there was the sound of whispering voices and tiptoes making their way for the kitchenette. Ryo groaned softly and sandwiched his head between the two pillows.

There was a giggle that had to come from Miki. "Quiet, or you'll wake them," Akira's deeper voice warned.

"But look!" she said in delight. "They're in the same bed!"

The lump of blankets that was Ryo abruptly stopped trying to bury himself further from the sunlight. "Oh, no..." he groaned.

"So?" Akira asked, then I could hear the lightbulb go on over his head. "Ohhh!" He started chuckling.

Ryo sat bolt upright. "Wait a minute," he protested, but Miki had already bounced over to perch at the foot of my side of the bed. "We thought we heard voices late through the night," she teased. "Some strange noises, too. But I certainly didn't think there was anyone who could win Asuka-san's attentions!"

Ryo glowered at her coldly. "It's not what you think." I smirked at the cliche, but choked it off when he turned the glare on me.

Miki pouted at him in mock disappointment and poked at the blankets. "Aww, does hat mean you're wearing clothes under that?"

Ryo lunged out of the bed and towered over her. She pouted again mischievously when she saw his pajamas, and Akira quickly dodged between them. "What about breakfast, Miki-chan?" He began steering Miki toward the kitchenette, just as Ryo slammed the bathroom door behind him. He was in only long enough to change clothes, then stormed out to pick up his coat and gun and leave, slamming that door too.

While Akira and Miki were staring at the still-vibrating door, (Miki in amusement and Akira in concern), I snagged clothes from my pack and disappeared for another long shower. When I finally came out, Akira brought out a folding table and began to set it up while Miki started to bring out dishes. I realized that they had waited breakfast for me, and I started to lavish apologies, but Miki waved them off until I promised to wash the dishes afterwards. She kept up a lively stream of chatter through breakfast, asking questions that had me nervous until I realized that she was more interested in my life back in the States than she was in my life here in Japan. I relaxed then, and told her about my high school, my best friend who had started me learning Japanese when we were kids and encouraged me to continue throughout high school, my family, what I did on weekends, and on and on until I began to wonder if she ever did stop talking.

Then she did pause and abruptly leaned forward, lacing her fingers together and resting her chin on them. Her eyes danced impishly. "So you really like Asuka-san?"

Akira coughed and looked rather like he wished he could disappear. I sputtered for a few seconds, trying to think of words that would dissuade her of the notion, but she took that for embarrassment and clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, I'm so glad! It's just what he needs! I never see him with anyone but Akira, and I never see him smile. He's such a..." She hesitated for a moment, searching for the right description.

"Iceberg?" I supplied weakly.

"Exactly." She beamed slyly. "But I'll bet you can warm him up!"

Fair skin usually comes with red hair, and blushes come easily to fair skin. And of course, the minute someone notices I'm blushing, I blush even more fiercely. I started snagging dishes and made a run for the sink.

Akira came to my rescue. "Miki, didn't you say you had some studying to do today?"

She made a face and stuck her tongue out at him. "He's right, though. Just because there's a vacation doesn't mean they let up on the homework." She made shooing motions. "Go on, get out of here for a while, so I can concentrate." She grinned at me wickedly. "And I don't even have to worry about you trying to seduce my boyfriend!"

I groaned under my breath and went to dig my sneakers out of my pack. One of my boots had gotten munched by that demon, and I had no idea where the other one had disappeared to. The lighter footwear felt strange after the weight of the boots, and I felt as if the gloom I had been wandering in had been lightened, too. I was in a mess of a situation, but soap opera-type messes were much less cumbersome than demonic messes. More normal.

Once outside, Akira started to apologize for Miki's teasing, but I waved it off. "After all, Ryo does rather ask for it."

"Ryo doesn't have much of a sense of humor," he agreed. "But Miki does push a bit too far, sometimes." He smiled fondly.

"Does she know about...?" and I made a ferocious face, curling my fingers into claws.

He laughed, as if in spite of himself. "No. She doesn't know anything about it. She just thinks that I've finally become more assertive." At my raised eyebrows, he explained, "She used to have to save me from bullies."

"Mmm. Glad I asked. It would have made things rather difficult if I had asked her how she handles a demon for a boyfriend."

He looked a little panicked at the thought, and I laughed. He smiled, ducking his head a little self-consciously, glancing over his shoulder. There was a large tangle of trees between us and the cabin by then, and he grinned at me a little more wildly, fangs showing. "Let's stretch our wings a bit, shall we?"

I grinned back and stretched catlike, each muscle singing. This was so different. I was with someone else who was in the same unbelievable situation I was in, and he was comfortable with it. I didn't have to hide, and it felt good for the first time. Akira was already pulling off his shirt, then stopped when he realized I was about to do the same. He blushed lobster-red. "Eh... ano... eto... I think I'll... be right over... there." He pointed a ways further down the path, very carefully not looking at me. "Yes. I'll be... down there. Right." He fled.

I finished undressing, neatly folding my clothes into a nice little pile. I stretched again, shifting forms as I did, noticing that the stiffness in my leg and wing was almost gone. When the rustling in the trees where Akira had disappeared became significantly louder, I scooped up my clothes and went off to find him. Further down the path, I hesitated, suddenly very nervous and self-conscious. To have someone else see me in this form was acknowledging that the change was real and not some hallucination of my own. I suddenly wanted to change back to the protective camouflage of my human body, or to run back to my isolation.

Before I could decide, he came around the bend, carrying his own bundle of clothes. He looked very pleased with himself, not noticing that I was on the verge of bolting. "The red pelt suits you."

I smoothed the fur on my arm nervously. "I've wondered if the demon was originally red, or if my hair was an influence." My tail was swishing, and I felt like I was blushing. Awkwardly, I held out my clothes. "What should we do with these?"

"Miki coming along and finding our clothes without us in them would not be good," he agreed. He placed him up in a tree about eye-level to him, but far above Miki's head, and stowed mine there as well. "Is your wing strong enough for flight?"

I unfurled them and carefully moved the one that had been broken. "It feels all right." I craned my neck to look up at him shyly. I wasn't much taller in this form than in my human, but he was at least a couple of heads taller than me. "What do I call you? Are you still Akira, or are you Amon, now."

"Neither, really," he said. "I'm Devilman. And you?"

"Risa," I said firmly.

He folded his arms and regarded me thoughtfully. "It's easier if you accept the gattai."

"That's what Ryo said," I muttered resentfully. My tail swished again, but indignantly this time.

"Because he knows. And besides," and he grinned widely, all of his teeth showing. "It's fun." And he leapt up, his wings unfolding and scooping at the air. Natural instinct was to chase, and I did. I had never flown at my full speed, but I never passed up a challenge. What surprised me was that I was not only keeping up, but I was starting to pull forward.

Then he suddenly swept his wings forward, breaking and using the momentum to slingshoot in the other direction. I somersaulted down and under in midair and pulled even with him again. He dove down, hovered next to a tree, then ripped it up and tossed it to me. I caught it, wings straining back to counterbalance for its weight, and heaved it back to him. Realizing it was too heavy for me, he knocked it aside with his forearm and found a smaller one. We relayed it back and forth for a while, then improvised a few other games, until he noticed that I was starting to lag behind. He waited until I caught up again. "Why didn't you say your wing was bothering you?" he asked sternly.

I hovered in front of him, sheepishly.

"You're not going to do yourself any good if it gives out and you fall. There's a lake up over that rise. We'll rest there."

"I'll rest, you mean. You're not even winded," I snorted, breathing heavily, feeling like a housecat looking up at a tiger.

"I'm stronger. More endurance."

"Boastful, too."

His fangs flashed at me again. "You're faster, though. Ready?"

I nodded, and he whirled on his tail and shot away. He pulled in over the lake and landed on a large rock outcropping jutting over the water, his wings folding back into his shoulders. I hovered gently over the surface of the water, carefully flicking my wings into my back, before I let myself plummet into the water. I sank until I touched the lake bottom, then sprang back up again, shaking water and mane away from my eyes. I dove a few more times, playing happily, then swam over to the outcropping.

Devilman was watching with amusement. "I thought cats didn't like water."

"But I'm human, and this human does." I splashed him playfully, and he quickly backed out of range. "Why is it that girls have this fascination with water?" he asked, scowling distastefully.

"It's not the water. It's the clean." I glided up onto the rock, seal-like. I spent a few minutes using the edge of my hand to sheet the excess water from my pelt, then stretched out contentedly in the sun. I could now sun all year round if I wanted; the cold in the air didn't affect me.

"See, it's not all that bad, is it?" he asked, just as I was beginning to doze off.

"What isn't?" I murmured sleepily.

"The demon gattai."

I woke up, my contentment shattered. I rolled over to rest my weight on my elbows. "Is that what this was all about? To show me how much fun this is?"

He frowned. "Actually, it was the exercise Ryo told you to get. But, yes, I thought you probably had only seen the worst side of this. How did you feel when you were flying?"

Reluctantly, I relieved the wind whistling my mane back, the powered spurts with each wingbeat, the scorn toward anything landbound. It was, beyond any sliver of doubt, the greatest, most incredible, most addictive thing ever.

I slowly sat up, crossing my legs beneath me. "When I came back to myself, that first time..." I began clawing absently at the rock, scratching fragments off. I was fighting to not remember, to not force myself to voice the memories, and at the same time, fighting to make him understand. "I came back aware, and all around me were pieces of what had been my friends." I looked up at him, and his expression was still passive. In frustration, I slammed my fists down on the rock, and it creaked ominously in protest. "Don't you see? I don't know if I was the one who killed them or not. How do I know that I won't go on a killing spree the next time I change?"

"You were blindly scared," he pointed out. "Have you ever lost that much control again?"

I went back to picking at the rock. "No..."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I think you are too much human. You worry too much about what you won't let happen. Demons don't."

I shook my head in disgust and started to stand, but he caught my wrist, making me sit down again. "The same thing happened to me the first time. I thought I had killed Ryo without realizing it. I had dropped a demon on him. Since then, I've concentrated only on killing demons, and not on what might or might not happen."

"And did it work?" I challenged.

He shrugged. "I haven't dropped anything on Ryo since. There are humans who die during the fights, but there would be a lot more people dying if I wasn't fighting."

It made sense, but I just didn't feel comfortable with it. I leaned over the edge of the rock and stared into the rippling water, trying to sort emotions and instinct. "How bad do you think this invasion is going to get?"

He thought for a moment. "Bad," he finally said. "And there's a lot more of them."

"So you think it's worth everything you gave up?"

"I think so."

"And everything you might lose?"

"I'd go mad if I always thought of that," he answered. "It's easier to go by the demon instinct instead of the human worry."

A long shape glimmered down in the water, and my hand shot down and flipped the fish up on the rock next to me. "Dinner," I said in explanation and settled down to watch for more. "I'm not convinced," I finally said after another long silence. "But, as Ryo was quite blunt about pointing out, I'm not going to be much help anyway, so you don't have to try too hard to convince me."

"Sooner or later, you'll run up against something stronger than you," he conceded. "So will I, for that matter. I nearly lost the last big fight. The only reason I'm still alive is because she died before she could strike a last blow. But I'm not going to sit and hide in fear of that happening again. There are too many demons that I could be hunting down instead, like the ones that are killing children caught out after dark. Like the ones who think that humans are gourmet dinners, all nicely packaged up to go. This was why I accepted the gattai in the first place, to prevent these deaths. And I think Ryo's wrong about you not being helpful. He probably doesn't want you out fighting because he's worried you'll get hurt. Once you're more healed, I intend to get you to spar with me. That's one thing Ryo can't help with. I've done well enough in discovering Amon's powers so far, but I'd rather have the lesson instead of going directly to the exams. That's why we come out here every so often, where there's enough space to practice."

I truthfully didn't think Ryo cared much one way or another about me getting hurt. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he hoped I'd get munched, taking away a thorn in his side. But I let myself be distracted by another fish.

We didn't say much more until I reluctantly decided that I had enough fish to feed the four of us. "Can we come back again?"

He looked surprised. "Of course. I'll show you how to get here, so you can come on your own, too."

"But it'll be all iced over soon, " I said in disappointment. "I won't be able to swim."

He looked at me oddly. "Risa, you can always break the ice."

"But it will be too thick... Oh." I was sure I was blushing under the fur. "That's right. I forgot."

"I think you can break the ice with Ryo, too."

I caught my tail in embarrassment, and he ruffled my fur rather affectionately. "I'll race you back."

*

Ryo didn't come back until very late that night. Miki and Akira had already disappeared into the bedroom, disappointed, I believe, at not seeing more of the two of us together. I had spent most of the evening going through what was left in my pack and washing clothes. It was something that always needed doing and rarely got done until I was on the Emergency Last Set of Underwear. I hadn't gotten that desperate this time, but I wanted to take advantage of the roof over my head and fireplace to dry the wet clothes by. I had turned off all the lights and was working by the firelight. One thing I had noticed; my night vision was much more acute than my day vision, and bright lights tended to hurt my eyes more. I had never been good at keeping track of sunglasses, and now that I needed them, I was forever losing and replacing them. I was much more comfortable by the firelight, and my clothes hanging around on every hangablesurface made wavy little shadows throughout the cabin.

I had dumped the rest of the pack's contents into a pile on the floor in front of me and was working on reinforcing the worn spots of the pack with duct tape. There is little in the world that can't be fixed with duct tape, and a good deal of my camp items also had a few layers of the grey sticky stuff. Eventually, I had to get a new pack, preferably before mine was completely grey-covered, but I simply couldn't afford that much. Food was one thing; the first thing I had done after leaving the hospital was to empty my bank account before someone thought to freeze it, so I had enough to last me for a while. After that... well, I wasn't too sure what I was going to do, but I suppose there was always someone on the farms I passed who needed odd jobs done. But there simply wasn't enough now for a new pack, so I kept patching the old and hoping it would hold together for a while longer.

I was still working on that when Ryo came in. In fact, I was trying to patch a spot on the very bottom inside the pack and had half crawled inside to reach it, fighting the metal frame. It took me a few seconds to claw my way out, spitting out curses in both languages as the tape stuck to my fingers and the pack turned inside-out in an effort to follow me. I finally got loose, got the pack under control, and sat back on my heels, blowing tangles of hair out of my eyes impatiently.

Ryo was watching me, one eyebrow raised, obviously enjoying the show. "Think you've beaten it into submission?"

"You never know about these backpacks," I answered with mock seriousness. "They tend to turn on you if you don't watch it. Adding duct tape is only an invitation for open mutiny and rebellion." I pulled the pack back to me and glared inside it. "And I still haven't gotten that patch right." I fished the pair of scissors out of my sewing kit and set about trimming the now-twisted and useless piece of duct tape away. "Where've you been all day?" I asked, my voice muffled by the nylon of the pack.

"Miss me?" He set down the bag that he had been carrying and began to take off his boots.

I pulled my head back out of the pack, gave him a skeptical look, then ducked back in the pack. "Actually, I cooked dinner and was a touch proud of the result."

"Any left?"

"No. When you didn't show up, we ate your share, too."

"Oh." He sounded miffed.

I set the roll of tape aside and began poking experimentally at the patch to see if it would hold. "It was pan-fried fish. It wouldn't have rewarmed well."

"I've eaten, anyway." He began to empty the bag, storing cartons of food in cupboards and the refrigerator. "I hiked down to the car and drove into the nearest town. I figured with Miki here, Akira would want time with her, and that's difficult with me around and our tendency to argue. Besides, we've been up here just over a week, and I wanted newspapers. We can't get radio or television reception well, so I tend to feel stranded when we've been here too long."

"City kid?" I decided to leave that patch alone and started to work on another one.

"Actually, no, but I like to keep track of the news." He threw the bag at me, and I automatically dropped the pack to catch it. It was heavier than I thought it would be, and I cocked my head at him curiously. "New boots," he said. "Knew you'd need them."

I was already pulling them out and trying them on. "How did you know what size to get?"

"I know everything. Hasn't Akira told you that yet?" I looked at him in alarm, and he laughed softly. "Actually, we found one of your boots. I took it down with me and found a pair that matched." I feigned disappointment, and he laughed again, a little louder.

"Well, at least you're in a better mood," I commented, lacing the boots. I stood and walked around the room.

"I don't like being picked on, and I only tolerate Miki because of Akira," he said shortly, then bent to check where my toes were in the boots. "Do they fit all right?"

"Perfectly." I bounced around on my toes. "Excellent support, too." Then I hesitated and began sorting through the pile of junk for my wallet. "How much do I owe you?" I was hoping I'd have enough.

"I have money. Don't worry about it."

My pride kicked in, and I began to protest, but he cut me off. "Did you think I was going to carry you down off this mountain?"

"I have sneakers," I said weakly, sitting to take the boots off. They were much better quality than I ever could afford to buy, and I was feeling very guilty.

"And it's snowing out. Your sneakers would have done a lot of good soaking wet."

"Snowing?" I squealed and ran outside. The world had a powdering of white all over it, and it was difficult to distinguish stars from snowflakes. I reached out off the porch and caught some in the palm of my hand, felt more melting in my hair.

Ryo wrapped his coat around his shoulders again and came outside, shutting the door firmly behind him against the cold. "It started on my way back. We'll have six or seven inches by morning."

"It's beautiful," I breathed, still leaning out into it, but I was also dismayed. "Will we be snowed in?"

"No. It's just an early snowfall. It will get warm again in a few days, and we can hike out then. It won't get really bad for a couple of weeks yet."

I had no idea what I was going to do then, once it started snowing and icing too much to walk. I had been deliberately not thinking about this, pushing it out of my mind whenever it wandered in. Now I had to think of something, not in a few weeks, but in a few days. Maybe I could work at one of the farms or in a town during the winter, but that meant staying in one place for a long time.

"Beautiful, yes," Ryo said suddenly, breaking into my thoughts, "but cold, and I've been out in it enough today. It may not bother you and Akira," and he glanced at my bare legs under my night shirt, "but I don't like cold. I'm going in."

"I'm coming," I said softly. I caught the door he held open for me and went back to mending my pack. He disappeared into the bathroom and came out again with a towel. He leaned up against the wall, drying his hair, until I realized there wasn't any place to sit that wasn't covered by my clothes. I dashed around quickly, snatching up what was dry and moving what wasn't closer to the fire to clear one of the chairs. "How long ago did they go to sleep?" he asked as he sat down.

"A couple of hours. I didn't think I could sleep yet, considering how much I've slept lately, so I thought I'd get this stuff done." I glared at the pack, daring it to fall apart, and started repacking.

"I don't suppose you thought to bring the fouton out first?"

Annoyed, I tossed my cup up in the air and let it fall in my lap. "Never thought of it." He looked displeased, and I got defensive. "Why didn't you get it out this morning, if you knew you were going to be out late? Don't blame it on me!"

"I didn't know I'd get back this late, and I forgot this morning," he shot back, his good temper disappearing. "Have you joined Miki in playing matchmaker?"

"Not bloody likely," I snarled, my Japanese deserting me, but I was sure he'd get the meaning. He probably spoke English better than I did, anyway. I switched back to Japanese in any case. "I certainly don't need to add you to my list of troubles. I've got enough as it is."

"And I don't need your distraction!" He sank a little lower in his chair and brooded. "I also don't need the matchmaking. I was sure Miki would send you after me this morning."

"I was a little surprised when neither of them suggested it." I put the last of my things in the pack and left it open to add the rest of the clothes when they dried.

Ryo looked startled. "Them? You mean Akira is in on this as well?"

"He seems to be just as pleased with the idea."

"Why?"

"How the hell should I know?" I asked tiredly, getting thoroughly sick of the whole subject. "Maybe he just expects it. He wants me to stick around, you and I are both uninvolved, we're all tied up in this demon mess. Maybe us as a couple is the end of the equation to him."

"Are you staying?" His expression had closed off, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I shrugged. "I don't know. I still don't like any of this. Plus there's more mundane things to think about, like a place to stay, food to eat, things like that."

"There is that," he agreed, looking relieved. "I doubt the Makimuras would take in another foundling. I'm tired. I'm going to bed." He picked up his pajamas and went into the bathroom to change, then came out and unfolded the bed. I very stubbornly stayed where I was and didn't help him with the blankets and sheets. He was the one making a big fuss out of all this; he could cope with it on his own.

"Try not to dream and wake me up again," he said as he laid down., "I nearly killed you last night before I remembered you were supposed to be there."

"Try not to steal the blankets again," I answered back sweetly, crawling onto my side. "I might forget and use my claws to pull them back, before I remember you're supposed to be there."

He grunted and didn't say anything more.

*

As it was, I couldn't sleep and ended up staring at the patterns the snowflakes made through the moonlight coming through one of the windows. Insomnia had been a natural response to the nightmares. Normally I made myself stay awake until it was utterly impossible, something going for days with very little sleep. I suppose that was as much responsible for my quick temper as the gattai. The nightmares together with so many days' worth of sleep was bound to keep me awake most of the night. I finally managed to get a book out of my pack without waking Ryo and read. When the fire died down, I added another piece of wood and kept reading.

Nightmares seemed to run rampant through our group. Ryo kept tossing and turning, cringing in the throes of whatever was haunting him. I kept thinking he would come to his own rescue and wake up, but it grew worse, until I put my book aside and rolled over to rub his shoulder gently, hoping either to wake him or ease him into a better dream.

He shot bolt upright just before I touched him. "No!" he gasped out. "Akira!!"

I caught his hand as it flailed past my face, and it was like ice. "Ryo! It was just a dream."

He looked at me wildly. "No, I killed him, I... I..." He caught his breath. "A dream?" he asked, almost voiceless.

I touched his face gently. "A dream, Ryo. Akira is fine. He's sleeping in the other room."

He pulled away from me and stumbled across the room. I followed him quickly as he ran into the bathroom and threw open the bedroom door.

Akira was sound asleep, one arm curled protectively around Miki. I slipped an arm around Ryo's waist, reaching past him to ease his hand off the doorknob. "You see," I whispered. "He's right there. He's all right. Come on, before we wake him."

Ryo let me shut the door and lead him back to the bed. His eyes were still wide and haunted, and he was shaking hard. I wrapped him in all the blankets, then went and poked up the fire until it was burning hard enough to banish most of the shadows from the room and to bring a sheen of sweat to my face. I crawled back up on the bed. Ryo was staring blankly at nothing, huddled up tightly against the arm of the couch.

"Have you dreamt this before?" I knew how reoccuring nightmares would eat away at me, and Ryo's reaction went beyond a common-type bad dream.

His head moved in the barest of nods. "Yes," he said hoarsely. "A couple of times. Never so vividly, though. It gets more and more real."

At a complete loss of what to do and wary of his temper, I reached out and pulled him into my arms, stroking his hair and humming tunelessly. It was what I had always wanted somebody to do for me after my nightmares. Ryo automatically began to resist, then gave up tiredly and rested his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes sleepily. "Poor Ryo," I murmured into his hair as his breathing gradually became deeper and more regular. "You spend all your energy being strong for Akira, but who's being strong for you?" I lightly kissed his neck, just below his jaw.

He flared awake, eyes blazing into mine. "Don't," he said sharply. He took my hands from his shoulders and placed them in my lap. "Don't," he repeated and turned away from me, laying back down and huddling in a tight ball of blankets, angry and alone.

*

"Ryo?" I nudged him gently, then said his name a bit louder, gradually working up to a normal speaking level.

His eyes cracked open, and his hand went up to shield them from the bright sunlight streaming through the room. "Whaazzit?"

I dropped my armload of snow directly on his face.

He bellowed and lunged out of bed. A giggling Miki and Akira wisely scattered out of the way as I streaked out the door a second ahead of him. I had never expected a human to run so fast, even when he caught me around the waist and flung me into the snow. He pinned me down before I could get up, held open the neck of my nightshirt, and shoved a fistful of snow in. I squealed, knocked him over, and took great pleasure in washing his face with snow.

He stopped struggling and wiped the snow from his face. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not, and I suddenly began to regret this impulse. I let him sit up, and he glared at me. "I hope you realize," he began severely, "that if the mattress is wet, you're sleeping on that side tonight."

"Oh." I stood up quickly. "i hadn't thought of that."

"Why did you do it in the first place?" he inquired evenly. I still couldn't tell how angry he was.

"Because no one else was brave enough to," I answered and started back for the cabin.

His snowball caught me directly between my shoulder blades.

It was a several more minutes before we went inside.

We ate breakfast sitting in front of the fireplace, all wrapped up in towels (the snowball fight between Akira and Miki was what had pulled me out of bed in the first place). Miki was trying to comb Akira's hair and get it to lie properly, but just as she thought she had a lock tamed, it would spring out. Akira was enduring it patiently and rather sheepishly, but finally was able to snitch the comb away when she wasn't looking. She tried to wrestle it back from him, but when he fended her off easily, she flounced into the bathroom to change into dry clothes.

Ryo was sitting on the couch, slightly apart from us, but I sensed a lighter mood from him and decided that his sulk was just for show to keep up his reputation. The minute the door closed behind Miki, he was up and fishing through the pile of newspapers he had brought in yesterday until he found a certain one. He paged through it until he found the article he was looking for, folded the paper open to that spot, and tossed it to Akira. "Read this."

Akira did, his face turning darker and angrier. I went to look over his shoulder, but the kanji in the article was too intimidating. Not wanting to disturb Akira, I went to sit on the floor at Ryo's feet and tugged at his still-damp pajama leg. "What is it?"

"They're finding pieces of mutilated bodies in the city back home," he answered. "Demons, leaving calling cards. Akira!" He reached out and tapped the paper, and Akira reluctantly put it down. "I made some calls while I was out yesterday. I've got some more names." I tugged at his pajama leg again, and he sighed impatiently. "I've been having people collect names of anyone with an abrupt change of personality, who stopped coming into work without an explanation, anything like that."

"It must be difficult, coming up with a list like that." In a spurt of mischievousness, I rested my head against his leg.

"Not if you have the right amount of money," he said uneasily. He tried to shift away, but he was up against the arm of the couch and couldn't move any further. I looked up at Akira, and his eyes danced at me, before he switched his attention to Ryo.

"Time to go back to work?" he asked, the tips of his fangs showing as he grinned.

Ryo's eyes gleamed eagerly.

The thrill of this was eluding me.

Miki came back in, and Akira unobtrusively folded the newspaper and put it aside. She stopped and beamed at Ryo and me. "They make a perfect couple, don't they? Fire and ice."

Ryo make a choking noise, grabbed a pile of clothes, and fled to the bathroom. I tried very hard to keep from giggling, then sobered as I wondered what I was doing. I really didn't like Asuka Ryo, did I? Granted, he was one of those people I enjoyed watching, but he scared me. On the other hand, it was so much fun getting a rise out of him. He tried so hard to be unflippable, that sometimes I just had to flip him, just to remind him that he was human.

Then I remembered kissing him last night and quickly began to sort clothes out of my pack to stop thinking about it further.

Akira was looking mournfully at his empty plate. He sighed longingly and started for the kitchen. He stopped short a few steps from the window and backtracked to look out, frowning.

Miki was still chattering away, but I went over to stand next to him. "What is it?"

"Just a shadow... maybe," he said softly. "Something moved over by the edge of the trees. Look, there it is again!" A form flitted from the shadow of one tree to another, but I saw light reflecting off of claws. "Demon," I whispered.

Miki crowded between us. "What are you looking at?"

"Never mind," Akira said in the same soft tone. "Just get your coat on. Ryo!"

"I'll be out in a minute," Ryo called back.

"Hurry, Miki-chan." Akira pushed her towards the pile of coats next to the fireplace.

Another shape moved, then something dark shifted in the treetops. "Akira, there's more of them." I gripped the widow sill, my nails growing longer and biting deep into the wood. He noticed and covered my hands with his. "Not yet. Ryo, get out here, now!" he bellowed.

The bathroom door flew open, and Ryo dove for his shotgun, still pulling on a sweater. "How many?"

"At least three." I ran to my pack and started throwing the rest of my things in. Miki still hadn't moved, and Akira caught up her coat and bundled her in it himself. "Get them to the car and out of there, Ryo!" he ordered.

"Akira-kun!" she protested, frightened now. "Tell me what's wrong!"

"Demons," Ryo said shortly. He shrugged his own coat on and filled his pockets with shotgun shells, then pulled on his boots. He didn't stop to lace them, just pulled the laces tight and tucked them inside the boot. "Just like in the newspapers. Risa, leave that and let's get out of here."

Everything I own is in there," I began, but he caught my arm and pushed me to the door.

It burst open, the demon looming through the shattered frame. Miki screamed, and Ryo's shotgun went off twice. In the next instant, he had reloaded and fired both rounds. The demon shuddered, spurting blood and shrieking, and staggered back outside. "Get them out of here!" Akira roared and ran out.

"Akira-kun!" Miki screamed and started to dart after him, but I snagged her wrist and yanked her through the bathroom and into the bedroom. I let go of her long enough to put one fist through the glass window and use the other to break the shattered glass out of the frame. The wind plastered my damp nightshirt against me. Miki started to run back out, but Ryo was right behind me and blocked her way. I climbed through the window, feeling a piece of glass slice into my bare knee. Ryo quickly slung the gun over his shoulder, scooped Miki up, and handed her through the window to me. I heard a loud roar and crashing noises coming from out front, and both Miki and I started towards it, but Ryo vaulted out through the window and caught both of us. "Akira can take care of himself," he told Miki, but he shot a look at me as well that told me to keep out of the fight. "Come on." He gave Miki a push to start her. "The car's at the bottom of the hill."

I matched his pace stride for stride. "The car will be snowed in!"

Ryo cursed and glanced wildly over his shoulder. "Four-wheel drive. If I can get it started, it'll make it out."

Miki stumbled in the deep snow and almost fell. I ran to her and helped her to her feet. Her eyes were wide with fear, but I felt it was more for Akira. "I'll go ahead of you and break a path. Step in my footprints."

"You're barefoot," she said between gasps for breath. "Let Ryo do it."

Impressed that she was thinking rationally, I shook my head. "Trust me, I'll move faster than him." I darted off and started to zig-zag a path, trying to give them more of a foothold and to keep from falling at the same time. A demon stepped out from the trees and swiped at me with long talons. I fell backwards and landed against Miki. She let out a small shriek, falling hard, and I heard her head crack against something solid. I heard a loud roar from above and caught sight of Devilman in the air, heading toward us. A huge hand reached up from a treetop and caught his ankle, pulling him down among the trees.

Ryo's gun barked twice, and I launched myself at the demon in front of us. My wings gave me a short spurt of speed that drove my claws into its face. It backed away, shaking its muzzle, and I clawed through its gut, catching organs and pulling them out. It fell, its blood steaming from the snow. I roared victory, my blood pounding in my ears. For a brief second, that was all I could hear, and I looked around for something else to kill. My gaze settled on the two humans, one of them lying motionless on the ground. Growling, I took a step towards them, eyes glowing.

"Risa!" the human who was still standing shouted, and I hesitated a moment. The word called to something deeper inside me than the lust to kill, and I shook my head in confusion. I didn't like confusion. I took another step forward, and the human raised its gun to me. "I'm Ryo, remember? Risa, I'll shoot you if you don't stop!"

Risa.

I remembered.

"Ryo?" I asked weakly, lowering my claws. "Ryo? Oh, God, I'm sorry!"

He lowered the gun in obvious relief. "Help me get her to the car."

I started to kneel next to Miki when something hit me and sliced my back open from just under my right shoulder to my hip. The world spiraled off in a red haze, and I screamed in agony and anger. I spun around to face the other demon, but it ripped my other shoulder open to the bone, the swung up to crack my head back. Everything went silent, and I crumpled in the snow next to Miki.

I don't want to die yet. Not when I've just found someone to give me the answers. Please, God, not yet.

I could feel the energy leaking out of me as quickly as the blood flowing from my back. I tried to stand up, but I fell again, my head resting on forearms that were streaked with blood and no longer furred. Please! It's too soon! Not yet...

I wondered if God even listened to demons.

A booted foot came down on either side of me, and my hearing returned with the roar of a shotgun. I rolled over and saw Ryo's knife clipped to his belt, and I levered myself up enough to grab it. The last of all my strength went into the throw. The knife sunk deep into the demon's eye, just before Ryo's next shot ripped half of its face away. Then Devilman was there, his huge size dwarfing the demon, and he effortlessly tore its head off and crushed it between the fingers of one hand.

The rest of the world faded into the mist, and I fell back in the snow. Careful fingers touched my back, my shoulder. As usual, there wasn't much pain past the first instant, but the weakness kept growing and growing, and for once, the smell of blood made me feel sick.

"Get Miki in the car." Ryo's voice floated someplace above me.

"What about Risa?" It was Akira's voice, and not the deeper, rougher voice of Devilman.

"Just get Miki in the car."

"You're not just going to leave her?"

"It's a thought," Ryo muttered softly.

There was a split second of silence, then someone leaned over me and there was the sound of fabric being grabbed. Ryo grunted.

"She saved Miki's life," Akira said slowly and deadly clear. "We will not leave her."

There was another period of silence, then Ryo let out a long sigh. "I just said it was a thought. Get the first aid bag from the car. No, I've got her. You worry about your girlfriend. If Miki wakes up in my arms, she'll scream rape and punch me in the eye." Arms lifted me gently, cradling me. I clung closer as sound melted away to the same place my sight had gone.

*

The first thing I was aware of was of being covered with several heavy quilts. My first response was to bury myself deeper, leaving a passageway open for air. I had always loved being wrapped in lots of blankets; the surrounding warmth and heaviness was like being hugged.

The second thing I was aware of was the smell of soup and being hungry. I poked my head out from under the covers. "Ryo, don't you ever feed hurt demons anything other than soup?"

Ryo appeared with a bowl and knelt next to the fouton I was resting in. "Actually, yes. Ramen."

"Aww, Ryo..." I groaned, but quickly took the bowl and chopsticks and began stuffing noodles into my mouth. After my initial hunger had passed, I began to look around at the room I was in. "Where am I?"

He sighed wearily. "My apartment. We knew the Makimuras wouldn't take in someone else, especially someone they didn't know. We couldn't very well take you to a hospital, and that left only my place."

"Under protest, I'm sure," I teased. "I always seem to be waking up in your bed."

He frowned and took the empty bowl. "Akira was insistent on your staying. I'm still not sure it wasn't part of a larger matchmaking plot."

I turned serious. "How is Miki?"

"Oh, she's fine. A slight concussion, but she was awake and nagging by the time I drove them home. She wanted to know what the demons were, what Akira thought he was doing charging off to fight them like that, where you were, and on and on, she never stops talking." He was mimicking her cadence of speech very well. He brought another bowl, and I made a face. "If you're still hungry when you finish this bowl, I'll get you something else," he promised. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better than last time," I said with relief. "No broken bones?"

"Only a few deep flesh wounds, some shredded muscles, exposed bones, things like that. Nothing to worry about," he said nonchalantly.

"And Akira said you didn't have a sense of humor," I scoffed.

"A morbid sense, maybe," he conceded. "I want to take a look under those bandages when you're done eating."

I set the bowl aside and gave him a flirtatious look, and he glared. "Stop that. Would you rather have bled to death?" My shoulders were still too stiff to get my shirt off easily, and he moved to help. "They were almost healed when I checked last night. I just put enough bandages on for protection. You probably won't need any this time around."

"How long have I been asleep?" I couldn't tell what time of day it was.

"About a day and a half." He glanced up at the window. "I think it's mid-morning."

"You think?"

"I've been reading." He placed the unwrapped bandages on the floor next to him, and I tried not to look at them. "I picked up that list of names last night. The people who may be demons? I've been looking through them almost all night. I think we will go ahead and leave the bandages off. There's just scars, and they probably will fade in a day or two. Do they itch?"

"Now that you mention it..." I reached back to scratch one shoulder, and he slapped my hand away.

"Leave it alone, or you'll tear it open again. The itching means it's healing, but the scar tissue is still fragile." He handed me the shirt I had been wearing. "Do you need help getting that back on?"

"Aw..." I pouted again and ran a finger down his arm suggestively. He caught my hand immediately and pulled away. He spent a long moment just watching me without any expression, and I began to fidget, wishing that I could go back and stop myself before I had made the invitation. But I had made it, without really realizing I had been going to make it, and certainly without thinking forward to his reaction.

"Look," he said coldly, and I started to say something, to take it back, but he overrode me, not by the volume of his voice, but by the intensity. "Listen to me. You've been working towards this, and probably would have even without Miki's coaxing. If you gloss away from it this time, you'll only come back to it another, so it will be dealt with now. I do not love you. I do not want to fall in love with you, and I certainly have no intention to. And if you decide to carry this farther, wanting only the physical, you'd better remember that and remind yourself of that each time you touch me, because I will not change or give up anything for you. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly," I hissed back. "Damn you, Asuka." And I surprised myself even more by kissing him.

*

What am I doing?

What have I done?

And what the hell am I going to do?

I didn't want this to happen.

Did I?

I curled up in a miserable little ball, very much aware of Ryo's back against mine. He had turned away almost immediately afterwards, and I had wondered briefly if that had been deliberate, then decided that Ryo never did anything that wasn't deliberate. He was always very much aware of what he was doing.

Which was a lot more than I could say for myself.

Everything in me screamed to pack up and leave. Except that I didn't have anything to pack, or anything to pack it in if I did. I lost everything back at the cabin.

But it was more than that. The only chance I had of surviving the gattai was to learn how to control it, and the only chance I had of that was staying here, and the only ones who could teach me were Akira... and Ryo.

And I was simply too scared to leave.

I buried my face in the corner of the quilt and fiercely told myself that I was not going to cry. I hadn't cried since this whole thing began, and I certainly wasn't about to start now. Besides, it would give Ryo too much of an edge over me.

Ryo cried out in his sleep and rolled over, his arm flinging out and smacking my head. "Ice... so cold..." he moaned. "Akira..."

Nightmares. I turned over and wrapped my arms around him, stroked his face gently. His face relaxed and he sighed, drifting into an easier dream.

At least he could sleep. I pressed my face against his chest and went back to being miserable.

*

Ryo started waking up a few hours later. I could feel him tense as he realized how close I was to him, then slowly relax as he remembered. I could feel him studying me, and he finally let out a long discontented sigh.

I wondered if he really believed I was asleep.

After a quiet moment that seemed to last forever, he carefully disentangled himself from my arms and sat up. "Wake up, Risa."

I debated doing that, but instead, said something like "I don' wanna," and rolled away from him.

His lips suddenly brushed my ear. "Having regrets?" he purred mockingly.

I kept forgetting that Ryo was faster than any human I'd ever seen. He was up and across the room before my fist hit where he had been laying. I blew the hair out of my eyes and glared hatred at him as he chuckled smugly. "I figured that would get you up."

"It isn't a very healthy method," I warned in a low voice. "I really wouldn't try it again."

"This situation was your idea," he reminded me as he dressed. He rummaged around in the closet until he came up with a pair of pants and shirt and tossed them to me. "Try these on for size. We are about the same height, and you're not much in the hips department, so they should fit."

"I want a bath first." I wrapped a sheet around me and stalked for the bathroom. He stepped on the trailing edge of the sheet as I went by, and it jerked me to a stop. "When we come back," he said. "I didn't intend for us to sleep the afternoon away, and there's something I want us to do before it gets much later."

"I want a bath," I repeated, raising my voice.

"And I said later," he snapped back just as loudly, his eyes flashing.

We glared at each other.

It was becoming a familiar scenario.

I was torn between rising to his challenge, and ending this before my anger got out of control. Or his did. I wasn't sure whose tantrum would be worse. "Compromise," I said tiredly. "Feed me something first, and I'll go with you."

"There's food in the cupboard over there," he said just as wearily. "You've got five minutes, and we leave." I tugged expectantly on the sheet, and he stepped off it. "This must be why the human race is in such bad shape," he muttered. "The women are too damn stubborn."

"And I always thought it was because of the men," I shot back smoothly, poking through the cupboard.

"Four minutes."

I grabbed a packet of cookies for my pocket, pulled the clothes on, and was waiting at the door with three minutes to spare.

"Show-off," he muttered under his breath as he swept out the door, four and a half minutes later.

I did my best to look smug.

Obviously, wherever we were heading wasn't very far. Instead of going for his car, he strode down the street, ignoring the glances and stares his golden hair and my red attracted. Completely lost after several maze-like turns, I trotted a few steps behind him, munching on the cookies and enjoying the city lights against the silhouettes in the evening sky.

About half an hour later, we had turned into a less crowded area, and Ryo suddenly stopped and steered me into a small coffee shop and sat me down at one of the tables by the window. "Go ahead and order something," he said. "I'm sure you're still hungry. Just be ready to leave the minute I say."

"I'm not in the middle of a Friday the 13th movie; I'm in a bad crime drama," I muttered, but happily ordered a piece of imported coffee cake. Ryo didn't even bat an eye at the price, which made me wonder again just how wealthy his family was.

I was about two thirds of the way done with the cake, when he stood up. "Now. Let's go." He snagged the rest of my cake and popped it in his mouth. I started to protest, but his hand clamped down on my wrist, and he pulled me out of the shop and down the sidewalk.

"Do you see the man about half a block ahead of us?" he asked softly. "The one who looks like a college student?"

"Yeah." I gave him a wary look. "What about him?"

"He's a demon."

I almost stopped walking in surprise, but Ryo still had ahold of my wrist and gave it a quick yank that pulled me in step with him again. "How can you tell?" I hissed.

"His name was on the list. I came here yesterday evening and followed him home just to make sure. But when you get close enough, you'll smell demon on him."

"Demons have a smell?"

"Haven't you noticed anything?" he asked with exasperation. "How did you manage to survive this long? Of course they have a scent. I can smell it on you, on Akira, on those demons up at the cabin, and you'll notice it on this one when you kill him."

"Kill him? Me?" I tried to stop again, twisting my wrist against his thumb to break his grip, but he let go of my wrist first and slipped his arm tightly around my waist, forcing me to match his pace. "Damn it, Asuka, stop this," I ordered, scared now.

He bent his head next to mine, speaking softly into my ear. I'm sure to anyone else on the street, we looked like any couple out on an evening together, except that his arm was around me tight enough to hurt. "Look, you plan to stay with us, you earn your keep. You take the same risks that we do, you fight with us, and you might learn enough to keep yourself alive."

"What if he's not a demon?" My voice squeaked.

"His classmates have been disappearing one by one. His family suddenly went on vacation, but they aren't where he claims they went."

"Maybe something else happened to them."

"I'll tell you what happened to them," Ryo bit out. "Don't you know that demons consider human flesh a delicacy? He'll probably keep going until things start to look suspicious in his direction, and then he'll be the next to disappear, but only to find better feeding grounds.

I was shaking. "Ryo, I really don't want to do this."

"Is that what you're going to tell his next victim? Or the victim's family? Wake up, Risa. We're trying to save people's lives, and if you're not willing to help, then we're not going to help you. Now, his house is right around that corner. There's an alley that goes around behind it, and you can get through a window there without being seen. I'll meet you back home. Do you remember the address?"

"Alone? I have to do it alone?"

"I have something else to do. It's time you grew up, anyway." We turned the corner, and I saw the man going up the walk to his small house.

I stopped walking to clutch at Ryo's arm, pleading. "Ryo, please don't make me do this."

Still in the guise of the perfect couple, he kissed my forehead. "Risa, either kill him, or don't come back." He turned on his heel and walked away without another look.

Near tears, I helplessly watched him disappear around the corner. Not knowing what else to do, I went to look for the alley.

*

I landed on the porch outside Ryo's apartment about half an hour later. I folded my wings in and shifted back to human form before I slid the door open and went in.

Ryo was sitting at the table, reading from a pile of papers into the phone. He didn't even bother looking up, and I assumed he recognized my smell. I had noticed what he had meant by the demon smell; it was deeper and somewhat more earthy than human scents. Now that I knew it, it would be impossible to miss it. Still, Ryo's sense of smell had to be sharply acute.

I went to the table and bent over it, deliberately planting both of my hands on the page Ryo was reading from. They left a thick smear of drying blood. He looked up and met my gaze, then nodded slowly. "Just a minute, Akira," he said into the phone, then covered the mouthpiece to say something to me, but I turned away and went into the bathroom without listening. I spent an hour scrubbing myself, long after the last traces of blood had washed away. I scrubbed until my skin went past red and beaded with my own blood and stung fiercely with the soap and water.

I had enjoyed the killing entirely too much.

When I had reached the point where I was numb again, I wrapped a towel around myself and went back into the room. Ryo was off the phone that time, waiting expectantly for me. "It went well? You're not hurt? Tell me about it."

"No," I said shortly, reaching for the shirt I had been using to sleep in.

He was suddenly behind me, arms around my waist. "What, no celebration?" he asked mockingly and nipped my shoulder. I twisted away, and he laughed softly. "Tired of your new game already?"

That time, I was the faster one. I remembered at the last moment to pull my punch, and so the palm of my hand was all that hit his face and not my fist or claws, but it was still hard enough to rock him backwards. He flared back, pale with rage, and hit me back. The blow rolled off me easily, even though he hadn't bothered to soften his punch. His anger hit me harder than his fist had, and I didn't know how to hurt him in return. "I hate you," I shrilled, falling back on the defense that all children use.

"Good," Ryo answered softly and left. I picked up a book from on the bed and flung it at the door as it closed behind him. It rebounded off and landed opened on the floor, pages creased.

I stared at it for a long time. At last I pulled on the night shirt and took the cover blanket from the bed. I didn't see where he had stored the fouton I had been sleeping in, and there was no way I'd been in his bed when he returned. I wrapped myself in the blanket and curled up uncomfortably in the easy chair in front of the television. I turned the set on to keep from thinking, but ended up staring at it blankly.

Hours later, Ryo came back in and immediately tripped over the book I had never picked up. He spent several minutes spewing out curses, most of which I couldn't understand. He smelled of demon, and I wondered if he had gone on a killing spree of his own. The thought of a human going up against a demon by himself, willingly, was frightening, and I curled up in a tighter ball, hoping he would think I was asleep. I heard him turn the television off, then pace through the room for a while. He stopped, and I could feel him studying me. Finally, he made a vocal equivalent of a shrug, turned the lights off, and went to bed.

I listened to his breathing as it grew deeper and more relaxed. When I was sure he was asleep, I began to shift around, fighting to get comfortable.

If there was anything I missed the most, it was being able to sleep.

*

I finally did fall asleep, which I guess wasn't too surprising. I was still healing and was emotionally exhausted as well as physically. I didn't even wake up until someone knocked on the door.

Ryo must have been awake for awhile already, for he answered the door almost before the knock died away. It was Akira, and apparently unexpected, from the surprise in Ryo's voice. Not an unwelcome surprise; Ryo sounded more pleasant than he had been in days.

"I just brought over some things for --" Akira was saying as he walked in, then stopped short when he saw the edges of the blanket and my foot poking out from the chair.

"Ryo," he asked cautiously. "Why is she sleeping in a chair?"

"She was there when I came back last night." Ryo's good temper had suddenly evaporated into sullenness.

"But I was talking to you on the phone when she came in. You were pleased because she had killed --"

"I left again," Ryo interrupted angrily. "Now, are you going to stand there and talk about her all day, or shall we hunt?"

"Well, actually, I came to give these to..." Akira's voice trailed off awkwardly.

There was an icy silence. "I see," Ryo said tightly, and a few seconds later, the door slammed.

I wondered if the neighbors ever got tired of hearing this door slam, or if Ryo only did it when I was around.

"Now what the hell's gotten into him?" Akira murmured.

I peeked over the back of the chair. "Is he gone?"

Akira jumped slightly, nearly dropping the bag he was carrying. "I thought you were asleep," he accused reproachfully.

I pointed at the door. "Would you admit to being awake with that prowling around?"

He was looking very bewildered. "What happened?"

I climbed stiffly out of the chair. "We had a slight disagreement. Nothing major."

Bewilderment turned to wariness. "His face was bruised."

I moaned, leaning back on the arm of the chair. "I didn't think I had hit him that hard."

Akira dropped the bag in shock. "You hit Ryo?" he asked incredulously. He thought about that for a second, then added, "And you're still alive?"

"Well, he did hit me back," I admitted.

Akira leaned against the table, stunned. "I don't believe it. They're just alike."

"Of course, we aren't," I snapped.

"Why'd you hit -- never mind." Akira shook his head. "I really think I'd rather not know." His eyes fell on the bag, and he quickly seized it in relief. "Miki-chan sent these over for you. She knew you wouldn't have been able to get out and buy clothes yet. So here are a couple of blouses." He pulled them out and set them on the table. "And a sweater, and a skirt that's too long on her, so she thought it would be just about right on you. And some --" He pulled out a package of underpants and turned red. "Some... um... some of these... um..."

I rescued him and took the pile. All of the clothes had tags on them still, and I was touched that Miki would go to some much effort for me. "I'll have to thank her. This was so sweet of her."

Akira shrugged, looking rather proud of his girlfriend. "She'd like the four of us to get together and go out and do something." His face creased in concern. "I was going to talk to Ryo about it, but if you two are arguing --"

"We'll be fine," I interrupted, more sharply than I had intended, and I immediately apologized. "We just had a difference of opinion, and it blew out of proportion."

"Ryo can be good at that," he agreed. "Maybe we shouldn't have had you stay here."

I mumbled something and began removing tags from the clothes.

"Or is that not all that's bothering you?" he asked gently. "Did the hunt go badly last night?"

"No..." I answered reluctantly. "In fact, it was easy. I just... don't like..." I began stammering and not making any sense at all, but Akira simply listened patiently. "I mean, I'm fine when it actually comes down to it, and I know it should be done, and I even enjoy it, but it... just doesn't feel right. I feel trapped." And I went back to picking at the tags miserably.

Akira took the pile of clothes away from me and steered me to sit down in the chair. He perched on the arm of it and put a brotherly arm around my shoulders. "If you knew someone was killing people, and only you could stop it, would you simply ignore it and walk away?"

"You're confusing me!" I wailed.

"How?"

"By making sense!"

Akira gazed at me blankly for a moment, then laughed softly, shaking his head. "Get dressed. We're going out."

"When Ryo said that last night, he made me go kill a demon," I said warily.

"We can't make a demon hunter out of you overnight, no matter how hard Ryo pushes you. Now, go get dressed." He gave me a gentle push towards the bathroom. I started to go, but he called me back. I turned around, still unhappy with the situation. "What?"

He tossed the pile of clothes at me. "These might help?"

I caught them, feeling very stupid. "Oh. Yes, you're right. They would, wouldn't they?"

He gave a long-suffering sigh. "I think I know how Ryo must feel."

I stuck my tongue out at him and went into the bathroom.

*

It surprised me that it was already growing dusk. "I didn't realize I had slept so long. My whole timeclock has been flopped around!" I complained.

"It happens," Akira said tolerantly. "You'll get it straightened around eventually. Are you hungry?"

"Have you known me when I wasn't?"

"Point taken. Want anything in particular?"

I took a deep breath of cold winter air. "Ice cream!"

He shot me a sidelong glance.

"Well, we won't have to worry about it melting," I defended.

"True." He took me to the nearest ice cream shop, and we deliberated flavors. "Do you mind eating as we walk?" he asked as he handed me my cone.

"Not at all, Got a particular place in mind?"

"Kind of. There's a park a few blocks from here. I thought we might hang out there for a while."

"Dammit, the stuff melts even in winter." I lapped ferociously at the cone for a moment. "Akira, you're transparent. Who's been disappearing from the park?"

He ducked his head, embarrassed. I like the moments when, in spite of the gattai, bits of the shy, quiet boy he had been peeked through. "Well, actually this is one of my own leads that I'm following up. It wasn't on one of Ryo's lists, but he'll probably read the same article in today's paper that I did. Last night, a child disappeared. She had been playing in this park. She's the third one in the last two weeks."

I sighed heavily. "You would do this to me."

Some of his patience slipped. "She was only six years old, Risa."

Ouch. I shut up.

He let the silence grow uncomfortable, then rescued it. "Anyway, I thought we might go sniff around."

I finished my cone and waved at him to wait while I threw the napkins away in a nearby bin. "There're more and more of them showing up, aren't there?" I asked when I came back.

"Yeah." He nodded slowly.

"How can we fight them all? I mean, there are only two of us, and while you're very strong, I'm not. Look how badly I get hurt each time."

"Not each. You were fine last night. And you probably would have been fine up at the cabin, had you not been distracted by Miki getting hurt."

I didn't mention that I had almost lost control of the gattai. "That's not what I'm getting at. There's two of us, Akira, and how many of them?"

"I've been thinking about that, too." Akira jammed his fists deep in the pockets of his coat. "The two of us can't stop all of them, but maybe if we had more on our side... I've been playing around with an idea ever since we met you. Look, first there was just me. Then we found you. So maybe there are more humans in gattai somewhere, and we just don't know it yet. After all, it's not something one broadcasts to all his friends. Maybe we can find these others, maybe convince some other people to accept a gattai. Maybe we can build an army or something."

I shuddered. The thought of a war that magnitude... What scared me even more was that I didn't see any way of avoiding it.

"Are you cold?" He started to shrug out of his coat. "Here, take this."

"No," I murmured, placing my hand on his arm. "It's not that type of cold."

"Oh. Yeah." He was quiet for a long time, head down, studying the sidewalk. We had reached the park by this time, and I wandered over to the swings and sat on one, drifting back and forth slightly. Akira leaned up against one of the supports.

"There are so many people I care about, and they're all targets now," he said suddenly. "I don't know which is safer, keeping them near me where I can at least protect them, or sending them away where they might be safer, but where I couldn't protect them." He let out a long breath, and I knew he was thinking especially of Miki. "Do you have any family back in the States?" he asked abruptly, changing the subject.

I studied the ground, drawing in the dust with the toe of my shoe. "Yes... but I don't think they know I'm alive." Akira looked over at me, and I shrugged indifferently. "They would have been at the hospital if they had. The doctors kept saying that I could call them, but not right now. I couldn't have any visitors. I wasn't well enough for that, they kept saying. Maybe in a few days. Well, I had already healed by that time, so I knew they were just feeding me a line. Tests. They were always running tests." I nervously pushed my mane back from my face. "I'm not even sure it was really a hospital. It felt too wrong, more like studying you being sick than trying to get you well. So I just left. There wasn't any way they could keep me in, not really. I figure they told my parents that I had died with the rest of my friends."

"And you haven't tried to contact them since?"

"No." I shrugged again at his look of surprise. "They wouldn't deal with this very well. And it would be too difficult to keep the secret from them. Besides, they aren't a direct target now. They would be, if I went home. This way is better."

"Are you sure?"

"Hey, I thought you wanted me to stick around," I teased, trying to cover that no, I wasn't sure. Not at all.

The group of children playing on the merry-go-round divided, and most of them left the park. The two that stayed gave up trying to push the heavy thing by themselves and went for the slide. "Keep an eye open," Akira instructed. "If he strikes tonight, he'll do it where there are only a few around."

We let the subject of families drift away, and I rested my head against the chain of the swing. "Have you mentioned your idea of an army to Ryo?"

"Not yet." He frowned. "He hasn't been acting... right lately."

I snorted. "I'm sure having me dropped in his lap hasn't helped his mood much."

"No, I started noticing this before you came along. I thought he was just having a hard time about his father's death." He shifted uncomfortably, debating, then went ahead and told me. "His father was a demon researcher that got too close to the subject. He couldn't control his gattai. One night, he tried to kill Ryo, then ran outside, poured gasoline over himself, and lit a match."

"Jesus," I whispered in horror.

"So, I could understand Ryo being a bit... strained afterwards, but --" He broke off as we both smelled demon at the same time.

"The children..." I started forward, but Akira stopped me before I had done more than shift my weight.

"Hold a minute more," he cautioned. "Wait until he comes forward."

"Are you serious?" I shrilled under my breath. "Are you going to wait until he kills one of those kids?"

He gave me a withering look. "Can you tell exactly where he is? Move too quickly, and you'll blow the whole thing."

"I know exactly where he is," I retorted. "My night vision is much better than my day."

He started to answer back, but at that moment, the figure parted from the shadow of the trees and walked forward to the children. As it grew close to them, it shifted into demon form. The children screamed and ran, and the demon lunged for the nearest one, claws reaching.

But I had launched myself from the swing, wings unfurling, the moment I had seen the demon move, and darted between it and the children, slashing its claws away with my own. The demon drew back its bleeding hand, screeching in confusion. It tried to circle around me, and Akira reached out from the darkness behind it, caught it by the shoulders, and smashed it against the steel of the slide. I caught the child up, folding my wings over her protectively, readying to shift completely to demon form if I had to, but really preferring to leave the fight to Akira.

Who was enjoying himself immensely. Even in human form, he was faster than the other demon and danced away from its wild slashes. He abruptly grew bored with the game and broke the demon's spine. He stood over the twitching body for a few seconds, then laughed shortly and walked back over to me.

He wasn't even scratched. "You're disgusting, you know that?" I complained.

Akira grinned toothily, his eyes still wild. The girl in my arms suddenly caught her breath and began to cry. Akira looked at me anxiously. "Now what?"

I glared at him, then shifted the girl's weight a bit to hold her closer, rocking her and whispering to her comfortingly. She wrapped her arms chokingly tight around my neck, buried her face in my mane, and shrieked tears. I stroked her hair gently, and eventually the tears began to die down. "Akira?" I met his eyes over her head. "I'm in. You've got a member in your army."

A man came running up, and the girl reached out her arms. "Papa!"

He stopped short when he saw two strangers with his child. I stepped forward, holding my wings around me and hoping they would pass for a winter cloak. "We saw someone chasing her," I said quickly, holding her out to her father, who immediately snatched her up in his arms. "My boyfriend chased him, but he ducked away somewhere."

We led the man away from the playground before he could see the body of the demon under the slide. He bowed thanks many times gratefully, before Akira eased me away from the scene.

When we were back in the darkness of the trees, Akira took off his coat and handed it to me. He was very careful to not look at me as I folded my wings in and pulled the coat on. "Good thing you didn't change completely," he commented. "That might have been difficult to explain.

"Good thing adults rarely believe kids about monsters."

"Actually, I was thinking more about bringing you back to Ryo wearing nothing but my coat."

"He's smart. I think he'd figure out what happened."

"You don't think he'd get jealous?" Akira teased.

I considered that for a moment. "More like torn between being relieved that I wasn't chasing after him and angry at me for stealing your attention away from him, like he is of Miki. Come to think of it, I'd be more scared of Miki's reaction."

Akira looked hesitant, really wanting to ask something, but fighting years of enforced politeness. He really was transparent sometimes. I leaned over and nudged him with my shoulder as we walked. "Out with it, Akira."

He studied the ground intently. "Then... what's between you and Ryo. It's not serious?"

"Oh, there's some serious emotion there, but it's not love, from either of us. And I certainly don't think it will grow into it." I laughed sharply. "We'd kill each other first."

"Fire and ice," Akira quoted Miki.

"Something like that."

"Pity," Akira sighed wistfully. "I was looking forward to being the best man at the wedding."

I slugged his shoulder hard enough to fall an ox, but he simply laughed and tugged playfully at my hair. By that time, we were outside the apartment complex, and I swiped at Akira just as playfully and raced up the stairs, Akira charging after.

We quieted down when we reached the door. Akira knocked and called out his name. There was a muffled answer from inside, and Akira opened the door and held it open for me.

Ryo was snapping impatiently through channels on the television. He tried to retain his huff, but gave it up when Akira began pointing out the newspaper article on the disappearing children and telling him about our hunt.

I sidled around Ryo gingerly and snagged another blouse from the pile of clothes Miki had sent. To save poor Akira's modesty, and my nervousness about being around Ryo, I escaped to the bathroom. I came out a few minutes later, wearing the blouse, and handed Akira his coat, thanking him quietly.

Ryo studied me in the new outfit, obviously trying not to burst out in loud laughter. "What?" I demanded, hands on my hips.

He waved me away. "Nothing." He smirked again, and quickly changed the subject. "A devilman army, Akira? How do you plan on putting it together?"

"We were going to ask you that," Akira said hopefully.

Ryo leaned up against the wall and pondered on that for a moment. Since no one had taken the chair between them, I claimed it, tucking my feet up underneath me. The room grew silent, and I nibbled on one fingernail nervously.

Ryo reached out and took my hand away from my mouth.

I glared at him and deliberately started chewing the nail again, daring him. He snatched my hand away again, slamming it down on the arm of the chair hard enough for it to sting. "I can keep this up as long as you can," he warned.

"I think I'll come back another time." Akira quickly headed for the door.

"No!" Ryo and I both chorused in panic, then looked at each other in surprise. Ryo snorted and went back to thinking. Akira came and sat on the arm of the chair, resting one arm around my shoulders comfortingly.

"Let me think on this army idea a bit," Ryo said, bringing the subject back around. "I want to check on a few things. We might be able to use telepathy somehow, like what's between you and me, Akira. Remember when I knew you needed help when you were fighting Shiren? Maybe we can use that to more of an advantage."

"Do you think it will work?" Akira asked eagerly.

Ryo shrugged. "Might. Might not." But his face was shadowed from Akira's view, and I could see that he didn't think it would. "I'll think on it, Akira," he started to say, then noticed Akira's arm around me and the ease with which I was leaning back against him. His eyes hardened to blue ice. "Don't you have one already, Akira?"

Akira's brown eyes went wide with hurt and confusion, then glanced down to look at his arm draped over my shoulders. He jumped off the chair and backed away. "Ryo, I'm sorry. I didn't think --"

"No, you don't," Ryo bit out.

Akira wilted. "I'm sorry, Ryo," he murmured unhappily and backed to the door. He had just opened it when Ryo's eyes went agonized. "Akira, wait," he called and went to pull Akira just outside the door. He came back in after a long moment of murmured voices, looking disgusted with himself, but relieved.

"That was a cruel thing to say to him," I pointed out.

He stopped and slowly turned to look at me with cold anger. "And what were you doing?" he inquired icily. "Did you decide I wasn't worth the effort and went in search for bigger game?"

I was on my feet, eyes blazing. "Damn you, Asuka, don't you ever stop to consider anyone but yourself? Or do you really enjoy hurting my feelings?"

"Did you ever consider mine?" he asked softly. "Even once, through all this?"

It was ice water thrown in my face. My breath caught in my throat as several images flashed though my mind; Ryo's discomfort at my flirting, him moving further away from me on the couch when I rested my head on his leg, his reluctance at accepting me in this group. And I still had pushed him, ignoring everything he had given me as warnings.

I didn't like the picture it was painting of me. "Obviously, I didn't," I whispered miserably, then gestured at the bed. "Why'd you go through with... yesterday, then, if you didn't..."

Ryo shrugged. The anger had melted away, but there was no other expression left behind it. "I don't know. Maybe because... there isn't much between me and what's out there. Maybe because you're here. Maybe because you keep the nightmares away."

I couldn't bear being under his impassive gaze any longer and moved away from it to stand in front of the porch door. I pressed my face against the coldness of the glass. "I wasn't dumping you for Akira," I said after a long silence.

"I know."

"I don't even know why I'm with you."

His reflection appeared next to mine in the glass, all silver and golds and blacks. It made him achingly beautiful. "Maybe because I'm here."

"And there's nothing between me and what's out there." I shook my head. "I was so happy before the gattai. I really liked my life. And it'll never be like that again."

His hand brushed my hair feather-light.

"I'm scared, Ryo."

"I know." He sighed. "You aren't the only one."

"And Akira and Miki are so happy."

"And neither you or I will ever be that happy, right?" he said wryly.

The silence stretched again, until I finally moved away, intending to go soak the pain away in another bath, but Ryo's hand tightened in my hair, gently pulling me back. "No," he said roughly. "Let's go to bed. It's not what Akira and Miki have..."

"But it's as close as we'll get," I finished softly.