Another slash-story from my side. This one's less erotical and more psychological. I still don't own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling still does and I'm still taking advantage of them. (evil grin) Enjoy it. xxx
Moonlit Walk
James lay awake, thinking about what had just happened. He had always known that his relationship with Lily wouldn't work out. She had hated him all last six years, than why would she love him after that? Of course it was all faked, of course she just wanted to make fun of him. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that before. But of course he had been so blinded by love, he hadn't noticed. Damn it! Why had she dumped him? Why had she had to do that in front of all those Slytherins? He hated her. He always had.
Oops, sorry. he thought by himself. No! I have always loved her. That's right. Don't lie to yourself James!
But was that true? he asked himself. Had he always loved Lily?
The answer was in his head, but he didn't want to be reminded to that.
No, a voice inside him said. Of course you don't want to think about it any more, but you know it happened.
James thought back at that moment. It had felt so weird. And so wrong! When James was only eleven years old, he had received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, telling him that he could study magic there for seven years! So he had gone straight (Oow, wrong word! No, it was actually true: when he went to Diagon Alley, he still thought he was straight. But that thought would soon change...) to Diagon Alley to buy all his schoolstuff. In Flourish and Blotts (a shop that sold books and stuff) he had run straight (again: here it's still right, but from now on...) into a boy from around his age. The boy tripped and fell over. James had apologised, even though the other boy had run into him, and grabbed the boy by his arms to pull him up again. When the boy turned, he had a smile on his face. He mumbled 'Thanks' and was gone again. But James stood there, mouth open.
Don't think about that any more! he told himself sternly. Okay, maybe you found him attractive at that moment, but what the hell. That doesn't mean I love him. It doesn't mean I'm gay.
It was not that he couldn't believe it, it was more that he wouldn't believe it. He, one of the most popular boys of Hogwarts (maybe except for Sirius) couldn't possibly be gay. If he was, his life would be ruined.
He had heard Sirius grumbling to Peter once: 'Honestly Peter, you look like some silly girl when you're staring at James like that. You don't love him, do you? 'Cause when you do, I'll kill you!'
Would Sirius actually kill him if he told him that he loved him? NO! He didn't love him. Why did his stupid head keep saying that? It wasn't true! He didn't love Sirius and he wasn't gay!
But then, a nagging voice in his head replied. Then why were you staring at him that time you bumped into each other?
That's different! James shouted in his head. I noticed that he was handsome, pretty. But that doesn't mean I love him!
And what about those times you watched him sleep, my dear old friend? the voice continued. What about them?
I just think he's pretty. I like watching him sleep, but that still doesn't mean I love him. James thought furiously.
Okay, but how are you going to explain your hard-on when he kissed you that time. Just for fun. Remember? That damn voice wouldn't give up, would it?
James tried to remember. That was true. Sirius had done some betting with Peter, he had said he wasn't afraid of anything. He would do everything that was possible. So Peter had told him to kiss a guy.
I bet he hoped Sirius would kiss him, instead of me. I bet he was in love with Sirius too. Damn it! I mean, I bet he was in love with Sirius.
But Sirius hadn't kissed Peter, he had kissed James. And James had liked it, that for sure. How else could he explain his erotic feeling that had swooped through him, or his hard-on, which appeared immediately. He was lucky he was wearing a cloak, so no one saw, but right after that he went to the bathroom to try and calm himself.
See? See I'm right? the annoying voice asked. You love Sirius! No matter what you say, deep in your heart you know you love him.
'How dare you!' James screamed out loud, clapping his hand over his mouth the moment he realised it. But it was too late. Sirius and Remus had awoken and were now looking sleepily at him, through the darkness.
'Whazzup?' Sirius asked. 'Someone here, Prongs?'
When James didn't answer, Sirius came out of bed and strolled towards James's bed. When he had found it, he leapt down onto it and bent over James. James could hear him breathe, but he didn't dare open his eyes. Maybe they'd think that he had talked in his sleep. But Sirius didn't leave. He sat there for at least five minutes, watching James.
He's so pretty. he thought. Why can't he be mine? Why? Why does he have to go out with that stupid Lily-girl. Dumb question! Because James was straight of course, and he would never ever love me, the way that I love him.
He closed his eyes and suddenly felt a tear leaking out off one of them. He didn't even bother to wipe it away. James was asleep, so he could cry. But when he let out a quivering sigh, James opened his eyes.
Am I dreaming? Is Sirius actually sitting on my bed, crying? Why is he crying?
'Padfoot, sweaty, why are you crying?'
Sweaty? Oh my god, I called Sirius 'sweaty'! All I can do is hope that he hasn't heard me.
Sweaty? Did he just call me sweaty? No, I must've heard it wrong.
'It's nothing, Prongs, go sleep again.'
But James didn't. He straightened up and looked Sirius in the face. What was going on here? He needed some fresh air, otherwise he would choke.
'I'm going for a walk outside, it's really hot in here.'
Damn it! Why did he have to use the word 'hot'? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
'I'm coming with you.' Sirius said. He hoped James wouldn't mind. But James nodded and took his Invisibility Cloak from his trunk. 'Let's go.'
They hid themselves under the Cloak and left the dormitory, the common room, the corridors, the Entrance Hall and finally they were outside. Fresh air! A few lights were still on in the castle, so they didn't dare take off the Cloak.
'Sirius,' James began. He had to tell him, or he'll burst open.
But Sirius put his finger on James's lips and said: 'Don't talk my friend, don't talk. Just enjoy the grounds. Look at the moon.' He pointed to the sky. An almost full moon shone brightly between millions of twinkling stars.
What a beautiful, romantic night. James thought. He had to tell Sirius, he just had to. This was the proof. He didn't believe in omens, but this... this night was so beautiful. It was now or never. And it had to be now.
'Sirius,' he said again, but this time he ignored his friend's finger on his lips. 'I got to talk to you. There are a few things you should know.'
Sirius, stop! Stop thinking it will come now, because it won't. Sirius said to himself. He is straight and he doesn't love you. Accept that. He's with Lily and they're happy together.
'First of all' James said, and Sirius listened to his friend again. 'Lily and I split up.'
What?! Did you hear that? They split up! I guess they weren't that happy after all. But who cares, he's free now! But he's still straight. Sirius thought depressed.
'Second of all' James continued. Now that he had started, he needed to finish. 'I -. Do you remember the first time we saw each other? In Flourish and Blotts.'
Sirius nodded, smiling faintly. He did remember, oh yes he did. They had run into each other and he had tripped. James had heaved him back to his feet. When he saw the face he had turned around and run away. From than on, he knew he couldn't be straight. He loved James, but James loved Lily and it was never ever going to work out for the two friends. And he knew.
'Well' James was glad it was so dark under the Cloak, because he had turned very red now. 'I kind of- I sort of- you know- I had a crush on you. In those few seconds I saw you.'
Could this possibly mean what he hoped it would?
'I never told you, I'm sorry, but I think I've always liked you - more than as a friend, if you know what I mean.' So, he had said it. Now all he had to do was wait for Sirius's reaction.
Okay, this is the proof. Screw it, I'm going for it! Sirius thought and he wrapped his arms around James.
'Is there going to be a 'third of all'?' he asked.
'No.'
'So you're done talking? Fine, 'cause now I want to say something.' Sirius said and he kissed James on the mouth, just like that time by the lake. But this time was better. Because James didn't look at him with horror in his eyes and he didn't run away to hide in a bathroom after it. No, he stayed. And he pressed his soft lips even harder on Sirius's.
They stood there kissing for five whole minutes, only sometimes stopping to catch breath. Then Sirius leaned backwards a little bit and said: 'Remember that time I told Wormtail I would kill him if he loved you?' James nodded. 'I wanted to add: because he's mine. But I couldn't say. But now I can.' They smiled at each other and kissed once more.