AN: So who's seen the Ask Drunk!Chara Tumbler thingy? I find it super funny… So I've decided to do my first… Um… Crackfic? I think? Well it's permanently Drunk Harry. So my canon is he got his hands on alcohol when he was little and became a permanent Drunk along with his uncle. Also I like the idea of Harry just chugging alcohol in the sorting, or any moment really! By the way at this moment in my life I have never had any alcoholic beverage. I sorta want to so I can be a Drunk!Chara but… I also don't… So this is going to be a silly version of what I think being drunk is like! Sorry…

The entire school watched as a Drunken Harry Potter stumbled towards the hat, holding a bottle in his hands and a dopey grin. He fell flat on his face for a moment before snoring.

Harry woke up lazily in a white bed. He reached out and grabbed a bottle from somewhere, opening it and chugging the entire thing. "MR POTTER!" A nurse lady shouted at him snatching the bottle. He stood up and jumped up and down trying to reach it.

"Give it back!"

"NO!"

"Gimme it!"

"NO!"

"Pleeeeaaase?!"

"NO!" The nurse vanished the bottle. Then he chugged a new bottle happily causing her to faceplant.

The two kids dragged the hiccupping boy to the corridor talking about some stone or something. Looking around he saw one of the teachers, squirrel or something… "Squ- Hic- Squirrel?" He asked drunkenly. "What are y- hic- you doing here?" He asked him drinking more.

"… Potter stop." The teacher said before turning back to a mirror. "Aha!" He shouted pushing him in front of it. "What do you see?" He asked.

"I see…" He said looking. In the mirror he saw himself with a large amount of alcohol with his best friends, who tried to stop him from drinking which he couldn't help… One of the bottles was red. "I see… Lots of -hic- alcohol…" He said drinking out of the bottle finishing it off. The teacher blinked annoyed.

Harry watched as the snake approached the boy. In his drunken state he hiss/said/slurred. "Come here –hic- lil buddy… no hurty…" He said.

Harry blinked as the clearly sex offender teacher man claimed he was the hair of slithering or something. "I -hic- can't slither…" He said wisely from his place on the floor surrounded by bottles. Everyone stared at him as he kept drinking.

Miss Bushy face slammed Harry into the bowl as she tried to get the memories out of his head. Mister Whitebeard pushed his stick into his face, putting a weird white sticky goo into the bowl, it pulled them all in.

Five years ago

Harry walked over to his uncle with a bottle in his hands. "What's this uncle Vernon?" He asked.

"It's alcohol boy… Now go away before I hit you or try to abuse you…" He said drinking.

Harry watched and started drinking from the bottle. His uncle saw and tried to pull it away from him. "No! Don't drink… that…" He tried to say annoyed.

Harry patted his uncles shoulder kindly with a drunk face. "Don't worry Uncle… It's not your fault Auntie marge sat on duddy…" He said wisely, before falling onto the floor and kept drinking.

End of memory

Harry drank from his bottle happily as the school saw his memory. He vaguely saw a pink demon thingy walk in and try to take his bottle. "MINE!" He shouted furiously before drinking more.

Harry set up a box in his rare sober form for reviews from the other world to come in. People could send him stuff, questions and anything else. He plonked a brain in a jar onto the top of the box before chugging his drink and collapsing.

The brain wiggled before a sound appeared. "Hi guys! It's me thetwomind! I've decided to live with Harry in this world because he does stupid stuff a lot. And his version of Vernon always calls me when he does stupid stuff, if I didn't live with him then Vernon wouldn't get to put the phone down. Just think of me as Core!Frisk from the Ask Drunk!Chara thingy… So yeah… Send reviews to Drunk Harry and we'll answer them together."

Hermione walked into the room, saw the brain and drunk Harry on the floor and instantly walked out of it. She didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it at the moment. Or ever really…