"Spoofer Cell: Twisted Anthology" by llamaBoyPH (aka LPG-Unit)

LEGAL CRAP: The author does not to intend to flame, trash-talk, or insult any of the people mentioned in this story. If you guys find this insane, I'm sorry, but this is my Splinter Cell story...

Chapter 1: Back To Basics...

OBJECTIVES:

1. Time-travel to 16 September 1938.
2. Find Shirley Temple.
3. Interrogate and kidnap her.
4. Go back to the year 2008.

DIFFICULTY: extreme and sometimes insane...

Location: currently hiding in an abandoned building
Time: 15 September 2007

(as narrated by Sam Fisher)

For life to continue, there must be children. And as long as there are children, there will be child actors and actresses. But what if you messed up some actress' life and make her ridiculous? Why did we do this sort of trashing to an actress we humans know as Shirley Temple? To get the Willy Wonka ticket from her. Here's how...

I was a bit bored in the building, so I sang a parody of Shirley Temple's On The Good Ship Lollipop...

"When you're being chased by the cops,
All the coppers will just make you stop,
If you were caught, you'll end up in high security jail..."

"Fisher!" Lambert yelled from my phone. "We need you for a new mission,"

"What, another clowning mission for those guys from the rehab?" I asked sarcastically.

"No, Fisher, we need to infiltrate Wonka's factory and Strawberryland. But first, we need to get the Golden Ticket from an actress,"

"What actress?" I asked.

"You know, the rather dorky kid who sang 'On The Good Ship Lollipop'?" Lambert replied.

"You mean Shirley Jane Temple. But how will we get the ticket from her? She's freakin' old now," I asked.

"Time travel; you need to go to September 1938, sneak in a Hollywood studio, interrogate the kid...that's it! Then we'll proceed to the next mission," Lambert explained.

"Don't worry Lambert, I'm a professional," I said mockingly.

"A Harley-Davidson sidecar will pick you up there," said Lambert.

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Location: Third Echelon HQ

"Are you sure this Chronosphere will work?" I asked.

"Don't worry, I'll chust set zis stationary bike-slash-chronosphere's timer to ze target period, and off you go!" Grim explained.

"Good luck, Fisher," Lambert greeted.

And off I go to AD 1938, where lead paint was cool, cars were like beetles and unemployed people were trying to find time to survive...

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Location: Los Angeles, CA
16 September 1938, 0245h

"I'm in, Lambert," I said, in the Chrono Communicator-slash-shaver.

"OK, Fisher, you need to sneak inside the studio. You may see some guards in the place. Close-range attacks and headbutts are the thing here," said Lambert, "Any casualties in there will compromise the mission,"

"Did they install any alarms in there?" I asked.

"Maybe..." Lambert replied.

So I sneaked inside the building, as usual, and headbutted the guard in the Zidane fashion. I didn't grab the key from him, as I spent my time picking the lock. I then blew out the light with my SC-20K, and went inside.

I saw a few people inside, in the 1930s attire, of course, which reminds me of Christna Aguilera's latest album that my daughter Sarah bought when she was alive. I then interrogated a a studio worker...

"Huh? Who are you?" said the worker.

"You won't know who I am, bozo," I said, "Now tell me, where's Temple? WHERE'S TEMPLE?"

"She's...at the...dressing room, when you turn left...you will see a pink door..." the worker said.

"Thanks a lot," I said. I then blew out the lights, sticky-shocked the guy and found the dressing room. It smelled fresh like perfume, and as usual, the door was locked. I then used my lock pick at the Yale, and the door opened. Shirley, who wasn't obviously used to people like me, wearing three-lensed goggles, high-tech gadgetry, Nokia mobile phones and stuff unheard of the 1930s, was astonished at me. Her personal assistant was also astonished, and seeing the gun I'm holding, she then shrieked...

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" the PA screamed.

"Don't hurt us, sir, who are you?" Shirley cried.

"Let's just say I'm your guardian angel, Temple," I said, "I'm from the year 2008, and I need the Golden Ticket from you. If you want to, here's a lollipop,"

"Thanks, but what do you really want from me?" Shirley asked, "You want to be an actor too?"

"No, I'm not here for the fame, I'm here for a mission," I replied, "Come with me, Shirl,"

"But what about my movie?" Shirley asked, "You know, Little Miss Broadway?"

"Never mind the movie, kid," I quipped.

I then blew out the lights in the dressing room with another sticky-shocker, and off we went to the corridor.

"Hey, what on earth is Shirley Temple doing here?" a guard asked.

"Will you shut up?" I yelled, pointing the SC rifle at him.

"OK, OK, never mind," the guard replied, knowing that I was wearing a rather weird pair of goggles.

TO BE CONTINUED???

Chapter 2 coming soon, guys...