"Are you coming, Sir?" Major Samantha Carter paused next to her CO's chair in the briefing room.
"Yeah, in a minute," he answered, wearily.
Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, Sam nodded quickly and then followed her
teammates, Teal'c and Jonas, out of the room.
Alone in the room, Jack rested his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He
really hated this time of year. Used to be it wasn't so bad, in fact, way back when he
rather enjoyed the holiday season. A small smile touched his lips as he remembered his
first Christmas with Sarah - picking out the small tree and then barely having enough
ornaments to decorate it.
His smile quickly disappeared as his memory replayed Christmases with Charlie. He
sighed. They were good memories, but they only reminded him of the pain and loss. He
fast forwarded over the next few years and remembered last year's Christmas celebration.
SG-1, the 'real' SG-1 in Jack's mind, returned from a mission late in the afternoon on
Christmas Eve. They'd all managed to get exposed to some new virus, fortunately it was
pretty mild, and were all confined to the infirmary. They were all a little bummed about
missing out on any sort of Christmas celebration, but they were together and that's what
mattered. Daniel sweet-talked one of the nurses into bringing them cookies and milk
from the commissary. They stayed up talking until after midnight.
In the morning, a smiling Dr. Fraiser awakened them. She herded them all into a medical
observation room where they found a Christmas tree, complete with presents sitting
under it. All four members of SG-1 turned questioning gazes up to where General
Hammond and Janet sat smiling behind the window. Hammond leaned over and turned
on the intercom.
"Merry Christmas, SG-1," he said.
Jack was the first to recover his voice. "Thank you, Sir," he called out.
"You're welcome, Son," Hammond smiled. Then he escorted Dr. Fraiser out and left
SG-1 to their celebration.
Jack turned to his team. He clapped his hands together once. "So, who gets to play
Santa?"
This Christmas, however, well this Christmas was different. There didn't seem to be
much reason to celebrate this year. He'd started out with the Christmas spirit. He'd
braved the crowds and picked out gifts for all his friends, picked out a tree and invited
everyone over for Christmas dinner. It wasn't until he was placing the wrapped gifts
under the tree that he realized he'd bought a gift for Daniel.
The realization had driven the Christmas spirit from Jack's heart. In a rage, he threw
Daniel's gift across the room. Alone in his living room, Jack gave into the tears.
He woke up the next morning, cold and with cramped muscles. Normal, he thought when
you fell asleep on the living room floor.
That was two weeks ago. Since then, SG-1 had gone on a standard recon mission with
SG-5. They'd lost two good officers in a surprise Jaffa attack. That, combined with his
continuing grief over the loss of his best friend had Jack wondering if it was all worth it.
What's the point? Jack wondered. All we do is lose more and more good people to that
damn 'gate. Suddenly, he sympathized with Daniel, feeling like no matter how much
good it seemed they did – it was never enough.
Jack's black mood continued to spiral down, taking him back to the dark place he vowed
he'd never go again. Granted, it wasn't as if he was sitting on Charlie's bed, gun in hand,
but his thoughts were definitely heading that direction.
A small voice reminded Jack that depression was common this time of year and he
should just "snap out of it."
"You know, Jack, you really should go join the party. Everyone will be disappointed if
you don't show."
Great, Jack thought. As if I wasn't depressed enough, now the voice in my head is
starting to sound like Daniel. He scrubbed his hands over his face.
"Ja-ack? Hello-o."
Jack's head shot up. "Daniel?"
"Hi, Jack. Merry Christmas."
"Humbug."
"Now come on, Jack. You don't mean that."
"Yes, Daniel, I do." Jack shook his head. "For cryin' out loud, now I'm talking to
myself. And I don't even have the 'I've been tortured' excuse." Jack looked around the
empty briefing room, glad there was no one to hear him – otherwise they'd be on the
phone to McKenzie, fast.
Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and took a minute to observe his hallucination.
Daniel looked much the same as when he'd visited Jack in Ba'al's prison. He was
standing across the table from Jack, dressed in khaki's and the same cream-colored
sweater.
"Don't they let you change clothes up there on your plane?"
Daniel smiled, looked down at his outfit and shrugged. "It's comfortable."
Jack watched while Daniel made his way around the table, stopping when he was
standing next to Jack's chair. Daniel leaned back against the table and looked down at
Jack.
"So, what're you doing up, uh, down here, all alone?"
"Why do you care?" Jack asked, testily.
Daniel winced at the familiar words, the same ones he'd asked Jack before he'd
ascended.
"You're up here brooding," Daniel informed Jack. "You're giving into your depression.
It's not healthy, Jack."
"So, now you're a mind reader?"
"No, I just know you. You're all smiles and wit when everyone's around. Good ol' Jack
O'Neill, the eternal optimist. But we all know better, Jack."
"All?"
"Yes. Do you think Sam and Teal'c really believe you're going to enjoy this Christmas?
Yeah right." Daniel turned so he was facing Jack.
"So what, Daniel. That's my business. You left, it's not your concern anymore."
Daniel's shoulders slumped and he folded his arms across his chest.
"Do you remember when we brought Shifu back from Abydos?"
Jack eyed his friend, wondering where this was going. "Yeah," he said, slowly.
"Do you remember what he said?"
"What? About the whole ball of wax and needing a long wick?"
Daniel chuckled. "No, not that part. The part about 'dreams teach.'"
Jack pushed his chair back, away from Daniel. "Where are you going with this? I
thought you weren't supposed to interfere."
"Special dispensation. I convinced them that you needed a Christmas present."
"Huh? Convinced who?"
But Jack didn't get an answer to his question. No sooner had he gotten up from his chair
then Daniel reached over and gently touched Jack's forehead. Before he could marvel at
Daniel being solid, Jack collapsed to the floor.
"Whoa." Jack picked himself up off the floor and looked around. "How did I get in the
'gate room?"
A hand under his arm helped Jack to stand up. He turned and saw Daniel. "You're
solid? How?"
In reply, Daniel just smiled and looked towards the Stargate. "You feel like taking trip?"
Jack looked up. The wormhole was active, illuminating the room. Skeptical, Jack turned
to Daniel. "Where we goin'?"
"To see some old friends," was Daniels cryptic reply.
"Great, he ascends and turns into Obi Wan Kenobe," Jack sighed.
"So, you've finally seen Star Wars?"
"Nah, just got the play-by-play from Teal'c."
"Ah." By this time, Daniel was at the base of the 'gate. "You comin'?" When Jack
continued to hesitate, Daniel said, "Trust me, Jack."
Guilt stabbed at Jack's heart. How many times had Daniel asked that of him? Jack
nodded as he made his way up the ramp.
Together, the two men entered crossed the event horizon and emerged in a dark room.
"Did you think to bring a flashlight, or are you just gonna go all glowy to light the way?"
"I don't need a light here, Jack. I know my way around this place better than I know my
way around the SGC," Daniel answered.
"Abydos," Jack whispered. He didn't have to see Daniel to know he was nodding in
reply. Reaching out blindly, he put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. Jack was amazed at
how well he remembered interacting physically with Daniel. Somehow he knew, without
seeing, exactly where Daniel would be standing.
Holding on to his friend, Jack followed Daniel out of the pyramid into the bright Abydos
sun. Squinting against the harsh light, Jack let go of Daniel's shoulder. "Uh, Danny."
"Jack."
"What're we doing here?"
"Just wait."
As soon as Daniel finished speaking, the ground shook and the sky grew dark. Jack
looked up to see a Goa'uld mother ship descending on the pyramid.
Reflexively, he pulled Daniel away from the structure. "Who?"
"Ra."
"Ra? How is that possible? He's dead."
Daniel smiled his patient smile. "You were wondering what the point was, weren't you,
Jack? This is Abydos if Earth had never opened its Stargate."
"What is this – 'It's a Wonderful Life?'"
"You would prefer 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas?' Just watch." Daniel nodded
towards the dunes.
Jack turned and saw a line of Abydonians trudging through the sand. As they drew
nearer, Jack saw Skaara in the lead.
Skaara and his people arrived at the temple just as Ra, his Horus guards and his queen –
Sha're! – emerged to stand on the dais.
"Let me guess, they can't see us?" Jack asked.
"No, now shh," Daniel put his finger over his lips. "Watch."
Skaara boldly approached the dais. One of the Horus guards clipped the young man
behind the knees. "Bow before your god," the guard growled.
Though he was on his knees, Skaara was still upright, shoulders squared proudly. "I will
not cow before you. What kind of god would rape his people's land and destroy their
families?" Skaara turned to his sister. "Please, Sha're. Father is ill. All day and night
he cries out for you. Come home with me, Sister, please."
"Silence," Ra ordered. He turned to his guard. "Have the slaves deliver the Naquadah. I
do not wish to tarry here. Oh, yes. Kill the insolent one."
"No!" Jack roared and lunged towards the guard. The staff blast passed through him and
hit Skaara square in the chest. "No! Skaara!" Jack sank to his knees in front of his
friend, the boy who reminded him so much of Charlie. He turned angry eyes on Daniel.
"How can you just stand there and let this happen?" He stood and approached Daniel,
almost at a run, he grabbed Daniel's sweater and pushed him up against the pyramid.
"How can you?"
Daniel didn't resist, he just looked at Jack through his tear filled eyes. He blinked once
and two tears rolled down his cheeks. Ashamed, Jack released his grip. "God, Danny.
I'm sorry."
"S'okay, Jack," Daniel whispered.
The silently watched as Ra, Sha're and their entourage returned to the ship. When they
were alone again, Daniel spoke. "Come on Jack, it's time to go."
"Yeah, let's go." Jack looked one last time at Skaara's lifeless body then followed
Daniel into the pyramid. He was expecting to emerge from the Stargate in the 'gate room
so he was surprised to see trees when he stepped out onto the platform.
"Now where are we?"
"Chulak," Daniel answered.
Jack stopped, mid step. "Do we have to do this, Daniel?"
"You've seen the movies, Jack. We have to do this all the way or the lesson doesn't
stick."
"Oh that's just so cliche."
"It's your dream, Jack," Daniel said as he headed in the direction of the city.
"Oh. For. Crying. Out. Loud." Jack stalked off after the cream-colored sweater.
"Okay, so show me how miserable Teal'c is and we can get on with this," Jack groused
when he caught up with Daniel.
Daniel shook his head. "I've missed you, Jack."
Jack stopped short at the confession. "Yeah, right," he scoffed.
Daniel opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. He walked a few steps forward
then stopped and turned back to face Jack. "No. Not this time." He marched back until
he was inches from Jack.
"Do you know why I chose to ascend? Do you?"
"It was a better choice than dying, or living as an invalid?" Jack offered.
"Well, yeah," Daniel admitted. He turned away from Jack and started to pace. "You
know, before we opened the Stargate I had nothing – no home, no friends, no money.
That all changed when Katherine brought me to Cheyenne Mountain for the first time.
"On Abydos I thought I'd finally found a home, a family, a place to belong. I lost that.
At first I blamed myself, I still do a little. But now I realized Apophis would have come
anyway; either to Abydos or Earth or both. Anyway, after I lost Sha're I found a new
family - SG-1.
"You and Sam and Teal'c adopted me. At first I tried to figure out how we worked so
well, but after awhile I learned to accept it." Daniel paused, smiling as he remembered
the good times.
"I don't remember when, exactly, it started to change, when I started to feel like an
outsider. But -"
"But it probably had something to do with me telling you there was no foundation for our
friendship," Jack said.
"Yeah."
"You know why I had to say that."
"And when you tried to apologize I just brushed it off instead of dealing with it. We both
made mistakes, Jack. We let everything we had to do get in the way of what was
important."
"Saving the world isn't important?"
"Only if there's something worth saving it for," Daniel said quietly.
Jack's retort died on his tongue.
"Come on, we've got stuff to see," Daniel resumed his trek to the city.
They made their way into the ruined city. Jack looked around in amazement.
"What happened? Where is everyone?"
"Gone. Apophis' ego was always bigger than his ability. He attacked Ra, bit off more
than he could chew. After Apophis was defeated, Ra attacked Chulak. Destroyed nearly
everything. The few Jaffa that survived were assimilated into his army, the women and
children were relocated. Only a few remain on Chulak. Look." Daniel pointed to the
crumbled walls of Apophis' palace.
Bra'tac emerged from the ruins, Rya'c following him.
"This is your fault, old man!"
"Be silent, child!"
Jack watched in stunned silence as the two Jaffa continued to argue. Drey'auc's shout
from within the palace silenced them both. "Be quiet! Would you have his last moments
be filled with anger?"
"Last moments?" Jack asked. He and Daniel picked their way through the rubble and
entered the palace. Daniel led the way to what had been Apophis' bedchamber. Lying in
the bed, weak and dying was Teal'c.
"Teal'c!" Jack exclaimed. "What happened? What's wrong with him?"
"Because of Ra's attack, there were no symbiotes available on Chulak. Teal'c sacrificed
himself so Rya'c could live."
Teal'c's family gathered around his bedside, oblivious to the two humans.
"I am sorry, old friend," Bra'tac apologized. He clasped Teal'c's hand in his own.
"I am sorry also, Father," Rya'c said. "I vow to honor your sacrifice by carrying on your
rebellion. I will fight to free all Jaffa from the false gods."
Teal'c gave them all a weak smile and slowly closed his eyes. Jack and Daniel left.
They heard the weeping until they had left the city.
When they reached the Stargate, Jack paused. "Now where?"
"Earth," Daniel answered.
"Sam?"
"Yeah."
"Please tell me she lives."
"She lives."
"Good." They stepped through the wormhole and emerged in a busy control room.
"Where?" Jack asked
"NASA. Jacob's final gift to his daughter got her into the space program, her dream
job," Daniel answered.
"Jacob died? Oh, no 'gate, no Tok'ra." Jack answered his own question. He scanned the
room, looking for Carter. "Where is she?"
Daniel jerked his head in the direction of the conference room. He and Jack stepped
inside.
"But Sir," Sam was saying.
"Captain, my decision stands. Your skills are better put to use in Houston. Your transfer
is effective immediately, you report on Monday."
"Sir, with all due respect…"
"Uh-oh, now he's in for it," Jack commented. Daniel grinned.
"…I transferred to NASA to fly on the shuttle, not work with a bunch of geeks in
research and development. And you're wrong if you don't put me in the astronaut
program."
"Captain!" The commanding officer was close to shouting. "You are dangerously close
to insubordination. I am going to let it slide, because I know you just lost your father.
However, continue on this path and I will have no choice but to put you on report."
Sam nearly bit her lip to keep from speaking further, but anger flashed in her blue eyes.
She stood, ramrod straight, in silence until she was dismissed.
"Ouch," Jack said. "But at least she's safe, alive."
Daniel turned to face his friend. "Jack, she has no one. Her brother won't speak to her;
her talents are being wasted; and do you know who her boss is going to be in Houston?"
"Who?"
"McKay."
"McKay? That…that…" Jack sputtered.
The scene around the two men changed to a sparsely furnished office. A very angry
Captain-Doctor Samantha Carter stood behind the desk, throwing a few personal effects
into a box. Her hands shook and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. Jack wasn't
sure he'd ever seen her that mad.
"Dammit!" Sam growled as she threw the last of her things in the box. She sank into the
chair and buried her face in her hands. Even in private, she hid her tears.
"Daniel, let's go," Jack whispered. He felt uncomfortable seeing Sam cry.
Daniel nodded.
"So, where to now?" Jack asked once they were outside. "Do we get to see how your
life turned out now?"
Daniel looked at Jack, "Sure, why not?"
The scenery blurred and when it refocused, they were inside a hospital. "Uh, Daniel?"
"You don't recognize this place, Jack? You've been here before." Patients in white
pajamas wandered the hallways. Several of them argued with themselves, others
wandered aimlessly. Harried doctors and nurses scurried through the corridors, trying to
control the more active residents.
"We're at the mental hospital, where Nick is," Jack said.
"Yep."
"Are you a patient here, too?"
"No, just a visitor," Daniel led the way into a room, similar to the one Jack, Sam and
Teal'c had been led into when they first met Nicholas Ballard, Daniel's grandfather.
A longhaired Daniel Jackson sat opposite the sullen, older man. "Come on, Nick," the
other Daniel pleaded. "Talk to me, please."
Nick sat with as much of his back to Daniel as he could, without actually turning his
chair. He refused to even look at his grandson.
"Fine, I'll talk. Listen, or don't, it's up to you." The other Daniel described his life to
Nick. "I got a job at a university, teaching," he said. "The head of the archeology
department is watching me closely, he warned me against talking about aliens building
pyramids. I found an apartment, close to the campus. It's not much, but it's home.
Things are looking up," Daniel said.
"You should never have held that lecture," Nick's thick accent made him difficult to
understand. "Now, everyone thinks you are as crazy as me. You are lucky to have found
a job teaching, but you will never again be invited on a dig, you will never be given any
respect as an archeologist." Nick paused, turning to look Daniel in the eye. "You have
disgraced your parents."
"Forget this!" Daniel stood up, shouting. "I came here because it's Christmas and you're
the only family I have left. I thought that might mean something to you. I guess I was
wrong. Good-bye, Nick," the parting shot was filled with venom.
"That was weird," ascended Daniel muttered. He turned to Jack, "Seen enough?"
"Yeah." Jack looked thoughtful for a minute. "What about me?" He asked, quietly.
Daniel dropped his head and stared at his feet. "Daniel? What about my life?" Jack put
his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Tell me."
When Daniel looked up, his blue eyes were filled with concern. "Are you sure about this,
Jack?"
"No, but show me anyway."
"Alright."
Daniel led the way out of the mental institution. As they walked across the well-kept
grounds, Jack noticed that headstones dotted the lawn. "Hey, I know this place," Jack
said. "It's where Charlie is buried." He stopped when he noticed a pretty red-haired
woman standing in front of Charlie's grave.
Jack and Daniel got close enough to hear her talking. "Sarah," Jack whispered.
"Merry Christmas, Charlie," Sarah said to the stone. "I can't stay long, but I wanted to
bring you some fresh flowers. Your grandfather grew them special, in his greenhouse."
Sarah knelt and placed the flowers in her hand on the small grave. When she stood, she
blew a kiss to her dead son. She took a step to the side and faced another stone.
"I have news for you, Jack."
Jack's eyes widened. It couldn't be, he thought. As if from far away, he heard Sarah tell
his tombstone that she was now engaged, getting married on New Years' Eve. She was
happy, and her soon-to-be husband was the reason. As he watched the scene in front of
him, his mind replayed the days before General West had reactivated him.
Yes, he'd sat on the bed in Charlie's room, gun in hand. Yes, he'd thought about blowing
a hole in his head. It was the only way he could think of to end the pain. But, he'd also
felt that he deserved the pain, that it was his punishment. He never would have really,
would he?
"Daniel," Jack turned to his friend. "Tell me I didn't. I never would have done it," Jack
explained.
"This Jack did," Daniel said, sadly. "He didn't have the SGC to help him forget, to
distract him from the pain."
"No, it wasn't that," Jack didn't realize he was speaking out loud. "It was you, Daniel. It
was you, having the guts to confront me on Abydos. Without that, I don't know. I would
have set off that bomb, killed those people, my men and you. It would still have been
suicide, but I could have justified it as being in service to my country. It wasn't the same
thing as blowing a hole in my own head." Jack's eyes widened as he realized that he'd
spoken aloud.
Daniel waited patiently for Jack to continue.
"From the time Charlie died, until that time on Abydos," Jack said. "No one had the guts
to confront me. It took a geeky archeologist to call me on my attitude, to make me see
where I was headed. I never thanked you for that. I never told you what it meant to me.
I," Jack choked on the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. "I should have told you,
a long time ago, Daniel."
"I knew, Jack. I just forgot for awhile."
"Yeah, me too."
Standing in the cold cemetery, the two men hugged. "I've missed you, Space Monkey,"
Jack whispered.
Daniel chuckled as he let his friend go. "What is with that nickname?"
Jack just smiled enigmatically.
Daniel looked, thoughtfully, up at the sky. "I have to go now, Jack. You gonna be
okay?"
Jack nodded, the smile still on his face. "Yeah, I think I am." He watched as Daniel and
the scenery started to fade. "I'll be seeing you - Dr. Jackson."
"Sir! Sir, are you alright?" Carter's worried voice roused Jack.
"Huh? What? Where?" He slowly sat up and looked around. He was on the floor of the
briefing room. "How?"
"Are you alright, Colonel?" Asked a worried Jonas Quinn.
Jack's dream came rushing back to him and he smiled. Using the table and Teal'c to
brace himself, he stood up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just catching up on some much needed
sleep," he quipped.
"I believe we should take you to the infirmary, O'Neill," Teal'c said.
"I agree, Sir. You could have hit your head."
Jack looked at his worried teammates. "Nah. I'm fine," he said. "Besides, Fraiser's
probably at the Christmas party anyway. If you're really worried, we can talk to her
there."
Carter, Teal'c and Jonas exchanged glances. "Alright, Sir. If you're sure."
"Yeah. Come on guys, it's Christmas Eve. Let's go celebrate."
As SG-1 reached the doorway of the briefing room, a rush of air blew past them. "We've
got to get Siler to work on that ventilation system," Carter muttered.
Jack turned and looked through the window to the Stargate. "Merry Christmas, Daniel,"
he whispered. Then, he followed his team to the party.